Poll: Would you date a transgendered person?

[Comrade_Beric]

In my first example, the transgender person is a drunk driver getting behind the wheel of the car (undergoing a mutilation you could loosely call "surgery"). The results of their actions are their own fault and they have no one else to blame when they get wrapped around a pole.

I wouldn't say it's much of a choice to be like this. The surgery, yes, it's a choice. But the actual transgender part of it...I was born like this.

Great, dress up in heels and a skirt, find a nice guy, whatever. Undergoing experimental surgery and hormone treatments is a terrible idea, in my opinion. Surgery should be mostly reserved for critical health-affecting conditions, a last resort if nothing else will do.

I don't really get it, I'll admit. If I woke up tomorrow in a female body, I'd think it was epic. And I'd be a lesbian, most likely. I sure as hell wouldn't have surgery.

Probably because you've already been a male your entire life and the change would be something new. Imagine if you'd never had your male parts in the first place... Could you really say that you cannot possibly see how someone in your position might want surgery to fix the problem?

 

[Flailing Escapist]

I would date a transgendered person if only so I could go up to my parents and say, "Mom and dad this is Steve (or X)." Dating a transgendered person would be absolutely hilarious and I wouldn't mind being friends with a transgendered person but as far as crawling into bed with a transgendered person I think I'll pass.

 

[Slayer_2]

In my first example, the transgender person is a drunk driver getting behind the wheel of the car (undergoing a mutilation you could loosely call "surgery"). The results of their actions are their own fault and they have no one else to blame when they get wrapped around a pole.

I wouldn't say it's much of a choice to be like this. The surgery, yes, it's a choice. But the actual transgender part of it...I was born like this.

Great, dress up in heels and a skirt, find a nice guy, whatever. Undergoing experimental surgery and hormone treatments is a terrible idea, in my opinion. Surgery should be mostly reserved for critical health-affecting conditions, a last resort if nothing else will do.

I don't really get it, I'll admit. If I woke up tomorrow in a female body, I'd think it was epic. And I'd be a lesbian, most likely. I sure as hell wouldn't have surgery.

Probably because you've already been a male your entire life and the change would be something new. Imagine if you'd never had your male parts in the first place... Could you really say that you cannot possibly see how someone in your position might want surgery to fix the problem?

That'd make it harder, I think. Can't miss what you never had. I'd miss the convenience of having a dick, but I certainly wouldn't attempt a dangerous, costly half-ass surgery.

 

[As Seen On 360]

I personally could not, I don't think it would go anywhere, and if it did I'm not sure I'd be willing to take it that far.

I feel that anyone that says otherwise is fooling themselves into thinking that love clouds everything else, and they're only saying otherwise because it's a harmless decision, they'll never have to face that obstacle and prove they are the exception to human shallowness.

 

[spectrenihlus]

No, but just because I said no doesn't mean I don't tolerate their descision, it's their body let them do what they want to do with it. But it's also my body and I don't want to do it with a former dude.

 

[Sentox6]

Since when does my deciding of who I want to bone or date make me biased? Get off your high horse, I can choose whoever I want. As long as I treat you like a decent human, you can save your "enlightened" preaching. So what if I'm not sexually interested in transexuals? Or even black people? Am I transphobic? Or racist? No. I'm just not sexually interested, that's the way I'm wired, respect it, and back off. I don't want to screw any men, am I biased against my own gender? Am I sexist?! Of course not, common sense, people, use it.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Just seeing a little bit of sanity is an outright relief.

When people start trying to correlate sexual preferences with racial prejudice I just utterly despair at the phenomenal stupidity of it all.

I don't really get it, I'll admit. If I woke up tomorrow in a female body, I'd think it was epic. And I'd be a lesbian, most likely. I sure as hell wouldn't have surgery.

I can certainly see eye-to-eye with you on this point, but I think it's important to consider that - at least for me - I feel that way in part because I've reached a point in my life where I'm secure in my self-identity, and changing body parts wouldn't do anything to shake that.

If I had never been free to develop a concrete sense of identity as a result of dissonance between my gender perceptions and my physical reality, I can see how it would be a bigger issue. Just my 2c.

 

[DaKiller]

I haven't a problem with saying no because it's for the same reason I wouldn't date someone who wears too much makeup or whose personality I don't like: I am, like a lot of people, quite shallow.

 

[nekoali]

In my first example, the transgender person is a drunk driver getting behind the wheel of the car (undergoing a mutilation you could loosely call "surgery"). The results of their actions are their own fault and they have no one else to blame when they get wrapped around a pole.

I wouldn't say it's much of a choice to be like this. The surgery, yes, it's a choice. But the actual transgender part of it...I was born like this.

Great, dress up in heels and a skirt, find a nice guy, whatever. Undergoing experimental surgery and hormone treatments is a terrible idea, in my opinion. Surgery should be mostly reserved for critical health-affecting conditions, a last resort if nothing else will do.

I don't really get it, I'll admit. If I woke up tomorrow in a female body, I'd think it was epic. And I'd be a lesbian, most likely. I sure as hell wouldn't have surgery.

Probably because you've already been a male your entire life and the change would be something new. Imagine if you'd never had your male parts in the first place... Could you really say that you cannot possibly see how someone in your position might want surgery to fix the problem?

That'd make it harder, I think. Can't miss what you never had. I'd miss the convenience of having a dick, but I certainly wouldn't attempt a dangerous, costly half-ass surgery.

This boils down to the case of if you have never been though the same situation as a transgender person, you can never really understand what they go through on a daily basis. Trust me, not a day goes by that I wish I wasn't transgender. From my earliest memories to right now it has been a source of unwanted stress in my life. And it is certainly not something I chose any more than someone chose to be black, or gay, or where they were born. You can and do choose your religion however.

Because you are not transgender, you will never understand the profound disconnect and self hatred that often comes with your body not matching what your mind says. And so many studies and personal experiences have shown that, if the dysphoria is strong enough, this is something you can't just 'get over' mentally. Some people for whom the gender dysphoria isn't as bad can learn to live with the way they are. But that's not universally true. Nobody fits precisely into neat little boxes, everyone is different.

Despite the fact that I will most likely never be able to afford it, surgery is something I need to feel whole. Sure, I am living as a female now, and have been for years. And I am happier with my life than I have been in my past because I am living true to myself. But every day, several times a day, I am reminded that I don't have the parts I should have. I can't ever really enjoy sex because it always reminds me of what I do have that I shouldn't, and what I should have that I don't. Surgery can help with that.

The procedures for transitioning and gender reassignment surgery are not experimental these days. Procedures, therapies, hormone regimes have been worked out over decades. Most gender reassignment surgeons have handled thousands of patients in their careers. There is more to learn of course, because there is always more to learn. But it's not like people are stumbling their way though the dark on this.

As I have said before, I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't find transgender people attractive, or who wouldn't date them, or even those who feel uncomfortable around us. Everyone has their own tastes, preferences and biases. But please understand, being transgender is not something we choose. If anything it is more like a birth defect. One that doesn't show up until later in life. And like other birth defects, it can vary in severity. Some people it's not so bad, and doesn't severely impact their lives. Some people it does have a strong impact on but with time, therapy and adjustment they can deal with it. For some people, it affects them so much that they need surgery to help overcome it, in addition to the time, therapy and adjustments.

But make no mistake, it is not a mental condition. It can't be cured though therapy, drugs or praying it away. Those things can help to cope... none of them deals with the core problem, your body and mind not agreeing on gender. And of those things, the body is the one that can be changed to bring them in alignment with each other.

 

[TheSnarkKnight]

Actually, comparing transpeople to other minorities is very enlightening in this scenario.

Not at all. It's completely wrong. You don't choose the race you're born as. Here is an example of two similar cases for you. A drunk driver plows into a telephone pole killing himself (his fault). Do you feel bad for him? Maybe a bit. A drunk driver plows into a pedestrian (who is minding their own business, and has no power over the situation) and kills them. Do you feel worse for the pedestrian than the drunk who killed himself? I'd hope so.

In my first example, the transgender person is a drunk driver getting behind the wheel of the car (undergoing a mutilation you could loosely call "surgery"). The results of their actions are their own fault and they have no one else to blame when they get wrapped around a pole.

In my second example, the black/hispanic/jewish guy is the pedestrian who has no control over the way he's treated. From birth he's ran over by the car of racism.

Since when does my deciding of who I want to bone or date make me biased? Get off your high horse, I can choose whoever I want. As long as I treat you like a decent human, you can save your "enlightened" preaching. So what if I'm not sexually interested in transexuals? Or even black people? Am I transphobic? Or racist? No. I'm just not sexually interested, that's the way I'm wired, respect it, and back off. I don't want to screw any men, am I biased against my own gender? Am I sexist?! Of course not, common sense, people, use it.

EDIT: To avoid coming across like a complete cock, I'd like to add that I would theoretically date/bone a MtF if they looked like a convincing switch, and they were interesting mentally (for dating, anyhow). However, the likelihood of finding such a person, and them being interested in me as well, is below zero.

This is so hilariously transphobic I wouldn't know where do start. Do you think a MtF transperson is a dude who randomly decided to live their life as a woman? You do realise it's more complicated than that, yes? They identify as female, despite being in a male body. Comparing them to a drunk driver who kills themself takes responsibility away from the idiots discriminating against them, and puts blame on them for wanting their body's sex to match their gender.

Also, I like how choice suddenly makes it alright to discriminate against people. You hear it in debates on homosexualiity. When people (incorrectly) say that "homosexuality is a choice" the implication is that, therefore, they should get no sympathy when people are homophobic towards them. After all, if you don't want people discriminating against you, just don't be gay. Why should minorities have to bear the burden of conformity, just because those in the majority can't be bothered to, I don't know, stop discriminating against them?

Also, and I'd like to point out that I've already clarrified this before, I don't think some dude who doesn't want to bone or date black people or transpeople is automatically bigotted. I think there's a good chance that there are prejudices and bigotted feelings there, that they aren't aware of, that lead to this lack of attraction. It's not the not-being-attracted bit that's the problem, it's the bigotry.

 

[Tourette]

No way. Not even if they were the last person on the planet.

 

[KelsieKatt]

Even if the transperson were literally indistinguishable from the "real" thing, they still wouldn't date them.

But that's the thing, trans people aren't indistinguishable and thus it puts many people off.

Well, realistically speaking some transpeople can be indistinguishable to the average person in appearance and personality. As you mentioned, yes, a lot of people are going to mention the chromosome factor, but realistically speaking unless you're extremely paranoid or a doctor, chromosome tests are unlikely to happen and they wouldn't know.

As it is, there are various intersex conditions which are completely indistinguishable on the surface as well, with women who have improperly developed chromosomes and the inability to reproduce. Should they be classified as men?

I don't think it's really chromosomes that bothers most people. I think it's just the concept that they lived at one point in time in their life as the opposite sex. In particular I think a lot of people are thinking specifically "Ew... You used to have a penis/vagina at one point, that's kinda gross/weird."

Edit: And yes, I do believe that regardless of whether science manages to get to the point of making transgendered people completely genetically natural as their new sex, it probably won't change society a whole lot. While it may reduce some prejudice, it will still likely bother many people who are already bothered, and may even anger some of them because now they wouldn't have a means to identify transpeople at all.
---

Anyway, as far as the topic goes. I'd try dating a transperson (assuming I liked them obviously) with the only hangup being that I'm attracted to men, and the results for transmen... well, they could be better and long term wise if sex wasn't working out, that could be a problem for me.

That said, if I were a lesbian, I'd have no issues and would date a transwoman (again assuming I liked them of course) as I've seen some fairly convincing results (depending on the surgeon.)

 

[Flamezdudes]

Never, ever.

I have nothing against transgender people but for me it would be just too damn weird. Not just for the fact that for some of them you can still see the traces of them being men and the fact that their genitals looks different from what is natural but also because I would never be able to get over the fact that they are biologically male.

So, no.

 

[Slayer_2]

In my first example, the transgender person is a drunk driver getting behind the wheel of the car (undergoing a mutilation you could loosely call "surgery"). The results of their actions are their own fault and they have no one else to blame when they get wrapped around a pole.

I wouldn't say it's much of a choice to be like this. The surgery, yes, it's a choice. But the actual transgender part of it...I was born like this.

Great, dress up in heels and a skirt, find a nice guy, whatever. Undergoing experimental surgery and hormone treatments is a terrible idea, in my opinion. Surgery should be mostly reserved for critical health-affecting conditions, a last resort if nothing else will do.

I don't really get it, I'll admit. If I woke up tomorrow in a female body, I'd think it was epic. And I'd be a lesbian, most likely. I sure as hell wouldn't have surgery.

Probably because you've already been a male your entire life and the change would be something new. Imagine if you'd never had your male parts in the first place... Could you really say that you cannot possibly see how someone in your position might want surgery to fix the problem?

That'd make it harder, I think. Can't miss what you never had. I'd miss the convenience of having a dick, but I certainly wouldn't attempt a dangerous, costly half-ass surgery.

This boils down to the case of if you have never been though the same situation as a transgender person, you can never really understand what they go through on a daily basis. Trust me, not a day goes by that I wish I wasn't transgender. From my earliest memories to right now it has been a source of unwanted stress in my life. And it is certainly not something I chose any more than someone chose to be black, or gay, or where they were born. You can and do choose your religion however.

Because you are not transgender, you will never understand the profound disconnect and self hatred that often comes with your body not matching what your mind says. And so many studies and personal experiences have shown that, if the dysphoria is strong enough, this is something you can't just 'get over' mentally. Some people for whom the gender dysphoria isn't as bad can learn to live with the way they are. But that's not universally true. Nobody fits precisely into neat little boxes, everyone is different.

Despite the fact that I will most likely never be able to afford it, surgery is something I need to feel whole. Sure, I am living as a female now, and have been for years. And I am happier with my life than I have been in my past because I am living true to myself. But every day, several times a day, I am reminded that I don't have the parts I should have. I can't ever really enjoy sex because it always reminds me of what I do have that I shouldn't, and what I should have that I don't. Surgery can help with that.

The procedures for transitioning and gender reassignment surgery are not experimental these days. Procedures, therapies, hormone regimes have been worked out over decades. Most gender reassignment surgeons have handled thousands of patients in their careers. There is more to learn of course, because there is always more to learn. But it's not like people are stumbling their way though the dark on this.

As I have said before, I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't find transgender people attractive, or who wouldn't date them, or even those who feel uncomfortable around us. Everyone has their own tastes, preferences and biases. But please understand, being transgender is not something we choose. If anything it is more like a birth defect. One that doesn't show up until later in life. And like other birth defects, it can vary in severity. Some people it's not so bad, and doesn't severely impact their lives. Some people it does have a strong impact on but with time, therapy and adjustment they can deal with it. For some people, it affects them so much that they need surgery to help overcome it, in addition to the time, therapy and adjustments.

But make no mistake, it is not a mental condition. It can't be cured though therapy, drugs or praying it away. Those things can help to cope... none of them deals with the core problem, your body and mind not agreeing on gender. And of those things, the body is the one that can be changed to bring them in alignment with each other.

Thing is, I've never woken up and felt like "this is the gender I'm supposed to be". Maybe it's a case of not noticing things till they go south, who knows. And the whole thing about being wired different seems off to me. I doubt we are hard-coded to know what is masculine or feminine, these are artificial ideals imposed upon us by society, post-birth. Where as homosexuality is something wired from before you even come out of the womb.

To sum up my ideas, I would date/screw a transitioned person, if they could pass as a decent female. I'm not a person who would be like "Ew, you used to have a penis?!", even though I'm straight. However, I think my chance of winning the lottery is larger than the chance of me finding someone like that. I have much faith in surgery for medical conditions, but cosmetically, it seems to be a bit of a joke.

 

[Slayer_2]

Since when does my deciding of who I want to bone or date make me biased? Get off your high horse, I can choose whoever I want. As long as I treat you like a decent human, you can save your "enlightened" preaching. So what if I'm not sexually interested in transexuals? Or even black people? Am I transphobic? Or racist? No. I'm just not sexually interested, that's the way I'm wired, respect it, and back off. I don't want to screw any men, am I biased against my own gender? Am I sexist?! Of course not, common sense, people, use it.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Just seeing a little bit of sanity is an outright relief.

When people start trying to correlate sexual preferences with racial prejudice I just utterly despair at the phenomenal stupidity of it all.

I don't really get it, I'll admit. If I woke up tomorrow in a female body, I'd think it was epic. And I'd be a lesbian, most likely. I sure as hell wouldn't have surgery.

I can certainly see eye-to-eye with you on this point, but I think it's important to consider that - at least for me - I feel that way in part because I've reached a point in my life where I'm secure in my self-identity, and changing body parts wouldn't do anything to shake that.

If I had never been free to develop a concrete sense of identity as a result of dissonance between my gender perceptions and my physical reality, I can see how it would be a bigger issue. Just my 2c.

These days people are all too ready and quick to pull the "discrimination" card anytime you mention race or gender.

I dunno if it's because I'm secure in my sexuality, or just because I'm a horny teenage male, possibly a combo of both.

Actually, comparing transpeople to other minorities is very enlightening in this scenario.

Not at all. It's completely wrong. You don't choose the race you're born as. Here is an example of two similar cases for you. A drunk driver plows into a telephone pole killing himself (his fault). Do you feel bad for him? Maybe a bit. A drunk driver plows into a pedestrian (who is minding their own business, and has no power over the situation) and kills them. Do you feel worse for the pedestrian than the drunk who killed himself? I'd hope so.

In my first example, the transgender person is a drunk driver getting behind the wheel of the car (undergoing a mutilation you could loosely call "surgery"). The results of their actions are their own fault and they have no one else to blame when they get wrapped around a pole.

In my second example, the black/hispanic/jewish guy is the pedestrian who has no control over the way he's treated. From birth he's ran over by the car of racism.

Since when does my deciding of who I want to bone or date make me biased? Get off your high horse, I can choose whoever I want. As long as I treat you like a decent human, you can save your "enlightened" preaching. So what if I'm not sexually interested in transexuals? Or even black people? Am I transphobic? Or racist? No. I'm just not sexually interested, that's the way I'm wired, respect it, and back off. I don't want to screw any men, am I biased against my own gender? Am I sexist?! Of course not, common sense, people, use it.

EDIT: To avoid coming across like a complete cock, I'd like to add that I would theoretically date/bone a MtF if they looked like a convincing switch, and they were interesting mentally (for dating, anyhow). However, the likelihood of finding such a person, and them being interested in me as well, is below zero.

This is so hilariously transphobic I wouldn't know where do start. Do you think a MtF transperson is a dude who randomly decided to live their life as a woman? You do realise it's more complicated than that, yes? They identify as female, despite being in a male body. Comparing them to a drunk driver who kills themself takes responsibility away from the idiots discriminating against them, and puts blame on them for wanting their body's sex to match their gender.

Also, I like how choice suddenly makes it alright to discriminate against people. You hear it in debates on homosexualiity. When people (incorrectly) say that "homosexuality is a choice" the implication is that, therefore, they should get no sympathy when people are homophobic towards them. After all, if you don't want people discriminating against you, just don't be gay. Why should minorities have to bear the burden of conformity, just because those in the majority can't be bothered to, I don't know, stop discriminating against them?

Also, and I'd like to point out that I've already clarrified this before, I don't think some dude who doesn't want to bone or date black people or transpeople is automatically bigotted. I think there's a good chance that there are prejudices and bigotted feelings there, that they aren't aware of, that lead to this lack of attraction. It's not the not-being-attracted bit that's the problem, it's the bigotry.

How can you identify as female when our society's ideas of what is feminine changes so rapidly (compared to the speed evolution moves at)? You think female brains are wired from birth to love high heels, gossip, makeup, skirts, and all that crap? Of course not, they are targeted from a young age post-birth to think of these things as feminine. As a male, YOU are not the target, instead you are told to love guns, cars, fighting/violent sports, whatever. You want me to seriously believe you come out of the womb thinking "Oh, I can't wait to go shoe shopping"? That makes no sense, the newborn doesn't understand money, fashion, whatever. You're born with instincts (such as sexuality, basic needs, etc). These develop, and the rest springs up according to your lifestyle and the impression society makes on you. The difference between homosexuals and transsexuals is so vast it's like comparing apples to stones. One is born that way and is happy with their body. The other is born and comes to the conclusion they are another gender, then (usually) tries to change this. Unfortunately, the best they can do is a half-ass kind of thing.

 

[chiefohara]

I don't have a problem with transgender people, but i wouldn't date one.

Its just too much of a mental leap for me, and any small masculine traits that are normally hidden such as an adams apple or increased muscle mass or even posture would be enough to dissuade me during intimate moments should they arise.

I empathise with their difficulty and i fully understand and support a persons need to have a sex change, but im afraid intimacy is just a step too far for me.

 

[ZephyriaSoul]

-Sigh-
Slayer, I can see where you're coming from. I really can.
BUT, sometimes, yes, the surgery can be botched. But depending on the doctor, it can look almost exactly like a real vagina. Like doctor...Biber his name was? I would probably go to him if he were still alive.

 

[nekoali]

I doubt much anyone things "oh wow, I think I'll be cisgender" the same way nobody 'decides' to be straight. People don't think about it because it's the default for society. Unless you are or no someone who is transgender or gay/bi/pan/other, there is no need to think on it. Society is built up to favor you, for lack of a better description.

And being trans doesn't mean you automatically are interested in stereotypically masculine/feminine things. It used to be demanded by the medical gatekeepers that transwomen were ultra-feminine, walking stereotypes. They didn't even consider transmen to be a real thing at all. But these are not built in natures of being trans anymore than they are built in for being cisgender. You can be a tomboy trans woman just as a much as a tomboy cis woman. The same for femme trans or cis men.

There is some biology involved in gender though... Those societal stereotypes have to come from somewhere after all. Even if the genders were equal in all things, I would still want to be a woman. It is what feels right to me. It is what I am, regardless of an accident of hormones that forced my body to develop physically male. I have struggled long and hard with trying to separate what is my own nature and what society expects of me, both as a male and as a female. And I have found that my own nature and personality tends far more to what we as a society assigns as a 'female' role.

So take of that what you will. But it's not about shoe shopping and crying at romantic movies. It's about how I feel, and what my needs are. And I can tell you... despite having 'been' one technically, how men think and why they think what they do is a complete mystery to me. I just don't understand them.

 

[chiefohara]

So take of that what you will. But it's not about shoe shopping and crying at romantic movies. It's about how I feel, and what my needs are. And I can tell you... despite having 'been' one technically, how men think and why they think what they do is a complete mystery to me. I just don't understand them.

I apologise if this is a stupid question, and i don't mean anything by it. But Im curious, can you multitask?

My girlfriend never tires of reminding me that women can multitask and that men cannot.

Im assuming that you have tunnel vision as opposed to peripheral vision because that's a physical thing, however im wondering if multitasking is a physical or programming thing.

 

[ZephyriaSoul]

So take of that what you will. But it's not about shoe shopping and crying at romantic movies. It's about how I feel, and what my needs are. And I can tell you... despite having 'been' one technically, how men think and why they think what they do is a complete mystery to me. I just don't understand them.

...Iloveyou for being able to explain what I'm thinking.

 

[nekoali]

I multitask very well. In fact, I can't stand doing just one thing most of the time, I have to be doing a couple of things as the same time or my attention wanders. Be it work and web surfing, watching a movie and knitting or something else.

I actually have very good peripheral vision. It seems to be better than the average person's. What that means, I have no idea.