That sounds like an opening scene in porn movie to meklaynexas3 said:Get caught masturbating to the video. Then you'll both be in an awkward situation, and it's hard to be offended by someone with their pants at their ankles.
And what better way to start the topic? I can't think of any.Evil Smurf said:That sounds like an opening scene in porn movie to meklaynexas3 said:Get caught masturbating to the video. Then you'll both be in an awkward situation, and it's hard to be offended by someone with their pants at their ankles.
So you don't have a problem with it? Then don't make a problem out of it. Anyone who is telling you to bring it up is setting you up for failure as there really is no up-side to bringing this up with her and only a possible down-side. If for some reason she does want to talk about it with you, let her bring it up on her terms. Don't ask her about it, don't bring it up, keep going on with your life and relationship. Chances are you two will break up anyway down the road, so just enjoy the relationship while it lasts.Panzer_God said:So, there's this girl at school that I've been casually dating for a while now, and it started getting serious about a week ago. Yesterday I saw a banner ad on a website that linked to several pornographic videos. What caught my attention was an eerie feeling that I recognized one of the girls, so I clicked on the link. I'm 98% sure it's her, but I don't know if I want to bring it up or not.
I don't have a problem with it, if she is, but I'm afraid of what impact it would have on us as a couple this early in the relationship, and even more afraid of what would happen if I ask and it wasn't her. What would you do in this situation?
EDIT: I am an American, in University and the girl in question is 21.
With boobs!Evil Smurf said:the naked truth!
If this is a girl that would get offended at the idea of you looking at porn, then you shouldn't even bother dating her.klaynexas3 said:OT: If she knows you watch porn, and is cool with it, then I think bringing it up wouldn't offend her much. If it isn't her, then it's no real problem. If it is her, it's still no big problem, but make sure she gets tested. And you too, if you've slept with her just yet. Or go with the one on the top, it'd make for an interesting conversation starter.
Film yourself getting caught masturbating to the video and then have the talk. This will lead to sex and then watch the new video back. It will be incredibly metaklaynexas3 said:And what better way to start the topic? I can't think of any.Evil Smurf said:That sounds like an opening scene in porn movie to meklaynexas3 said:Get caught masturbating to the video. Then you'll both be in an awkward situation, and it's hard to be offended by someone with their pants at their ankles.
Then again, there might be a better way to bring it up. Captchas is telling me to think hard, so maybe it's a sign.
I've never been in exactly the same situation, but from experience I respect the fact that you're fine with it. I think it takes a lot of strength as a person to commit to being okay with it like you have.Panzer_God said:snip
This comment had me on the floor. xDJoesshittyOs said:Only one logical thing to do. Next time you're having sex, pull out and finish on her face.
Judge her reaction.
Having sex to a video of having sex to a video of getting caught masturbating to a video of her having sex? That's a lot of meta right there.Evil Smurf said:Film yourself getting caught masturbating to the video and then have the talk. This will lead to sex and then watch the new video back. It will be incredibly metaklaynexas3 said:And what better way to start the topic? I can't think of any.Evil Smurf said:That sounds like an opening scene in porn movie to meklaynexas3 said:Get caught masturbating to the video. Then you'll both be in an awkward situation, and it's hard to be offended by someone with their pants at their ankles.
Then again, there might be a better way to bring it up. Captchas is telling me to think hard, so maybe it's a sign.
The point of the lemonade is?Pharsalus said:Make lemonade, ask her about it. If it was her say it got you real hot, point at some particularly attractive bit and get a little.
I did not ask her, for I am coward.Evil Smurf said:the naked truth!zelda2fanboy said:Did he ask her yet? This thread shall not die until we know The Truth!
That's a surprisingly well-thought out idea, and probably the one I'm most likely to heed. I'm actually getting a lot more honest answers than I expected. I thought I'd get more "HURRDURR PORNSTAR" answers.evilthecat said:I've never been in exactly the same situation, but from experience I respect the fact that you're fine with it. I think it takes a lot of strength as a person to commit to being okay with it like you have.Panzer_God said:snip
But I'm going to outright disagree with what everyone else has said here. You don't necessarily need to talk to her about it. You only need to do that if it bothers you. If she'd rather you didn't know, you can choose to let her keep it a secret.
The chances are that (if it is her) she's probably not planning to do it for the rest of her life, and it may be she just wants to do it and move on while carrying as little baggage as possible with her. If you not knowing makes her happier, then it's not necessary to intrude on that purely for the sake of "honesty".
You know you know (or at least are pretty sure), any steps you take beyond that are purely your choice.
If you do want to talk to her about it, though, then you should be completely honest about why you're asking, and don't frame it as an accusation. Make it clear from the outset that you've decided you're okay with it no matter what, so there's no horrible tense moment where you're testing her reaction and she has to wager whether to tell you. It doesn't have to be a big deal, don't play it up or make it dramatic.
On a longer-term level, establish very clear boundaries. Don't watch any of her videos without her consent, don't ask her to tell you about everything she does. Explain exactly the limits of what you would be comfortable with and let her make up her own mind about what to tell you. I know this might sound counter-intuitive, but trust me. As long as you know that stuff might happen, you don't need to know everything.
Also, there's a symptom which sometimes affects stressed or overtaxed sex industry workers whereby they become dissociated from intimacy in general. It's important that you maintain a personal relationship which is as separate as possible from what she does in porn. It's emotionally dangerous to have the two worlds overlap too much, because porn is really not sexy for the people who work in it, and you don't want your relationship to be reduced to that level.
Panzer_God said:Making the best of a bad situation, i.e. "god gives you lemons so you make lemonade", you've really never heard that expression? Not saying that to be a dick but out of genuine surprise.Evil Smurf said:The point of the lemonade is?Pharsalus said:Make lemonade, ask her about it. If it was her say it got you real hot, point at some particularly attractive bit and get a little.