Poll: was i out of line?

spartandude

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ok so where i live theres a small space to park your cars and then right next to it is my graden
alot of times kids will use the car park to play football (thats european btw) and occasionally someone accidently kicks the ball over my fence and they knock on my door asking for it back which i am more than happy to do.

however the over day they kicked the ball over my fence and smashed one of the windows on my greenhouse. now this has me a little pissed, i would still get the ball but ask them to get their parents to talk about atleast some compansation for the damages. but rather than knocking on my door the kids this time decided to climb over my fence, which in doing so they broke the fence and trespassed on my property.

as you may guess im rather pissed off by this, as they snuck into my garden (or tried to) i caught them, grabbed them and walked them out of my property by their ears. it just so happens at that time their mum was looking for them (as best i gathered they should have been home for something) and i walk them out still twisting their ears (yes it hurts but doesnt do any damage). when their mom see's me doing this she flips at me, saying i have no right to punish her children. i try to calm her down explaining the situation to her but she continues to yell it me at which point i start yelling back telling her that her kids have no right to trespass and that they damaged my property (for which i was given money for by her rather understanding husband).

yet in her eyes her kids have every right to do what they want and i am a horrible person for essentially diciplining her children

so my question for you escapists is, was I out of line to punish the children (essentially twisting their ears and walking them out of my garden) and telling her to dicipline her own children

also just for reference no im not a parent myself


capcha - Snow Shovel..... oh if only
 

Phasmal

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Jun 10, 2011
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Usually my policy is `If you have to ask- probably`.
You should have taken the kids out of your garden, but you should not have twisted their ears.
 

Relish in Chaos

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Mar 7, 2012
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Well, you probably shouldn?t have twisted another person?s children (maybe just force them out, since they?d be scared enough that they wouldn?t resist), but you?re perfectly justified in your anger, telling the mother to discipline her own children, and asking for compensation. Looks like the brats won?t be doing that again.
 

NegaWiki

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Oct 1, 2011
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It's a moral grey area.
On one hand they knew that you'd always give back the ball but they didn't know what would have happened if they broke a window. Breaking the fence added more damages and I think at this point they should have realized their mistake and have asked you.
On the other hand you saw kids who knew you were fair about stuff trespassing and breaking everything they touched.
I would forgive you if I were their mom, but I guess this requires more understanding of the situation. However twisting ears was over the line, imo.
 

Scarim Coral

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Oct 29, 2010
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Hard to say, but all means you are right (since whenever I play football I am mindful of my surrounding since I don't want to be an ass for breaking one property) but the fact you were pulling them by the ears is a different matter. You're actually the first person I ever read doing that for real other than medias performing that action so I have no right to judge if that was a fair punishment or not. Well ok there's probably worse punishment than that but still.
 

Jonluw

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Dishing out corporeal punishment, or any punishment really, to other people's kids is out of line, yes.
Carrying them out of your yard and getting their parents to pay damages is perfectly reasonable.

Twisting ears is very painful, but their mother overreacted.
 

Colour Scientist

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Jul 15, 2009
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They were wrong to do what they did but it's not your place to discipline someone else's children. You should have gone straight to the parents, the kids wouldn't have been too long leaving your garden.
 

manic_depressive13

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You were way out of line. It's not okay for an adult to manhandle and deliberately hurt someone who is half their size. If you believed that they were going to run away you could have held them by the arms, although simply asking them to come with you would have probably been the most effective method.

I think it's unfair to paint her as someone who refuses to discipline her children. You didn't exactly give her a chance. I'm willing to bet she would have happily compensated you and suitably punished them if she didn't happen to see you manhandling her children first. You don't wrench someone's ears just because they did something to upset you. She was being a good mother by defending her children from a stranger who was hurting them. The way you acted was juvenile and uncalled for, even if you were understandably annoyed. You were compensated in the end so you don't really have much to complain about.
 

Broady Brio

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With exception of the ear pulling, nope. Though I can't of any alternatives to what you could've done.
 

Kahunaburger

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Yeah, pretty much. Violence against kids is out of line in any situation. They were probably worried you'd be angry at them for breaking the greenhouse, and that was the perfect opportunity to teach them what to do when they accidentally break things belonging to other people.
 

purplecactus

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It sounds like the mother overreacted. That said, the only bit I'd say you stepped over the line was twisting their ears. On a personal level I don't have a problem with this, but looking at it objectively, I can understand why the mother would be upset and how your actions could be seen as wrong or violent (though the word in itself is a bit of an overstatement for your actions) towards the children.
 

Soviet Heavy

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Oh god, you twisted their ears. This will be a traumatic experience for the rest of their lives, I am so sad you can here the emotion just spilling from this post.

No, you weren't out of line. They trespassed on your property, broke your shit and then thought they could get away with it. You had every right to throw them off your property, and from the sound of how the mother reacted, it isn't surprising that they'd try to avoid owning up to breaking your window in the first place.

A little punishment is good. It isn't like you kicked them with steel toed boots on.
 

spartandude

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little update, so ive put the fence up again, actually with the help from the kids father, who actually not only agreed with me but is pretty cool guy, brought me a pint and was pretty frienly towards me

im also now looking for a special pain for my fence, i dont know what its called (would be able to find it when i do) but it basically paints the fence but will stain most fabrics pretty badly (id paint they inside of my fance with it) so if they do sneak in again not only will they be easily caught and will definately discourage any further attempts

manic_depressive13 said:

well arguably yes i didnt give her a chance but quite frankly if her kids (12 and 14) think its ok to break a window and then sneak into someones garden then quite frankly i do think something has gone wrong on their end

and it was the dad, not her who compansated me and actually supported me in this
 

McMullen

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Wow, lots of people here who seem to think children are sacred. I am disappoint.

I probably would have scared them out instead of actually touching them, not because I think what you did is wrong, but because people have very unreasonable attitudes towards that sort of thing, as shown clearly here.

As for the people who think it was wrong: he didn't cause any real harm. It's absurd to call what he did violence. There aren't many cases where it's justifiable to lay a hand on someone else's kids, but if they're trespassing on and damaging someone's property, I think it is. If you want to have exclusive rights to disciplining your kids, be a good enough parent to deserve it.
 

manic_depressive13

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spartandude said:
well arguably yes i didnt give her a chance but quite frankly if her kids (12 and 14) think its ok to break a window and then sneak into someones garden then quite frankly i do think something has gone wrong on their end

and it was the dad, not her who compansated me and actually supported me in this
They were obviously afraid of the consequences but felt diminished responsibility because it was an accident. Why would spoilt kids who never get punished be afraid of consequences? Are you honestly saying that everything shitty you did as a kid was the fault of your parents? The mother didn't compensate you because you lost the moral highground when you deliberately hurt her children. Her husband sounds like a pretty shitty father if he supported a stranger physically punishing his kids. That's certain to make them more willing to face the consequences in future.

Why even ask what others think if you're already convinced you were in the right? You even justify what you did by saying "yes it hurts but it doesn't do any damage", as if that makes attacking someone okay. I've already told you that I think what you did was reprehensible. I'm not really interested in discussing this further.
 

spartandude

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manic_depressive13 said:
spartandude said:
well arguably yes i didnt give her a chance but quite frankly if her kids (12 and 14) think its ok to break a window and then sneak into someones garden then quite frankly i do think something has gone wrong on their end

and it was the dad, not her who compansated me and actually supported me in this
They were obviously afraid of the consequences but felt diminished responsibility because it was an accident. Why would spoilt kids who never get punished be afraid of consequences? Are you honestly saying that everything shitty you did as a kid was the fault of your parents? The mother didn't compensate you because you lost the moral highground when you deliberately hurt her children. Her husband sounds like a pretty shitty father if he supported a stranger physically punishing his kids. That's certain to make them more willing to face the consequences in future.

Why even ask what others think if you're already convinced you were in the right? You even justify what you did by saying "yes it hurts but it doesn't do any damage", as if that makes attacking someone okay. I've already told you that I think what you did was reprehensible. I'm not really interested in discussing this further.
ofcourse not everything i did wrong was the fault of my parents, but it would be wrong if i was not punished for my wrong doings, and at the very least i was taught not to trespass or break that which belonged to others.
and also "Why would spoilt kids who never get punished be afraid of consequences?" well take a guess, they think there wont be concequences and they do what they want

well the reason i asked people, despite the fact yes i have made up my mind, is because i think it generates an interesting topic
not sure why im writing this though as you've said you're not discussing it but what the hell
 

smithy_2045

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Jan 30, 2008
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Because of how you reacted, which was way out of line, they're going to jump the fence in the future so they don't have to deal with you to get their ball back.

You should've gone straight to the parents and explained that you're happy getting the ball back for the kids, but you don't want them on your property. Grabbing the kids by the ear and dragging them off your property was completely the wrong way to go about it.
 

spartandude

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smithy_2045 said:
Because of how you reacted, which was way out of line, they're going to jump the fence in the future so they don't have to deal with you to get their ball back.
that actually might happen now i think about it, oh well ive got good surprise waiting for them if they try that....

not its cauing any harm or pain but it will definately teach them not to do it
 

TehCookie

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Sep 16, 2008
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So did you just grab them by the ear as soon as you caught them or did you talk to them to see if they'd apologize? If you immediately resorted to physical punishment yes you were out of line. If the kids were being little snots and didn't listen you weren't.
 

smithy_2045

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Jan 30, 2008
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spartandude said:
smithy_2045 said:
Because of how you reacted, which was way out of line, they're going to jump the fence in the future so they don't have to deal with you to get their ball back.
that actually might happen now i think about it, oh well ive got good surprise waiting for them if they try that....

not its cauing any harm or pain but it will definately teach them not to do it
I think you severely underestimate the resilience of kids. They'll find a way in and out.