Poll: You are an evil overlord! Which army of mooks do you employ?
- Thread starter Brendan Stepladder
- Start date
I have a pepper extract covered dildos and girl-on-girl make up session plan to deal with the in-fighting problem. Sex works as an a awesome physical and psychological punishment if you are imaginative enough. And you know once you've done it once there is fear and women gossip best.saintpinhead said:
Plus you know there will be some raping, flaying, dissecting and cannibalism of unsuitable candidates during the recruitment process which the rest have to watch (and/or even take part in), to instil a good amount of fear of my limitless imaginative cruelty at the start of their "employment" for my malevolent self.
I take indoctrination very seriously.
Also I am an Evil Genius, I don't personally hand out orders, I sit in my lair and I give orders to alpha female types who hand out orders to the masses who they mange. And of course I treat the alpha females special so they are invested in keeping their positions, which of course will only be possible if they keep their underlings under control.
And we have a kill your ex-boyfriend recruitment scheme to get them over that first murder and show them how easy it is.
In short I have enough evil and manipulative plans to cover all these little problems. Plus evil scientists working on mind control tech.
I would use none of the above. If it was up to me I would use the Winter Court of the Unseelie Fae from the Dresden Files. They are cold, calculating, and scarier then hell.
My usual answer is clones. not clones of me but genetically constructed drones that follow me like bees follow their queen.
lots and lots of muscle packed guys, probably oiled and in loincloth who follow my every word without being able or wanting to resist...
cant trust damn robots after all...
lots and lots of muscle packed guys, probably oiled and in loincloth who follow my every word without being able or wanting to resist...
cant trust damn robots after all...
None of those; I want a horde of Redwall vermin. All those rats, weasels, ferrets, and foxes would make for the most adorable conquering army ever.
Oh my god, yes! You sir, have picked the right answer, which through cunning and guile, evidently wasn't on the poll. Jaffa Kree indeed.Alcamonic said:
Had I to choose one from the poll... not sure. I might pick the Stormtroopers and give them competent drill instructors and commanders, which would solve most of their problems - even just good commanders, really, since their weakness really seems to be with defense, they'd be good with a blitzkrieg. Hm... just thinking about all that has me itching to play Battlefront...
The runner up would be the Martians. If I was aware of the whole... was it bacteria or water that killed them? Anyways, countermeasures could be employed - and I would find out about it, since the first moves I would make with them would be to use them for intimidation and blackmail - not necessarily for conquest, because frankly, I don't want to ruin Earth by replacing it with all that red gunk - we'd set up base in... Russia, maybe?
These poll options do not meet my needs. Your first choice has, of course, go to be Ninjas, but if they're not available then Agent Smiths should do the job nicely.
OF the presented options? I'm going to have to go with the Urak-hai.
You never said I couldn't give them assault rifles.
You never said I couldn't give them assault rifles.
Imperial Stormtroopers.
Because everyone would underestimate them and incorrectly think them to be incompetent fools who can't shoot straight.
The Tantive IV - taken with only 3 casualties.
The escape from the Death Star - Vader & Tarkin wanted them to escape
They destroyed all but 3 of the rebel fighters that attacked the Death Star
Echo Base - taken with the loss of only 2 ATATs
And they were doing pretty well on Endor until Chewbacca turned their own tech against them.
The only people that the Galactic Empire can't defeat are the ones protected by hero armour.
Because everyone would underestimate them and incorrectly think them to be incompetent fools who can't shoot straight.
The Tantive IV - taken with only 3 casualties.
The escape from the Death Star - Vader & Tarkin wanted them to escape
They destroyed all but 3 of the rebel fighters that attacked the Death Star
Echo Base - taken with the loss of only 2 ATATs
And they were doing pretty well on Endor until Chewbacca turned their own tech against them.
The only people that the Galactic Empire can't defeat are the ones protected by hero armour.
My army of cyborg samurai commandos, riding fire breathing, eight legged robot horses that shoot lasers from their eyes and fire mini nukes from their asses.
I'd probably go with the Minion army of the Overlord series. Sure I'd be little more than a pawn for an elder minion, certain to find someone to replace me once I get killed, the heroes thinking my death equates to their victory, thus giving him enough time to Find A Way, as it were, but going around killing, burning, and looting with a small army of brown, red, green, and blue goblin things is pretty good fun.
Alternatively, a swarm of giant, burning, tarantula-clown-wasps that explode on contact with their targets. The stingers, fangs, and seltzer bottles would all be just for show, I would have a colossal swarm of fiery, flying bombs around me at all times. This way, when the hero is pointing his weapon at me while I'm bleeding on the ground (Bad guys never win and all that, a rule I will respect) and asking if I have any last words, I can say "Yes. SWARM, TO ME!!" And blow us both to hell.
Alternatively, a swarm of giant, burning, tarantula-clown-wasps that explode on contact with their targets. The stingers, fangs, and seltzer bottles would all be just for show, I would have a colossal swarm of fiery, flying bombs around me at all times. This way, when the hero is pointing his weapon at me while I'm bleeding on the ground (Bad guys never win and all that, a rule I will respect) and asking if I have any last words, I can say "Yes. SWARM, TO ME!!" And blow us both to hell.