So, my family basically thinks I am a loser

[Fooz]

this is going to be quite a long, erm, kind of down post, so if you are not a fan, click away.


quick profile of me just to put it in perspective:

i did used to go out a lot when i was like 13-16 with my high school friends, hell i would even go as far to say i was popular, but im now 17 attending college studying games development with like 13 other people, most of which are nerds like myself, and i have left all my high school friends behind except my best friend, who does the same course as me.

My college is far away from where i live, so it's difficult to go out with my friends from college due to cost of getting to where they live etc, plus i dont even like going out drinking, or going out at all really, i prefer staying at home watching a movie or playing some online games with friends

I have always been somewhat shy around new people and dont really show my real self until i have been friends with the person for a long time, this has become much more of an issue the older i have got, i have next to no self esteem, and because of this, i dont go out much.


Main Thread:

Anyway, i was downstairs watching TV, and i hear my mum and dad and sister talking about me in the garden, i muted the TV so i could eavesdrop (not a good thing i know)

i basically heard my dad saying that i should be out having fun, going out on the town etc with my friends, and my sister agreeing with him

My mum tries to defend me, but in a shitty way, saying "well he doesnt have many friends anymore, he left them when he finished high school, he doesnt keep in touch"

Then my Dad is like, "well why not, i used to go out all the time with my friends when i was his age"

this basically went on for like 10 minutes, both of them basically saying i am a no life loser with no job or money etc

now to be fair, i havnt really been avidly looking for a job, mainly due to me being not so good with the whole meeting new people because i have no self esteem, and i know i should, but i have been to some interviews and i just get all nervous and fidgety etc.

now i am fine with not going out getting drunk etc, its not my thing, and dont get me wrong, i love my parents, they have provided for me, and gotten me lots of nice stuff, and i am super grateful for that, but it isn't nice to hear your parents basically think your a loser


now im not looking for sympathy, because to be frank, i hate it, i just wrote this because i needed to vent a bit.

So has anything like this ever happened to any of you? is anyone here like me? (i know there are probably loads of people that have had similar experiences, if you're one of them, lets hear your story)

 

[Palademon]

Wow, your family really sucks.

You go to college, learn for your career, and your family calls you a loser just because that means you don't see friends as much.

 

[Risingblade]

Same thing is happening to me :/

 

[Redratson]

Yea, it sorta sounds like my life in a way minus the college stuff. I am trying to make a step into life, via enlistment. Been trying to get a job but no places will call me back so I dont have much of a choice. Hopefully things will look promising in the future, and I hope things go well for you buddy. The only things people like us can do is wait and see what happens.

 

[Redratson]

ignore this, double post; my bad.

 

[DoctorPhil]

The thread title makes it sound like your family is a bunch of assholes, but from the quotes it's clear they're just concerned. They don't think you're a loser (probably).

 

[AndyFromMonday]

I don't get you people. If you're enjoying yourself doing whatever then why the fuck does it matter so much what others think and say? Also, get a job? You're fucking 17 you've still got a whole four more years before you need to worry about a job.

 

[intheweeds]

Man, I have one diploma, i'm two thirds of the way through a second, I have managed several businesses and I just finished signing the financial papers for a my own new business and my parents still don't respect me either. Sometimes your family can never see you as anything other than a stupid little kid because they've known you forever.

Your family doesn't experience you in the same way others do and they don't have the same values and goals as you. Do you respect yourself? Because, that's all that really matters in the end.

 

[Togs]

Same position mate- Ive just graduated uni but due to a lack of any post grad qualifications I cant get a job, my mum got drunk and said that both her and my father are disappointed that I havent made more of my life.
I also have trouble getting along with people as I find it bloody hard to relate to them, I have many opinions on many topics and feel no reservations abou voicing them, meaning that I often come across as a bit of bastard.
Ultimately im just gonna keep looking for a job and being myself- as a great man once said "If they dont like it, fuck 'em".

 

[Ddgafd]

I am just like you. I spend my evenings at home sitting in front of the computer, glaring at the bright screen. I have come to embrace it though, it's who I am, it's a part of my personality, what little there is of it.

 

[EMFCRACKSHOT]

My dad derides all of my hobbies. In his eyes, i'm a great big loser with no life. He takes the piss out of where i work (a game store) and whenever he hears the words games workshop he flips his lid and tells me to stop being gay.
Of course, i only speak to him once or twice a month and see him maybe once every two years so i can cope with it.

 

[TheEvilCheese]

I wrote this and then realised you didn't really ask for advice but I'm posting it anyway seeing as people with similar situations are going to be reading these.

Tell them what you've told us.
Explain why you don't talk to your old friends and how you don't gain that much enjoyment from socialising in that way. It isn't uncommon to be like that (especially among our community) but Your parents probably think you aren't having fun like you used to and want you to have a good life. Oh, and I totally understand the whole not-meeting-new-people thing, I really do, but try doing something about it rather than just using it as an excuse.

(of course just my opinion and Probably way off since I don't know you, but I had to say it.)

 

[Mylinkay Asdara]

It's not about how much time you spend socializing, or how you get together with people (online, real life, in a game, whatever) as long as the quality of the time is high and you're enjoying it when it happens you are OK and your family just doesn't understand your situation because it doesn't match their experience.

 

[Strain42]

I'm more or less in the same boat. I'm a full time student right now, I have been hunting around for a part time job (not that hard, I'll be the first to admit that, but I've applied to a few places) I really only have like one friend near my house, and I usually hang out with them once a week or so.

Most of the time I'm in my room working on my comics or doing stuff for college (like today I had to re-adjust my entire schedule for the fall semester because of an office mix-up)

My parents don't really think I'm a loser, but they do wish I'd go out and do some more things. Every now and then my friend invites me to a party or a club. Like you, I'm not a big drinker, but I learned you don't really have to be to have fun at these things.

Last party I went to, I was probably one of the only people not drinking, but I still managed to have a great time and have conversations with people. One guy talked with me about Mark Twain which lead to a discussion about Futurama.

So yeah, I more or less know where you're coming from. However, I also understand the concern of your folks. You don't have to go out drinking and doing stupid stuff all the time, but I do think it's important to occasionally go out and do some stuff.

 

[Frankster]

I ain't gonna share stories, that's too personal but can instead give ya a pointer or 2.

A lot of what you said has more to do with your parents perception of what you should be doing and you can safely ignore the "needs to go out more often", if you don't feel like it nor have the opportunities to do that, there is no shame in doing in not going out, only doing so would be a petty masquerade designed to please the views of your peers rather then fulfill any need you have.

Only go out if YOU want to, not to impress peeps or socially conform, going out for a night of drinking and raping your wallet doing so only to find you feel rather empty the day after is pointless, trust me on that

The "loser" part is likely a combination of you not having a job and having no direction in life, there is perhaps some truth in this.
Until you have a drive and some ambition and work towards something, then your familys perception will be the same and be right for it, they just want to see you grow up and "become an adult".

If you solve this problem by getting a job or moving forwards in life, not only will you no longer be considered a loser in the sense that you're doing something with your life, but it will solve the first problem all by itself since you'll be going out to work and would also socialize through work, you'll be going out more, etc. Not to mention you'll be meeting new people regardless of your shyness.

Otherwise chin up lad, that you worry about this is proof enough you're not a hopeless case

 

[The Elcor Batman]

Yes, i have experienced certain aspects of this. very similar experience on the whole job thing.

but, really, your family is just concerned for your well-being. they just want to see you do well.

perhaps you could talk to them about it, explain how you feel, maybe they'll be a bit more understanding of the situation. Nothing is ever accomplished by sitting about. I learned that the hard way

 

[GartarkMusik]

Your parents just seem to have a different view of how a person should act. You Dad in particular doesn't seem to know how to really see the world from your eyes. You are who you are. Your parents can't change that, and I sure as hell hope that you don't want to.

 

[LarenzoAOG]

Well, if it makes you feel better, my friends and family love me and I often go out and have fun with my friends.

 

[Kungfu_Teddybear]

Kinda like me, I used to go out a lot with my mates in High School and when I left I stopped hanging about with most of them. Now I only hang out with 2 of my mates from High School. My dad is also saying I should be going out drinking and enjoying myself with my friends instead of sitting around playing games. What he doesn't realise is that I enjoy sitting around playing games.

I would go out at the weekends with my mates but I don't because of 2 reasons

1. I work weekends
2. My mates go out drinking at a club and I hate clubs with a passion

I don't honestly care what my parents think of me because I sit and play games all day, it's what I enjoy doing they're just going to have to deal with it.