So, how did you break up?

Sviests

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Jun 15, 2009
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So. I was having problems deciding whether to break up with my girlfriend or not, and suddenly I had this idea to ask you guys and gals one simple question. How did you break up with your girl/boy friend and why? (I know this has been done http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.73837-how-and-why-did-you-dump-him-her?page=1 that was 3 years ago and wasn't that popular, so I thought this wouldn't hurt)

Since I am too lazy to create a separate topic for this in Advice forum, I decided to spoilerize it and ask it anyways.

A time ago, when I first met her, I liked her. I liked her very much. I got on dates with her, I had my fun. It was all fine, until I caught myself thinking, that she isn't just "it". Right now I can't believe that I actually wanted to be together with her (I guess I had a desperate need for a girl).

Now I have found myself in a situation where I can't really dump her. I have met her parents and they really like me AND another guy has broken her heart some time ago, so I just can't break it again. Yes, I may sound like a douche (in fact I think I do sound like one), but I really think that she wasn't the right choice. The question is: how can we part ways without breaking her heart.
 

Harbinger_

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Sviests said:
So. I was having problems deciding whether to break up with my girlfriend or not, and suddenly I had this idea to ask you guys and gals one simple question. How did you break up with your girl/boy friend and why? (I know this has been done http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.73837-how-and-why-did-you-dump-him-her?page=1 that was 3 years ago and wasn't that popular, so I thought this wouldn't hurt)

Since I am too lazy to create a separate topic for this in Advice forum, I decided to spoilerize it and ask it anyways.

A time ago, when I first met her, I liked her. I liked her very much. I got on dates with her, I had my fun. It was all fine, until I caught myself thinking, that she isn't just "it". Right now I can't believe that I actually wanted to be together with her (I guess I had a desperate need for a girl).

Now I have found myself in a situation where I can't really dump her. I have met her parents and they really like me AND another guy has broken her heart some time ago, so I just can't break it again. Yes, I may sound like a douche (in fact I think I do sound like one), but I really think that she wasn't the right choice. The question is: how can we part ways without breaking her heart.
I'll answer your question and counter it with a question of my own. I just said out of nowhere that we were finished after I tried to talk to her about a fight that we had and she had avoided me for a good 3 days.

Also my last ex dumped me because she didn't love me anymore.

My question to you is how do you approach someone or do you even bother when they won't respond to a message you send them on a dating website?
 

Silver_Runner

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Feb 23, 2010
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Break it to her gently, tell her that you do care for her, but that she isn't the one. There really isn't any right way to -dump- someone. But, be honest with her, gently honest, and offer your sympathies. That's my best way to go about it.
 

Arfonious

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Well it was some time since I broke up with someone but my last girlfriend broke up with me via text. With some strange explanation about it feeling like we were going to get married or something. (we were together for 2,5 years btw)
 

Sviests

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Harbinger_ said:
My question to you is how do you approach someone or do you even bother when they won't respond to a message you send them on a dating website?
I don't bother. If they don't show any interest or do not go through the trouble to answer your message, they aren't worth the trouble.
 

Captain_Fantastic

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uhmmmmmmm she cut off all communication with me and the outside world and her entire family treats me like a stalker for trying to find out what was going on lol
 

Sviests

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Captain_Fantastic said:
uhmmmmmmm she cut off all communication with me and the outside world and her entire family treats me like a stalker for trying to find out what was going on lol
Wow. just wow. That is one hard situation you're having there.
 

SplashyAxis

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It was some time ago, but I broke up with my ex-girlfriend in person. It really wasn't an easy thing to do, but I figured I owed her the respect of doing it in person rather than doing it with a text message. I broke up with her because I wasn't sure if I could commit to the relationship any more.

However, we did eventually get back together (but it was on a 'on and off' basis rather than a full on relationship) and she broke up with me about a year later over Yahoo IM and I still don't know to this day why she broke up with me. I have my own theories and I'm pretty sure they're correct, but I haven't heard anything conclusive from her which is rather frustrating (my point here is to be sure to give her a reason as to why you're doing it. It makes the break up a little easier to deal with if you know why it's happening).

I guess my advice to you would be to break it to her gently and tell her that it isn't her fault or anything she did, you just don't see the relationship going any further than it already has. No hard feelings and all that. It's very difficult to break up with someone and not have them feel a little heartbroken, regardless of how you go about it. No one likes rejection, but if you feel it's necessary then you gotta do what you gotta do.
 

SckizoBoy

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Sviests said:
Firstly, I must ask the question: do I really want to tell?

Answer: no, not really, but my therapist has been told it, so I may as well tell it to collective Mr & Miss/Ms Facelesses... though I've already told this story on a number of occasions around here, not that it makes much of a difference.

Almost four years ago, now, she told me she was pregnant and for the first time in our then five year relationship, we could be described as 'happy'. Just over eight months later, our daughter was stillborn. I wasn't there at the time, but raced over to the hospital (she went in early for a relatively innocuous reason and nothing seemed untoward), and when I entered her room, she was in the middle of a severe manic episode (she almost broke my jaw in the subsequent struggle).

A month later and I was emotionally exhausted because we couldn't be in the same room together without her going crazy and me getting depressed. Another two months and she was OK enough to be out in public again. We both tried to make it work, but once we were together for more than a few minutes, both of us dissolved into apologetic tears. It was another couple of months before we were finally 'OK' again, but those few smiles we shared before all this happened became fewer.

We broke up by mutual agreement a few weeks later on the basis that we would never be able to make each other happy.
 

Grell Sutcliff

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May 25, 2011
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Sviests said:
Since I am too lazy to create a separate topic for this in Advice forum, I decided to spoilerize it and ask it anyways.

A time ago, when I first met her, I liked her. I liked her very much. I got on dates with her, I had my fun. It was all fine, until I caught myself thinking, that she isn't just "it". Right now I can't believe that I actually wanted to be together with her (I guess I had a desperate need for a girl).

Now I have found myself in a situation where I can't really dump her. I have met her parents and they really like me AND another guy has broken her heart some time ago, so I just can't break it again. Yes, I may sound like a douche (in fact I think I do sound like one), but I really think that she wasn't the right choice. The question is: how can we part ways without breaking her heart.
why do you think she isn't the right one? this is a big thing and you should think this over before you break up but if you still want to break up with her do it in person and be gentle because useing a text is really a douche bag move. P.S. you don't sound like a douche in my opinion
 

Kinpatsu

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The Boy and I parted ways after we figured out we made better friends than significant others. The way we broke up was kind of awful (we had a text conversation when he was home in Detroit and I was on vacation in Cincinnati), but there was very little drama afterward and we both bounced back. We're still extremely close.

You don't sound like a douche. In fact, I'd say you sound like the Boy just before we broke up. If you do want to end it with her, let her down gently. It probably will hurt for her, but being kind about it will hopefully make it a little easier on her.
 

aba1

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Silver_Runner said:
Break it to her gently, tell her that you do care for her, but that she isn't the one. There really isn't any right way to -dump- someone. But, be honest with her, gently honest, and offer your sympathies. That's my best way to go about it.
Ya you sorta have to be there but at the same time stop being around they can't get over you if your always around you need to give them space without bailing on them.
 

gussy1z

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just just talk to her about it, let her know exactly how you feel about your situation. She might realize she had been doing something that annoyed you that she didn't know she was doing. (or didn't know it was upsetting you)

If your breaking up with her because you find her unattractive my advice would be to lie like there is no tomorrow! just make some other reason up!

for me im very sad to say i went along the lie approach. I know its very shallow, but it is hard to stay with someone if you don't find them attractive.
 

Bassik

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Usually, when people say they "didn't met the right one", it just means they think they can get betther. I'm not saying it's this in your case, just warning you: why chase day-dreams when all you need is right with you?
 

2012 Wont Happen

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Well (assuming y'all are in high school which is what I'd guess if you don't know how to dump a girl by now), you can always do it the way that my previously-ex-girlfriend dumped me the first time we went out: send her a text while she's in the middle of her first period class saying its over. That way, she'll be surrounded all day by people she absolutely cannot break down around. She'll have it pretty well internalized by the time she is able to get home and break down over it so it won't affect her as much.

Or maybe she'll go into a depression and go out with a chain of people who are bad for her solely because they sort of remind her of you.

Or, most likely, some combination of the two.

Any way it goes, its a very convenient way to break it off.
 

MasterOfWorlds

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My first gf broke up with me since there just wasn't any chemistry. I broke up with every girl after that with essentially, "It's been a fun week or so, but I don't think it's going to work out."

The odd thing is that I try to be nice to my exes. It's not that I have strong feelings towards them either way, but I feel like it's better to try to at least be civil about it. Some drop all contact completely, other promise they'll call so we can get together for lunch and catch up, but nothing ever comes of it.

Right now, I'm in a relationship and have been for over a year. I have no intention of breaking up with her, as she's pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Just break it to her like I did, and things should work out OK.
 

Sviests

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Bassik said:
Usually, when people say they "didn't met the right one", it just means they think they can get betther. I'm not saying it's this in your case, just warning you: why chase day-dreams when all you need is right with you?
I think I may have the exact situation you described. I think that somewhere out there is a better more significant other.