Problems you've noticed the other gender has had to deal with

Erttheking

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Ok, a few days ago I started up a thread where people talked about the problems that they had had to go through because of their gender. Now that we're warmed up a bit, let's move onto the next stage. Talking about problems you've noticed the other gender face. If you're a man, talk about problems you've notice women facing. If you're female, talk about problems you've noticed men facing.

One of my best friends is female and she's had to go through a fair amount of crap. She's struggling in a rather difficult college, not helped by the fact that her roommate was a complete ass. She had to deal with her roommate spreading nasty rumors about her behind her back, which made her already difficult life much harder. I've heard about this happening from an over the internet friend too, who remarked how she didn't like how her workplace was 90% women and wanted a 50/50 split because, according to her, if a man doesn't like you, he'll say it to your face, be forward and blunt about it, where was a woman doesn't like you, she'll be sneaky about it behind your back. Basically the point I'm trying to get to her is that when women are being bullied by other women, they tend to have to deal with their name being slandered on top of all the other problems they already have to go through.

Like how my over the internet friend had to deal with people staring at her at a convention because she was wearing a costume that was wearing an outfit that showed off a bit of skin, or how my IRL friend is told that she needs to wear make up by her older sister or else she'll never get a man, even though make up causes her to break out in acne.

What about you? What problems have you noticed the gender opposite your own go through?

(BE! POLITE!)
 

Mikeybb

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This is completely based on subjective observation, and could be wrong.
Just felt I had to say that first.

What you mention above regarding difference between women and men regarding dislikes has always stood out to me.
I prefer having to deal with the bluntness and confrontational part far more than snarky sniping and passive aggressiveness I've seen friends have to deal with.
Also remember gaining the attention of a small group of proto 'mean girls' back at school once or twice.
Suffice to say, they were far more inventive than the boys, who'd leave most things at a punch or a name calling.

I'm also glad there isn't the same level of expectation regarding appearance, evidenced well by what your friend experienced above.

Periods sounds like they suck too, but I imagine that goes without saying.
 

Random Argument Man

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I've just noticed a bit of peer pressure on Facebook. A friend of mine's sisters are both pregnant. Their friends who are moms kept saying that my friend should have her turn soon. I didn't want to join the conversation, but she told me that she felt that was a bit troubling for her. She wants to do things in her life before going to that path and that she didn't want to conform to the norms that everyone should be parents because a group said so.

I realize that this is probably one of the lower problems that women go through. I can't help but to cringe at the same situation as hers.

Then again, pretty much of every "Conform to gender norms" notions will be mentioned here.

Also, every time I go to the Internet, there's those "There's no problem with gender representations" arguments. I'm not saying everyone on the Internet will say it or even think it. However, they are there?They are pretty vocal about it?It doesn't look good when they are there.
 

the December King

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You know something? The only thing I see on a regular basis is that in most of the conversations I have with mixed company, the ladies get shouted down. Not for their opinions, but because the lads aren't paying attention and just talk over them. I mean, a lot. Occasionally this surprises me, and I try to listen to them, catch what they are saying, move aside to hear better... but even more surprising to me, is when I find myself actually doing it- ignoring them. It might just be the personalities at work, but still.

One thing I 'd like to add is that the majority of the women I know have more steady jobs than the lads. It's something I'm envious of- I can go for periods of months without employment in my field right now, and when I do land a contract, the pay is often high, but it doesn't quite balance it out, you know? I'm proud that the ladies went the more stable route, it was a smart move.

Not The Bees said:
And I punched a Chippendale dancer once. I feel really bad about that still.
I remember that story, Not The Bees- seems like it was just shock that made you lash out, if you don't mind my saying. But at the same time, I understand your feeling regretful of that.
 

Random Argument Man

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Not The Bees said:
I checked her response on Facebook. She handled it quite in a civil manner. She'll be fine since she's a lot tougher than she looks. I'll still have a few conversations with her to make sure she's fine.

As for sterility?I am at a lost of words. If I could hug you, I would. (Not in a creepy manner)
 

the December King

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Not The Bees said:
the December King said:
Not The Bees said:
And I punched a Chippendale dancer once. I feel really bad about that still.
I remember that story, Not The Bees- seems like it was just shock that made you lash out, if you don't mind my saying. But at the same time, I understand your feeling regretful of that.
I'm a pacifist, and even though we eventually laughed over it, and it is a funny story now, and I know it probably didn't hurt him at all (or maybe it did), but I still feel super bad about it. It's never right to hit anyone, and I more or less got away with it because I was a woman hitting a man. I mean, I got tossed out of the club, but no one thought it a big deal because I was a woman hitting a man.

And for some reason that really bothers me.
I can probably bet soundly that it did hurt- getting hit by surprise, whether a woman or a man, can still smart and do damage! Now, when you told the story that I had read, the dancer was okay with it- probably realized that he had spooked you, caught you off guard. Now, how much it hurt him really, is an individual thing- he could have been a kick-boxer with a high threshold for pain, or a cupcake of a beefcake. But because he waived it off with no hard feelings, I admire him- not because you didn't hurt him or not, but because he seemed to have kept a level head and realized he had surprised you, it was his fault, and that's the sign of a 'real man', or let's say an honest person (at least in my head). I also fully understand that I was not there, and have no idea what the atmosphere was really like.

I hope you don't mind my discussing this, it's really none of my business, but I do find your story fascinating.

EDIT: I want to also add that it is to your credit that you acted promptly the way you did in the first place. This was an unfortunate accident, sure, but in another situation it could have meant your escape from a baaad scene. A small price to pay, I think.
 

TheRiddler

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Since Halloween happened pretty recently, I've always thought it was pretty annoying that there aren't many women's costumes that aren't blatantly "sexy". Like, I'd be pissed off if the only costumes available to men made us look like Chippendale dancers.
 

Itdoesthatsometimes

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Back when I was in a band I would always play with my shirt off. This freed up my arms and my motions to be better at playing. Being sexually provocative was a nice benefit too. I was appealing in both skill and for those that only appreciated it visually. I was not an Adonis or anything, but good looking none the less. For years, this was never called into question. I could just be the best good looking member of a band I could be and I am just better without a shirt.

One day a different band came around. This band had a woman in it. She removed her shirt for a show. Her actions were called into question. "If you need to be topless to put on a good show, maybe girls should not play music.", seemed to be the overwhelming opinion.

Catcalls she got about as many that one show as I had over years.
I had been told jokingly a few times to put my shirt back on. I was never told, "Your tits are too small, put back on your shirt until they grow more to be worth looking at."

I was more competitive back then and more of an asshole. I should have stuck up for her since after all, I needed to be topless to put on a good show.

There are of course more things I have noticed. But that might be as unique of a situation I can bring to the topic.
 

Lilani

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Men have to deal with a lot of suspicion regarding child molestation and kidnapping. I saw this in action one day working at a retail store in a mall. The store had a second floor, and an escalator which could take you up it. One day, a dad bravely escorting his three children decided to take the escalator with all of them at once. The oldest child was probably 7, the middle probably 5, and the youngest just a little toddler who had just gotten the hang of walking. He had the toddler by the hand and helped him step onto the escalator, and the kid made it on just fine.

But escalator steps shift backward a bit when they settle into place. The toddler had stepped to the very front of the step, so when the one above shifted back, it scraped his knee. The boy starts screaming about halfway up the escalator, and another coworker and I watched them proceed to the top to make sure none of them were really hurt or fell down amid the bedlam.

They got to the top just fine, and as we started walking away, an older woman stopped us and urgently whispered "Are you sure those were his children?!" Apparently, to this woman, a man without a woman escorting children--one of which is crying--is more likely to be a kidnapper than a single father shopping with his kids, or a father keeping the kids busy while the mother is shopping. Never mind that he was going UP the escalator, to the upper floor of the store which was a dead end with no way out that doesn't require you to go back down to the first level again. And never mind that the upper floor was where the children's section was located, a perfectly reasonable direction for a father to take his children.
 

clippen05

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Oh shit; you've made a grave mistake. INB4 some people come in here and criticise you for saying 'the OTHER gender,' implying that there's only two. The strawberrykins and petalkins are going to be mighty angry at you.
 

Dizchu

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clippen05 said:
Oh shit; you've made a grave mistake. INB4 some people come in here and criticise you for saying 'the OTHER gender,' implying that there's only two. The strawberrykins and petalkins are going to be mighty angry at you.
This isn't Tumblr. Here we allow some slack, thankfully.

Now would everyone be so kind as to CHECK THEIR DAMN PRIVILEGES?.

erttheking said:
Ok, a few days ago I started up a thread where people talked about the problems that they had had to go through because of their gender.
I'm trans (trans-female is the short version, androgynous with more leanings towards "female-ness" would be the more accurate version) and while I'm biologically male and have to deal with the usual things men do, because of my lack of affiliation with either of the "binary genders" I feel that I am more unbiased than most about gender perceptions (though I would say that wouldn't I?)

Men and women in the western world face similar amounts of prejudice though they are usually in relation to different things and judged against the very different ideals society expects of men and women. I think the main problem men have is that their problems aren't considered as "important" as women's problems (this is something rooted in patriarchy, where men are disposable automatons and women are valuable though mostly for their fertility rather than anything relating to agency).

This feeds into a problem women face. Many feminist activists unknowingly propagate patriarchal ideals (men are dangerous, women are fragile) and this hinders the progress to becoming a properly "equal" society when it comes to gender. In terms of the law women have more rights in many places (though their role in reproduction actually necessitates this) but the problem isn't legal rights, it's societal perception. And they harm both men and women, especially those that don't wish to adhere to traditional gender roles.
 

Fox12

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Random Argument Man said:
I've just noticed a bit of peer pressure on Facebook. A friend of mine's sisters are both pregnant. Their friends who are moms kept saying that my friend should have her turn soon. I didn't want to join the conversation, but she told me that she felt that was a bit troubling for her. She wants to do things in her life before going to that path and that she didn't want to conform to the norms that everyone should be parents because a group said so.
I hate this deal, and I'm a man. When I turned eighteen, my mom wanted to know when I was getting married. I was single. When I got a girlfriend a few months later, she wanted to know when I would be giving her little red haired babies. This is really fucking weird, and frankly, really annoying, as I have no interest in getting married any time soon. I can only imagine how much worse it may be for women.

In any case, I already created another thread about sexual abuse that clarifies my views. I know a few female rape victims, but I know numerous women who have to deal with cat calls and rude comments from men who seem to expect something from them. I find this very worrying, as honestly, I didn't give this much thought until college.
 

SUPA FRANKY

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Erttheking. I have a dare for you.

I dare you to not talk about something gender/feminism related for one day.