Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Dr.Susse]

Granted I present you the boomerang that never comes back.

I wish Dubstep never happened.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Granted. But it's now been replaced with PolkaStep.

I wish for some money.

granted, the police want to question you about the large amount of counterfeit money you have now for some reason.

Granted, banging a 2X4 of a metal table has become the defining genre of music...

I wish I was a bit more selfless...

granted, everyone takes you for granted now.

I wish for dancing zombies.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, this fish is a hitler fish and gasses you however.
I wish for more ways to say cheese

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. Each one of them gets you chased by a mob.

I wish I could get back to a normal sleep schedule.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, it is cooked by a cook so rude that you cry however.
I wish I had an amp.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. The radio and air conditioner don't work.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, is made of wood and thus wooden work under normal settings.
I wish for the penetrator from Saints Row

 

[Evil Smurf]

Granted. *rings door bell*
You ordered the anchovy pizza?

I wish for a coffee machine.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you can never sleep again.

I wish I could sleep right now.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, you wake up naked in a strangers bed. You can decide if that is good or not.
I wish for Pokemon white NOW!

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. The moment you do, the game explodes.

I wish for more Vitamin Water. Or any sweet drink, for that matter.

 

[Promethax]

@Kuroneko97

Congladuration, you're now a fully conscious bottle of vitamin water, unable to communicate with the outside world.

I wish I could speak in Microsoft Sam anytime I wanted.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Granted, you can talk to no one else.
I wish that I had a cold beer

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, you are now a bottle of pimple cream.
I wish the below poster the best in their endeavors.

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. Thanks!!!

I wish to kill the poster below me.

 

[Evil Smurf]

assassination attempt failed.
I wish for perfect skin

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but it comes along with a bloody club.

I wish I would meet a real live alien.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted. His planet invades earth for retaliation

 

[Kuroneko97]

You have no wish, so a puma barges into your house and cuddles next to you to watch the stars.

I wish I wasn't so lazy.

 

[zombiekiller1907]

*opens zipper*
here you go....

I wish that eating or drinkingisn't a requirement for survival