Poll: Your view on parents spanking their children?

[Jamieson 90]

I think it should be used as a last resort otherwise it's not as effective if it's used all the time. That way the kid really knows they messed up this time. You can say they're more effective means of punishing a child, and sometimes that is correct, but then there are other times when a kid just won't get it, and nothing else works, in that situation a few smacks on the bottom get the message across.

 

[BringBackBuck]

That you would abandon civility and resort to psychical harm from an inability to verbally control a child or direct the mentally handicapped, is both sad and louche.

I can only pray that if you ever have a child, they don't manage to confound you and leave you wanting for words, less they be struck.

Not every situation can be resolved through rational dialogue. Children below a certain age (I'm guessing maybe 4 or 5) do not understand logic, nor do some mentally handicapped. If someone is in danger than a measured physical response may be the only sensible option.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

That you would abandon civility and resort to psychical harm from an inability to verbally control a child or direct the mentally handicapped, is both sad and louche.

I can only pray that if you ever have a child, they don't manage to confound you and leave you wanting for words, less they be struck.

Not every situation can be resolved through rational dialogue. Children below a certain age (I'm guessing maybe 4 or 5) do not understand logic, nor do some mentally handicapped. If someone is in danger than a measured physical response may be the only sensible option.

So not only should children be struck (and by the by, thinking that children of 3-5 don't understand words is pretty indicative of your own ignorance) but the mentally handicapped should be beaten as well when they do something dangerous!

Hey, my elderly grandmother has dementia and sometimes runs her bathwater too hot, should I smack her over the head because she doesn't understand logic?

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Hey, it's better than outright abusing their children.

 

[D Moness]

I was raised back when they actually sold wodden paddles that declared right on them they were for smacking your kids...I turned out JUST FINE and so did my sister. My son is 10 and a really good kid. I have spanked him exactly twice.

Same with me. I have been smacked a few times when i was younger. Not that i can remmeber it anyway so i take my word of my parents on that subject. Still knowing how i was when i was younger i probably deserved it anyway.

It did not make me hate/dislike my parents. Even though my personal opinion is that violence is not a solution to anything. Even viewing armies as a necessary evil in this world(and yes i have family that is in the army).

As the person i quoted i had a less serious case in the store i worked at. Some kid was throwing food around (I worked in a supermarket) when a co-worker went to the mother to tell her what her kid was doing (so that she could make him stop) the reply from the mother was "I am not saying anything about it or else he will hit me."


when i read topics like this and reading replies that do not even see the big line between child abuse and a correction smack should spend a week with the family where the kids hit the parents

 

[MrFalconfly]

Glad to see the majority realize that spanking still has its place.

I cant help but laugh at the fools who dont know the difference between a spank and abuse/beating. Though I am not surprised at the number of these people on the escapist, it is indeed nice to see the majority are smarter than that.

Spanking is just one more useful thing in a parents set of tools.

It's usually people who were abused as kids who don't understand. They can't see past their own situation and look at things rationally.

I agree its a useful too. I have a 3 year old now and I've spanked her zero times. Well, unless you count playing her bum like drums to make her laugh. Still, I think the tool should be there. She's gotten close to deserving one once or twice...

Besides, banning spanking will not stop assholes who beat kids from beating kids since that's generally illegal even with legal spanking.

Oi!

Aren't we allowed to harbour our own opinions on this matter?!?

In my case I simply think that resorting to any kind of force (spanking OR beating or whatever velocity the hand carries or the area being struck) is a declaration of surrender on the parents part.

You may say that 3-5 year olds don't understand logic and can't be reasoned with but then I'll say that you should at least make a safe environment for them (where they can't get into situations where you think you have to punish them to make them understand). Maybe block off access to unsafe environments like the kitchen?

 

[Froggy Slayer]

Ooh, this is a touchy, touchy subject. I'm going to have to tread carefully here.

The only thing I have to say on the subject is that people seem to become utter dicks on both sides of the argument.

A horrible and barbaric way to "discipline" a child. Anyone who considers physical abuse good parenting should be sterilized.

I mean wow. You're essentially saying that my parents, and about half the good people that I know should be sterilized. That's some dark, dark stuff there man. Also, I don't consider light spanking to be physical abuse. It should definitely be last resort, and on some children it doesn't work, at all, but there are some that would stop misbehaving because of it. It isn't the same as beating a child. Man, that's dark.

 

[Basement Cat]

Spare the rod spoil the child can be effective depending on HOW it's applied.

I was spanked upon occasion when I was very young. Back then no one so much as blinked at such disciplining techniques, even when applied in public. Indeed, many people frowned at parents who didn't or couldn't control their children in public.

Moreover it was standard in schools--from primary to high school--for misbehaving kids to recieve 'pops' (a swat to the butt with a paddle) if they got out of hand, and again people accepted this without blinking. Especially since 99.999% of the time it was boys who got the pops. I don't remember any girls ever getting any. Gender almost certainly played a roll in that, but to be honest back then girls didn't get into fights at school. Honest.

NOTE: Because it was standard we also didn't end up with disciplinarians who didn't know when to stop. The number of pops you received were rarely more than three or four. The stigma of being sent to the principal's office was bad enough to quell most unruly behavior.

Moreover I've also seen examples of "enlightened" disciplining where the parents tried to "explain" misbehavior to their very young and very unruly children. Skipping a rant--it didn't work.

I remember an interview on NPR (that's National Public Radio here in the states for those outside the U.S.) of a career teacher who pinpointed the year schools lost control of their children, and it had everything to do with a generation gap.

It was in the mid eighties, when the 'hippy' generation's children were starting to attend schools. Before that point when children acted up and parents were called in to school to discuss problems with teachers they would say "What did my son/daughter do?" Then everyone would discuss the problem and work it out.

But somewhere in the mid eighties parents started showing up and their first words were "What did you do to my son/daughter?"

It's been years since I heard that interview but in synchs with a lot of other things I've read and heard and the KEY point was that that was the point teachers and schools lost their partnership with parents. Without that teamwork and without children being disciplined AT HOME the schools'disciplining techniques (in use for, oh, centuries) came under assault (aided very much and quite understandably by the occasional example of disciplining going too far as new teachers/principals came into power) and their traditional position as authority figures took major blows.

Inevitably schools became defensive, further widening the gap between parents and teachers.

And the results are apparent before us. Schools are overrun with brats. Teachers are thoroughly on the defense and often CRUCIFIED for so much as wagging a finger at their pupils.

And all too often it's the parents' fault.

How many of you remember the story last spring of a girl receiving an end of year award for not doing her homework only to have her mother GO ON NATIONAL TELEVISION condemning the teacher for what was essentially a tongue in cheek joke the girl herself found funny.

CRITICAL POINT--When the mother was asked why she allowed her daughter to not do her homework the mother replied that she didn't know the girl hadn't been doing it.

I despair.

 

[nifedj]

I was never hit as a child. My parents took the time to properly teach me, make me understand that I had done something wrong and why it was wrong. The idea that this doesn't work because children don't understand such things is a poor argument. If you wait until children are older before attempting to install maturity in them, all you do is slow their intellectual development. I understood right and wrong fully before the vast majority of children because my parents always disciplined me that way. Physical punishment clearly isn't the best way of teaching children lessons that they will remember and understand - it's a lazy solution to the parent's problems.

Whenever this subject is discussed, lots of people say "I was hit and I turned out fine!" This is a terrible argument. Here are two facts:

1. You think you turned out fine.
2. You think physical punishment of children is OK.

Suppose for a second that smacking kids is not OK. This would mean you had not turned out fine (not completely, anyway, I trust you are generally decent people) but rather had been caused by your upbringing to see as acceptable something which is not. Your assertion that you turned out fine is only true if you are right about physical punishment... which is the exact point you are trying to prove by saying you turned out fine.

To put it simply: Would you be advocating the physical punishment of children if you had not been hit as a child?

 

[natster43]

I only think a child should be spanked if it is a last resort, where the child has been punished multiple times in other ways for doing something bad but continues to do the same thing. Also going any further than a light spanking is going to far.

 

[D Moness]

Whenever this subject is discussed, lots of people say "I was hit and I turned out fine!" This is a terrible argument. Here are two facts:

1. You think you turned out fine.

so you are telling all those people they are not fine. That they are just sick in their heads because they know (since how can you know someone who you do not know if fine or not) they turned out ok.

That is one very arrogant and stupid statement to make about people you never ever met in your life.

What would you think if i told you you didn't turn out alright just because you have this kind of opinion that what you think makes you sick in your head.

 

[FalloutJack]

-Wrong-

To a child, it makes no difference.

 

[Karoshi]

I got a little brother (2 years and 6 months old) who can be damn stubborn sometimes, but I have never seen a reason to spank him yet. Shouting or talking in a harsh, cold voice works perfectly fine as a punishment.

The only occasion one which I might spank him, is if he does something life-threatening after i have forbidden it. Then, all bets are off.

 

[Froggy Slayer]

I mean wow. You're essentially saying that my parents, and about half the good people that I know should be sterilized.

Obviously not sterilized. They should have their children taken away from them and sent to jail though. Physical abuse is unacceptable and illegal, at least in civilized societies.

And yes, your parents were bad people for hitting you. Of course, you'll never admit that just like I spent the better part of my life not admitting that my mother hitting made her a bad person. I even know exactly what sort of excuses you'll come up with because I came up with them as well.

If you want to justify your parent's abuse then fine, whatever. The damage is done, there's nothing anyone can do about that now. However, don't try and act as if it's perfectly acceptable for other people to do the same to their kids. They might still have a shot at a normal life.

Also, I don't consider light spanking to be physical abuse.

Yeah that totally makes sense. Just like "lightly" spanking your spouse or "lightly" spanking your pet, "lightly" abusing your children is perfectly acceptable.

It should definitely be last resort

You know what civilized countries call a "last resort" when it comes to parenting? A psychologist.

and on some children it doesn't work

It doesn't work on any children. You're free to challenge the numerous psychiatric and psychological associations that deem spanking unacceptable no matter the situation though, after all you didn't go to med school for nothing. You did go to med school right? You're not just pulling this shit out of your ass, right? "Knowing from experience" doesn't count.

but there are some that would stop misbehaving because of it.

And what better way to handle "misbehaving" children than to hit them repeatedly with an inanimate object.

It isn't the same as beating a child.

Is that why "spanking" your pet is acceptable but beating them will land you with a hefty fine and jail time?

Look, I'm not going to dispute this with you right now. My parents aren't bad people; the world isn't that black and white. Maybe spanking is wrong. Though my mother didn't use an inanimate object at all; she slapped me very lightly on my hand. Hell, if I have kids I'm not going to spank them; I'm just not that kind of person. But the fact that you're calling my mother a bad person for slapping me lightly is just fucking offensive. There are degrees to everything, everything is shades of gray. I have a normal life; I'm generally a normal person. She never did anything past age 3 anyway. She'd only do it if I was in danger; for example if I was about to run out into a road after she had told me not to. If you have to push someone out of the way of a car and they skin their knee on the pavement, is that abuse? No. It isn't.