REPORT: Electronic Arts Announces Episodic Format for All Games

[PsychicTaco115]

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Electronic Arts has announced that it will now start releasing all games in an episodic format, specifically in 15 minute increments.

"We want to brand ourselves as new, cooler conglomerate. We want to appeal to the new core market of mobile users because everyone has phones that they whip out whenever Uncle Bob's racist rants against Obama start. Our content will be able to enjoyed in shorter and shorter bursts that will be able to be enjoyed by all" said Peter O'Reilly, Senior Marketing Director.

When asked if this will go back on their promise to be kinder to PC users, O'Reilly rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Do you really think we want those NEET's tainting our image as a good company? If we wanted people to rage and ***** over numbers on their computer screen, we'd go and read the World of Warcraft forums. Here's a free business tip for all PC gamers; Valve's got you by the balls and having a higher screen resolution won't get you a girlfriend."

"This is the first stage of our corporate strategy. I personally hope that we release all of our gaming content in 15 second increments. As the human attention span goes down the toilet, this will give us a chance to be able to keep players long-term. I'm pretty sure there's not a law against this so this gets the EA corporate seal of approval" said O'Reilly.

While this is new business venture does have its definite drawbacks, the motto for EA has always been to challenge everything, including their consumer patience

<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99INnnaMHFE>Source

-TACO News: Like Jesus, Comes and Goes

 

[Gethsemani_v1legacy]

Finally! I've always hated how much time I had to invest in games. Finally a game developer understands that I don't want to play a game for longer then 15 minutes at a time (which is almost too much, I'd prefer like 7-10 minutes) and makes games in formats that appeal to me!

 

[Barbas]

You're getting better and better, Taco. A couple of these lines were absolute comedy gems.

 

[ffronw]

TACO News! Welcome back.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

TACO News! Welcome back.

Good to be back c:

You're getting better and better, Taco. A couple of these lines were absolute comedy gems.

Glad you enjoyed, I try ^u^

I'd prefer like 7-10 minutes

Don't worry, focus testing should be able to help bring that number down. EA likes its focus testing

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

EA likes its focus testing

I think the straws and white powdery substance on their meeting tables says the same thing. Oh, and welcome back, Taco.

 

[Chester Rabbit]

You asshole Taco! I literally read that and sighed out an "aw fuck me" and facepalmed Picard style.

Then I desperately looked at the poster of this thread and was relieved to see it was you.

Still fuck you for almost killing a small percentage of my soul.

 

[Bobular]

Sure it sounds good, I mean who hasn't been asking for 15 second gaming episodes, but who in their right mind is going to believe that EA will actually stick to this?

After all their broken promises in the past I'll believe this when I actually see it. Until then I'll have to make due with X-Com 2, which seems to be draining HOURS out of my day.

 

[Windcaler]

Even though I know this is Taco news, it actually sounds pretty plausible considering the publisher were talking about. They already make their games as bland and shallow as possible while saying its more "accessible". Making said experiences shorter seems like something right up their alley as long as they can still get you to pay $60 for the base game and $50-200 in haphazardly developed DLC

 

[ninja51]

Whew... You had me goin there till I saw the TACO at the end. I've seen EA execs talk this pompously and shit on PC users before so it was actually sounding pretty terrifyingly plausible the whole way through hahaha good one TACO, good one.

 

[Arnoxthe1]

If we wanted people to rage and ***** over numbers on their computer screen, we'd go and read the World of Warcraft forums. Here's a free business tip for all PC gamers; Valve's got you by the balls and having a higher screen resolution won't get you a girlfriend.

I lol'd. It is sad to say though that Valve really does have us all by the balls with Steam.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

-snip-

Taco, as funny as this is... Please stop giving EA ideas. They're probably going to try this now.

 

[MHR]

We've officially reached the future.

Trump will ban the muslims, Facebook advertises direct to your brain, Soylent Green is people, and EA cuts up your games and slowly vomits them into your mouth bit by bit like a horrible bloated bird.

Edit: Punk'd >.>

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Dear sweet lord, you just about gave me a rage-induced heart attack.

Ahhh. Breathing.

But, yes, teh funs. That last line was a pretty good one, sir.

 

[Strazdas]

This was very good. Also finally someone besides me made a joke about them challenging everything.

 

[Lunar Templar]

I thought that head line sounded a little to dumb a move, even for EA.

good to see these are back in any event.

 

[FPLOON]

*thinks* So, they're going the [Adult Swim] route of gaming entertainment?Maybe now, they can work on that Burnout reboot that I'm just now telling them to do right now...

 

[Catfood220]

Well cutting up the Fifa games should make things interesting.

Thanks for playing Arsenal Vs Stoke. Coming in 2 months times, Aston Villa Vs Sunderland. Buy the Season Pass now, only ?300.

Oh shit, I'm giving EA ideas. Damn.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Rocket league has the 5min addictive quality, all they need to do is sell each match seperately like an arcade machine straight to your home. Oh wait, they don't read these forums, do they??

 

[chozo_hybrid]

When I saw the headline, I didn't think it would be a Taco thread, you got me.