Really Bad Jokes

[Omega 380]

My cousin told me this one:
Why the dog don't has feathers?
Because he has fur.
Yes this was a joke(at least he said it was).

 

[keve4433]

Spoiler: What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

hurrhurrhurrr!

 

[MrGameluvr92]

Alright, I've got a good one. It's long but bear with me:

"Three friends die in a car accident, and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?' The first guy says, 'I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor in my time and a great family man.' The second guy says, 'I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.' The last guy replies, 'I would like to hear them say...look, he's moving!'

 

[Wobbigone]

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He got his gas bill.

___________________________________


What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

_____________________________________

Those are some of the worst i've ever heard. xD

Whats 2ft tall and can't turn around in corridors? A baby with a javelin through its head

Abortion. It really brings out the kid in you


(Donate to your nearest charity or the Red Cross Japan Flood Appeal if you laughed to make up for it!)

 

[Joepow]

Rorschach: I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he?s depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, ?Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.? Man bursts into tears. Says, ?But doctor? I am Pagliacci.? Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

I always found that joke a bit sad...

 

[MrGameluvr92]

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Think about it.

 

[T-Bone24]

It's quite sad how the world's biggest jazz orchestra can't be televised because of all the sax and violins.

 

[C95J]

What's grey and can't climb trees?

A car park.




Why was 6 afraid of 7?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.




I'm here all week.

 

[Kadoodle]

http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/longest-joke-ever.html

/ Every joke related thread EVER

I want half an hour of my life back, NOW.

 

[ilspooner]

Knock knock.
Whos there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bath tub, I'm dwowning!
My brother always tells that joke. D:

 

[DragonBorn96]

What cheese can you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone -.-

 

[Jaebird]

A man calls the doctor, and says, "Hey Doc, I think my wife is dead." The doctor says, "You think?" The man says, "Well, sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up."

 

[Nostalgia Ripoff]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it way dead ! XD XD XD

But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

 

[team star pug]

http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/longest-joke-ever.html

/ Every joke related thread EVER

OH GOOD GOD! It took me an hour to finish that joke! jesus...

 

[Dfskelleton]

When I was trying to think of one I heard from someone , I randomly thought the word combination "Phone Boner."
I'M AN IMMATURE IDIOT.

Am I immature for laughing so hard at this?

If it happened to both of us, then there must be some scientific reason upon why that word combo is so amusing. I MUST KNOW. I MUST KNOW THE SECRET OF PHONE BONER.

 

[Ignatz_Zwakh]

Why is the Norse Pantheon of gods not quite as well-known as the other pantheons?

Coz they're Loki....

Get it? Low-key? Loki!

 

[The Paradigm]

Where do one-legged people work?






IHOP

 

[Singularly Datarific]

Its brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A stick!

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Spoiler

DUNG!!!