Review: Velvet Assassin

[13lackfriday]

Hmm...the gameplay looked a bit clumsy, but the atmosphere was definitely very solid and convincing.

The Morphine Mode...urgh.
Looks like it could come in handy in a pinch, at times, but did they really need to sprinkle the rose petals down in the midst of it?
I'm sure we all have our own unique trips.
And really, the nudity?

 

[Metalrocks]

sometimes i ask my self how you people get payed for reviewing games. how do you get a job like this?

 

[esserius]

Now if you could drink that wine bottle, get intoxicated and seduce the men, sleep with them and then slit their throats, that would be awesome. Also slightly deranged, but then again this is a game filled with Nazis. Or play the harmonica to get guards to come to you, or use the telescope to see far off enemies... yeah, toys would be cool if you could actually do something with them. Stats just make it seem like a poor man's Fallout 3 and that game was probably one of the biggest train wrecks in recent memory. I want an assassin game where your mission is to kill the lord of ice cream, you come from the army of milk chocolate and you must smother him in your chocolate-y goodness to get him to die. I miss when games were strange. Realism sucks, we have reality for that. It's as real as I don't want it to be.

How does anybody get a job metal? Just be better at it than someone else, and/or know someone. That's the extent of the job market and it's not fair in either case. Again, this is why realism blows.

 

[traceur_]

I get the "can't distinguish between dreams and reality" as a plausible reason to get her clothes off but the rose petals? Come on.

I was expecting a cool fantasy assassin game but now I see that it's yet another fucking WW2 game. Thank you Susan for saving me 80$.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

I always found that walking around in a nightie while on morphine sums up a lot of my dreams, so kudos to the realism there.

I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, was I?

 

[Metalrocks]

How does anybody get a job metal? Just be better at it than someone else, and/or know someone. That's the extent of the job market and it's not fair in either case. Again, this is why realism blows.

lol. very true with the realism. unfortunately i don't know any one who could guide me in the right direction. it's not like you find a add in the papers.

 

[Asehujiko]

Wow, you really thought Violette was pretty? From the neck down, sure, she's totally yowza, but man, I just thought they did horrible things to her face. Really poor skin tone, for example. Well, I thought so, anyway - tastes do vary.

Interesting point about upping the difficulty level, though. Not sure it would save this particular game, but it's something to consider.

It doesn't. The only difference is that you die faster once the local Thule Society psychic transmitted your location to the minds of the enemies and that everybody except you gains the survivability of a Königstiger.

 

[Susan Arendt]

I didn't think it's as terrible as most professional reviews make it out to be. Brad at GiantBomb pretty much destroyed it as well, and the metacritic average is down in the dumps.

Sure, it's not perfect, could have used a lot of polish on some areas, but it has a lot of good qualities.

And I think people play it wrong, based on the video reviews I've seen.

And like in the video companion thing to this review, the part about silhouette and how Violette should be hidden, it only really works if they aren't searching for you or checking out suspicious sounds. The soldier clearly heard something suspicious, came looking, stood right next to you and found you. There is no mystery there.

Just saying.

Point taken, but that wasn't the only time it happened to me at all. And while it's entirely possible that my character made some noise that tipped off the guards, it too frequently wasn't obvious what I'd done to attract their attention. That was really the major frustration - tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can try to avoid doing it next time. The random guesswork just made it a chore.

As I said in the review, the game isn't terrible, it's just not very good, which is a shame exactly because of the good things it has to offer.

sometimes i ask my self how you people get payed for reviewing games. how do you get a job like this?

In my personal case, you do it for free for about five years, then luckily find yourself in the right place at the right time with the right experience and set of skills. Then work your ass off some more.

 

[Aptspire]

The last game to put that much effort into its voice actors for me was Secret Weapons Over Normandy (the enemy pilots would mostly speak in their language of origin)

 

[maximara]

And like in the video companion thing to this review, the part about silhouette and how Violette should be hidden, it only really works if they aren't searching for you or checking out suspicious sounds. The soldier clearly heard something suspicious, came looking, stood right next to you and found you. There is no mystery there.

Just saying.

Point taken, but that wasn't the only time it happened to me at all. And while it's entirely possible that my character made some noise that tipped off the guards, it too frequently wasn't obvious what I'd done to attract their attention. That was really the major frustration - tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can try to avoid doing it next time. The random guesswork just made it a chore.

Lack of feedback on why things are not working as planned would drive me crazy too. Forcing you to go collecting item like you are on some sort of scavenger hunt is another "why?' You have to wonder if the whole fever dream thing was merely there to explain the time stop mechanic and give a flimsy excuse for the character to run around in her underwear.

 

[Parsnip]

Point taken, but that wasn't the only time it happened to me at all. And while it's entirely possible that my character made some noise that tipped off the guards, it too frequently wasn't obvious what I'd done to attract their attention. That was really the major frustration - tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can try to avoid doing it next time. The random guesswork just made it a chore.

I guess I never had that problem.


As for everyone and their rose petals, I kind of think they look like blood stains rather than rose petals, but everyone can judge themselves I guess.
EDIT: Added a screenie so now everyone can actually judge themselves.

[http://img198.imageshack.us/my.php?image=bloodstains.jpg]

And you don't "need" to collect things. If you are nuts like me, you'll probably don't even want to and will enjoy the challenge that comes with it.

Which is why the worst part of the game is when it switches from sneaky mode to mandatory "shoot nazi in the head" mode in few of the missions. It just doesn't work very well, the aiming is kind of off and it's not fun at all. Should have just stuck with sneaking and polish polish polish on that aspect.

I played on PC, btw.

 

[Metalrocks]

sometimes i ask my self how you people get payed for reviewing games. how do you get a job like this?

In my personal case, you do it for free for about five years, then luckily find yourself in the right place at the right time with the right experience and set of skills. Then work your ass off some more.

thanks for the answer. i did by my self 10 reviews and posted them on youtube (here my latest one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wOLPpjyhhw ). people do like them and i know, i can do it. sure my english isn't the best because german is still my strongest language but i am already happy if the people understand what i mean.
so looks like i have over 4 1/2 years to go. as long it pays well too.
thank you again for your answer.

 

[Kiutu]

Im torn on if I should get the game or not. Mostly cause I could really go for a stealth game and the idea seemed pretty cool. Maybe if I run into some spare change (money for me is tight and Im saving it for some june games) I may get it. I do tend to like 'bad games' so maybe I will appreciate it.

 

[whiterabbit9]

I bought this game last week, I wish I saw this review first because the faults pointed out where exactly what I hoped would not be the case. The graphics are incredible the idea was great! but the game mechanics (crap) & lack of quick save makes it unplayable. I think to compare this to hitman is unfair ... the game mechanic's of the previous console versions of that game are better than this. Thought game design in any genre were supposed to improve, not suck more. Much thanks to Susan Arendt your reviews are SPOT ON!

 

[Ronwue]

I was so looking forward to this game. Reality comes and bursts my sneaky expectations yet again.

 

[hansari]

Oh Susan... I'm a bit upset you missed the opportunity to make another joke at Velvet Assassins expense.

You praised the game for its authentic German, and while that is commendable, it isn't exactly a difficult feat when you consider the developer, Replay Studios, is located in Germany