Problems you have had to face because of your gender

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
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this is gonna end well....

comparatively I've actually experiences little discrimination based on my gender (not anything obvious anyway) I mean I do notice how I'm treated a little differently, mostly small things,

I have had a few issues in regards to what I like/how I like to look being at odds with what I'm "supposed" to like/look like, and just not feeling very comfortable in majority of expected "roles".... I'm reaching a sort of balance

Westaway said:
You just made a thread about this last month. It was called "Problems men have to deal with".
yeah

I think the motivation here is to maybe promote some kind of "look we ALL have to deal with stuff" thing but in my (probably unpopular) opinion I don't think this helps any with the disdain people have to gender issues
 

FirstNameLastName

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Nov 6, 2014
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Jiggle Counter said:
2. Male sex organs are terrible. They're always in the way, they're sensitive, and they don't obey your logic.
Pretty much this, it sounds strange i know, but it is sort of true. Not that i would rather be a woman, and certainly not transgender, I'm different enough as it is. But i do sort of believe that internal genitalia is the inherently superior choice. But at the same time, having breast seems like an even worse encumbrance, so i chalk this up to about even.
 

Adam Jensen_v1legacy

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Sep 8, 2011
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Johnny Novgorod said:
Being male and having a sister, I always got served last at the dinner table.
That's all I can think about.
It's hard for us men out there!

Especially me. As a white, straight male, living in a first world country, I am at an obvious social disadvantage.
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
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Suffice to say, being regarded as threatening or potentially threatening by those toward whom one has only the gentlest of intentions, if any intentions at all, is not the greatest thing ever.
 

Callate

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Dec 5, 2008
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Having to explain to immigration assholes that, yes, I was the primary parent, guardian, and caregiver for our daughter, was bad.

Having to explain to an alleged friend that I had supported my wife through medical school and, no, I wasn't some kind of freeloader was worse.

...And there are other things that extend from such, but on second thought I removed them, because I don't really feel comfortable sharing them. To be brief, male parents are still treated like shit by a lot of ignorant people.
 

viscomica

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Aug 6, 2013
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As a woman I have experienced the following things (not in that precise order):

1) Catcalling

2) Not being taken for certain jobs that I would be able to do

3) The occasional groping in public transport. Not cool

4) Being regarded as "weak"

5) etc

There are many more but those are a few I've experience in my life. I'm sure I'm not alone on those things and I'm determined not to let them get to me. If anything, I can prove them wrong!
 

Ladylotus

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DizzyChuggernaut said:
I'm trans but most people see me as male. I get all the expectations societies thrust upon males and when I inevitably can't live up to them I get told off or mocked for it.

But even then, when I don't fall in line with the expectations of females when I'm in "girl mode", I get accused of being insincere. When I wear makeup and look girly but wear a death metal t-shirt and jeans I get asked why I'm not wearing shorts and a girly top.

But they're not really BIG problems, the problems I actually face is because of me not quite being one or the other. I feel like I don't really "belong" in society, in a way that's kinda depressing. I don't know anyone else like me, personally. It makes it hard to discuss my problems.
Dizzy, your experience is the closest example for me, at least as someone trans. I love jeans and t-shirts, and I don't go out of my way to worry too much about my appearance (with exceptions, of course. I shave my body and straighten my hair constantly), so people like to assume that I'm not REALLY a woman, just someone delusional. Just because I'm trans doesn't mean I immediately like everything society determines as feminine.

And then in places where I'm not out (that is, not actively passing as female, such as in family or legal situations) I get shit for having long hair and having limited upper body strength.

And then when I DO go out as female, I always have someone with me when I go somewhere, especially at night. I tried going out while passing alone, it was a terrifying experience. There is a gigantic difference between being recognized as male and alone at night, and female and alone at night.
 

Secondhand Revenant

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Well not being the most outgoing guy I get like nothing. Don't know enough people to get the shitty ones and stuff. The friends I've got don't pester me with sexist nonsense. So as a male I don't really find myself getting a lot of that crap.
 

Evil Moo

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Feb 26, 2011
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Hmm, nothing big really. Just the usual stupid cultural expectations that I don't much care for and being told to 'man up' every so often, which generally seems to equate to 'put yourself in this uncomfortable situation because I say so'. That and people insulting me for having long hair.
 

Something Amyss

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Dec 3, 2008
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Being trans, I often am accused of behaviour not considered particularly gender appropriate. And then I'm too girly for the guys and too manly for the girls. Or something. I don't know. People have a tendency to assume I'm a flaming queen, because reasons.

And there's a list of problems I've had associated with that, so....

Eclipse Dragon said:
I used to tutor martial arts classes. We always had an issue getting the guys to hit the girls in sparring lessons. The girls had no such reservations and would wail on the guys. They did eventually get over it and fight back however.
Oh God. That reminds me of one of the women I trained with in my Aiki Jujutsu courses. She was actually an instructor in some other art, I forget which, and had a lot of experience with people holding back because she was like 4'11" and a woman. Several times she'd ask if I was going easy on her--my favourite was when she was practically sitting on my arm in an armbar. So I demonstrate that even trying to power out of it, I can only really get my arm like two inches off the ground, and was in no real position to get her off without hurting myself.

Personally, I was surprised I could even pull that off.

Being the tallest regular was sort of amusing because a lot of people wanted to use me as "practice." Especially the short ones. It got to the point where I don't think I could fight someone my own size if my life depended on it.

<..>
 

The Goat Tsar

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Mar 17, 2010
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I want to be an elementary school teacher, or do some sort of work with kids. But I was told it would be too difficult to get in the profession because there's a stigma attached to men who like to work with children. I was told this by many people that I trust and whose opinions I value. So, with no idea what to do with my college studies at this point, I dropped out. There were many factors, but this was high among them. I don't really have a plan anymore.

I'd also like to paint my nails. Don't know why. But I want to. Green preferably. Not really as important as the career thing though...
 

Imp_Emissary

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Lieju said:
Nggh, yeah, I have been sexually harassed on street but generally I get more comments the kind of people loudly wondering if I'm a boy or a girl and calling me names ('dyke' if they decide I'm a woman and '******' if they decide I'm a guy).

I'm fine with it when children do it but why the fuck do strangers on the street care?
When I first read this part I thought; "D: Kids are saying what to you?!", but then I realized you were talking about kids asking if you were a man or a woman.

Right? Kids were asking you about that, right? Not the other thing.
Lieju said:
I specifically said time after time I didn't want Barbies or dolls as gifts.
But of course I got barbies and dolls.

I had people just tell me to my face what I liked.
Not even what I was 'supposed to like', people (like a classmate's dad who had never met me) told to my face his daughter had told him to get me a monster-toy, but he ignored it because 'you don't like monsters'.

???
Excuse me, I might be a six-year old but I think I know better what I like than you?
Yeah, I ran into this recently when picking out things to get my nieces. The oldest one took to a plush snake I've had since I was a kid, so I gave it to her, but wanted to give her little sister and brother something too.

Wanted to give her sister a dinosaur plush, but my oldest niece and my Mom both said "nah, she doesn't like dinosaurs". About a week later while we were visiting for Halloween, I ask the younger niece what she would like and she says ":D I like dragons!", so I also ask her if she likes dinosaurs, and first she says no, but then says "Actually, yeah I do a few moments later".

I got a dragon to give her, and I can give the dino to their little brother, but it was odd that both my older niece and mom were trying to say my other niece couldn't like dinosaurs because they aren't "girl things". Even though I just gave my oldest niece a life size snake plush (not generally considered a "girl thing") and she loved it. Eh, I guess sticking to "the old ways" just makes crap easier for people. Just seems limiting to me.

Speaking of.

OT: For me, I haven't really had too many issues with my gender(male), but I'm not sure why. It may be because I was bullied from 2nd grade to high school (though oddly not physically, even though I'm not that "imposing", and it got a lot better as I got older), and I think part of how I dealt with that was to kind of socially isolate myself. Still had/have friends, but I don't "go out/hang out" even have as much as they do, and tend to really keep to myself for the most part.

Not really something related to my gender though, but while I didn't have issues for the most part, I did see other people deal with them (both sexes, and multiple genders).

I'm hoping to open up a bit more now that I'm in college, so hopefully that goes well.
 

Rahkshi500

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May 25, 2014
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My experiences are not as bad as others, but they're still pretty shitty experiences, so here it goes.

My father still expects me to prove my worth as a man by going out and getting a girlfriend; even when I explain it to him multiple times that I'm just not interested in dating someone at the moment, he automatically jumps to the conclusion that I'm gay, and makes a big deal out of it. It's not the first time either, and my brother has to put up with it too.

Another is that more than once I've been subjected to Creep Shaming. When I have an interest in things that aren't even controversial, I get ashamed for it. Especially at times when I'm helping out a girl or a woman; it wasn't about me being an asshole to them at all, nor was it me overstepping boundaries, but instead its just that regardless if I was chatting with them or listening to them or even giving them aid to something that they asked me help for, nor did anything else that is considered bad behavior, I get suspected by others of having an ulterior motive to it all; one time someone even threatened to call the cops on me even when I wasn't doing anything wrong and the lady knew that nothing was wrong either.
 

Section Crow

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Aug 26, 2009
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I don't think I have ever been specifically outed for gender specific reasons, I MAY have been targeted because I didn't fit specific gender expectations but I was apparently a very strange individual to others so that made sure I was gr8 b8 m8, plus the whole skinny white guy with glasses wasn't a helping matter.

I've certainly received a good amount of heckling, insults from strangers (Drivers stopped at traffic lights, random strangers on the street and a consistent fellow who would call out to me at every possible occasion, though the place he resided was for the mental ill so I've never been particular about it.) and just plain being called out to for whatever reason though that's something I would attribute to my less than stellar borough I reside in being the worst in a few ways. Honestly, it may have been at some point gender related although there's a point where you just zone it all out and it becomes nothing more than white noise.
 

BathorysGraveland2

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Well, as a guy with long hair, I've had the rare comment along the lines of "Get a haircut" or "You look like a chick", etc. To be honest, if that's about the worst I've received, then I'm doing pretty fucking well I must say.
 

MrMixelPixel

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Jul 7, 2010
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Hrmmm, well I've been a bit of a disappointment to a lot of the hyper masculine men in my family. I'm not into girls, I'm not into sports, and I tend prefer more "feminine" approaches. I was bullied a lot in middle-school for similar reasons. Typical "you've never been in a fight?", "Never kissed a girl?", "don't like sports?", etc. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but it's left some long lasting damage.

My problems are real, and shouldn't be overlooked, but I still have plenty of privileges because of my gender. It's easy to take a lot of the privileges I get because of my gender for granted.

Edit: I'm sorry if this sounds whiny, reading it back it sure does look like it. However, this thread is basically asking for it.
 

EyeReaper

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Aug 17, 2011
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You would not believe how many glares I get from receptionists and cashiers whenever I (a guy) tries on dresses at the mall. It's like every woman there wants to tell me to leave, as if I don't deserve to feel pretty like everyone else there. The hostility in the air gets so thick that it's like if Westboro Baptist church toured Gay Paree.

I'm just waiting for someone to say something. That's like, a lawsuit right? Discrimination?
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
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Eclipse Dragon said:
I used to tutor martial arts classes. We always had an issue getting the guys to hit the girls in sparring lessons. The girls had no such reservations and would wail on the guys. They did eventually get over it and fight back however.
Ehhh, I can sympathise with the guys on that one.

I attend a mixed gender martial arts club. (I do the grappling stuff rather than striking.) And, yeah... never been entirely comfortable wrestling with the girls.

I mean, I do it, it'd be patronising for me not to, but for me, a 6'1'' 220 lb guy, to be overpowering, choking and submission-holding women half my size and weight still feels kinda wrong.
 

Recusant

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The big thing that springs to mind is that my government forced me, under threat of imprisonment, to sign up to be illegally forced into the army and shipped off to get killed. It may seem laughable now, but I turned 18 in the summer of 2002, when said government was gearing up to go stomp on Iraq, and I faced the all-too-real possibility of getting sent off to go kill people I didn't despise as part of a war I didn't support by a government I'd had no voice in electing. The only choice I'd have in the matter was if I wanted to get shot by people angry I'd invaded their country or stabbed by a convict angry I'd, well, done something to anger them (I have no delusions about how long I'd last in prison). I raised holy hell about the issue at the time, but was told to "shut up and just do it" (by and large by the same people who routinely complained about "lazy teenagers refusing to do anything")- so not only was I being asked to do something morally reprehensible; something that my parents' generation had struggled and fought to avoid, something my country fought an entire war over; I was being asked to do it without complaining.

While I'm glad my sisters never had to go through those eight years of near-constant background terror, it's a fact that they didn't, and I did.