Porn and unrealistic expectations for men and women, and hentai

sumanoskae

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Honestly, I'm not really on board with the idea that porn is harmful to viewers, anymore so than I am that video games are harmful to players.

First and foremost; your desires and expectations of other people in relation to your sexuality is your business. You are not obligated to find anyone attractive or settle for less than your ideal, no matter how unrealistic or ridiculous that ideal is. If you feel better practicing chastity because you genuinely think the real thing doesn't compare to your fantasy (I don't think this really happens that often...), that's your right. It may not be healthy, but if it's really what you want, there is nothing inherently immoral about it.

Now, when it comes to porn itself, it seems to me that there is no substitute for experience (Keep in mind, I am a virgin at the time of writing). Nobody is going to be able to prepare you for sex, or for your reaction to it. Sexuality is personalized, so only you can properly navigate your own.

Even if you had the most grounded, uncompromisingly realistic sexual education, you still can't know how you feel about something you've never experienced first hand.

When it comes to setting up expectations, I don't think any well informed individual will honestly believe porn to be a source of education. "But not everyone is well informed", well yes, but then the problem is the lack of information, not the porn itself. If you're ignorant about sex, you're ignorant about sex; doesn't matter if you think every man has a 9 inch dick, or if you think that touching someones genitals with your fingers will get them pregnant. (I would argue that being overly optimistic about a fundamental aspect of the human experience is better than being afraid of it, IMHO)

Onto the issue of fantasy. I think lots of people forget that fantasy is a part of sexuality. The physical act of sex is only one part of the interaction. The ideas, desires, and patterns of thought of each individual are a part of the experience. Being out of touch with your desires doesn't make you a more healthy person; a person who knows the mechanics of sex but has no emotional understanding of their sex drive is just as out of their depth as someone who is full of fantasies and preconceptions but has an unrealistic understanding of the act itself.

Any interaction with another human being involves at least a minimal amount of projection; you're always going to see other people through the lens of your unique psychology. Removing porn from the picture will not undo that.

Media can only damage us when the rest of the world already has; you can argue about the quality of porn itself, but any sane, reasonably knowledgeable human being who claims that pornography alone has sexually crippled them is lying.

I like to think that the human animal is made of stern enough stuff that they can't be undone by flashing lights on a screen.
 
Sep 13, 2009
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Baffle said:
You could always summon Bigby's Grasping Hand to finish the job. Eh? Eh? Know what I mean? Eh?
Been there, done that.

I was attempting Bigby's Come Hither Beckon when I accidentally cast Bigby's Expressive Digit. There was many a grasping hand in the wake of that
 

BringBackBuck

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L. Declis said:
Hmmm... Unhealthy things about porn...

1) Your penis or vagina is fine. It's normal. It's not tiny/wizard's sleeve. There is a guy who likes it.
This is definitely an unhealthy side effect. I watched a documentary on TV in Australia about the increase in labiaplasty in this country. There was lots of discussion about the porn industry and censorship and how this is contributing to this effect. In order to avoid their publications from being censored, artists would airbrush out vaginas with more prominent labia minora. I have no idea why it became a censorship issue, but it has definitely become a norm within porn and as a result more young women are having elective cosmetic surgery. If the only vaginas you have seen are in porn you will have a very skewed idea about what 'normal' looks like. And any surgery has risks: people occassionaly die during routine cosmetic surgery.
 

DudeistBelieve

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KingsGambit said:
Gundam GP01 said:
Again, that's assuming what you're saying even happens in the first place. In my experience, everything you're saying is bullshit.

Are you saying that you WANT me to go out and catch STDs and have a bunch of children that I'm not prepared for?
Are you saying that the *only* alternative to staying in and masturbating to cartoon porn on the Internet is going out and having promiscuous, unprotected sex with a string of people? Have you considered that there are more responsible and healthy ways to have satisfying sex with real people that don't lead to STDs and a bunch of children?
Ya know, I have but they haven't invented the unbreakable condom and I'll be damned if I'm going to believe anyone at their word that they're on the pill after first Ex.
 

Loonyyy

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SquallTheBlade said:
Lil devils x said:
Attraction to children is the prelude to abuse
Just like heterosexuality is prelude to rape?
That's a thoroughly silly comparison. You can have sex with someone of the opposite sex (Or same sex for that matter, not sure why hetero was used here), without it being rape, or abusive. The same cannot be said of sex with children. Even if you don't believe that there is any progression, or connection, between attraction to children and sexual abuse of children, the comparison to heterosexuality doesn't hold.
 

SquallTheBlade

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Loonyyy said:
SquallTheBlade said:
Lil devils x said:
Attraction to children is the prelude to abuse
Just like heterosexuality is prelude to rape?
That's a thoroughly silly comparison. You can have sex with someone of the opposite sex (Or same sex for that matter, not sure why hetero was used here), without it being rape, or abusive. The same cannot be said of sex with children. Even if you don't believe that there is any progression, or connection, between attraction to children and sexual abuse of children, the comparison to heterosexuality doesn't hold.
It does hold. What does a guy do when he gets rejected by a woman for example? Does he rape her? Of course not. That would be immoral.
Now why would a guy, who is attracted to children, do any differently?
 

DayDark

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I'm only really into the hentai where the women have...fertile hips...I really need those curves or some sort of womanly features. The more the women a drawn underdeveloped the less it does for me, and it also starts becoming a little uncomfortable to look at.
 

Riot3000

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Wow this was an interesting read. I am pretty sure that while it probably can most forms are entertainment and most especially with hentai can separate that and no I don't want you anecdotes about that one person you know. Also with porn even the gonzo shit is mostly exaggerated and amateur is on the rise so you will get your precisous "normal" looking people.

And I find it hilarious the level of that people can't mind there own business. I mean is it healthy to be obsessed with people who can not be social and date and whatever I mean make proclamations over the internet won't help just make everyone an ass.

As far as I am concerned these "shut ins" are cool by me because it is you "normies" that I run into that cause annoyance and stress.

So Hikkamori's 1 Normies 0 in my book.
 

KissingSunlight

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Jul 3, 2013
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No, I don't think animated porn causes unreal expectations. Heck! I don't think porn causes unreal expectations. I did had a girlfriend ask me to do something that you commonly see in porn movies. I'll refrain to tell you what that was. Let me say, I wasn't as happy doing it as she was.

I think the biggest exporter of unreal expectations is romance novels and movies. What women expect from men is an unrealistic combinations of contradictions. While men is just want a beautiful woman to be nice to him.
 

Gengisgame

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On the porn expectation thing or even attractive women in the media people rarely seem to factor in that the difference between on screen, that it can't come close to competing to a woman being there in the flesh.

If this VR thing actually takes off and is something beyond a screen being strapped to your face then you may worry about expectations.
 

Fieldy409_v1legacy

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SquallTheBlade said:
Loonyyy said:
SquallTheBlade said:
Lil devils x said:
Attraction to children is the prelude to abuse
Just like heterosexuality is prelude to rape?
That's a thoroughly silly comparison. You can have sex with someone of the opposite sex (Or same sex for that matter, not sure why hetero was used here), without it being rape, or abusive. The same cannot be said of sex with children. Even if you don't believe that there is any progression, or connection, between attraction to children and sexual abuse of children, the comparison to heterosexuality doesn't hold.
It does hold. What does a guy do when he gets rejected by a woman for example? Does he rape her? Of course not. That would be immoral.
Now why would a guy, who is attracted to children, do any differently?
Ironically both are right here. Pedophiles abuse children because they find them attractive, so attraction is the prelude, pedophillia requires attraction but attraction doesnt require pedophillia. If you were a pediophile I believe You can easily go your whole life using only masturbation to meet your needs.

Im 26 years old, hetero and still a virgin and I have never and would never force myself on a woman. If nobody wants me, (even after my efforts to make myself a better person), and I never bother with a hooker, ill just die never having had sex, Ill never commit rape because I know its evil. So whats to stop somebody who is a pedophile from just doing the same, just have a wank and go about their day and do nothing to children because they know its evil? Theres probably more of them like that in hiding than not.
 

wAriot

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I've masturbated to the weirdest shit in hentai (usually manga). Tentacle porn is on the lowest levels of weirdness there.
I do it at the very least once every two days (but more likely once a day).
Yet I had several "healthy" (what does that word even mean in this context, anyway) relationships.

Learn to differentiate between fiction and reality, folks.

Edit:
Fieldy409 said:
Pedophiles abuse children because they find them attractive, so attraction is the prelude, pedophillia requires attraction but attraction doesnt require pedophillia.
Just wanted to make a note here, because most people get these confused: pedophilia IS attraction. Abuse is pederasty.
Also, pedophilia is not really that common: hebephilia and ephebophilia are much more common (in fact, they can't even considered "abnormal"), and aren't actually considered mental disorders (as opposed to pedophilia).
 

eberhart

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KissingSunlight said:
I think the biggest exporter of unreal expectations is romance novels and movies.
Pretty much. However important sex might be for someone outside of obsession, it's still going to remain relatively small part of their lives. Compare that with a set of surreal expectations regarding... almost everything else aside from work ( a different kind of worms) - the kind that affects mundane, routine, daily. The kind that stops being relevant only when you sleep or are at work (though your career is usually among those expectations). Yeeeeah... no, I imagine porn is perceived as so important mostly because sex is considered disproportionately important by every aspect of modern culture, starting from advertising, ending around legislation. Then there's reality that deals with the rest, ie. >90%, of the average life...
 

FriendlyFyre

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mecegirl said:
KingsGambit said:
If someone just doesn't want to date or has no sex drive at all, and they are a post-puberty adult, then that absolutely does make them unhealthy. A healthy adult will have a sex drive. Your statement about deciding what is healthy for oneself is ridiculous. You do not get to decide what is and isn't healthy, defining it to suit yourself. You get to decide whether or not to do healthy or unhealthy things but you don't get to redefine the word and make unhealthy things more palatable. Eating McDonalds daily is unhealthy. Drinking dirty or polluted water is unhealthy. Smoking is unhealthy. Masturbating to Internet porn to the exclusion of seeking a real life partner is unhealthy. No one will stop you from doing any or all of those things...it's every person's prerogative how they live their lives but you shouldn't delude yourself into believing these are healthy things.
Asexuality is a real thing and is perfectly healthy.
And is it perhaps that because we view the overactive sexuality of porn, hentai, and sex education itself that we've come to this conclusion that individuals with low sex drives (or lack of) are "unhealthy"?
 
Apr 5, 2008
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FriendlyFyre said:
KingsGambit said:
mecegirl said:
Asexuality is a real thing and is perfectly healthy.
it's undoubtedly a real thing, but it is not healthy by any stretch. A healthy adult has a sex drive. If one is asexual, they either have a health issue (physiological or psychological), our are lying.

Oh, you decided to turn into a dick of your own volition. Never mind.
I beg your pardon? Have I said anything rude to you or anyone? Where does your attitude and name calling come from? Have you heard the saying "attack the argument, not the person"? I don't think I've encountered anyone so rude on this forum before.
 

FriendlyFyre

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Okay, I'd read through all this thread and was about to tab out believing everything had been said.

But I realized that while we were talking about "unrealistic expectations," no one seemed to be mentioning anything beyond body type and what to expect from sex. Those are fine, but they don't really touch on the cornerstones of pron and hentai.

The majority of porn is not simply sex, it is FANTASY. And those fantasies can range from the mundane (Getting to finally sleep with your crush) to the troubling (fetishizing abuse and hurting people) these fantasies are not in themselves damaging, so long as the performers are safe and consenting adult, but even if the viewers are aware it's fantasy, they're still fetishizing certain scenarios and acts that if done in real life might be VERY different. Of course we can tell the difference between wanting to be the first one to have sex with someone because we're really attracted to them, and all those "Just turned 18" websites, but it doesn't change the fact that we're encouraging the attraction to the scenario unquestioningly.

To wit, the habit of the porn industry to market women as more "childlike," from having them dress in pigtails, to playing up aspects of childhood like decking out the bedroom in teddy bears and having them act shy and submissive. These scenarios DO affect us simply because they don't challenge us as well. I don't need my porn to have a message, but then I look at how much hentai revolves around men raping women where their distress is played as secondary to the reader's enjoyment and I can't help but wonder if those reading might stop seeing complex human beings around them thanks to associating their sexual arousal not with the women's desire, but with the man's ability to bend them to their will.

Because you don't expect to be challenged when reading porn, you only expect to be fulfilled. And if what's not being challenged is sex, then is it really a stretch to say that those two things can become linked purely by overexposure for some individuals?
 

FriendlyFyre

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KingsGambit said:
FriendlyFyre said:
KingsGambit said:
mecegirl said:
Asexuality is a real thing and is perfectly healthy.
it's undoubtedly a real thing, but it is not healthy by any stretch. A healthy adult has a sex drive. If one is asexual, they either have a health issue (physiological or psychological), our are lying.

Oh, you decided to turn into a dick of your own volition. Never mind.
I beg your pardon? Have I said anything rude to you or anyone? Where does your attitude and name calling come from? Have you heard the saying "attack the argument, not the person"? I don't think I've encountered anyone so rude on this forum before.

You called asexuality unhealthy and accused someone claiming it to be lying.
That's why I called you a dick. Because that was a very dickish statement.