Poll: Which Chaos god would you serve?

[Ieyke]

Malal. Just cause I wanted to spoil your poll.

Actually, Malal likes mucking things up for the other Chaos Gods, so that fits perfectly.

Cap: vote pancakes

No, I'm voting for Malal.

Malal doesn't exist anymore due to copyright infringement or some bollocks.

Yes he does. He's just referred to as "Malice" nowadays.

I hate even the idea of disease or sickness, even the sight of my own phlegm or a pussy spot makes me feel a bit queasy, so "a life free of disease or sickness" sounds like a deal clincher... the "eternal pleasing comfort" is just icing on the "delicious, disease free and totally not sick or rotten in any way" cake.

Just to clarify the OPs description. Nurgle is the plague god. Servants of Nurgle become absolutely infested with disease to the point that they are only questionably alive, but they don't suffer any pain or debilitation. In fact, the experience becomes a kind of narcotic bliss to them.

The reason why they're so tough to kill is because.. well.. how do you kill something whose organs are all mushy gloop already?

Oh HELL NO! That's cheating!

I'm not picking an option until I hear the bloody fine print on what these Gods offer respectively.

Khorne: ultimate physical prowess and power, unmatched authority and skill at arms.
Insanity, insatiable bloodlust, complete lack of fear or concern for your own survival.

Tzeentch: limitless knowledge of all things and the ability to bend others to your will.
Rampant unpredictable mutation. Could easily land you in a body of no use to anyone. Mutation could reduce you to no more than a gibbering creature of nightmares with not real intelligence. Access to dark knowledge can potentially shatter your mortal mind.

Nurgle: immortality and practical invulnerability, a life free of disease or sickness, eternal, pleasing comfort.
You are an immortal being completely overrun by cancers, plagues, diseases, malformations, decay, viruses, swarms of bugs, etc etc etc, but none of them will ever kill you, and often you don't suffer from them....except when you do...and are subject to endless pain and suffering.

Slaanesh: a life of limitless pleasure and beauty.
Your body becomes capable of enduring sensations that no mortal could withstand....but by hearing and enjoying extreme sounds you eventually become numb to any emotional response of enjoyment to what you hear, thereby driving you to seek out ever more extreme sounds to experience. Likewise with touch - where eventually the touch of another creature becomes meaningless, and simple things like warmth and softness stop registering at all, so you begin to seek out ever great form of torture and self-mutilation just to feel ANYTHING.
Same deal with sight, taste, etc etc.
Also, you might end up with like 9 boobs, and as a guy when you were a girl before, or vice verse, or a hermaphrodite, or a monster made entirely of genitals and sensory organs.

Malal(AKA Malice): Malal simply hates the other Chaos Gods. He is the god of anarchy, freedom, and anti-Chaos.
He doesn't so much give a crap about having worshippers. His "gift" to his worshippers is simply to free them from oppression by tyrants, or free them from service to the other Chaos Gods.
Once they're free....Malal doesn't generally care. If you want to voluntarily serve him after that...he offers some demonic weapons..? That's pretty much it.
His most loyal followers are cruel, vicious, cutthroat, cannibals, but that seems to be more a function of how you fully summon him than any requirements or insanity he bestows.
Malal and his followers actually work alongside the Imperium's Daemonhunter factions on occasion - That's how anti-Chaos Malal is.

The Emperor Of Mankind/The God-Emperor Of Mankind: He's a Warp God, not a Chaos God, but functionally he's similar.
The Emperor Himself is a human man on the brink of death with god-like psychic powers powerful enough that he used them to defeat Khorne, Tzeentch, Nurgle and Slaanesh simultaneously. He hates religion amd tried to replace it with science across the galaxy.
After The Emperor was mortally wounded and left unable to properly communicate his will to his followers, the Cult Of The God-Emperor spread across his Imperium and became the dominant force in the galaxy. The combined belief of countless billions of souls across the Imperium that The Emperor was a god....coagulated in the Warp with The Emperor's soul. His soul became a true Warp God with colossal power.
The Emperor is trapped on the brink of death in the material universe and is not properly connected to his soul in the Warp, so The Emperor can't truly harness his God-Emperor powers, and he can't die so that he can reincarnate again into a new physical body (as he did thousands of times in his previous lives before he became The Emperor).
The God-Emperor imbues the champions of The Emperor with divine might of various levels, turning certain Marines into Emperor's Champions, or turning various people into Living Saints (these are The Emperor's equivalents to Possessed Marines and Daemon Princes), and the God-Emperor provides certain heroes with visions and attempts to communicate the future through The Emperor's Tarot.
Worshipping The Emperor usually doen't get you much, other than to integrate you into the Imperium's population and add your strangth to the defence of Mankind. If you are devout enough some people can perform miracles and count upon The Emperor's protection and guidance. Worshipping The Emperor/God-Emperor strengthens The God-Emperor and aid him/it in its constant battle against Chaos, and it ensures your soul becomes part of The God-Emperor when you die, instead of being consumed by another Warp entity or a Chaos God.
Life tends to be arduous and often fairly miserable as a servent of The Emperor and his Imperium, but you tend to live longer and with more sanity...unless you join the Imperial military....then you've volunteered for pants-shitting terror and a downright bleak existance for the theoretical benefit of the civilian population.
The Emperor and God-Emperor are two pieces of the same being.
Essentially, imagine if Wolverine's head was separated from his body and he'll fully regenerate back to life when his head and body make it back to each other....except he can't, because they're locked away separate from each other. Both parts are technically still superhumanly amazing, but nothing compared to what they'd be combined.
Same deal with the aspects of The Emperor.

 

[Strazdas]

Norgle. Eternal invincibility? i can gain everything else while the rest of you die in generations.

 

[icythepenguin]

What about Chaos Undivided? Worship them all and possibly be granted all of the perks like Abaddon the Despoiler.

 

[game-lover]

Khorne: ultimate physical prowess and power, unmatched authority and skill at arms.
Insanity, insatiable bloodlust, complete lack of fear or concern for your own survival.

Tzeentch: limitless knowledge of all things and the ability to bend others to your will.
Rampant unpredictable mutation. Could easily land you in a body of no use to anyone. Mutation could reduce you to no more than a gibbering creature of nightmares with not real intelligence. Access to dark knowledge can potentially shatter your mortal mind.

Nurgle: immortality and practical invulnerability, a life free of disease or sickness, eternal, pleasing comfort.
You are an immortal being completely overrun by cancers, plagues, diseases, malformations, decay, viruses, swarms of bugs, etc etc etc, but none of them will ever kill you, and often you don't suffer from them....except when you do...and are subject to endless pain and suffering.

Slaanesh: a life of limitless pleasure and beauty.
Your body becomes capable of enduring sensations that no mortal could withstand....but by hearing and enjoying extreme sounds you eventually become numb to any emotional response of enjoyment to what you hear, thereby driving you to seek out ever more extreme sounds to experience. Likewise with touch - where eventually the touch of another creature becomes meaningless, and simple things like warmth and softness stop registering at all, so you begin to seek out ever great form of torture and self-mutilation just to feel ANYTHING.
Same deal with sight, taste, etc etc.
Also, you might end up with like 9 boobs, and as a guy when you were a girl before, or vice verse, or a hermaphrodite, or a monster made entirely of genitals and sensory organs.

Malal(AKA Malice): Malal simply hates the other Chaos Gods. He is the god of anarchy, freedom, and anti-Chaos.
He doesn't so much give a crap about having worshippers. His "gift" to his worshippers is simply to free them from oppression by tyrants, or free them from service to the other Chaos Gods.
Once they're free....Malal doesn't generally care. If you want to voluntarily serve him after that...he offers some demonic weapons..? That's pretty much it.
His most loyal followers are cruel, vicious, cutthroat, cannibals, but that seems to be more a function of how you fully summon him than any requirements or insanity he bestows.
Malal and his followers actually work alongside the Imperium's Daemonhunter factions on occasion - That's how anti-Chaos Malal is.

The Emperor Of Mankind/The God-Emperor Of Mankind: He's a Warp God, not a Chaos God, but functionally he's similar.
The Emperor Himself is a human man on the brink of death with god-like psychic powers powerful enough that he used them to defeat Khorne, Tzeentch, Nurgle and Slaanesh simultaneously. He hates religion amd tried to replace it with science across the galaxy.
After The Emperor was mortally wounded and left unable to properly communicate his will to his followers, the Cult Of The God-Emperor spread across his Imperium and became the dominant force in the galaxy. The combined belief of countless billions of souls across the Imperium that The Emperor was a god....coagulated in the Warp with The Emperor's soul. His soul became a true Warp God with colossal power.
The Emperor is trapped on the brink of death in the material universe and is not properly connected to his soul in the Warp, so The Emperor can't truly harness his God-Emperor powers, and he can't die so that he can reincarnate again into a new physical body (as he did thousands of times in his previous lives before he became The Emperor).
The God-Emperor imbues the champions of The Emperor with divine might of various levels, turning certain Marines into Emperor's Champions, or turning various people into Living Saints (these are The Emperor's equivalents to Possessed Marines and Daemon Princes), and the God-Emperor provides certain heroes with visions and attempts to communicate the future through The Emperor's Tarot.
Worshipping The Emperor usually doen't get you much, other than to integrate you into the Imperium's population and add your strangth to the defence of Mankind. If you are devout enough some people can perform miracles and count upon The Emperor's protection and guidance. Worshipping The Emperor/God-Emperor strengthens The God-Emperor and aid him/it in its constant battle against Chaos, and it ensures your soul becomes part of The God-Emperor when you die, instead of being consumed by another Warp entity or a Chaos God.
Life tends to be arduous and often fairly miserable as a servent of The Emperor and his Imperium, but you tend to live longer and with more sanity...unless you join the Imperial military....then you've volunteered for pants-shitting terror and a downright bleak existance for the theoretical benefit of the civilian population.
The Emperor and God-Emperor are two pieces of the same being.
Essentially, imagine if Wolverine's head was separated from his body and he'll fully regenerate back to life when his head and body make it back to each other....except he can't, because they're locked away separate from each other. Both parts are technically still superhumanly amazing, but nothing compared to what they'd be combined.
Same deal with the aspects of The Emperor.

Thank you! Hm... based on all this... Malal looks like the best bet. He doesn't care about followers so he might just let you do whatever you want without anything needing to be done on your part once you ditch the other Chaos Gods.

 

[Thistlehart]

Obviously khorne.

Spoiler: BOOM!

Most adorable bloodlust ever.

Thank you sir. I just nearly died from dental-decay-detonation from all the adorable you just showed me.

After that, I cannot vote for anyone but Khorne.

 

[6_Qubed]

Nurgle. Having ALL THE DISEASES aside, Nurgle seems like a chill bro. The rest just sound like bad bosses.

 

[Thistlehart]

Khorne: you spend eternity raging at everything and anything, a limitless rage that drives you truly insane and would probably cause you to hack your own limbs off (and Khorne would probably give you regenerating arms so you could do it over and over)

Waitwaitwait...

This has a downside?

 

[nykirnsu]

Bah! The Emperor is a weak-minded fool! One day the traitor legions will take over, and all your kind will be purged from the Imperium (which will be renamed 'Chaos-land', we're devoted but not very creative, what with having very similar names to loyalists and all).

OT: Tzeentch, I like change.

Dream on, Chaos scum. Get past the Cadian Gate, then we 'll talk. And if you manage that, the Gray Knights are waiting.

You truly think you're pathetic human warriors can stop us? Our legions number countless more than you could ever know, and we have thousands more spies within the false-Emperor's domain. And the Inquisition?! Hah! Didn't play Space Marine (the third-person shooter)? Half of them are possessed by our demon allies!

 

[nykirnsu]

What about Chaos Undivided? Worship them all and possibly be granted all of the perks like Abaddon the Despoiler.

Even though I said Tzeentch about 4 pages back, this does seem like the best choice.

 

[Cecilo]

Nurgle. He is a family man. For all of you that picked Tzeentch you may as well kiss your collective butts goodbye. Because he doesn't need people in power forever. That would be stagnant. He is the god of constant change. And as soon as you have accomplished your assigned goal. He will toss you away. Probably for another servant.

And for you person two or three posts up. How many failed Black Crusades have you done? Thirteen now?

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

The Council of Thirteen watches you all from the hidden places. Immortal and wicked, we serve the Lord of Decay and shall triumph over the ruin that is left of your civilization when our mighty armies rise from the depths.

The Grey Seers have spoken! SQUEAK!

 

[nykirnsu]

servant.

And for you person two or three posts up. How many failed Black Crusades have you done? Thirteen now?

I lost count a while ago. Games Workshop retcons the lore about every decade (and their current obsession with space marines as the be-all-end-all hasn't helped much)

 

[Lopende Paddo]

Nurgle, because being immortal gives you enough time to accomplish all the knowledge you want, create a world of pleasure and beauty and amass power and train for battle prowess.

 

[TheCrapMaster]

I voted Slaanesh if i had to serve anyone, but it was close that i choose Tzeentch.

Tho nurgle is my favorit chaos god in the game/lore but i dont want to turn into a infested hive seeing i have a phobia for parasites. And Khorne i would be turned into a mindless rage machine that keeps shouting "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! SKULLS FOR THE SKULLTHRONE!!!". Tzeentch sound nice to because Tzeentch sourcerers rarely get that much mutated if im right? But hanging around horrors and mutated underlings dont sound that much fun.
So the vote goes to Slaanesh, seeing sex, drugs and rock & roll is on his agenda and compared to the others this seems like the most tolerebal existens.

 

[opiwankenobi]

You truly think you're pathetic human warriors can stop us? Our legions number countless more than you could ever know, and we have thousands more spies within the false-Emperor's domain. And the Inquisition?! Hah! Didn't play Space Marine (the third-person shooter)? Half of them are possessed by our demon allies!

Played Space Marine, played Dawn of War, playing Dark Heresy and read way to many Black Library books than my schedule actually allows

I see your Space Marine Inquisitor and raise by one Eisenhorn.

 

[nykirnsu]

You truly think you're pathetic human warriors can stop us? Our legions number countless more than you could ever know, and we have thousands more spies within the false-Emperor's domain. And the Inquisition?! Hah! Didn't play Space Marine (the third-person shooter)? Half of them are possessed by our demon allies!

Played Space Marine, played Dawn of War, playing Dark Heresy and read way to many Black Library books than my schedule actually allows

I see your Space Marine Inquisitor and raise by one Eisenhorn.

Ha! strong loyalists like him may exist, even in the majority, but the number of traitors grows swiftly. Our converts grow in thousands every year; be they space marines, guardsmen, inquisitors or even those Grey Knights back when Matt Ward got his hands on their lore.

Nurgle, because being immortal gives you enough time to accomplish all the knowledge you want, create a world of pleasure and beauty and amass power and train for battle prowess.

Of course those may be difficult to achieve when your brain has been turned to sludge and you're afflicted by almost every disease and parasite in existence, but whatever.

 

[talker]

Which one is the Blood God? I'd totally get him blood!

that would be Khorne, He Who Sits On A Throne Of Skulls

as for me, Blood For The Blood God!!!

 

[Aeshi]

Nurgle, because he actually looks out for his followers (maybe some Tzeentch worship on the side for the sorcery)

none of them are truly chaotic. They all act to a predefined set of ideals and expected mannerisms.

The Chaos Gods are named as such because they live in the Warp (the realm of Chaos), not because they themselves are Chaotic (kind of like how Sea Turtles aren't actually made of Seawater)

Seriously. 'Best Chaos God'? You guys are bloody crazy. There is no best, they are all equally insane. Picking any one of these gods would mean an eternity spent in suffering of some sort.

This is Warhammer we're talking about. You're going to spend an eternity in suffering regardless of who you do or don't worship. Chaos just lets you benefit a bit from the process (and if you play your cards right you might even wiggle out of that "suffering" part.)