Sacrificing in relationships

[r3lix]

Probably not the best topic made but here goes, I have been in a relationship for 6 months (on this day exactly, *thank-you all* ) and I wanted to know what would you give up (sacrifice) to be with the person you love the most?. for an example, I sacrificed some friends, I think that even though I had given them up, It had only made me and my girlfriend happier.

 

[lostclause]

Not a lot myself. I subscribe to the opinion that love shouldn't require great sacrifice, anything you do is done for a mutual pleasure. If you have to term something as 'self-sacrifice' for a relationship then you might want to consider how happy you are in the relationship and if it's worth it (not directed at you OP, just a general comment).

 

[r3lix]

Not a lot myself. I subscribe to the opinion that love shouldn't require great sacrifice, anything you do is done for a mutual pleasure. If you have to term something as 'self-sacrifice' for a relationship then you might want to consider how happy you are in the relationship and if it's worth it (not directed at you OP, just a general comment).

Actually, you raise a great point, Maybe I might have to step back and reassess (Is that how you spell it?) my current situation.

 

[Biosophilogical]

Well IMO, if a relationship is truly successful the other person involved shouldn't pressure you or cause you to sacrifice anything. If some friends are total spack-wanks then it really isn't a loss as you probably should have ditched them anyway but if the other person wanted me to sacrifice something for her I would probably realise that the relationship wasn't working (unless it was actually causing her pain (emotional or otherwise) at which point she shouldn't have asked, she should just be open about how it makes her feel and I would do what was best for her so that she wouldn't sacrifice her happinesss for me)

 

[silasbufu]

I sacrificed some friends in the beginning of my current relationship..mostly in it's first year..and nothing mattered, it was all great..but now after 4 years, although the relationship is fine, I hugely regret what I did regarding a lot of friends. Be careful.

 

[r3lix]

I sacrificed some friends in the beginning of my current relationship..mostly in it's first year..and nothing mattered, it was all great..but now after 4 years, although the relationship is fine, I hugely regret what I did regarding a lot of friends. Be careful.

A relationship tests friends loyalty, They just had to go. I sort of regret it now...

 

[lostclause]

Actually, you raise a great point, Maybe I might have to step back and reassess (Is that how you spell it?) my current situation.

Not so much for you. As you've said, things turned out okay for you and if you're happy that's fine. However basing a relationship on mutual sacrifice instead of mutual pleasures is a recipe for disaster.
Also, you're right according to my spellcheck

 

[Fritzvalt]

Someone's gonna say it eventually, so I'm just gonna throw it out there...

... a virgin. The best of all sacrifices.

Honestly, if I have to lose something important for me to make a relationship work, I doubt the relationship is really worth it. Granted, probably not the best person to go to for advice here.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

How do you "sacrifice" friends? Is it just that your partner doesn't like them and make you give up the friendship with them or are you just isolating yourselves with your partner and stop seeing your friends?

I mean, so far I've only really sacrificed one friend and that was because I found out that he beat up his girlfriend on several occasions. I don't want to be friends with someone who beats his or her partner...

 

[r3lix]

How do you "sacrifice" friends? Is it just that your partner doesn't like them and make you give up the friendship with them or are you just isolating yourselves with your partner and stop seeing your friends?

I mean, so far I've only really sacrificed one friend and that was because I found out that he beat up his girlfriend on several occasions. I don't want to be friends with someone who beats his or her partner...

That makes me sick, *ANGY* (intended misspell) I wanna smash that female beater....!, And yea, I guess it's not really a sacrifice.

 

[Nibsy]

I do think that the willingness to sacrifice or push aside certain aspects of life is a requisite to a happy relationship, but you have to ask yourself where you want to draw the line.

Like, if I love someone enough I'd certainly consider pushing away certain friends if the need arose, but I would need to ask myself if I think the relationship is going to get anywhere in the long term, or if it's just a short term thing.
If it's the latter, then if you do push away aforementioned friend, you may end up losing more than just one... If you see what I'm saying.

Just be careful and make informed, well thought out decisions and things should work out fine, it's when you start making spur-of-the-moment decisions that things start going pear shaped.

 

[r3lix]

Someone's gonna say it eventually, so I'm just gonna throw it out there...

... a virgin. The best of all sacrifices.

Honestly, if I have to lose something important for me to make a relationship work, I doubt the relationship is really worth it. Granted, probably not the best person to go to for advice here.

I saved my virginity to the girl that meant the most to me and I did think alot about it before hand. (haha get it hand)sorry about that lame joke

 

[r3lix]

Actually, you raise a great point, Maybe I might have to step back and reassess (Is that how you spell it?) my current situation.

Not so much for you. As you've said, things turned out okay for you and if you're happy that's fine. However basing a relationship on mutual sacrifice instead of mutual pleasures is a recipe for disaster.
Also, you're right according to my spellcheck

I am not too sure what you mean by the mutual pleasures and sacrifices, but I prefer to base my life within morals.

 

[Korolev]

If I truly, truly, TRULY loved them, I would give up a job, friends and money. Almost anything in fact. Indeed, it might be better to list the things I would not give up:

1) My family. Sorry, but no dice there
2) My own values. Any girl who wants to change my most precious values (free-thinking, teetotalism and adherence to the law) does not appreciate me for who I truly am. So if your girlfriend or boyfriend wants you to kill someone for them, remember children, either say "no" or "do your own damn dirty work!"
3) My atheism. Sorry, but the only thing that's going to make me believe is evidence. I don't mind if my girlfriend is religious. Just so long as she doesn't try to "save my soul".

Apart from those three things, if you truly love them, and they truly love you, well then you should do anything to hang on to that relationship. Give up on drugs and alcohol, give up on having one-night stands, give up on having a lot of money if necessary.

Yes, giving up a job, giving up your house, giving up your friends and what's familiar to you to chase after someone you love might be insane and illogical. But love isn't logical - the evolutionary process isn't optimal and some of our feelings ARE crazy and make no sense from a logical or biological view point. So you can afford to be a bit crazy. It's the craziness that makes humanity so interesting.

 

[WilliamWhite1]

I will eventually have to sacrifice one life in order to live another one with my girlfriend.
Don't mind saying I've been 'with' her for nearly two years.

When the right time comes, I'll have no doubt that I'd sacrifice one life. Thus far, I've only sacrifice time, attention, some cash, and I've had to sacrifice a few friendships in exchange for some awkward acquaintances. They still can't seem to accept that we are together.

 

[r3lix]

If I truly, truly, TRULY loved them, I would give up a job, friends and money. Almost anything in fact. Indeed, it might be better to list the things I would not give up:

1) My family. Sorry, but no dice there
2) My own values. Any girl who wants to change my most precious values (free-thinking, teetotalism and adherence to the law) does not appreciate me for who I truly am. So if your girlfriend or boyfriend wants you to kill someone for them, remember children, either say "no" or "do your own damn dirty work!"
3) My atheism. Sorry, but the only thing that's going to make me believe is evidence. I don't mind if my girlfriend is religious. Just so long as she doesn't try to "save my soul".

Apart from those three things, if you truly love them, and they truly love you, well then you should do anything to hang on to that relationship. Give up on drugs and alcohol, give up on having one-night stands, give up on having a lot of money if necessary.

Yes, giving up a job, giving up your house, giving up your friends and what's familiar to you to chase after someone you love might be insane and illogical. But love isn't logical - the evolutionary process isn't optimal and some of our feelings ARE crazy and make no sense from a logical or biological view point. So you can afford to be a bit crazy. It's the craziness that makes humanity so interesting.

I really agree with what you are saying, It makes alot of sense.

 

[lostclause]

I am not too sure what you mean by the mutual pleasures and sacrifices, but I prefer to base my life within morals.

What I mean is that whatever you enjoy doing, the other person either also enjoys or enjoys the result. Such as if you're fond of baking or something. That is an example of mutual pleasure (who doesn't love cookies?) whereas demanding someone give up something they enjoy is a sacrifice. When you think about it, sacrifice is the indecent one, since you are ruining another's pleasure for the sake of your own (and even worse when they are asked to do it for 'love'). That's what I believe at any rate. Morals don't really enter into it too much (I'm not sure why you bring that up but that's probably my fault for failing to express myself correctly).

 

[RavingPenguin]

I dont think its a question of what or how much you give up. Its a question of what you are willing to give up. Sure love requires compatibility, and that should mean you have similar interests, but there will come a point where someone has to give ground. A relationship has to be flexible or else it shatters when pressure is applied.

But then again, what do I know? Im just a faceless voice on the internet.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

That makes me sick, *ANGY* (intended misspell) I wanna smash that female beater....!, And yea, I guess it's not really a sacrifice.

To be honest though it wasn't really the fact that he beat up a girl that made me break contact with him (she hit him too several times an their fights often started by her slapping him). But the fact that not only did he seriously injure her, he never actually considered himself to have been doing something wrong.

She did at least consider it stupid to have hit him as well. That's why I was more sympathetic towards her than him.

It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a guy being hit. Acting violent in any relationship is just plain wrong. You don't hit someone you're supposed to be in love with no matter what...

 

[r3lix]

I am not too sure what you mean by the mutual pleasures and sacrifices, but I prefer to base my life within morals.

What I mean is that whatever you enjoy doing, the other person either also enjoys or enjoys the result. Such as if you're fond of baking or something. That is an example of mutual pleasure (who doesn't love cookies?) whereas demanding someone give up something they enjoy is a sacrifice. When you think about it, sacrifice is the indecent one, since you are ruining another's pleasure for the sake of your own (and even worse when they are asked to do it for 'love'). That's what I believe at any rate. Morals don't really enter into it too much (I'm not sure why you bring that up but that's probably my fault for failing to express myself correctly).

Fuck man! (excuse the language), I see exactly what you are saying. The only problem with my girlfriend is that she is insecure about me being around other girls (shes had other relationship problems)and I just gave them up so easily. Crazy. =S