I am a bro.Lumber Barber said:
Actually, shit like that was why she started going out with me in the first place. I'm an arrogant prick, but god damn I'm good at it.PlatonicRapist said:
So, my girlfriend is in porn and I don't know what to do.
- Thread starter Panzer_God
- Start date
I don't think that's contrary to popular belief, I just think that popular opinion got it wrong. It seems to be that people think girls like assholes, but they don't. They like confidence, which assholes have and most nerds don't.LastGreatBlasphemer said:
Especially since they're mostly the people that told me to ignore it and move on xDFappy said:
Oh god, the emo phase! I had forgotten about other people's emo phases entirely. I'm still suffering PTSD from mine.LastGreatBlasphemer said:
So is she actually a 'porn star' is it just another example of a porn site stealing pics of 'homegrown girls' from public social network profiles and using them for banners. It happens quite a lot and if that's the case, you'd want to help her with her legal case.
No, they like assholes because assholes treat them like dirt in comparison to a 'nice guy' who'd bend over backwards for her, and that makes them a challenge. That's it. Also, many girls want to 'tame' the bad boy, or take in and nurture the broken one. And in the end, these relationships mess up and the first person the girl complains to about the lack of 'good guys out there' is one of the nice guys who WAS actually interested until she dumped him 'Friendsville' with all the others.Panzer_God said:
Many 'nerds' are only so because somebody else is too insecure to let them be. But actually perhaps they DO have confidence, because that's why they are being nerdy in the first place, to a girl likely adore. And is that not also great confidence of a kind, whereas the asshole's 'confident cockiness' and trademark aloofness could easily be construed as a crutch intimacy and commitment issues. Confidence is also a far wider spectrum than represented by assholes. A man who's kind, considerate and respectful is showing confidence in himself as a mature and intelligent man.
A lot of the 'assholes' out there are merely showing how little maturity they've managed to amass in their lives, and so much of their confidence is really just a mask for selfishness. Many 'nice guys' get discarded for the most idiotic preconceptions, like 'oh no! he let ME choose the restaurant!'. FFS.
"What do I do?"
What do you do? Don't do anything! Does it actually matter to you if she was in a porno? If it doesn't bother you, I don't see why you feel the need to change anything, or behave any differently. Personally, I think the idea of it sounds kind of cool.
Confident here means self-assured. It does not mean dependable, responsible or considerate, however you try to redefine the word. You can have all those qualities without being confident, and that is an obstacle for a lot of people. Your problem is with cocksure people, which are a different thing entirely.
What do you do? Don't do anything! Does it actually matter to you if she was in a porno? If it doesn't bother you, I don't see why you feel the need to change anything, or behave any differently. Personally, I think the idea of it sounds kind of cool.
You're full of it. I don't know what's worse - the fact that you are happy to dismiss confident, outgoing people as "selfish asholes", or the fact that you demean women to even lower standards - You describe women as though they are stupid morons who can't be trusted to make their own decisions; who aren't attracted to the "right" kind of people.UberNoodle said:
Confident here means self-assured. It does not mean dependable, responsible or considerate, however you try to redefine the word. You can have all those qualities without being confident, and that is an obstacle for a lot of people. Your problem is with cocksure people, which are a different thing entirely.
Oh, and here I was, thinking I was talking about assholes, not 'confident outgoing people'. Are you saying that 'nerds' can't be confident outgoing people? Where in my post did I ever describe a 'confident outgoing person' as an asshole? And speaking of redefining words, you're doing it in spades. So now, 'asshole' means 'cocksure? Never even heard of that word before. And perhaps you should consider my point, that confidence takes many forms and what people often associate with confidence may not actually be as indicative as assumed.maninahat said:
And I certainly didn't 'demean women' in my post. If you want to discuss generality then you can hardly object when generality is used. It is a valid generalisation that women are attracted to men who are hard to get, just as men do. For many women, this relates to the 'treat 'em mean; keep 'em keen' expression, ie, 'asshole'. Nice guys, ie, NOT assholes, tend to be too easy. They are more than willing to devote to a woman their time and energy, and this lacks excitement for the woman, thus they looked over for the guys who make women wonder -- does he really like/want me? Is he really a nice guy?
As for women being attracted to men they can 'fix' or 'nurture', that is ALSO a valid generalisation.
So, before coming off so self righteous and aggressive, calling me 'full of it' etc, I7d appreciate you putting some thought into the discussion.
I ain't reading 10 pages, whats her screen name and is she professional or one of those pretend-ex-gf-take-random-pics-off-facebook-kinda-thing?
Glad to see you talked to her about this. Communication, people, it's how to make a relationship work.
"whereas the asshole's 'confident cockiness' and trademark aloofness could easily be construed as a crutch intimacy and commitment issues...A lot of the 'assholes' out there are merely showing how little maturity they've managed to amass in their lives, and so much of their confidence is really just a mask for selfishness."UberNoodle said:
Confident cockiness is also known as "cocksure", which is something that is reasonable to criticise. However your qualifications for asshole status seems to also include "confident guys that girls like". Confidence only takes one form - being self-assured. If a nice guy is too shy to ask a girl out, or too retiring to attract a female, then they are not confident. It doesn't matter how kind or compassionate they may be; that isn't a kind of confidence.
I don't disagree that some women are attracted to bad guys, or that they favour confident men, or that they sometimes pick the wrong people. The generalisation and your argument, however, still hinge on the idea that women can't be relied on to pick the right men; that they lack ability to judge suitors as well as you apparently can, and if only they did, then all the shy nice guys would get girlfriends. That's a condescending way to see women, and a stereotypical, a "nice guy" way to view things. [http://ohinternet.com/Nice_guy]