Rewrite the Star Wars prequels. Yes you

[Grivahri]

So I was thinking. The Star Wars prequel trilogy had potential to become pretty damn good movies, but with a weak scrip, characters and dialogue the movies were mediocre. Still I like the movies, much because I grew up with them. But without further ado here is my short summary of the premise and some of the plot in the modified prequel trilogy.
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Anakin lives with his family on "insert planet here". He is in his late teens and has been raised alongside his older brother Owen (That is his real brother, and there was no virgin birth). They have been very close during their childhood. "insert planet here" is in the far side of the galaxy but is still under the protection of the republic. Because of its insignificant importance the invasion comes as a shock. Thousands of hostile soldiers attack the planet without any warning. The enemies are numerous and vicious. These are mandalorians and their scheme to take over the galaxy starts at that specific planet. The motive for attacking that planet is to invoke fear in the rest of the galaxy. The unrelenting and powerful mandalorians are soon to the called "clones" by the galaxy since they wear almost identical armor.

The clones quickly take over the planet and Anakins parents are tragically killed during the invasion. The only ones to get away are Anakin and Owen. They manage to board a ship at the hanger (where they both work) and they fly to the closest system to warn the republic. While there their warnings are dismissed and they are told to stay out of this. Owens suggests that they go to Tattoine were they have relatives. It's a planet so far out in the rim that neither the republic nor its enemies have any influence there. Anakin, however, can't let this go. He wants to do something, he wants to make the mandalorians pay for what they did to his family. This eventually leads to a rift between the brothers as Anakin decides to join the republic as a pilot and Owen leaves for Tattoine.

The war eventually reaches the republic when important planets are invaded and captured by the mandalorians. We meet Obi-Wan who is a young and impulsive Jedi who has just been assigned that title by the council. The republic mobilizes for war but the Jedi order decides to stay out of it first. Obi-Wan goes against their wishes and joins the first major battle in the clone wars. The republic underestimates the strength of the mandalorian army and get completely destroyed by their might. During the battle Obi-Wan meets Anakin and saves his life. The republic retreats and Obi-Wan and Anakin are stranded in the middle of enemy territory. Obi-Wan quickly realizes that Anakin has a strong connection to the force when "insert event" happens. They end up gaining vital intelligence to what the mandalorians motives are and who their leader is.

Obi-Wan convinces the council to make Anakin a jedi padawan under his tutelage. Obi-Wan trains him and shares his limited wisdom. The fact that Obi-Wan was rash and young makes their training less than ideal. Anakin has a hard time understanding why some powers are considered "dark" and why those powers are strictly forbidden. Still Anakin is a good person at heart and learns a lot from their training.

(I will keep the rest short, getting tired)

The mandalorians are controlled by the future emperor in an attempt to overthrow the republic. Anakin meets padme who is a female jedi. They fall in love, luke and leia are born and padme is killed by the mandalorian leader. Anakin goes berserk and kills him, turning to the easy power of the dark side to let it go. The emperor approaches him and poisons his mind (figuratively). He starts to blame the jedi for the death of padme and remembers the murder of his family were the republic did nothing. He begins to hate both the republic and the jedi order. The war is over and the mandalorians are defeated. Anakin is looked upon as a hero. Therefore no one is ready when he and his new friend annihilates the jedi and the top republic officers. Obi-Wan pursues Anakin and defeats him. Anakin suits up and becomes vader. And the empire is born.

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How would you write it?

 

[CommanderL]

Keep most of the same bits But drop more hints that Palpatines master is the one that created anikan
Also He would be a few years older in the first movie around 15-17
The next movie would also be the start of the clone war's and he would be a young twenty something year old
The movies would Hint at his dark side the whole way threw and you will see palps pull his string's at the right moments
also introduce Bail organa In episode one as one of the good guys and weave his story throughout Like the fact he is married to the queen of his world at all that jaz

 

[TheFunPolice]

*insert original plot here* But instead, kill Anakin in the first scene he appears and have his entire roll in the series replaced with Admiral Ackbar

That's the only way to make the series perfect

 

[JoJo]

Here's a short list of all the changes I would make:

1) Jar Jar Binks becomes the protagonist and is Anakin's Jedi Master
2) Insert a pod race into Episodes II and III
3) Padme turns out to be Anakin's long-lost sister
4) Episode I contains a fifteen minute lecture on Midichorlians
5) Anakin is a little kid for all three prequels
6) Young Han and Chewbacca also feature prominently
7) More trade disputes
8) Obi Wan has only appears for five minutes in Episode III
9) All the characters are animated using CGI, even the humans
10) R2D2 and C3PO are a couple
11 Give the Jedi stronger force powers
12) Even more trade disputes
13) One of the Jedi is a sentient lemon
14) Anakin and Padme are involved in a three-way love triangle with the afore-mentioned lemon
15) Eventually Padme chooses the lemon over Anakin, causing him to fall to the dark side
16) Jar Jar Binks turns out to be the future Emperor in the end
17) ???
18) Profit!

 

[EmperorSubcutaneous]

introduce Bail organa In episode one as one of the good guys and weave his story throughout Like the fact he is married to the queen of his world at all that jaz

That would have required the portrayal of a stable long-term relationship, which is clearly impossible in any Star Wars movie.

For unknown reasons.

[small]Lucas has issues.[/small]

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Keep most of the same bits But drop more hints that Palpatines master is the one that created anikan
Also He would be a few years older in the first movie around 15-17
The next movie would also be the start of the clone war's and he would be a young twenty something year old
The movies would Hint at his dark side the whole way threw and you will see palps pull his string's at the right moments
also introduce Bail organa In episode one as one of the good guys and weave his story throughout Like the fact he is married to the queen of his world at all that jaz

Fun fact: Bail Organa was actually in TPM and AotC. He was just a total background character who did next to nothing until RotS aside from stand around as one of Padme's allies in the senate. Well, that's not entirely true: he was also nominated as supreme chancellor, in competition to Palps. But of course Palpatine won that election.

OT: Cut Qui-Gon completely out of the picture, or rather, re-name his character "Obi Wan" and Obi Wan's character "Anakin," dropping little orphan Annie. Congratulations, the only problem left to solve in the first one is Jar Jar.

 

[babinro]

Empire "Hey you, lets fight"
Republic "Them's fightin' words"

*insert 6 hour epic battle broken up over 3 movies*

 

[shrekfan246]

I wouldn't change a goddamn thing out of spite for all of the people who are still bitching about this, thirteen years later. Seriously, it's been long enough.
Wait...

OT: Cut Qui-Gon completely out of the picture, or rather, re-name his character "Obi Wan" and Obi Wan's character "Anakin," dropping little orphan Annie. Congratulations, the only problem left to solve in the first one is Jar Jar.

Would that mean Ewan McGregor would be Anakin Skywalker and Liam Neeson would be Obi-Wan, and would thus be present for all three prequels? ... I could get behind that. They'd need to change around the Darth Maul fight sequence too, though, because Obi-Wan is supposed to still be alive in Episode IV and all that.

 

[Quazimofo]

I have a very simple edit, nothing huge. Just make this comic series cannon.

http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

I wouldn't change a goddamn thing out of spite for all of the people who are still bitching about this, thirteen years later. Seriously, it's been long enough.
Wait...

OT: Cut Qui-Gon completely out of the picture, or rather, re-name his character "Obi Wan" and Obi Wan's character "Anakin," dropping little orphan Annie. Congratulations, the only problem left to solve in the first one is Jar Jar.

Would that mean Ewan McGregor would be Anakin Skywalker and Liam Neeson would be Obi-Wan, and would thus be present for all three prequels? ... I could get behind that. They'd need to change around the Darth Maul fight sequence too, though, because Obi-Wan is supposed to still be alive in Episode IV and all that.

That's /exactly/ what I'm suggesting

 

[TheFunPolice]

snip

GET THIS MAN 800.000.000 POUNDS AND THE COPY-RIGHTS TO STAR WARS.

 

[Dr. Cakey]

Delete The Phantom Menace.

Not because it's "the worst" one (I actually think it might be the "best"), but because it has absolutely nothing to do with the other two movies. The only contribution to the entire series is that Anakin and Padme meet in it. Otherwise it contributes to the plot in no way.

 

[Lt._nefarious]

Well my first thought would be to keep the original story and use it as a framing devise for a hardcore, massive budget, well acted porn every other scene having Natalie Portman get naked. Add in some random sexy aliens and voila, a masterpiece! But now it occurs to me that while that'd be fine for II and III Natalie Portman is like 14 in the first one so... I mean if it were a remake with legal age Natalie Portman, awesome, but I'd either have to choose another actress or be a peadophile and I'm not entirely willing to go to jail but then II and III would be Natalie-less and it just wouldn't be the same...

That's why it should just be the Mass Effect trilogy but replacing the word Spectre with Jedi Knight, Ardat-Yakshi with Sith and Bionic with Force. Oh, and probably ending with fem shep and Kaiden having a light saber fight in a volcano... Or whatever happened at the end of the third movie...

 

[Atmos Duality]

On Topic: The prequels were such a goddamn train wreck I don't know where to begin.
But a lot of the problems I have aren't strictly in concept, but execution.
The editing and "immediate continuity" between scenes is atrocious in all three prequels.

So in planning, I'm sticking to the most general requirements:
-Establishing the fall of the Jedi Order and establishment of the Galactic Empire.

I definitely wouldn't center it all around Darth Vader or any of the Skywalker family.
Definitely need Palpatine's meteoric rise to power and the Clone Wars. Keep to what was established in the originals, and try to keep the retconning to a minimum.

*insert original plot here* But instead, kill Anakin in the first scene he appears and have his entire roll in the series replaced with Admiral Ackbar

That's the only way to make the series perfect

And so Ackbar shall rule the galaxy...with Wedge Antilles cleaning up every mess he makes along the way.

 

[Slycne]

Delete The Phantom Menace.

Not because it's "the worst" one (I actually think it might be the "best"), but because it has absolutely nothing to do with the other two movies. The only contribution to the entire series is that Anakin and Padme meet in it. Otherwise it contributes to the plot in no way.

Coincidentally enough, we actually came to a very similar conclusion here in The Escapist office. The prequel trilogy can be greatly improved by simply dropping the first movie. You loose most of Jar-Jar, the incoherent political plot concerning the trade federation, kid Anakin, awkward teenager/child budding romance, etc.

We ultimately don't need several hours to introduce how Obi-Won and Anakin met, you can simply cold open on the stern master and his reckless student, that's a simple concept/trope that an audience grasps already. You'd loose some of the world building necessary to introduce new people to the series, but that's easy enough to layer and it's not like there aren't a few other parts from the later two worth tossing as well.

 

[TheFunPolice]

And so Ackbar shall rule the galaxy...with Wedge Antilles cleaning up every mess he makes along the way.

GODDAMN IT SNAKE. STOP MOLESTING THE UNIVERSE

 

[bafrali]

Cut everything that isn't light saber dueling and cut the scenes where Anakin talks from those scenes. Come to think of it, cut Anakin altogether and replace him with a cardboard cut-out to give emotional depth to those scenes.

 

[KP Shadow]

Go with the suggestion that Cracked made, and make it a buddy cop movie.

Also, more starfighter battle stuff.