Problematic.

[Yureina]

I'm not entirely sure how much he likes the girl, but he's not in a relationship with her and simply wants to start a relationship with her.

He is one of my best friends and would defiantly not want to lose him as a friend.

I think with my interest in the girl is that I just like her and that because I now know that the feeling is mutual, I?m interested in her more.

He's probably the second easiest person in my group of friends to make angry. He can just sometimes snap when he gets pissed off and randomly hit someone. For example, I was just messing around with some object which I can't remember and then he hits me in the eye! But he's a really nice guy 99% of the time and great to talk to, so I?m not entirely sure how he would react if I started dating the girl.

I'm not really sure if I would want to risk one of my best friendships over a girl to be honest. However, I?m not sure since if I?m entirely honest, I?ve never had a relationship in my life and this is the first chance I?ve ever really gotten.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I see...

Based on what you have said, there is still a little bit of uncertainty here that you may want to clear up. The key factor I see in this is how much your friend is interested in this girl. The more interested he is, the more difficult this situation will be for you if you yourself want to make something happen. The way you described your friend's temper level does not tell me a whole lot, since he could either have rage problems or perhaps just a small tendency to go crazy at moments. Jealousy and how your friend deals with it is the obvious big factor in this case, but unfortunately the example you gave does not give much indication about how he is in this regard. Chances are you probably don't know yourself until you actually get to see an example of it. Also... how many relationships has he had? Would this be his first too?

This unfortunately is one of those issues that is very case-dependent, and so is difficult to give sound advice about. One possible thought would be for you to ask your friend about this girl, but not give any indication that you yourself may be interested in something with her. See if you can figure out just how interested he really is. The more interested he seems, the more of a problem it probably will be if he finds out that you are more likely to get what he seeks than he is. If his interest is not that great though... would it be possible to direct his interests towards someone else who could return his affections? If you could somehow do that, I would consider that to be the best possible result. But... that is not something that would be easy to pull off, if it is even possible in your case.

As for you personally, I can see why you would be interested in seeking to start something. I personally have not been in a "real" relationship for... a really long time, and so there is that underlying thought in the back of your mind saying "go for it!" simply because it will help you resolve a personal need. At the same time, sacrificing an important friendship to satisfy that is almost never worth it, and especially so if breaking that friendships results in a toxic situation that is all too prevalent in high school settings.

What do you think about what I have said here? :3

- Rei

 

[superbatranger]

Well, no matter what happens, the most important thing you should do is talk to your friend. You mentioned that he can get mad easily, so you should be ready in case that happens. That way, hopefully things won't devolve into a fight between you two. Just find a way to explain the situation to your friend in a way that won't get him mad. If he does like this girl enough, you don't want him thinking that you're trying to take her away from him.

 

[el_kabong]

No good can come of this. Hate to say it, but I've seen this go down several times with varying degrees of passion and different people. Never ends well. Usually results in two of the three party's isolating themselves from the third. Let's look at the options and see what goes wrong:

Talking to your friend about it: Your friend will usually be honest, but will probably give you the go-ahead just so he doesn't look like a selfish douche. In that case, you'll probably get the false impression that he's cool with your affection when you go to the same parties and hang out. All the while, he'll be suffering while you flirt with someone he was interested in. Alternatively, you can separate your relationship from your friend, which isn't good because you'll probably be spending lots of time with your new romantic interest (first few weeks/months are like that). Since you only have 24 hours in a day, you'll most likely sacrifice time with your friend to spend time with the girl if they can't be in the same place together.

Just going for it: Probably the worst choice. Unlike the diplomatic solution above, this is very likely to get very volatile. This situation is not like a Band-aid, getting it over with quickly won't help.

Ignoring/Denying the advances of the girl or your feelings of her: Probably the most self-sacrificial move (my usual style). Of course, you land in the opposite of what I mentioned above where you may be miserable to see them in blissful happiness, possible leading to your exclusion.

The only thing I've formulated that can possibly avoid the whole mess, I've never seen anyone pull it off. I'm not sure how you spell it, but I believe it's menage a trois.

 

[thereverend7]

Sucks for your friend?

All's fair in love in war, yo. She has feelings for you and not for him and he honestly just needs to deal with that.

Talk with your friend if you think he would be really offended. otherwise, go for it.

 

[GreyKnight3445]

Talk to her about it, I mean tell her you feel that way but you don`t want to pursue it because your afraid its going to ruin your friendship. Be honest with her, its the best thing you can do.

 

[Brandon237]

I would say speak to your friend first and see how he feels about it. If he accepts that it probably isn't going to happen for him anyway and is cool with it, then you have the go-ahead.
But just be careful to still give him attention, excluding him won't help anything.

If he is completely not cool with it, then He is being a little selfish, but don't confront him on it. If he gets angry easily the worst thing you could say is he is being selfish. But if he isn't cool with it, and you value his friendship, then tell the girl honestly that you can't do it. Be up front and tell her you are sorry.

That's all I got, but hope it goes well.

 

[Sovvolf]

Depends on how good a friend you are and how much you like this girl. Does the girl like you in a lover way or does she just fancy you for... Well... Sex? If it is purely for the sex part then it really comes down to you being able to live with screwing your best friends girl friend.

If its the love part of it... Then maybe it would be best to speak with your mate. Though this could be quite awkward, creating a love triangle between the three of you. If this is your best friend then you should have some clue on how he will react to this, if he's going to turn and twat you one... Then maybe its best not to.

I think it might come down to who do you love most, the girl or your best friend. Personally, I'd wouldn't let a girl come between me and my best friend unless it was serious love. Though I do admit, you are in quite a situation. You either tell your best friend at the risk of losing his friendship or you leave it and let it build up until something happens between you and the girl... Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Also, before doing what ever your going to do... Make sure you know, without a doubt in your mind that this girl really likes you, otherwise you may cause a shit storm over nothing.

 

[Fire Daemon]

Seeing as how you're friends with the person I imagine that you two get a long well enough. You know each other, respect each other, help each other, entertain, support, you know, all that friend stuff people do, and I'd imagine that you want and like the friendship because you came here asking if it's worth wasting.

Now as for the potential girlfriend, how well do you know her? Are you sort that get along well, do you share common interests to keep the relationship alive, are you going to want to be with her far into the future or are you not sure. From my perspective the potential girlfriend is a dark horse, you don't know whats going to happen if you do get into a relationship. While with your friend, you know exactly what that friendship entails and what will happen.

Now the choice that you need to make is if this girl is worth risking the friendship over. Which person do you prefer and which relationship do you want over the other? I can't tell you which one to choose because I don't know these people and I don't know you, I don't know which will be best for you and in the end you will need to make that decision yourself.

However, I can tell you what I would do. Friendship entails a level of respect and selflessness and what good friends do is put their friends before themselves. To me going out with a girl that your friend has already clearly claimed that he as feelings for shows a lack of respect and is incredibly selfish. I believe that a true friend wouldn't have to contemplate this question and if you went through with this and asked the girl out you would look like a total arse-hole and you can expect a lot of people to treat you like one.

If I told a friend that I liked someone and then they asked them out, I would want to kick their teeth in. I would want to fucking destroy them and I will not be surprised if your friend breaks you just for even contemplating this. You did say he angers quickly and randomly.

It is a possibility that your friend no longer has feelings for this person and maybe that will open things up a little. Maybe. You have no idea how your friend really feels and he could lie just to lower hostilities. He could get incredibly pissed off at you for going out with her, but hides it. You do not want that.

Yeah, I would certainly never go out with a person if my friend liked that person, but what I would do does not matter. You have to choose if you want this relationship over the friendships and if it is worth destroying one friendship (or all your friendships; how will your other friends react to this) to get a girlfriend which you aren't even sure will work out.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I'm not entirely sure how much he likes the girl, but he's not in a relationship with her and simply wants to start a relationship with her.

He is one of my best friends and would defiantly not want to lose him as a friend.

I think with my interest in the girl is that I just like her and that because I now know that the feeling is mutual, I?m interested in her more.

He's probably the second easiest person in my group of friends to make angry. He can just sometimes snap when he gets pissed off and randomly hit someone. For example, I was just messing around with some object which I can't remember and then he hits me in the eye! But he's a really nice guy 99% of the time and great to talk to, so I?m not entirely sure how he would react if I started dating the girl.

I'm not really sure if I would want to risk one of my best friendships over a girl to be honest. However, I?m not sure since if I?m entirely honest, I?ve never had a relationship in my life and this is the first chance I?ve ever really gotten.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

SNIP

What do you think about what I have said here? :3

- Rei

Thank you incredibly much, to you and everyone else in this thread for the advice. I'm incredibly glad this new section of the forum has opened up. I'l most likely talk to him about it but i'l probably just leave it because (and no matter how gay this sounds) I wouldn't want to lose him as a friend.

And if any of you need any advice, i'd be glad to help.

 

[Yureina]

Thank you incredibly much, to you and everyone else in this thread for the advice. I'm incredibly glad this new section of the forum has opened up. I'l most likely talk to him about it but i'l probably just leave it because (and no matter how gay this sounds) I wouldn't want to lose him as a friend.

And if any of you need any advice, i'd be glad to help.

Welcome. I hope everything turns out alright for you! :3

 

[El Poncho]

Tell your friend that she likes you and that you like her, and if this doesn't happen he might have less of a chance getting her afterwards because she will blame him for you two not getting together?

or say something else, just speak to him about it.

 

[zombiesinc]

Thank you incredibly much, to you and everyone else in this thread for the advice. I'm incredibly glad this new section of the forum has opened up. I'l most likely talk to him about it but i'l probably just leave it because (and no matter how gay this sounds) I wouldn't want to lose him as a friend.

And if any of you need any advice, i'd be glad to help.

Of course! I do hope things work out for you with this, but as already mentioned, if you ever need to talk further, about anything, feel free to PM me.

 

[SnipErlite]

I'd say no. Relationships screw up friendships. Me and my ex-best friend are examples of that >.>

Seriously, it fucking sucks when you lose a best friend.

 

[Daffy F]

First of, though it sounds cheap: It's your choice what to do. Let me just ask you this: Do you think starting something with this girl is worth it? Do you want to jeapardize your friendship?

For me: NO, I would never EVER go for a girl that already has a boyfriend may that be a guy I know or not, it's just my personal code of conduct.

Who said she had a boyfriend?

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

If he's told you explicitly that he likes her hen you might want to talk to him about it first. If not, talk (if necessary) to him later.

 

[LightningBanks]

I recently learned today something very unfortunate. It turns out the girl one of my best friends likes, really likes me. This is problematic since I sort of like her aswell although i'm swaying in the direction of not wanting to mess up my friendship with one of my best friends.

What to do?

Discuss it with a friend. This gains higher priority the closer he is, just explain it in a civil way and just talk, say what you thinks going on and see what he thinks. Maybe ask for his permission to ask her out. Or even, get him to ask her out, then you try if she says no. Just dont rub his face in it.

This sorta happened to me. I had a very slight interest in a girl, and I wanted to make it bigger, mainly because it would get me out of depression and forget the previous girl, whom rejected me with passion. SO I started talking to her. Then a what id more call a low friend (as in we talk when were in class, but thats generally it) saw her post on my status on facebook, and immediately tried to jump into her pants and consistently talking to her (I know this ebcause he was asking me wierd and pervy questions when he started talking to her).

Problem is, shes bipolar, and believes every word he says when shes upset because of the constant cheering up he does, generally because hes bumming her consistently (not in a sexual way). He even went as far as to convince her to delete me off msn/fb as I apparently dont consider her a friend. Problem is, if they do go out, I know he'll get his sex, due to her mood changes, but he wont put up with her, and she'll get hurt again. Im not saying that im the better man, but im not looking for sex (I have quite a low sexual drive for reasons unknown) and I can understand her moodset, as ive got a sorta minor version of it. Still, it was only a slight interest, so it all blowed over and didnt affect me.

...Sorry for the ramble

 

[astrav1]

Obviously don't do it. You shouldn't need the internet to tell you that it is dishonorable.

 

[burningdragoon]

Oh, I've been there. I'd say follow the advice here and talk with your friend, and maybe talk with the girl too if you are friends with her. Whatever you do, don't both go for the girl and not talk to your friend. That's what my friend and I did and we aren't friends anymore. Not to mention the terrible ride I went on after he ended up going out with the girl.

Good luck with whatever you do.

 

[feather240]

I recently learned today something very unfortunate. It turns out the girl one of my best friends likes, really likes me. This is problematic since I sort of like her aswell although i'm swaying in the direction of not wanting to mess up my friendship with one of my best friends.

What to do?

You can't change who people like you know? The best bet in my opinion is to talk to your best friend and see their stance on this, and explain the situation to them. That way you both can go from there and decide what the best course of action is.

...and now I'm going to have dreams about the OP inside room 101 trying to escape reality by imagining his crush in his place.

 

[Lightnr]

Oh fuck him..........or more to the point, Fuck her!!.

Seriously??[footnote]

Yes, seriously. This forum is not intended for inconsiderate remarks. The OP clearly wants a way to get through this without damaging either relationship he has. Please don't do this again. ~Aylaine[/footnote]

I don't see how that is bad advice.... although put in an immature or intentionally silly (and "I see what you did there" funny) way. What kind of a friend would that dude be if his friendship hangs on wether he LIKES a girl that LIKES you (and you like her back presumably). And honestly... what if he was fugly and you are some kind of hand cut jewel? Is he going to potentially hate you for any girl he thinks is pretty? You don't need friends who are dumb like that.

Also - girls are not objects: "O I liked her first so you can't have her." ... NO. Romantic Relationships are complex things that evolve and blossom with time (that sometimes ignite only through sex at first so I don't have a clue what this moderator is thinking placing that poster on SEVEN day probation...ridiculous).