REPORT: New Edge-o-Meter Measures Internet Edginess

PsychicTaco115

I've Been Having These Weird Dreams Lately...
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Apr 10, 2020
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Scientists world-wide have released the official Edge-o-Meter, a chart used to see how annoyingly antagonistic something is.

"Personally, I'd say it's one of the most critical things to happen to the Internet as a whole. People finally have a way to see how mature and hardcore someone is through text now! The information age just got an intelligence enhancement pill. I'm confident in saying the research done by us will forever change anonymous interactions" said Rick Martin, professional edgeologist.

Martin went into further detail about the factors that went into creating the chart.

"There's always a few tells that an edge-master has to reveal their actual power level. Sonic OC's, nu-metal, various posts on social media about how they don't care, Hot Topic shopping receipts, it's all recorded. By doing maths stuff, we calculate a metric system based on how many kioledges a person has. This job isn't all fun and games though, I have seen things no man should be forced to witness. Yeah, I said man; whatcha gonna do, call me a misogynist?"

"The point is that if you see too much of the edge, then the edge starts to look back at you. It has that weird eye thing from Naruto because it just loves anime so much. The edge is a force that can kill many a person if not handled correctly. That is the curse of all things anime, video games and music online. We are in the belly of the Internet and it is bleeding to death" said Martin.

<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4q7xeS000M>Source

-TACO News: Leading Institute on the Study of Memes
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CrystalShadow

don't upset the insane catgirl
Apr 11, 2009
3,829
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Is this the time to bring back... Edge?

How about edgy edgerton's hedge edger?

I think we need more Edge over here.
Somebody get me an infusion of Edgy, stat!

What? No, I don't know what that means either.
What do I look like? A doctor or something!?

Shoo!

I have to groom my tail now.
~ahem!~
Alone!?
... Thank you... >_>
 

Pirate Of PC Master race

Rambles about half of the time
Jun 14, 2013
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Bah, so science has done something complete useless. We already have "Your mom edge measurement" - completely accurate assessment of edginess via measuring how disapproving your own mother is to said media.
 

tippy2k2

Beloved Tyrant
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Apr 3, 2020
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Personally, I feel like a numerical perspective is much easier to handle. For example, I feel that "BADASS" would be much better represented as...



Thank you! I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiters!
 

Kolby Jack

Come at me scrublord, I'm ripped
Apr 29, 2011
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People need meters just to know how edgy they are? Fucking amateurs, over here.
 

KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime

Lolita Style, The Best Style!
Jan 12, 2010
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You know you've reached the elite vanguard of the edge when you mysteriously wake up to find your self set of black armor, clutching a giant sword that's so edgy it technically has six bladed edges. Well you won't know... But I do.
 

bartholen_v1legacy

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Jan 24, 2009
3,056
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I'm so edgy that when I cut things I actually get sharper. Try and beat that, bitches! Also, I haven't joined Tumblr or Deviantart out of fear of driving all the edgy artists and bloggers to suicide, because upon my joining they'd realize they'll never be as edgy as I am!
 

000Ronald

New member
Mar 7, 2008
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I watched a Filthy Frank video one time and was left in a catatonic stupor for three weeks. How edgy does that make me?
 

Supernova1138

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Oct 24, 2011
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The edginess meter needs one more level, it doesn't include the edgiest of them all, Not Important from Hatred, a being so edgy it comes right back around and becomes funny instead.
 

FPLOON

Your #1 Source for the Dino Porn
Jul 10, 2013
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CrystalShadow said:
-edge snip-
Like an Edge-or-Skedge?

OT: I'm so edgy I've jerked off to all three Boku OVAs... with my parent's permission... :p
 

secretkeeper12

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Jun 14, 2012
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Converting these metrics into presidential candidates, we have:

Hillary Clinton (mainstream, unoffensive. A generic stick)
Ben Carson (anti-Islam, outsider. A pair of adult scissors)
Bernie Sanders (socialist, lifelong independent. A CutCo® pizza cutter)
Donald Trump (OMG SO NOT PC XDDDDD. A dull knife, the most dangerous kind)

Despite having 14+ candidates, Republicans only need one to edgify their whole base. And what a glorious spectacle it is!
 

Atmos Duality

New member
Mar 3, 2010
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I'm eagerly awaiting a similar device to measure "Pretense", "Douchebag-itude", and "Pure-Hipster".
Not sure any of those models would survive contact with the Internet now, but I'm confident science will find a way!
 

vallorn

Tunnel Open, Communication Open.
Nov 18, 2009
2,307
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It's going to be nice to see what happens if you point it at /b/... We might need to take this up to 11 and witness an edge so sharp that it's a fractal that's just edge all the way down.