Poll: You will never be as happy in life as you are when in a relationship

Piorn

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Dec 26, 2007
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I actually don't know. I've had sex with women I liked and we were officially "in a relationship" but it never lasted long and I've never been close enough to anyone to call her "my partner" or anything.
Currently, I don't need someone to be together with, I have enough friends and I don't inherently enjoy "being with other people", anyways. I like specific people, but not people in general.
I would like someone to share some privacy, like reading, movies, or stuff, but I don't know. I should propably just get a cat...
 

Lightknight

Mugwamp Supreme
Nov 26, 2008
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I kind of agree and kind of disagree.

This depends on both who "You" are and the quality of the relationship. I've been extremely happily married for a number of years now and have never been happier. But I was in several relationships prior to this one where I was happier when single.

Hypothetically, you'll never be happier than when you're in a positive and beneficial relationship. The idea being that there is a net-positive to the relationship which means that there should be a corresponding positive value added to your life.
 

Yopaz

Sarcastic overlord
Jun 3, 2009
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mindfaQ said:
- always someone on your side where it matters
- you have someone you can trust
I am single and I have several people who fit in here.

OT: As a single guy who got an irrational fear of relationships I would say this isn't the case for me. I am uncomfortable with intimacy, both physical and emotional so personally I disagree with the statement. I am happy with my life as it is. Would I be happier in a relationship? Maybe? It's hard to say, but as others have already stated there are good relationships, there are bad relationships and there are good and ad periods of relationships. You'll most likely be happier being single and satisfied rather than being in a bad relationship.

Now I have several good friends, both girls and guys and I doubt I would be as happy without them. These relationships mean a lot to me. I have the kind of friends that I can talk to about things that bother me or them and I have the friends that I can just hang out with and have fun. So while romantic relationships don't entice me these casual relationships are important to me.
 

RJ 17

The Sound of Silence
Nov 27, 2011
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Just ask anyone that's ever been through a bitter divorce if they were "never more happy than when they were in a relationship".

Beyond the fact that I believe the emotion of "love" is for the most part an illusion, there's the fact that some people out there and just loners by nature and are only truly content and happy when they're alone.
 

Extra-Ordinary

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Mar 17, 2010
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staika said:
Sad but true.

OT: I'm single and quite happy. Granted there are times when I do wish I was in a relationship but thise pass with time. Oh well at least my mirror won't leave me, seeing as it can't move.
Same boat.
I feel like having a significant other would be great, yes, but I can deal with being alone.
You can be alone without being lonely.
At least some of us can, as the rest of you are saying it depends on the person.
 

Elvis Starburst

Unprofessional Rant Artist
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Apr 5, 2020
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Lilani said:
I'm a bleeding heart romantic as much as the next girl, but even I find phrases like this a bit over the line. I love my boyfriend, hell at this point I wouldn't even mind marrying him. However, I don't think he "completes me" in any way. And nor do I believe I "complete him" in any way. I am a complete human being on my own, and so is he. I would feel bad if we broke up or if we got separated, however nothing of myself would be incomplete from that day forward.

I think of people in relationships as tessellation pieces. Tessellation pieces are unique forms in their own right, however when combined with another they make bigger and more interesting shapes. They're not like puzzle pieces which are completed by being combined with other puzzle pieces, they're only enhanced and given a form neither piece could achieve alone. So I can imagine when the pieces are re-separated a feeling of loss is there, I totally get that. But I also hope I never become one of those people who are married 60 years, but when their spouse dies they simply have no clue how to live. I never want that to happen to me, and I never want to do that to someone else. I fell in love with a complete human being, not an incomplete person that became complete when we started going out.
Damn freakin straight.

OT (And partial response to the above) : I've only had 2 relationships so far, neither of them lasting too long. During those times, I did feel like I needed to be in a relationship. I was in despair for making the mistake of breaking up with my first girlfriend for a stupid reason, and couldn't let it go for 2 1/2 whole years. But my friend told me something interesting...

He said he and his girlfriend did so much together, all sorts of things I never did with mine. I came to realize it was barely a relationship. It was just the two of us (in both occasions) trying to satisfy our want to be hugged, kissed, touched... to feel like we were loved. I suddenly realized that even though a part of me cared for them, a very huge part of me cared for them for the *wrong* reasons.

Because of that, I don't feel so much regret to my relationships. I still feel sad they're gone, cause I certainly am a bit of a loner with very few friends... But I no longer feel I *need* any of it. I'd want it, sure. But it's not something I need to feel complete. I don't chase the thought of wanting to be in a relationship cause of a lonely, love wanting feeling in my heart. I want to have one for the right reasons, for a change.
 

A_Parked_Car

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Oct 30, 2009
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It really depends on the person. Some people need that kind of close relationship to be happy while others can do without it. I'm part of the former category, but I certainly envy those that fall into the latter.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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themilo504 said:
Speaking as a militant asexual I obviously don?t think that you need a relationship to be happy, I actually think that a lot of people would be happier if they never started a relationship.
How can you be a militant asexual?
You wouldn't say you were militantly heterosexual or militantly bisexual.
Are you hostile towards other sexualities or do you just aggressively not experience sexual attraction? :p
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
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Colour Scientist said:
How can you be a militant asexual?
You wouldn't say you were militantly heterosexual or militantly bisexual.
Are you hostile towards other sexualities or do you just aggressively not experience sexual attraction? :p
my guess it would be due to the lack of understanding/preassure for sex/relationships taking a hadline "NOPE" aproach
 

JokerCrowe

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Nov 12, 2009
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Jadak said:
Ideally, if you're in a relationship, you have everything you would have if you were single, plus the relationship. So barring situations where you're in a relationship you don't actually want, then being in a relationship is by definition having more of what you want, which is better.

However, for people whom do not want a relationship at all, then being single is just as obviously better. Having more of something that you do not want is not going to make you happier.
Fair enough. Someone pointed out that the phrasing to this was a little poorly worded.
I meant that if you are in a loving relationship (non-platonic), then your average happiness level will be higher than if you are single. But as you pointed out, I suppose it depends on what you want from life.
If you Want to be in a relationship, then yes, being in one is going to make you happier than Not being in one. But if you don't particularly feel the need to be in a relationship, there's no guarantee that being in one will make you more happy than being single.
 

themilo504

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May 9, 2010
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Colour Scientist said:
themilo504 said:
Speaking as a militant asexual I obviously don?t think that you need a relationship to be happy, I actually think that a lot of people would be happier if they never started a relationship.
How can you be a militant asexual?
You wouldn't say you were militantly heterosexual or militantly bisexual.
Are you hostile towards other sexualities or do you just aggressively not experience sexual attraction? :p
I pretty much made up the term militant asexual, what I mean by it is that I?m a asexual who beliefs that if everybody was asexual the world would be a much better place.

I should probably find a different term to describe my ideology, militant asexual makes it sound like I intend to beat up random people on the street because they have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
 

Caiphus

Social Office Corridor
Mar 31, 2010
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Colour Scientist said:
You wouldn't say you were militantly heterosexual
I would.

I treat every sexual encounter as a military exercise. Complete with camouflage and tactical hand signals.

Edit: They say that war is long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror. Well. They're not wrong.

Further Edit: On topic - Being in a relationship can be very fulfilling. But it probably depends on who you are, what stage in life you're in, etc. I have one group of friends that always seem to be in relationships, with varying degrees of happiness, and another group of friends that very much enjoy being single. Indeed they enjoy it enough that they keep inviting me out to drinking parties, then leave me alone to wallow in my awkwardness as they pair off to get laid.

But, I suppose, if you're going by the rules of the OP (in a relationship where you both love each other), then yeah. It'd be hard to top that. You'd have to, like, get a promotion while eating a really good cheese and ham croissant or something.
 

beyondbrainmatter

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Dec 7, 2010
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JokerCrowe said:
This was a thought that struck me recently. It seems a lot of society and culture is built around being in relationships, many people picture the future lives as happily married and then there's the good old "Happily Ever After".

Happiness may be fleeting, and not something obtainable and then kept, but I was seeking other people's opinion on this; Do you think that the happiest you will be in life, will be when you are in a relationship? (with someone you love and someone who loves you and all that)

Since I'm not in relationship myself, I thought that maybe my point of view on the topic might be a little one sided, especially since I really don't know what it's like to be in a relationship. So I thought I'd see what you guys think, and to see if the opinions were different depending on whether you are in a relationship or not.

Another quote that got me thinking about this is from a webserial called Worm [http://parahumans.wordpress.com/category/stories-arcs-1-10/arc-1-gestation/1-01/] where a character says "My worst day with you is better than my best day alone", heavily implying that the only way to be truly happy in this life, is when you are in a loving relationship.

And finally just to point this out: I'm not saying I disagree with this statement, I haven't decided on what to think just yet, I'm hoping we can start a discussion here. :)
Well, here are a few quotes from the I Ching:

Six in the third place means:
He finds a comrade.
Now he beats the drum, now he stops.
Now he sobs, now he sings.

Here the source of a man's strength lies not in himself but in his relation to other people. No matter how close to them he may be, if his center of gravity depends on them, he is inevitably tossed to and fro between joy and sorrow. Rejoicing to high heaven, then sad unto death-this is the fate of those who depend upon an inner accord with other persons whom they love. Here we have only the statement of the law that this is so. Whether this condition is felt to be an affliction of the supreme happiness of love, is left to the subjective verdict of the person concerned.

http://www.wisdomportal.com/IChing/IChing-Wilhelm.html#61

Nine in the second place means:
Treading a smooth, level course.
The perseverance of a dark man
Brings good fortune.

The situation of a lonely sage is indicated here. He remains withdrawn from the bustle of life, seeks nothing, asks nothing of anyone, and travels through life unassailed, on a level road. Since he is content and does not challenge fate, he remains free of entanglements.

http://www.wisdomportal.com/IChing/IChing-Wilhelm.html#10

Nine at the beginning means:
Contented joyousness. Good fortune.

A quiet, wordless, self-contained joy, desiring nothing from without and resting content with everything, remains free of all egotistic likes and dislikes. In this freedom lies good fortune, because it harbors the quiet security of a heart fortified within itself.

http://www.wisdomportal.com/IChing/IChing-Wilhelm.html#58
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
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themilo504 said:
]
I pretty much made up the term militant asexual, what I mean by it is that I?m a asexual who beliefs that if everybody was asexual the world would be a much better place.
.
you'd have a hard time convinving people of that

if anything I think a lot of sex related problems go away when people can be sexually free and take a mature attitude towards it
 

Scars Unseen

^ ^ v v < > < > B A
May 7, 2009
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1 year out of a failed marriage and I heartily disagree. Besides, if you can't make yourself happy, what makes you think you're any good for someone else?
 

Scars Unseen

^ ^ v v < > < > B A
May 7, 2009
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staika said:
The White Hunter said:
Nonsense; Tizzy is single and he seems perfectly happy to just disappoint me and staika during raids.
Sad but true.

OT: I'm single and quite happy. Granted there are times when I do wish I was in a relationship but thise pass with time. Oh well at least my mirror won't leave me, seeing as it can't move.
The lesson here is that when you've found someone you truly love, nail them to the wall and stare at them every morning.
 

themilo504

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May 9, 2010
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Vault101 said:
themilo504 said:
]
I pretty much made up the term militant asexual, what I mean by it is that I?m a asexual who beliefs that if everybody was asexual the world would be a much better place.
.
you'd have a hard time convinving people of that
Indeed, I am going to have a hard time convincing people of that, however I also believe that because of everybody getting increasingly older, the human sex drive will probably vanish in the future.

Vault101 said:
if anything I think a lot of sex related problems go away when people can be sexually free and take a mature attitude towards it
That would indeed solve quite a few sex related problems, however that still doesn?t solve the biggest issue I have with sex, the way it controls your body.

Speaking as a person who?s live has almost been ruined by autism, I?m sick of things controlling my body causing me to do stupid things.
 

Phasmal

Sailor Jupiter Woman
Jun 10, 2011
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I dunno. I think I disagree there.

I mean, sometimes me and boyfriend have to do couple stuff together on days I could otherwise spend eating chocolate in bed and watching Supernatural, so there's that.
And then there's arguments, and compromising....

Honestly at this point if we break up I'm just gonna start collecting cats. And it would be glorious.

But I do love him, and would be sad if I was not with him. But you need to be happy and love yourself as well. I think it's wrong to say you can never be X amount of happy if you don't have a relationship.