I have me own quiz:
"Do you like to throw puppies off of rooftops?"
"Do you like to sodomize grapefruits in front of the mirror?"
"Do you think that the government/aliens have implanted sex-monitoring chips in your butt?"
"If you answered 'no' to the previous questions, would you like them to?"
"When you slap someone in the face, does it give you an instant erection?"
"Do big boobies make you sleepy?"
"Have you slapped a puppy and then thrown it off of a rooftop whilst raping a grapefruit?"
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, congratulations! You are a healthy American citizen, and you will be given cake!