Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Fractral]

Granted, but the only ones with time in their schedule are the dead ones.

I wish Douglas Adams were still alive.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

I. . . I don't want to ruin that wish. but alas. . .

They force him to write horrendous sequels to Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy.

I wish real life physics was more like cartoon physics.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, this would lead to your hilarious death you personally don't find funny... (Hope you have your "Yelp" sign ready by then...)

I wish I was a magician's sexy assistant!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but you're still a man which is very unsexy

I wish my game controllers were made of gold

 

[Fractral]

Granted, but before you can use them a thief breaks into your home, kicks your cat and steals them.

I wish I had some more appetizing cereal.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, all we have is [boring] Brand Flakes... because every kind of cereal went all Highlander and only Brand Flakes remains...

I wish there was a spoof movie called Goats in the Brain!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it's so bad it almost kills peoples love of comedy

I wish I could modify weapons for a hobby

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only do that naked while 20,000 leagues under the sea...

I wish you actually had balls!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, I'm throwing them at you

I wish I could get the definitive edition of games I already own for free

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they are more buggy than Skyrim's PS3 release... and they can't be fixed...

I wish I knew Alchemy!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted, your alchemy can only transmute anything into a pile of crap.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, once you do, you use said wish to ban Redlin5 from the forums... (You monster...)

I wish I was the Captain now!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but there's a mutiny

I wish I met Christopher Lee before he died

 

[Fractral]

Granted, but you ended up being the cause of his death.

I wish my room was better ventilated.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, there's a big hole in your wall

I wish my machines didn't break or wear out

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they break and wear you out instead for all eternity...

I wish #AprilLives in Sharknado 4!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, but why anyone would wish for Sharknado 4 is beyond me

I wish I could decide what to have for supper

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you decided to eat literal shit instead of metaphorical shit this time...

I wish for a message!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, all it contains is filthy abuse

I Wish I had denim bell-bottoms with studs

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they only come in unflattering women sizes that are too small for you waist and hip line...

I wish thy heart won't stab at thee!