Poll: Would you rather be single than date an unattractive person?

emeraldrafael

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Jul 17, 2010
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Spy_Guy said:
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emeraldrafael said:
Besides, you can always fix ugly if throw enough money at it.
Then you end up with something from the Uncanny Valley.
Thats true. it is a little wierd to think you'll be growing up and be 80 while youre wife still looks 24 (well, maybe not if you're into that kinda thing).

Though that was many supposed to be a joke of sorta.
 

Hitokiri_Gensai

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i guess you have to define "unattractive" i rarely find a woman that i dont find attractive, so for me its more her personality.

But, to be totally honest, if she has an annoying personality, or is... slutty or idiotic, then yeah id rather be single.
 

spartan231490

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Laurie Barnes said:
Not much to be said about this, other than I have been single for a long time and don't see myself changing that habit any time soon.
My friends tell me that I need to lower my standards, or at least strongly imply it. While I don't feel that is the only reason I can't get a date they may have a point.
My problem is that, judge me as you please, I cannot pursue a relationship with someone I do not find physically attractive. Personality counts for a bit, but for reason of genetics and simple taste I cannot overcome my obsession with appearance.

I am fully aware that a lot of you will think I am a terrible person, but that's just how I am wired, (poorly that is).

So I ask you my fellow escapists, how important are looks to you?

Edit: I want to add that I think my beliefs on the subject were heavily influenced by my father. One of the earliest comments he gave me on the subject was, "Don't ever lower your standards, how do you think I ended up with your mother?"

Edit2: Ok people seem to be confused by what I mean when I say unattractive. I do not mean ugly, I mean someone you do not find yourself attracted to for any reason. Honestly I know lots of pretty girls who I find unattractive because they treated me like shit, and lots of nice girls who I find unappealing due to their faces or bodies.
There's nothing wrong with only dating people you find physically attractive. Realistically, the only difference between a close friend and someone you are romantically involved with is that you become physically intimate. Therefore, why would you take someone you aren't physically attracted to when you could just have them as your friend? Physical attraction is just as important as personality in a romantic relationship. If they have a poor personality, you won't enjoy conversations with them, or likely even their company. However, if they aren't physically attractive to you, then you aren't going to be attracted to them(obviously) which is just as big of a problem. Don't lower your standards, but don't be afraid to date a woman you find attractive, just because you wouldn't have before.
 
Jan 27, 2011
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I actually had this experience, or one very close to it, anyway.

When I met the girl who would eventually become my girlfriend, we merely became friends. We met up often, but were just friends. I considered if I should make a move of some kind on her shortly into the friendship, but didn't really feel a physical attraction at all.

Fast forward about a month and a half. At this point, I had fallen in love with her personality. We had so much in common, and she was a joy to be around. And then....I realized that I was starting to appreciate certain physical aspects of her that I hadn't noticed before. And then I eventually asked her out (very nervously too, I might add. I had never had a girlfriend before).

Fast forward to today (about 9 months later), and I think she is absolutely cute and pretty.

So basically, I fell in love with her mind first, and then the rest of her.
 

Johnny Impact

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I would never be with a woman who was less physically appealing than I am. Then again, since I myself rate about 3.5 out of 10, this isn't really a problem.

Personality is very important to me. I've known two women, equally beautiful, one with a brilliant, charming, friendly personality, the other a conceited, lazy, loud-mouthed whore. The first I would cut off a limb to be with, the second I wouldn't touch if she were the last woman in the world.

Physical beauty is a dash of those little colored sprinkles on the cake of attractiveness. Take the sprinkles away, you still have cake. Try to eat the sprinkles without the cake, you'll find they're foul-textured and slightly nasty.
 

pppppppppppppppppp

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Jun 23, 2011
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See? This is what free porn is doing to our generation!

Seriously though, it's not a problem to factor attractiveness into dating, but it's better to date around a little bit than wait around for the perfect girl. I'm not saying a perfect girl isn't out there, you'll just better your chances of finding her if you meet more people and get more experience in a relationship.

And you might be surprised, the girl that seemed homely at first might be an awesome match for you, it doesn't hurt to try.
 

CityofTreez

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RagTagBand said:
Liking someone's personality but having no physical attraction to them is also commonly known as "platonic friendship". Pretty much the only demonstrable difference between a girl friend and a girlfriend (or boy, whichever) is mutual sexual attraction.

Having a relationship with someone who you have no lust for is pointless, you may as well just be friends for all the difference it makes.

Would I date someone who I don't find attractive but who has a great personality? No, not at all, not even for a moment. Would I be friends with them? Hell yes. I already have a good number of these friends, some are male (i'm a straight male) and some are female who I am not attracted to (which is not to say they are unattractive)

Would I date someone who other people don't find attractive? Of course, In my eyes (the only eyes that matter), they're wrong.
Took the words right outta my mouth.
 

TheLoneBeet

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Feb 15, 2011
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Depends. If it was somebody I was already in a relationship with who had some sort of accident occur or something like that. Probably could make it work.

However, I'm not gonna lie. I'm shallow in the sense that if I'm not attracted to the girl in the least, it's just not gonna happen. I don't care if you're the best person ever. If you're not attractive to me I'm not gonna be able to make it work.

To clarify though, I may not find the girl physically attractive initially but her personality could have enough influence on me that she'd seem more attractive based on it. I've been in a few relationships where the girl wasn't exactly my first choice but after getting to know her I didn't care she wasn't a model, y'know?

Also, my friends have told me I'm into people with a facial oddity. I'm not talking about having one eye and two noses, but I don't go for the stereotypically beautiful girls. My perception of beauty is apparently different than most.
 

jameskillalot

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Apr 27, 2010
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I would date someone that I found interesting or someone I could care about regardless of looks, but I'm single now and I wouldn't change that for someone I'm not interested in. That said looks are important enough that it would be difficult to date someone that I found physically unattractive, though that's mostly because I think almost everyone is attractive.
 

RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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How ugly are we talking about? Is it "freak of nature/plastic surgeon had a field day on my face" ugly? Or just unattractive?

I can live with the latter.
 

Keepitclean

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Sep 16, 2009
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I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone I found unattractive. I've avoided relationships with people I do find physically attractive. I guess that has a lot to do with the fact that I don't want a relationship at the moment.

It would probably be different if I were with someone and whilst we were together there was some kind of accident that drastically changed their appearance. I hope I never have to be in that situation.
 

Hedonist

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Jun 22, 2011
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Physical attraction is the only reason I can think of for me to start dating someone. I mean, if there is no physical attraction, you aren't really dating, you're just good friends. So if you're dating someone who you don't find attractive you're just lying to yourself because you can't stand the loneliness. And to me, that's pathetic.
 

shurikenshado4

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Nov 1, 2011
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Looks don't matter to much. To me, body is really unimportant
so basically
-20% Face
-10% Age
-70% Personality

Yes, I don't mind cougars and milfs
 

ph0b0s123

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Jul 7, 2010
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Jarimir said:
ph0b0s123 said:
I wish some people would have higher standards than they do, even if it means being single for a while. There are quite a few who settle for the first person who comes along that they can get together with. Even if that person is not quite suited.

Then they stick with them even though they know they are not ideal, as they are afraid to be single. They stay together with them long enough and think that that is the best they can do, so plump for marriage.

A few years down the road someone comes along who is a lot more suitable and people start having affairs, which lead to the break down of their marriages. Or they work out finally that the person they are with they actually don't like and then things fall apart. Usually by this point their are some kids involved who can be traumatised by the break-up.

If people were a bit more picky about who they were with and weren't so afraid to be single for a while, so better partners had a chance to appear, maybe then divorce would not be so rampant. Just saying....

For me I just have to look at my Dad, on his 3rd marriage and looking for the exit again...
Here's the deal. If your standards are only skin deep then the strength or importance of those standards will be only skin deep. If you main criteria for choosing a potiential mate is based largely on aesthetics then you can be overlooking personality flaws/incompatabilities that will ultimately undermine your relationship. Perhaps lowering your standards in aestetics and RAISING them in personality will result in a relationship with a better chance of lasting. Then again if you suck at judging the quality of a person's character or meet a really good liar you are S.O.L.

I am currently celebrating my 15th anniversary with my partner who is not really my ideal body type. However, that 1st week after I met him, when I thought about how I felt about him and how he felt about me, I got an erection. It was the strangest thing, it was not based on a physical/errotic thought, it was an emotionally rooted response. Anywho, sorry for the TMI.

That among other things told me that this was for real and I should try to ride it out as long as possible.
My post was running a bit long so I did not really explain what I mean by standards. I agree with you that is it is the whole package people need to be looking at. Attraction does not have to be just physical. I was just trying to explain that I know where the original poster is coming from in not bowing down to the social pressure that you have to be with someone even if they are not suited. I was trying to point out what this behaviour leads to. I do think it explains the high divorce rate.