Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[MrCollins]

You get an awesome jet-pack, but every time you use it, you hit an invisible wall a meter above your head.

I wish for a comfier bed.

 

[Squidbulb]

Your bed is very comfortable, milud, but I am sorry to report that it is filled with wasps.

I wish for the chance to sleep with Brian Blessed.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, you literally only sleep with him, and you don't go to sleep or wake up with him.

I wish I had a better saw to cut wood with. Hand saws take forever.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted you now can only use balsa wood.

I wish to remember 2012 fondly.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, you fondly remember everything bad that happened and everyone thinks you're a psycho.

I wish to have a good New Year's.

 

[Imthatguy]

Granted you wake up New Years Day in the drunk tank at the local PD.

I wish my flatscreen was bigger.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted it is now equally wide and deep. You have an old box television essentially.

I wish for a box of fireworks.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, the moment you touch them, they go off in your face.

I wish for less alcohol.

 

[SamtheDeathclaw]

Granted, all of your alcohol has now been given to children.

I wish my dog wasn't sick. :[

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish I wasn't this horribly evil.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, people treat you like a doormat cause you're so nice.

I wish I was less bitter about things.

 

[SamtheDeathclaw]

Granted! Now you're super nice and optimistic, to the point that no one will talk to you!

I wish dogs never died. Sigh.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish I was horribly evil again so I am not a doormat.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, your a evil doormat that eats little old ladies shoes.

I wish I was Batman.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish people would read the wishes and note the things I specifically stated I wouldn't be coughdoormatcough.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, You're a matdoor. How does that work? I have no clue.

I wish I was more clever.

 

[White Lightning]

Granted, you are .001% more clever than before.

I wish I could not go and do the to be the after the before next when the at.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish the person who granted this wish would be more clever.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted. He used his cleverness to explode your head before you could exploded his.

I wish for... canadian orange juice.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted. You find out you're allergic to it... the hard way.

I wish for more derailing.