Question: How do you handle a person who refuses to take something but still complains?

[Parasondox]

Rains a comin'

You see, I have a friend (no really it's not me. I'm actually willing to put anything in my mouth to feel better... er not like that), who just refuses to try anything on the basis of "I don't like it", in order to get better but still complains about the pain wishes for it to go.

Honey and Lemon for throat. - "Ew" so a Nope.
Spinach and other things rich in iron food because their iron count is low. Not going to happen.
Flu jab because their immune system is low (and I think they are entitled to it) and they get sick quite easily. - Hate needles

As a friend I am concerned about their health but at times, I will sound like a bad person here, just get a bit annoyed with the moaning and not actually willing to get treatment when I know these things could help. They often refuse docs advice also which causes more problems. YES, I know and understand that some things aren't an easy fix, which is where meds and tablets can play a major part. Just... how do you handle those who complain about something just refuse to get any kind of treatment for it?

I know this will be a short thread and thank you to those who have posted any kind of response.

Stay dry Brits.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Give them a clip around the tab hole and tell them to shut the fuck up and take their damn medicine.

The abusive matron tactic works 100% of the time. Guaranteed.

 

[krazykidd]

I usually i tell them, "if you are not going to take the steps to feel better, theen stfu".

It works on sick people,on lazy people , on complainers in general. Now i don't have anything against people who complain, just people who complain and do nothing about it.

 

[Phasmal]

Tell them they only have themselves to blame.

Seriously, as someone who had a constant health problem for two years straight (at some points I was taking 10-20 pills a day just to try and keep me not-sick) - people take their health for granted. I know that makes me sound like an old lady, but they do.

If I were you I would give an initial bit of sympathy, then advice on what they can do, if they don't do it- no sympathy.

This is assuming they don't have a good reason for not doing the thing.

 

[Lilani]

It...depends. Sometimes people have a good reason for not taking something: medicine can be expensive, side effects can be severe for some people, sometimes they've already tried everything and nothing works. I try not to jump too quickly to conclusions on this just because I'm not them and I don't know everything they've done yet. Plus, I've been there. I've been bedridden due to migraines, and it's awful. I get sinus migraines, which make the very act of being conscious absolute torture, and cause me to vomit everything that goes down my throat. When you can't even hold down water, it's rather hard to take a pill to make things better.

And that's just for physical ailments. At first I thought this thread was about mental ailments, and as somebody who spend half her adolescence dealing with a clinically depressed friend I can say with no amount of uncertainty that for them it's never just as simple as "take your medicine and get over it."

 

[w9496]

Tell them that it's up to them to make their own choices, but if they never help themselves they can't expect a miracle to sweep away all of their ailments. They have to realize that they're partly responsible for their health.

One thing I've learned since I joined the Army is that the shit you don't want to do is usually good for you in the end.

 

[Harpalyce]

This is a damn tricky question, to be honest.

On one hand, there may be good reasons your friend just doesn't want to communicate with you. On the other hand, well, I got burned pretty bad by my freshman roommate who pretty much did this whole cycle solely to be the center of attention. She fed off having people meet her 'multiple personalities', getting mad at doctors when they wouldn't take her dictated orders because apparently she knew more about neurochemistry after half a semester of nursing school than their entire degrees, and then trying to solve everything with colloidal silver tinctures. ...while constantly getting in a cycle of taking her medication, feeling better, deciding the medication wasn't doing anything, feeling worse, getting more and more into weird homeopathic 'remedies', getting even worse, finally going back to traditional medicine, getting medication, feeling better, aaand lather rinse repeat.

So yeah, there ARE awful people who use this as a manipulation tactic. However there's going to be other signs if that's what is going on... not to mention a likely pattern of your friend having a sudden 'health crisis' as soon as somebody else in your friend group gets attention.

If I were in your shoes, here's what I would do: assume innocence. ...or at least put up the front of doing so.

You'll probably have a lot more success going "dude, you seem to get turned off by one type of way to help yourself and then never try any alternatives and I'm really worried about you suffering because of this basic stuff" instead of going in with guns blazing and anger everywhere. Frame it more about your concern for them and they'll be more likely to actually make a change and be honest with you, and it won't immediately put them on the defensive.

Hopefully their reaction to that will put a few more cards on the table so that either you can figure out if you're being manipulated or not. But if they come back saying "yeah, it really frustrates me too" and are willing to bounce some ideas back and forth with you, even if it's just one small change at a time, I'd take that as a really good sign. That's the thought process of someone who's genuinely in the shit and just hasn't been able to unfuck themselves yet, so to speak.

And either way, don't be afraid to lay down some boundaries. Yeah, I sound like a beginning counseling textbook here, but whatever, it's a really useful concept. It's totally ok to say to a friend "look, you're dumping too much of this stuff on me, and I can't help you; all it's doing is stressing me out and then we BOTH get freaked out, so can we make it a rule that your health isn't the conversation topic all the time?" or something like that. You can totally set the terms of what is and isn't okay within a friendship, and you have that right to do it for your mental health.

There are tons more resources about setting up boundaries and stuff like that, and I'm sure you can also find resources about spotting a toxic friendship if you google that phrase too. I'm not really an expert, just a schlub that's been there done that got the t-shirt.

Either way, good luck to you! These situations are hella sticky no matter how you tackle them, but hopefully my blabbering is kinda useful.

 

[Parasondox]

Give them a clip around the tab hole and tell them to shut the fuck up and take their damn medicine.

The abusive matron tactic works 100% of the time. Guaranteed.

Okay, I'm going to put that in the "Maybe" pile hoping it doesn't come to that lol.

 

[WolfThomas]

I think of the "sick role". Basically if you're sick you have two rights:
The sick person is exempt from normal social roles
The sick person is not responsible for their condition

But also two obligations:
The sick person should try to get well
The sick person should seek technically competent help and cooperate with the medical professional

So yeah. If they're not seeking help or trying to get better. They're a dick.

 

[Ed130 The Vanguard]

So their reasoning not to take medication is 'eew yuck' and 'I hate needles' respectively?

To be honest it sounds like they are just being a pussy. Tell them to take their damn meds or forfeit complaining about their poor health.

There could be extenuating circumstances for their whining desire not to take proactive measures, but I doubt it.

 

[K-lusive]

The way I see it, your friend has problem X, for which there is a solution Y.
If a friend doesn't want solution Y then I stop seeing complaints as complaints, I see the friend merely keeping me informed that, regardless of cure Y's existence, he still suffers from problem X.

Well good for you friend, I'll remember not to assume you're doing good yet. Now stfu and pass the controller, we've been over your problems and their answers before and we're not doing so again until new developments arise (either changes in behaviour, symptoms or available treatments).
'Oh my head hurts so muchhh boohoo!' - You dont care for aspirin, I don't care for your headaches. Get treated or man up.

 

[AngloDoom]

I have friends like this and - as someone working toward their nursing degree - I should have patience, try to fully understand why it is they don't want to take the medicine, offer alternatives but ultimately respect their wishes.

As their friend, though, I just tell them to STFU or have the medicine - preferably both.

 

[PatrickXD]

They've weighed the costs and rewards of what you're suggesting in their heads, and have decided that their current level of suffering isn't as bad as the solutions. All you can say is, if you're particularly annoyed, "there's nothing I can do about it, quit complaining".

 

[Parasondox]

Sorry for the very late reply, It's been a busy up and down week.

They've weighed the costs and rewards of what you're suggesting in their heads, and have decided that their current level of suffering isn't as bad as the solutions. All you can say is, if you're particularly annoyed, "there's nothing I can do about it, quit complaining".

But I don't see how having honey and lime/lemon could be more painful that a very long sore throat and cough that would stop you from sleeping at night. The solutions, if she wishes to choose the or not, that I have suggested won't give her a new ever lasting pain. And yeah recent I had to do the "there is nothing more I can do" approach, because anything I suggest will be shot down. Thank you for the thought though.

This is a damn tricky question, to be honest.

On one hand, there may be good reasons your friend just doesn't want to communicate with you. On the other hand, well, I got burned pretty bad by my freshman roommate who pretty much did this whole cycle solely to be the center of attention. She fed off having people meet her 'multiple personalities', getting mad at doctors when they wouldn't take her dictated orders because apparently she knew more about neurochemistry after half a semester of nursing school than their entire degrees, and then trying to solve everything with colloidal silver tinctures. ...while constantly getting in a cycle of taking her medication, feeling better, deciding the medication wasn't doing anything, feeling worse, getting more and more into weird homeopathic 'remedies', getting even worse, finally going back to traditional medicine, getting medication, feeling better, aaand lather rinse repeat.

So yeah, there ARE awful people who use this as a manipulation tactic. However there's going to be other signs if that's what is going on... not to mention a likely pattern of your friend having a sudden 'health crisis' as soon as somebody else in your friend group gets attention.

If I were in your shoes, here's what I would do: assume innocence. ...or at least put up the front of doing so.

You'll probably have a lot more success going "dude, you seem to get turned off by one type of way to help yourself and then never try any alternatives and I'm really worried about you suffering because of this basic stuff" instead of going in with guns blazing and anger everywhere. Frame it more about your concern for them and they'll be more likely to actually make a change and be honest with you, and it won't immediately put them on the defensive.

Hopefully their reaction to that will put a few more cards on the table so that either you can figure out if you're being manipulated or not. But if they come back saying "yeah, it really frustrates me too" and are willing to bounce some ideas back and forth with you, even if it's just one small change at a time, I'd take that as a really good sign. That's the thought process of someone who's genuinely in the shit and just hasn't been able to unfuck themselves yet, so to speak.

And either way, don't be afraid to lay down some boundaries. Yeah, I sound like a beginning counseling textbook here, but whatever, it's a really useful concept. It's totally ok to say to a friend "look, you're dumping too much of this stuff on me, and I can't help you; all it's doing is stressing me out and then we BOTH get freaked out, so can we make it a rule that your health isn't the conversation topic all the time?" or something like that. You can totally set the terms of what is and isn't okay within a friendship, and you have that right to do it for your mental health.

There are tons more resources about setting up boundaries and stuff like that, and I'm sure you can also find resources about spotting a toxic friendship if you google that phrase too. I'm not really an expert, just a schlub that's been there done that got the t-shirt.

Either way, good luck to you! These situations are hella sticky no matter how you tackle them, but hopefully my blabbering is kinda useful.

Thank you for the advice and I have tried the concerned approach but it still ended up with "If I hate something, I will not try it" comment. I then added, "even if you know it would help you", answer to that was still the same. We all hate the taste of something that we know is good for us but we wouldn't dismiss it. I hate the texture and taste of liver but I would still have it when my iron level is low. I think I need more patient really because there is nothing I can do to help them if they refuse. Thank you for the advice and help

 

[Thaluikhain]

Depends on the severity.

Myself, I really don't like Deep Heat and so on, creams to reduce muscle pain. I'd rather complain about the muscle pain than use that horrible stuff. But muscle pain isn't that big a deal (at least not that I've ever had).

Likewise, I'm terrible with needles. I'd put up with a lot rather than have those.

 

[Batou667]

My general rule for people in situations like these is that if they're not willing to take steps to get better, they lose all whinging and moaning rights.

Your tooth still hurts? Did you go to the dentist? No? Then I don't want to hear it.