So , what's the point of being in a relationship.

DoomyMcDoom

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krazykidd said:
DoomyMcDoom said:
*gigantic megasnip*
Well that degraded quick . *Looks at avatar name * DoomyMcDoom , that can't be healthy . Ever try dating sites? It's an ocean of different people , maybe you'd find someone .
How do you think I got to where I am today? Online dating is the only kind of dating I've really been able to find anyone outside of a quick fuck back before I got sexually hobbled, and even then I've only been able to find women for relationships who either throw me away after stealing from me, or as the last one did give me an infection and leave me pretty well screwed.

Trust me, I did dip my toes back in the pond after I got herpes, but the last 12 that I got close enough to that the subject came up, either gave me a reason that was obviously a lie, or just never talked to me again.

My research points to a big fat no on finding someone, and I'm goddamn tired of the constant string of rejections, disrespect, and generally being treated as some kind of trash, just because I got dealt a bad hand.
 

Slayer_2

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krazykidd said:
Weird question , i know . But what exactly is the point? So many people are In relationships or trying to get into a relationship . Why?
What's the point of anything? Life, videogames, etc. It's to have fun while you can and do what you enjoy as much as you can, as far as I'm concerned.

Companionship ? Yeah i get this. Having someone with you to keep you company . But can't you do this with friends and/or pets?
For the average person, the amount of connection felt between them and a lover, friend, and pet differ quite a lot. You will never have a deep conversation with your cat, and I have many friends I never have deep talks with, either. Not comparable in my eyes.

Guarenteed sex ? This is the answer my best ( female ) friend gave me and i quote :" well if you play your cards right you are 100% sure to get sex " . Yes she was being serious . I find this to be a terrible reason , it's so easy to get laid now a days , this is basically a non-issue.
So easy to get laid these days? Spoken like someone who is incredibly attractive and great with the particular sex they like to hook up with, or someone who is the polar opposite. Either way, it's not true. As an average Joe who used to go clubbing a lot and try to hook up with random girls, let me tell you it is not quite as easy as TV makes it seem. Try once every few months, not once every weekend. Plus sex with my girlfriend (who knows what we enjoy and who cares about me) is a hell of a lot better than with some other drunk person I don't know while I'm totally wasted.

Having a famiy ? This is the only reason that makes sense , i you want to have a family , and are trying to find the right person to start with , then this makes sense . However when you are young or have no intentions of having kids , then this reasons falls through .
Probably the end goal of a few relationships, it varies person to person and where they are in their life. Right now I can't say it's high on my list.

I am in a relationship . And i was asking myself whats the point . Why am i doing this . I want no family , i don't need "guarenteed sex " and i don't really SEEK companionship . I can't really find a reason for being in a relationship ( for me personally ) . Relationships comes with it's upsides and downsides , and i find that in general there are way more downsides than upsides . So escapists , what's the point? Why do we strive to be in a relationship?
Sounds like you need to end your relationship because well... you aren't seeming to relate much. Relationships should be fun and nice, and if that isn't a good enough reason for doing something, well... we have different outlooks on the point of life. If your relationship isn't fun, maybe consider being single for a bit, not everyone has to be in a relationship.
 

waj9876

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Yes, it's mostly for companionship. Also for the affection.

The warmth of another human's touch is something that's pretty much been ingrained into our brains as something we need. When you have strong feelings for said person, even better.
 

Liviola

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Love is a powerful physiological condition developed through natural selection to help many species CREATE AND RAISE BABBY. If you make 2 individuals who mate sexually (or want to mate sexually) start to get this incredibly urge to be with the other person at all times and protect and help them, then it greatly improves the chance of a babby surviving.

Us humans in modern society don't really need love anymore. But it's still there. It's an artifact. It's annoying and debilitating and causes many problems that get in the way of an efficient human lifestyle.

For many of us, love is not a choice. It does have its benefits though. The greatest is probably a sense of satisfaction and purpose (well, that's if your relationship is working). Also still kinda helps for raising babby.
 

idon'tknowaboutthat

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Spinozaad said:
Not to be smug, or well... Maybe a little bit: but maaaaaaaaan, some of you are really bitter/loveless. Cheer up fellas, why so serious?
Hah, um, maybe that's because a lot of us are literally loveless? Why would I be happy about the fact that I've never done anything "intimate" with anybody, let alone been in a relationship?
 

viranimus

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krazykidd said:
So escapists , what's the point? Why do we strive to be in a relationship?
Because humans technically are social animals and being alone is scary. Plus if you wish to create a life helping to ensure you wont always be alone it makes it really hard to do by yourself. (at least successfully)
 

likalaruku

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I'm too selfish & self-centered (& germophobic) for relationships. I can only handle being around friends in-person twice a week at most.

Jhonen Vasquez (creator of JTHM, Squee, & Invader Zim) said he didn't understand the taboo of singleness & the social pressure to be in a relationship. If you look at his works, you'll notice that the only people in relationships either end up dead or are this close to a divorce. He also likes to kill off perverts. I can't even imagine what contempt he holds for fans who ship his characters.
 

Spinozaad

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idon said:
Spinozaad said:
Not to be smug, or well... Maybe a little bit: but maaaaaaaaan, some of you are really bitter/loveless. Cheer up fellas, why so serious?
Hah, um, maybe that's because a lot of us are literally loveless? Why would I be happy about the fact that I've never done anything "intimate" with anybody, let alone been in a relationship?
Because the unhappiness/desperation rubs off on you, people (especially girls and women) can smell it. They see the glister of desperation and false hope in every little cue.

Relationships are fun, it's great to cuddle with someone who loves you. It's amazing to see that look in their eyes when they're happy to see you, etc.

But it's not the single most fun thing in life! Getting drunk/stoned/high off my asses with my friends (NO CHICKS ALLOWED), having coffee with fellow students in the afternoon sun, listening to music, playing an amazing game, etc. are all in their own way just as good.

And really, if you really want a relationship, you have to stop wanting it. Desperation is horribly unattractive.
 

VeneratedWulfen93

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Spot1990 said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
People think they are in love but they aren't. People don't marry for love, they marry for convinience, money or tolerance.
That's amazing, you know the motivations behind people's actions better than the people themselves.

Thats the extent of love to me, tolerance. you can tolerate the presance of another person to an above average degree.
I'm aiting for the part where you demonstrate that this is always the case for everybody.

Love in a conventional manner has been twisted so many times that it has lost all meaning.
So is it a thing or isn't it? You can't twist something that doesn't exist. Yes people overuse the word love.

people think they are in love all the time but how many divorces
Who said love has to last a life time? It's not romantic love but I used to love my father and then I stopped when he walked out on me.

and cases of domestic abuse do we see?
Guess my sister doesn't love her kids, because other people beat theirs. How does this argument prove anything? All those people happily in love don't count because some people are assholes?

How many sad teenagers crying on facebook becuase they were dumped or shouting about how they are in love
Teenagers are idiots, is this new?...

when they havn't realised it doesn't exist.
Must have missed the part where that was actually proven. It all makes sense now. All of us who have felt love over the centuries. The millions of people who spent their entire adult lives happy with the person they love, all of us are all wrong about what we felt because an angsty 19 year old on the internet said so.

As soon as love counts for shit I'll believe it exists.
I doubt it, sounds like you've pretty much made your mind up

Right now its just a word people throw around without meaning.
It's also a word homosexuals are fighting to defend in most countries right now. Yeah they're all fighting tooth and nail to have their love recognised by the state in marriage for poops and giggles. People have fought bled and died for love. Sorry, people have fought' bled and died for the convenience of having someone 'rund that they can tolerate.

Thats how i feel on the subject.
Well you're wrong if it helps.

Personally back on the topic of relationships I cannot add much more other than that I see relationships as utterly pointless exersizes of people trying to drag someone else through their life with them so they can pretend they aren't alone.
...They wouldn't be pretending, they really wouldn't be alone, they'd have a person there.
Its clear you disagree and misunderstand what an opinion is. I stated what I believe, not what is fact. At 19 this is what my observations have led me to.
 

VeneratedWulfen93

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Headsprouter said:
I dunno. I've never been in a relationship. But I want to feel love. I've had a few admirers, and even just knowing somebody likes you, even if the relationship is destined to die and you'd be an idiot to let it happen, it's a great feeling.
Unfortunately, though I lack the balls to go chat to girls without feeling like a sleaze. I also want to be in a relationship out of fear of being alone. Then again, I also fear my lady-friend messing up my life too much and throwing away stuff I'm sentimental to. Why do I fear that? Let's just say it's a quirk of my mother.
A relationship'd be a great way to interact with a human each day that I like and feel attracted to. I often feel I'd rather be a societal recluse than have to interact with human beings every day, but honestly, It's a stupid thought. I'd get depressed quite quickly, I'm almost certain.
Let's just say if I won the lottery, I'd get a modest house, and fuel my interests, but little more. If I had a girl by the time that happened, that's probably the only way I'd ever find somebody that truly likes me for me. That's why the prospect of winning the lottery is both brilliant and terrifying to me.

VeneratedWulfen93 said:
Society constantly telling us we should be in relationships, that only losers don't have girlfriends/boyfriends and a futile sense of companionship in a world where love is accepted as an actual thing. There some of the bull reasons we are fed by films, magazines and even family.

I to see no reason for them. The emotion of 'love' is beyond what I understand and I do not believe it exists.
DUUUUUUUDE.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!

GOD.

SUCH A DOWNER.

Don't take this offensively, I take it from the fact that you said love is "beyond what you understand", are you in some way on the autistic spectrum? Really, I don't mean to offend if this isn't true, I just think it's the only way I can explain your brilliantly alternative thinking. Either that or you're just asexual. Or neither. Maybe you're just you. And that isn't bad. We know so little about the brain as of now that you could be correct, maybe love is just another chemical. But then again "hunger" is a very physical phenomenon, hunger is bad for us, yet just because it's not a measurable sensation doesn't mean it's not there.

Maybe I read too much Yeats or Donne poetry. Probably.

I feel I may regret this post A LOT.
Its fine, I am shockingly aware of how abrasive and blunt my opinions are. I have several others that would probably start a witch hunt for me on this website.

No I am not autistic, at least I have never been diagnosed with it. I formulated this opinion from what I have seen and experienced. The few of my friends that have been in a relationship and moved on said they didn't love their partner. Love has only ever been something in T.V and Disney films, it feels like an something that was manufactured and tailored in recent years.

As for autism being the explanation as to why someone would think this way I disagree. The grudgingly amazing thing about humans is our wide spectrum of individual thought and ideas, we just have a bit of a hive-mind that dictates what is the 'right' opinions and what is 'wrong'.

As for a being a downer.....pretty much sums me up. I spend my days playing LoL, collecting 40k, going to my games design course and going to work.
 

VeneratedWulfen93

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HalloHerrNoob said:
VeneratedWulfen93 said:
As for a being a downer.....pretty much sums me up. I spend my days playing LoL, collecting 40k, going to my games design course and going to work.
Lol...so what?
I spend my days playing Smite, going to college and collecting Magic cards and I still have the most wonderfull girlfriend in the world...xD
Thats just an excuse.
Oh thats not the reason I don't have a relationship, there are a number of other reasons. I don't get them, they cost too much money, I prefer my time alone, I know....2 girls in real life and both are taken. I could find more given time. Im happy with what I've got just my lifestyle and outlook can be described as a 'downer'.
 

Headsprouter

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scorptatious said:
Headsprouter said:
I was diagnosed with autism, yet when it comes to love and wanting to be in a relationship, I feel the same way you do.

I'm not offended or anything, I just thought it was kinda interesting when you brought up how the autism spectrum plays into this. Perhaps it does somehow affect how people some people view "love" or "hunger". Who knows?
Yeah, I've had several Autistic friends, and they've all at least wanted a relationship. Never looked that much into their reasons for doing so, though. It varies a lot from individual to individual, what people think of the idea of love, and it's the same for Autism. The conclusion of this thread probably gonna be just that. Love is very much defined by individuals, but social factors play heavily into this definition. The functionalities of love are similarly difficult to lay out and define. Many who don't want babies still want to be in love (I'm very unsure on this topic, sometimes being a dad sounds awesome, sometimes it sounds like the worst thing ever and I suppose that's exactly what being a dad is, full of ups and downs), so human beings don't NEED that functionality. But even that has cultural variations.
 

randomrob

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If you don't get it, then you either never will, or someone will make you understand when/if you fall in love for the first time. Love is not rational or measurable. It's a strange, scary but insatiable desire to be with someone, to show them how you see the world, and have them show you in return, to be completed by each other. And once you've felt it, you want it. If it fades, you want it back, to find that spark again, either with the same person, or with someone else. That's why I want relationships anyway. To fall in love, and to be loved in return.
 

Angie7F

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Now that you mention it, I have no idea either.
I often realize that being single is more fun.
But I am sure I wouldnt have been able to take care of my dog by myself.
 

BanicRhys

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I was going to make a thread on this but I figure this thread is relevant enough for this question.

I have this friend that I'm considering asking out.

She's into video games, DnD, Star Trek and all that good stuff, she's nice, we get along great, she's "on the market" and she has kind of possibly said that I might be somewhat attractive. To top it all off, I'm pretty sure I have a good shot with her which is a nice change of pace.

Except I have no feelings for her beyond platonic friendship at the moment and I'm not really attracted to her either. I'm trying to disregard her physical appearance because I've fallen for girls who, in hindsight, were far uglier and because I really don't want to see myself as shallow.

I'm so conflicted right now and I'd love it if y'all would give me some advice. One side of me says that I have nothing to lose by going out with her for a bit, but the other says that I'm just desperate and I'm trying to force myself into a relationship with the first "obtainable" woman I get to know.

I just don't want to go out with her a couple of times, only then to realise I have no feelings for her.

Halp.
 

axlryder

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Jul 29, 2011
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I was going to put something snarky, but I'm honestly a bit surprised by how little I've really thought about this. I mean, there are different kinds of relational fulfillment and companionship, obviously. That's from both a biological perspective and a psychological one. Really, there's more to physical intimacy than "sex", and if you want to blend physical intimacy with personal closeness via sharing different aspects of your life and spending a lot of time together in order to enhance your connection, then you're basically in a romantic relationship whether you categorize it that way or not. I often see people adding caveats like "keeping it casual", but they still behave as though they're in a relationship. It's almost a natural progression in many cases.

I dunno, this stuff is just so obvious to me that I've never thought to spell it out for someone, but then unspoken axioms of life aren't necessarily good things.
 

axlryder

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Jul 29, 2011
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BanicRhys said:
I was going to make a thread on this but I figure this thread is relevant enough for this question.

I have this friend that I'm considering asking out.

She's into video games, DnD, Star Trek and all that good stuff, she's nice, we get along great, she's "on the market" and she has kind of possibly said that I might be somewhat attractive. To top it all off, I'm pretty sure I have a good shot with her which is a nice change of pace.

Except I have no feelings for her beyond platonic friendship at the moment and I'm not really attracted to her either. I'm trying to disregard her physical appearance because I've fallen for girls who, in hindsight, were far uglier and because I really don't want to see myself as shallow.

I'm so conflicted right now and I'd love it if y'all would give me some advice. One side of me says that I have nothing to lose by going out with her for a bit, but the other says that I'm just desperate and I'm trying to force myself into a relationship with the first "obtainable" woman I get to know.

I just don't want to go out with her a couple of times, only then to realise I have no feelings for her.

Halp.
Decide if getting your rocks off is that important to you. If you're inexperienced sexually then this might be a good opportunity. Perhaps just viewing it as a general learning experience about relationships and how to be in one might be good. Aside from that, fugitaboutit. You're clearly not in a place to maintain a long term and healthy relationship, and at this point it doesn't even sound like you're considering the issues she's inevitably going to bring to the table in said relationship. Overall it's probably doomed before it starts, so framing it from that perspective might help you make a decision.

Also, love CAN grow. It doesn't have to be there from the start. I'm more concerned about the fact that you're wrestling so much with this, and thus still clearly figuring yourself out and what you even want.