Spoilers follow for the December 1st episode of Raw.
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Does anyone remember the Cyber Sunday PPV? It was a thing where fans "voted" on match stipulations and opponents and stuff. It didn't last particularly long, and I always had the feeling it was very, very rigged, but it was kind of fun for what it was, I guess. It's back, kind of, for this episode of Raw.
Raw opens with the anonymous general manager's emails being read by Michael Cole. Remember, it was revealed to be Hornswoggle last time, but I assume it's not this time around. The GM talks about how the company will ruined without an authority figure. An announcement is about to be made, but John Cena comes out to interrupt. Cena doesn't like the anonymous GM. The GM interrupts Cena, so Cena goes over to the podium. He closes the laptop. Then Seth Rollins comes out, accompanied by J&J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury), whom I'm glad are sticking around. Rollins and Cena go back and forth for a bit. It's moderately funny. Dolph Ziggler is promoted, which is good, since he did really well at the last PPV.
What Rollins really wants is to try to convince Cena to bring The Authority back to power, since apparently the show will suck without them. But Cena points out that without The Authority, Rollins really has no position to bargain. Cena wants to be asked nicely. Rollins does so, but is denied anyway. The GM makes an announcement: Cena and Rollins will have a Tables Match at TLC. If Cena loses, he forfeits his number one contendership for Brock Lesnar's championship. Rollins and J&J attack Cena, but he fights them off before Kane attacks him from behind. They get a table and look to put Cena through it, but Ryback comes out and takes out all four heels. But Kane gets up and assaults Ryback with a chair, so Erick Rowan comes out, because he hates bullies. This feels like the end of a Raw, not the beginning. Big Show winds up attacking Rowan from behind. Ziggler's out next, and he takes out Big Show. Luke Harper's next, taking out Ziggler. Seriously, this does not feel like an opening segment. The heels eventually regain control, and Cena is triple powerbombed through the table by Rollins and his security team. The Shield 2.0, indeed.
We com back from the commercial with all the faces being helped to the back by officials and doctors.
<color=red>Number One Contender Tag Team Turmoil Match
So, all the tag teams -- all three of them? -- will eventually be in this match. When one team is eliminated, another one comes down. The two starting teams are Goldust/Stardust and The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E, with Xavier Woods). Goldust/Stardust are eliminated after a few moves. Tyson Kidd (with Natalya) and Cesaro are next. Apparently they're a tag team. Or, perhaps, this tournament thing allows any two people to join up for a shot at the titles. The New Day gets eliminated with a roll up after Goldust and Stardust come down to distract them. The Usos are up next. I'm so bored with them. If they wind up challenging for the titles, something has gone wrong. This is the best part of the match, as it actually gets some time to have real wrestling, and also has a bit of a story to it. The Usos eliminated Kidd and Cesaro with a top-rope splash.
We're told that the last tag team in the tournament is Adam Rose and The Bunny. Los Matadores is a team that is nowhere to be seen, apparently. An Uso splash takes them out after miscommunication. The Usos are the number one contenders. Yawn.
Match Rating: **1/2
Naomi is shown watching the TV backstage. The Miz and Damien Sandow talk to her. Miz said he voted for Naomi to be AJ Lee's partner later on tonight. He then says he's got a Hollywood producer's name, and she should give him a call. Vince McMahon is then shown to be entering the building. But he's just here for a podcast.
Erick Rowan is interviewed backstage after the break. Well, he answers a single question, which was why he targeted Big Show. "Because he's a bully." Big Show is down to the ring afterward. He's got a mic. He's going to show us how mean he can really be.
Big Show vs. Erick Rowan
Show dominates Rowan for a good chunk of the match. It's boring. The announcers are so bored that they try to push "Big Red" as Rowan's new nickname. Rowan eventually mounts a comeback, and it's also boring, but at least it's a little faster. Big Show eventually gets disqualified by hitting Rowan with the steel steps.
Match Rating: *1/2
Vince McMahon is then interviewed by Renee Young. He hypes the "Stone Cold" Steve Austin podcast that'll air right after Raw. We get a flashback to last week, when AJ insulted the Bellas. The Bellas will take on AJ and a mystery partner later tonight. This is literally the first "Cyber Monday" thing that's happened.
Fandango's out next, and his opponent is Jack Swagger. But Zeb Colter was attacked backstage, so Swagger never comes down for the match.
Fandango (with Rosa Mendes) vs. Jack Swagger (with Zeb Colter)
Match Rating: N/A
The match never happens, so Fandango wins by disqualification, or perhaps a countout.
Rusev and Lana come down to the ring next. They're not here to deal with Fandango, as I was kind of hoping they would. Lana props up Rusev, as she should, after he defended his championship on Smackdown against 19 other men. Rusev kind of, sort of, admits to attacking Zeb Colter. Lana and Rusev decide to do the Russian Pledge of Allegiance, which is now a thing. Then Jack Swagger comes down, because we're doing this again, apparently. Swagger attacks Rusev, because this is what faces do.
Fernando (with Diego and El Torito) vs. Damien Sandow (with The Miz)
The Miz is on commentary. Sandow more or less squashes Fernando. Fernando gets a little bit of offense in, but that's it. Sandow makes Fernando tap out to the Figure-Four Leg Lock.
Match Rating: *1/2
An Uso (Jimmy?) comes down after the match and attacks The Miz, because Miz gave Naomi, his wife, a business card earlier in the match. Once again, the face unceremoniously attacks the heel. I feel like we need to start a tally of how many times each side of the coin does this. I'd guess it's much closer to 50/50 than one might expect.
R-Truth vs. Bray Wyatt
Gee, I wonder how this is going to go. Either Truth gest squashed or Dean Ambrose interferes. Or maybe The Undertaker returns in a Santa Claus gimmick and he hands out candy to everyone in the audience. Somehow, I think R-Truth winning cleanly would be less likely than that.
Wyatt squashes R-Truth, as you'd expect, but he takes several minutes to do it. Why? I guess a whole segment needed to be taken up.
Match Rating: *1/2
Bray Wyatt starts filling the ring with all sorts of foreign objects Michael Cole asks us what Wyatt was doing, and perhaps we'll never find out, since we cut to a commercial break as soon as this happens. Gee, WWE really is good at this whole "getting the audience involved" thing.
We come back from the break with a ladder set up, the lights dimmed, and Wyatt telling us a story. Dean Ambrose eventually comes down to interrupt. He and Wyatt brawl for a bit. Ambrose does his crazy things. It's all supposed to hype TLC, but I don't know. This seems so very much like filler. Ambrose beats up Wyatt's rocking chair, which devastates Wyatt for reasons that will probably never be explained.
The Bella Twins (Nikki Bella and Brie Bella) vs. AJ Lee and Naomi
Naomi won the vote. I don't know if it was rigged, but Miz did say that she was wrestling later, so who knows? Nikki and Brie work over Naomi for the early portion of the match. AJ eventually gets in and dominates. A little chaos ensues, and AJ winds up making Nikki tap out to the Black Widow. It was exciting, even if it was short.
Match Rating: **1/2
A Santa Claus segment -- no, it's not The Undertaker; it's Mick Foley, along with his daughter dressed as an elf -- happens next. He advertises the WWE Shop merchandise. It's kind of funny, I guess, if only because it's Mick Foley.
Paul Heyman is interviewed live via satellite. Heyman tries to sell us on how it's totally okay if Brock Lesnar only shows up a few times a year. He goes on for too long, but it's fun to see Heyman.
John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, and Ryback vs. Seth Rollins, Kane, and Luke Harper (with Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury)
It's interesting to see just how little Cena sells. Ryback and Ziggler suffered injuries in the opening segment, as did Cena, but only the non-Cena members of this tag team have actually sold it longer than a segment.
Another random commercial break happens in the middle of this match. It really makes you wonder who's directing Raw tonight, as this has now happened twice, when it usually doesn't happen at all. We return from the commercial break with Ryback still dominating Luke Harper, which is how we left, but it's still stupid.
The match is far less exciting than you'd hope, especially since it's just a smaller, one-fall version of the Survivor Series main event, which was all sorts of fun. This one is slower, has no stakes, and goes on for way too long.
Ziggler winds up with the win after a sunset flip pin. No, seriously. Harper went for a powerbomb, Ziggler flipped, and he got the pin.
Match Rating: **
Everyone beats up everyone after the match. Big Show ends up coming down and taking out all the faces. Erick Rowan winds up walking down the ramp with steel steps over his head. He takes out some heels. Cena hits an AA on Big Show, and then Rowan gets to use the steps on Big Show. The faces get to celebrate to end Raw.
The Good: Um...
The Bad: Most of it.
Match of the Night: Brie/Nikki vs. AJ/Naomi.
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Does anyone remember the Cyber Sunday PPV? It was a thing where fans "voted" on match stipulations and opponents and stuff. It didn't last particularly long, and I always had the feeling it was very, very rigged, but it was kind of fun for what it was, I guess. It's back, kind of, for this episode of Raw.
Raw opens with the anonymous general manager's emails being read by Michael Cole. Remember, it was revealed to be Hornswoggle last time, but I assume it's not this time around. The GM talks about how the company will ruined without an authority figure. An announcement is about to be made, but John Cena comes out to interrupt. Cena doesn't like the anonymous GM. The GM interrupts Cena, so Cena goes over to the podium. He closes the laptop. Then Seth Rollins comes out, accompanied by J&J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury), whom I'm glad are sticking around. Rollins and Cena go back and forth for a bit. It's moderately funny. Dolph Ziggler is promoted, which is good, since he did really well at the last PPV.
What Rollins really wants is to try to convince Cena to bring The Authority back to power, since apparently the show will suck without them. But Cena points out that without The Authority, Rollins really has no position to bargain. Cena wants to be asked nicely. Rollins does so, but is denied anyway. The GM makes an announcement: Cena and Rollins will have a Tables Match at TLC. If Cena loses, he forfeits his number one contendership for Brock Lesnar's championship. Rollins and J&J attack Cena, but he fights them off before Kane attacks him from behind. They get a table and look to put Cena through it, but Ryback comes out and takes out all four heels. But Kane gets up and assaults Ryback with a chair, so Erick Rowan comes out, because he hates bullies. This feels like the end of a Raw, not the beginning. Big Show winds up attacking Rowan from behind. Ziggler's out next, and he takes out Big Show. Luke Harper's next, taking out Ziggler. Seriously, this does not feel like an opening segment. The heels eventually regain control, and Cena is triple powerbombed through the table by Rollins and his security team. The Shield 2.0, indeed.
We com back from the commercial with all the faces being helped to the back by officials and doctors.
<color=red>Number One Contender Tag Team Turmoil Match
So, all the tag teams -- all three of them? -- will eventually be in this match. When one team is eliminated, another one comes down. The two starting teams are Goldust/Stardust and The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E, with Xavier Woods). Goldust/Stardust are eliminated after a few moves. Tyson Kidd (with Natalya) and Cesaro are next. Apparently they're a tag team. Or, perhaps, this tournament thing allows any two people to join up for a shot at the titles. The New Day gets eliminated with a roll up after Goldust and Stardust come down to distract them. The Usos are up next. I'm so bored with them. If they wind up challenging for the titles, something has gone wrong. This is the best part of the match, as it actually gets some time to have real wrestling, and also has a bit of a story to it. The Usos eliminated Kidd and Cesaro with a top-rope splash.
We're told that the last tag team in the tournament is Adam Rose and The Bunny. Los Matadores is a team that is nowhere to be seen, apparently. An Uso splash takes them out after miscommunication. The Usos are the number one contenders. Yawn.
Match Rating: **1/2
Naomi is shown watching the TV backstage. The Miz and Damien Sandow talk to her. Miz said he voted for Naomi to be AJ Lee's partner later on tonight. He then says he's got a Hollywood producer's name, and she should give him a call. Vince McMahon is then shown to be entering the building. But he's just here for a podcast.
Erick Rowan is interviewed backstage after the break. Well, he answers a single question, which was why he targeted Big Show. "Because he's a bully." Big Show is down to the ring afterward. He's got a mic. He's going to show us how mean he can really be.
Big Show vs. Erick Rowan
Show dominates Rowan for a good chunk of the match. It's boring. The announcers are so bored that they try to push "Big Red" as Rowan's new nickname. Rowan eventually mounts a comeback, and it's also boring, but at least it's a little faster. Big Show eventually gets disqualified by hitting Rowan with the steel steps.
Match Rating: *1/2
Vince McMahon is then interviewed by Renee Young. He hypes the "Stone Cold" Steve Austin podcast that'll air right after Raw. We get a flashback to last week, when AJ insulted the Bellas. The Bellas will take on AJ and a mystery partner later tonight. This is literally the first "Cyber Monday" thing that's happened.
Fandango's out next, and his opponent is Jack Swagger. But Zeb Colter was attacked backstage, so Swagger never comes down for the match.
Fandango (with Rosa Mendes) vs. Jack Swagger (with Zeb Colter)
Match Rating: N/A
The match never happens, so Fandango wins by disqualification, or perhaps a countout.
Rusev and Lana come down to the ring next. They're not here to deal with Fandango, as I was kind of hoping they would. Lana props up Rusev, as she should, after he defended his championship on Smackdown against 19 other men. Rusev kind of, sort of, admits to attacking Zeb Colter. Lana and Rusev decide to do the Russian Pledge of Allegiance, which is now a thing. Then Jack Swagger comes down, because we're doing this again, apparently. Swagger attacks Rusev, because this is what faces do.
Fernando (with Diego and El Torito) vs. Damien Sandow (with The Miz)
The Miz is on commentary. Sandow more or less squashes Fernando. Fernando gets a little bit of offense in, but that's it. Sandow makes Fernando tap out to the Figure-Four Leg Lock.
Match Rating: *1/2
An Uso (Jimmy?) comes down after the match and attacks The Miz, because Miz gave Naomi, his wife, a business card earlier in the match. Once again, the face unceremoniously attacks the heel. I feel like we need to start a tally of how many times each side of the coin does this. I'd guess it's much closer to 50/50 than one might expect.
R-Truth vs. Bray Wyatt
Gee, I wonder how this is going to go. Either Truth gest squashed or Dean Ambrose interferes. Or maybe The Undertaker returns in a Santa Claus gimmick and he hands out candy to everyone in the audience. Somehow, I think R-Truth winning cleanly would be less likely than that.
Wyatt squashes R-Truth, as you'd expect, but he takes several minutes to do it. Why? I guess a whole segment needed to be taken up.
Match Rating: *1/2
Bray Wyatt starts filling the ring with all sorts of foreign objects Michael Cole asks us what Wyatt was doing, and perhaps we'll never find out, since we cut to a commercial break as soon as this happens. Gee, WWE really is good at this whole "getting the audience involved" thing.
We come back from the break with a ladder set up, the lights dimmed, and Wyatt telling us a story. Dean Ambrose eventually comes down to interrupt. He and Wyatt brawl for a bit. Ambrose does his crazy things. It's all supposed to hype TLC, but I don't know. This seems so very much like filler. Ambrose beats up Wyatt's rocking chair, which devastates Wyatt for reasons that will probably never be explained.
The Bella Twins (Nikki Bella and Brie Bella) vs. AJ Lee and Naomi
Naomi won the vote. I don't know if it was rigged, but Miz did say that she was wrestling later, so who knows? Nikki and Brie work over Naomi for the early portion of the match. AJ eventually gets in and dominates. A little chaos ensues, and AJ winds up making Nikki tap out to the Black Widow. It was exciting, even if it was short.
Match Rating: **1/2
A Santa Claus segment -- no, it's not The Undertaker; it's Mick Foley, along with his daughter dressed as an elf -- happens next. He advertises the WWE Shop merchandise. It's kind of funny, I guess, if only because it's Mick Foley.
Paul Heyman is interviewed live via satellite. Heyman tries to sell us on how it's totally okay if Brock Lesnar only shows up a few times a year. He goes on for too long, but it's fun to see Heyman.
John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, and Ryback vs. Seth Rollins, Kane, and Luke Harper (with Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury)
It's interesting to see just how little Cena sells. Ryback and Ziggler suffered injuries in the opening segment, as did Cena, but only the non-Cena members of this tag team have actually sold it longer than a segment.
Another random commercial break happens in the middle of this match. It really makes you wonder who's directing Raw tonight, as this has now happened twice, when it usually doesn't happen at all. We return from the commercial break with Ryback still dominating Luke Harper, which is how we left, but it's still stupid.
The match is far less exciting than you'd hope, especially since it's just a smaller, one-fall version of the Survivor Series main event, which was all sorts of fun. This one is slower, has no stakes, and goes on for way too long.
Ziggler winds up with the win after a sunset flip pin. No, seriously. Harper went for a powerbomb, Ziggler flipped, and he got the pin.
Match Rating: **
Everyone beats up everyone after the match. Big Show ends up coming down and taking out all the faces. Erick Rowan winds up walking down the ramp with steel steps over his head. He takes out some heels. Cena hits an AA on Big Show, and then Rowan gets to use the steps on Big Show. The faces get to celebrate to end Raw.
The Good: Um...
The Bad: Most of it.
Match of the Night: Brie/Nikki vs. AJ/Naomi.
<color=D6D9DA>_________________________________________________________________________________
If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
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Talk to me on the Twitter, <url=https://twitter.com/martertweet>@martertweet.
