Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Zombie_Fish]

Granted: Bring in the trolls!

I wish the trolls were nice.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. But all previously normal people are behaving like dicks now.

I wish I was eating at a fancy restaurant right now.

 

[Zombie_Fish]

Granted. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05hTBAOnDQE]

I wish I wasn't so tired right now.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Embrace the cold dark of the void!

I wish I had a hammer.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the hammer will forum-ban you if you look, touch, or even think about it...

I wish for a live action Freakazoid! movie...

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. You don't get to watch it, however, as you're too busy exploding in the vacuum of space.

I wish for Luv-Luv.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but it ends up sucking.

I wish I knew what the above poster meant by "Luv-Luv" so that I could have come up with a more creative way to ruin their wish.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you keep mistaken it for "Snu Snu" every time you now think about "Luv-Luv"...

I wish to be a superhero surgeon!

 

[JasonKaotic]

Granted. You begin an operation on the Hulk, and he does not appreciate this.

I wish for decent air conditioning.

 

[kailus13]

Granted. While decent, the air conditioning is sentient and mocks you whenever you change the temperature.

I wish for a burger.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's just a painting of a burger and, if you do try to eat it, you will die of paint poison...

I wish for more fans!

 

[JasonKaotic]

Granted. You are surrounded by ceiling fans, and the weight of all of them causes the ceiling to break, and the active fans to land on you and cut you to pieces. Oh my.

I wish for every single pizza.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted but you die of obesity before you had the chance to eat even half of them.

I wish I could teleport.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only teleport your internal organs, mainly your heart and lungs...

I wish for a better connection...

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted but it causes your computer to become sentient> Who then logs in with your account and post all the embarrassing porn you watched.

I wish I had all the steaks in the world to myself.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Granted, but it's only because there are no steaks left and you just happened to have eaten the wrong one.

I wish I wasn't nervous for this evening...

 

[SirDerpy]

Granted. Your evening is cancelled. You go to sleep at 4:00 pm and regret everything.

I wish I had a Ferrari.

 

[FliedLiverAttack]

Spoiler: Congrats on your new Ferrari!

I wish I wouldn't procrastinate on homework.

 

[clinicalPsychologist]

This time you start early and put your everything into it, it's coming out good because you have more time now, still finishing before dinner... Then, while you're eating, a squirrel comes through your window and steals all you precious work.

I wish I had a pet bunny.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, this pet bunny knows how to use the gun it came with and will shoot you if you fall asleep at any time...

I wish to recover faster after sex!