REPORT: Apple Blames Ghost of Steve Jobs for iCloud Breach

[PsychicTaco115]

[Img_Inline width="240" height="240" Caption="Steve's eyes follow you, an obvious sign of otherworldly influence"]http://i.imgur.com/ZS6BiLb.jpg[/Img_Inline]

After a series of celebrity nude pictures being leaked to the public, Apple has finally issued a press release: the ghost of Steve Jobs has compromised the security of iCloud.

"We here at Apple are thoroughly spooked but we want to make sure that customer support is always placed before our spooks" said Apple CEO Tim Cook.

When asked how a thing could possibly happen and what Apple plans to do about this, Cook was quick to respond.

"Honestly, we have no idea how this happened. We all thought Steve had gone to the afterlife peacefully but obviously his soul still has business on Earth. What it could be is anyone's guest but it obviously has to deal with celebrities and them being nude."

"We've also contacted a special group of priests to examine the servers and if necessary, to perform an exorcism. We'll probably use an Ouija board to make contact and then use piles of money to lure the ghost out. We're also devoting a large amount of our resources to make proton packs a reality" said Cook.

Cook also added that this possible supernatural occurrence will not delay the iPhone 6 reveal, scheduled to take place on September 9th

-TACO NEWS: Doesn't Have Leaked Nudes... Yet
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[DefunctTheory]

Could we have stumbled upon the plot of the new Ghostbuster's movie we've been waiting for forever?

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Those proton packs may take awhile. In the meantime I suggest Apple make a protective ring of media devices that aren't limted to proprietary file formats around the iCloud servers to keep the ghost at bay until a more long term solution can be found.

 

[SirDerpy]

You know, this is one of those days where I'm glad I have the "Cloud to Butt" plugin.

REPORT: Apple Blames Ghost of Steve Jobs for iButt Breach

 

[Doclector]

He's probably pissed that apple haven't released a new and entirely unnecessary version of the ipod for a while.

 

[JoJo]

Anyone-else got the leaked nudes of Taco yet? Oh my... ;-)

On-topic, I guess this brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'ghost in the machine', who knows what he'll do next? Here's hoping he doesn't find a way to hack into Google and Android >.>

 

[Asita]

Calling it now, it's either a false flag[footnote]Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...brb, have a sudden craving for flag cake[/footnote] or 4chan. I'm not sure which option is worse. But seriously, haunted by his ghost? Everybody knows that only robots can do that, and then only if a modem is buried near them. The idea of a human ghost doing that is just a bunch of superstitious mumbo jumbo. Unless...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just come to a disturbing conclusion...Steve Jobs was really an android. *sagenod*

 

[Tony2077]

Could we have stumbled upon the plot of the new Ghostbuster's movie we've been waiting for forever?

who you gonna call


some one else

 

[Sea Sponge]

The secret to stopping leaked nudes getting out is to STOP TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF FOR CAMERAS.

Steve Jobs ghost, leaking nude pictures because boobs.

 

[Andy Shandy]

Anyone-else got the leaked nudes of Taco yet? Oh my... ;-)

On-topic, I guess this brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'ghost in the machine', who knows what he'll do next? Here's hoping he doesn't find a way to hack into Google and Android >.>

Spoiler: I got them right here (NSFW duh)

That sick pervert, spreading himself out like that. Won't somebody think of the children?!

 

[ultratog1028]

Quite funny.

But in all reality, people (well at least technological inept people) don't realize that Cloud services aren't magical data saved in the Aether. They are saved on servers. I simply don't place anything on a dropbox or cloud device that i don't want leaked and wouldn't be afraid of losing.

I still think Portable Harddrives are better then cloud storage. Harder to get accessed by third parties (and if so they have to be local) useable without internet connections, fairly universal, instant access and can't get deleted if you don't pay a fee or an accident occurs on the server.

The cloud just isn't as good as it could be for the moment. This is a perfect example why.

 

[yamy]

Quite funny.

But in all reality, people (well at least technological inept people) don't realize that Cloud services aren't magical data saved in the Aether. They are saved on servers. I simply don't place anything on a dropbox or cloud device that i don't want leaked and wouldn't be afraid of losing.

I still think Portable Harddrives are better then cloud storage. Harder to get accessed by third parties (and if so they have to be local) useable without internet connections, fairly universal, instant access and can't get deleted if you don't pay a fee or an accident occurs on the server.

The cloud just isn't as good as it could be for the moment. This is a perfect example why.

It really depends what volume of data you're talking about.

If you're thinking about personal use for data under a few TB, taking into account your internet speed, local storage is probably a better option.

If you're a small company that just starting out offloading your data to an offsite data bank 'in the cloud' can sometimes be a more cost effective option than having to worry about hosting, running and maintaining your own server.

The other thing is access- most people don't bring their portable storage with them everywhere. But you can almost always get internet (depending where you live).

 

[ultratog1028]

Quite funny.

But in all reality, people (well at least technological inept people) don't realize that Cloud services aren't magical data saved in the Aether. They are saved on servers. I simply don't place anything on a dropbox or cloud device that i don't want leaked and wouldn't be afraid of losing.

I still think Portable Harddrives are better then cloud storage. Harder to get accessed by third parties (and if so they have to be local) useable without internet connections, fairly universal, instant access and can't get deleted if you don't pay a fee or an accident occurs on the server.

The cloud just isn't as good as it could be for the moment. This is a perfect example why.

It really depends what volume of data you're talking about.

If you're thinking about personal use for data under a few TB, taking into account your internet speed, local storage is probably a better option.

If you're a small company that just starting out offloading your data to an offsite data bank 'in the cloud' can sometimes be a more cost effective option than having to worry about hosting, running and maintaining your own server.

The other thing is access- most people don't bring their portable storage with them everywhere. But you can almost always get internet (depending where you live).

well exactly. Businesses or artists have need of the cloud, but if you aren't using stupid amounts of data you have no need for it. How many devices do you REALLY need to access Vacation photos quickly with?

 

[Vault101]

Quite funny.
But in all reality, people (well at least technological inept people) don't realize that Cloud services aren't magical data saved in the Aether. They are saved on servers. I simply don't place anything on a dropbox or cloud device that i don't want leaked and wouldn't be afraid of losing.

I'm not technically savy by most standards but it seems to me this technology has been around for a while and then when they attatched the magic word "cloud" to it all of a sudden it was new and exciting

like how my sister was talking about some "cloud" thing how you have it on the "cloud" and it "goes through the air" like dude we have Wi Fi its been "going through the air the whole time"

way people talk about it its like we found a way to sotre computer data in vapour drops

 

[Mikeybb]

I just knew this was all a ruse.
Thankyou for being the voice of truth, Taco!

 

[Do4600]

This just strengthens my suspicion that Apple products are made by assholes for incredibly gullible, stupid people who couldn't even find the "cup-holder" on a Linux machine.