Poll: Would you rather be single than date an unattractive person?

[Spy_Guy]

The poll asks whether or not I'd be able to date someone I couldn't find attractive...
...and why on Earth would I do that? If I met a person that I was not physically and mentally attracted to, then I would not date them. Simple as that.

I mean, the levels of desperation needed to date someone unattractive to me... they're off the charts.
Plus, would that work out?

"I settled for this girl, because I was unable to find anyone better"
*cue bitterness*

...and, yes.
Now, I can't say for certain that looks do matter to me. I have never met an ugly girl with a worthwhile personality, so I'm in no position to evaluate whether or not Personality > Looks.

I have, however ran into several hot girls with the personality of oatmeal... and even if they asked me out I would decline in the blink of an eye.

I have met the perfect match, and quite frankly... thinking of her makes me wonder why I would ever want to settle for less.

Besides, you can always fix ugly if throw enough money at it.

Then you end up with something from the Uncanny Valley.

 

[Odbarc]

Define ugly? Unhealthy because of abusing substances, drugs, ect. I wouldn't touch EVER under any circumstances regardless of their attractiveness.

 

[Da Orky Man]

Well, 'personality' is lumped in with attractiveness. I've found that many women considered attractive are rather off-putting to me because they don't know what nuclear means. Yet I find a very plain woman attractive when she starts speaking about antimatter-catalysed fusion impulse rockets. IN SPACE!!!

 

[tobyornottoby]

Wow theres a lot of shallow people on these forums...

Who says they're exclusive? Whether looks matter or not says nothing about how important personality is.

 

[Therumancer]

Not much to be said about this, other than I have been single for a long time and don't see myself changing that habit any time soon.
My friends tell me that I need to lower my standards, or at least strongly imply it. While I don't feel that is the only reason I can't get a date they may have a point.
My problem is that, judge me as you please, I cannot pursue a relationship with someone I do not find physically attractive. Personality counts for a bit, but for reason of genetics and simple taste I cannot overcome my obsession with appearance.

I am fully aware that a lot of you will think I am a terrible person, but that's just how I am wired, (poorly that is).

So I ask you my fellow escapists, how important are looks to you?

Edit: I want to add that I think my beliefs on the subject were heavily influenced by my father. One of the earliest comments he gave me on the subject was, "Don't ever lower your standards, how do you think I ended up with your mother?"

Attraction is subjective. In general if you don't find being around a person appealing then a relationship isn't going to work. My basic attitude is tht if someone's personality compensates for their physical ... failings, then it just happens and that person becomes attrctive to you in your mind. If you don't find their personality causing you to get past what they look like or whatever, then it's not going to work romantically.

Really it depends on the individuals, sometimes it comes down to looks not mattering, people can be very honest about a personality counterbalancing for someone who isn't physically attractive, but in other cases it just won't click for a couple of people that way.

In short there is no easy anaswer, when it comes to love and romance, logic and fairness have never really figured into it, which is what poets, songwriters, and other artists have been telling us for generations. Sometimes your going to have an attractive person getting tobgether with an unattractive one because it clicks, based on personality or whatever, in other cases it's just going to click where someone gets together with an attractive person that by all rights should be totally bad for them personality wise. The heart and soul are not exactly predictable things.

In my case I wouldn't force myself to be with someone to "be fair", since that wouldn't be a good thing for either of us.

If your writing this because ou really like hanging out with an ugly person, and think you should be together but can't get past the apperance... well that's just the thing, you can't get past the apperance. It might not be nice, it might not be fair, but you instinctively know the truth right there and if the rest of it doesn't compensate enough to get you past that, it's just not going to work in the long run. If you were in a situation where it was going to be a case where it WOULD compensate, then you'd just go with it and wouldn't be putting up polls/queries on the internets.

 

[Kestor]

Well for me attraction often develops from their personality. after a while of knowing someone for a while i start to notice features that i find attractive that i would have not considered before if I really like them

Indeed, I have found this numerous times.
Personality trumps looks, every time.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

Looks and personality do an equal amount for me. Although I do focus on appearance when I first meet someone, if they are a ****, I stay away.

Also you can't just 'Lower your standards', that's like saying switch to being left handed.

 

[Yearlongjester]

To me it's affection, the appreciation of who that other person is, and attraction, being physically and sexually interested in them, that leads to a healthy relationship. Granted, I'm probably not the best guy to espouse that kind of advice but the answer would have to be no, just in a less shallow way than your question poses.

Let's say I dated someone who was amazing personality wise, but not someone I considered attractive. That's not to saw ugly, just not my cup of tea. I wouldn't have the same urge and desire to be physically intimate with her, and I'd feel dissatisfied with our relationship and maybe even resent her for it. Not to mention that for this to have actually happened I probably would've gone on a pity date with her, and that's never a great way for a relationship to take off.

We all aspire to find someone we find mentally engaging and physically captivating, I don't think any of us should try to settle on the two most basic and fundamental aspects of attraction. Now, we've all seen the guy who has an extremely unrealistic idea of what he could attain (We've all known a guy like this, he's obsessed with that hot cheerleader or the preppy hot girl while he's..... not in the same league) in that case it's not so much "Only go for personality!" as much as "Maybe find someone you still consider attractive?" It's not a clear answer but you can't just say one or the other, they are both intrinsically tied together.

 

[Blow_Pop]

I agree with not lowering your standards. My standards don't really have a whole lot to do with appearance. The most specific appearance wise they get is "tall, skinny, nerdy, geeky, white, boy with glasses. Facial hair and chest hair a bonus." Do I deviate outside of that? yes. yes I do. kind of frequently. Well use to. I don't date any more since I've pretty much given up on dating but I'm still not ever lowering my standards. I know what I want and if I find it then you can be sure I'll pursue it. My standards more have to do with your upbringing, actions, intelligence, and compatibility with me. But there has to be some level of physical attraction in every relationship it just depends on how much emphasis you want to put on it.

 

[L9OBL]

It completely depends. Personality Is a huge thing for me. I can't date someone with an ugly personality. But There needs to be physical attraction aswell now they don't need to be a 10/10 knock out but they can't be really ugly either

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

meh it all depends.

no offense, honestly, sometimes you DO need to lower your "standards", i have a few buddies who have "high standards", and they will be "forever ignorantly alone" because of it.

but then again, don't date just ANYBODY, then it just is all trivial and your butt buddies with everyone.

when you first meet someone, if you have the slightest sexual attraction to them, try and flirt and see what happens, honestly if that *spark* of sexual tension isn't there, then it's really hard to bring it back after you guys become close friends.

Honestly i don't want the best lookin girl in the room, i'd rather go home with the kinda cute girl who half the guys in the room don't think is good looking, not to say i haven't dated different "standards" of girls before, just saying going for the most attractive isn't always what's best.

 

[Xeraxis]

It depends on how much you scale attractiveness. Having someone who's really cute, but not a supermodel, would probably be a bonus. I could settle with the moderately nice-looking girl, and let their personality and similarities take over.

The best looking of the bunch doesn't mean squat if their traits are comparable to that of a baked potato.

Also, whoever said being single is fun, is somewhat wrong. It has its benefits, but not when it's been that way basically all your life. Just my sayings.

 

[Korolev]

I'm not going to date anyone I don't find physically attractive. Sorry, but I'm not going to do that. I'm just not. I will date people I find attractive, even if others do not find them attractive. But I will say this as well: I will not date someone who is attractive if they are a jerk. Personality and intelligence matters JUST as much as appearance - hell, they matter more. I can find a variety of women attractive: Height, Skin Colour, bust size all don't matter very much to me (I tend to focus on how attractive the face is more than anything else), but I cannot find a variety of personalities attractive. If a woman is racist, or shallow or cruel, I don't want to be in the same room as them, regardless of their physical attractivness. You could be the most beautiful woman in the WORLD - but if you sneer and trash talk others because that's how you derive your sense of self-worth, I will hate you with every ounce of my being.

 

[Laurie Barnes]

Holy crap. This thread did better than I expected, this is the first time I have seen on of my threads on the "Hot Topics" section.

I'm really glad everyone seems to agree with me, I have edited my OP to clear up some confusion.

 

[RatRace123]

I'd like to say that I'm not so shallow as to say "no".

I'd like to.

 

[BlindedHunter]

Looks matter, but personality makes someone look better. Devil is in the details.

 

[Peteron]

Relationships are built off attraction, what relationship would there be without it? It would be nothing more than a lie.

 

[ph0b0s123]

I wish some people would have higher standards than they do, even if it means being single for a while. There are quite a few who settle for the first person who comes along that they can get together with. Even if that person is not quite suited.

Then they stick with them even though they know they are not ideal, as they are afraid to be single. They stay together with them long enough and think that that is the best they can do, so plump for marriage.

A few years down the road someone comes along who is a lot more suitable and people start having affairs, which lead to the break down of their marriages. Or they work out finally that the person they are with they actually don't like and then things fall apart. Usually by this point their are some kids involved who can be traumatised by the break-up.

If people were a bit more picky about who they were with and weren't so afraid to be single for a while, so better partners had a chance to appear, maybe then divorce would not be so rampant. Just saying....

For me I just have to look at my Dad, on his 3rd marriage and looking for the exit again...