- Mar 17, 2012
- 5,950
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- United States
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In a stunning new development in computing technology, a man has gotten the worst kind of cancer available today after browsing Twitter for a few hours. TACO News managed to get to talk to him after he had recovered slightly. His name has been removed to keep his privacy and prevent doxxings from others.
"The things I've seen would have been enough to kill any normal man but I am no mere mortal. I've weathered the worst that the internet had to offer including Two Girls, One Cup, 4chan gore, hardcore yiffing and all other assorted things. I'm not too sure if all the stress caught up to me or if this new generation of shit-posters is getting stronger but all I know is that I've probably keked my last kek" said [REDACTED].
We talked further in order to get a fuller understanding of what happened to him and what possible repercussions it brings with it.
"All I know was that I was looking at the political and social issue Twitter hashtags and the stuff in them... You know that scene in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, where all the Nazis get their faces melted? That would have been a preferable fate. From both sides, the shit-flinging made my eyeballs bleed from the inside and poison my body."
"I'm definitely suing those Twitter staff yahoos who think that anyone could be able to handle such high levels of toxicity. Remember, nuclear radiation won't give you super powers and neither will this. It'll just make you cry and have a headache or in my case, literally give you cancer. I just hope I get my own hashtag movement or something. It's the least people can do for giving me this horrible pain in the first place" said [REDACTED].
It is unknown if this unfortunate victim of circumstances will live through the procedure in order to remove the 5 pound tumor in his brain. This event helps to illustrate that even the most weathered of us can't hold up to human stupidity.
We would like to remind that while the victim's identity is being kept under wraps, we want to state that the victim is NOT TotalBiscuit. He had cancer way before this.
Source
-TACO News: The Final Form of Cancer
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.873905-REPORT-Netflix-to-Launch-Porn-Streaming-Service>Netflix to Launch Porn Streaming Service
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In a stunning new development in computing technology, a man has gotten the worst kind of cancer available today after browsing Twitter for a few hours. TACO News managed to get to talk to him after he had recovered slightly. His name has been removed to keep his privacy and prevent doxxings from others.
"The things I've seen would have been enough to kill any normal man but I am no mere mortal. I've weathered the worst that the internet had to offer including Two Girls, One Cup, 4chan gore, hardcore yiffing and all other assorted things. I'm not too sure if all the stress caught up to me or if this new generation of shit-posters is getting stronger but all I know is that I've probably keked my last kek" said [REDACTED].
We talked further in order to get a fuller understanding of what happened to him and what possible repercussions it brings with it.
"All I know was that I was looking at the political and social issue Twitter hashtags and the stuff in them... You know that scene in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, where all the Nazis get their faces melted? That would have been a preferable fate. From both sides, the shit-flinging made my eyeballs bleed from the inside and poison my body."
"I'm definitely suing those Twitter staff yahoos who think that anyone could be able to handle such high levels of toxicity. Remember, nuclear radiation won't give you super powers and neither will this. It'll just make you cry and have a headache or in my case, literally give you cancer. I just hope I get my own hashtag movement or something. It's the least people can do for giving me this horrible pain in the first place" said [REDACTED].
It is unknown if this unfortunate victim of circumstances will live through the procedure in order to remove the 5 pound tumor in his brain. This event helps to illustrate that even the most weathered of us can't hold up to human stupidity.
We would like to remind that while the victim's identity is being kept under wraps, we want to state that the victim is NOT TotalBiscuit. He had cancer way before this.
Source
-TACO News: The Final Form of Cancer
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.873905-REPORT-Netflix-to-Launch-Porn-Streaming-Service>Netflix to Launch Porn Streaming Service
[/color]