So , what's the point of being in a relationship.

Shia-Neko-Chan

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There is no real point. None whatsoever.

A condensed version of the post I made before it was accidentally deleted is that humans can live for a purpose other than reproduction. In fact, living only to get married and have a child is a pretty pointless existence. It's like people do it simply to keep the human race alive. So many people decide to completely give up their hopes and dreams in order to pursue a life with one person. I don't understand it.

Why should someone need a "special someone", anyway? How does that validate your existence? At the very least, don't friends matter? They genuinely enjoy your company and they don't require an interview. If they didn't enjoy your company, they wouldn't hang around you. People should really learn to keep themselves happy instead of relying on someone else all the time.

I really wish pairing up wasn't treated as such a sacred ritual in our culture. No matter where I look, everything treating it as if it is the holy grail of living. All mediums of art and pop culture do it for instance, starting from children's shows all the way into adulthood. It's emphasized so much in everything that we do that maybe the mindset that we need someone is just conditioned into our way of thinking. That's probably why people put so much emphasis on it.

I just don't understand how some people can't be happy unless they're in a relationship. I understand Love and I understand the concept of being "in love", but there are much much more important things in life. Treating it as a status symbol and tirelessly searching for it and interviewing every possible candidate is pointless. In the time people spend searching for one person to love them (despite having friends and family that love them already), they could be doing so much more for themselves.
 

Anti Nudist Cupcake

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Well if you have a crush on someone you're gonna want to have a relationship. Our biology just makes it desirable to be in a relationship with someone we like.

Also, for cuddles!

Being close to someone, kissing, cuddling, sex, hugging, holding hands, these are all things that many find desirable and they can ONLY be acquired simultaneously through a relationship, there is no alternative.
Clearly you are not the type of person that desires all of the above in one person and you clearly aren't even attracted to the person you are with so just end the relationship.
 

gazumped

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ellieallegro said:
'Thanks very much'?? Haha that's not casual sex, that's just being an inconsiderate jerk (regardless of what gender you are). When I have had what I call casual sex, it doesn't mean I value the person any less. Casual sex includes caring about the person (and cuddling) in my book.
You're right, I was being a bit hyperbolic. It's the leaving in the morning that I found weirdly loveless. We'd usually stay the night at each other's houses and cuddle in bed, but it felt more like it was just because it was convenient and physically comfortable to do so rather than any real affection. Perhaps this was just me being guarded over my feelings so that things didn't get complicated, but of course that's also another problem that you have to watch out for...

But, yehknow, I always felt he respected/cared about me, and I respected/cared about him also, and we're still friends and it's all cool, so, it's no bad thing. I've just made it clear that I wouldn't be interested in doing it again 'cause I found it kinda hollow and detached, and he said that's understandable.
 

Sniper Team 4

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HalloHerrNoob said:
krazykidd said:
it's so easy to get laid now a days , this is basically a non-issue.
Lol...where did you get that impression? The media?
I know lots of girls and none of them would just hop into bed with the next best stranger just cause he has learned some how-to-pick-up-girls-lines.
Okay, its still easy if you have enough money and the phone number of a hooker, but I guess thats beside the point.


Sniper Team 4 said:
Love. A chemical reaction in the brain.
Every reaction in the brain is chemical...so is hapiness. I guess that means we better stop being happy.
And since breathing is just a chemical reaction, why not stop it?
Did...did you actually read my post? That whole thing where I laid out that a relationship is more to me than just a chemical reaction in the brain? And the fact that I was quoting an episode of Penguins of Madagascar? Or did you just see that one snip, decide to quote it (like you've apparently done with others) and come up with a sarcastic response it it, thus ignoring everything I wrote?
 

Troublesome Lagomorph

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The only appeal for me, personally, is the "starting my own family" aspect of it.
TheRightToArmBears said:
Is the concept of love entirely alien to you?
EDIT: The misanthropy in this thread is utterly hilarious, it's like it's 2009 again!
Cause love = putting your dick in it.
And you're acting like the mood being similar to how it was in '09 is a bad thing? Hah! Those were the best days.
 

BOOM headshot65

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Bigsmith said:
I have been in a relationship for what is coming up to be 3 years, but here is the twist: both my self and my girlfriends are virgins. No, I don't mean we were when we started going out, we still are.

Basically I really couldn't care less when it comes to sex, sure I want to do it as some point but I'm not going to pressure the one I love into doing it or leave her because she doesn't want to.
Im similar here, but for about 2.2 years. My girlfriend is VERY strict about the "No sex before marriage" thing (dispite being not religious, but spiritual). She has said she will slap me if I tried and has also said that one of the reasons she loves me and thinks I am one of the only good men left is BECAUSE I dont want sex with her. I just like cuddling with her, holding her close, and helping her learn to shoot in Fallout: New Vegas.

Plus we get to do all the experimental stuff in bed; I said we hadn't had sex - I said nothing about anything else.
o_O

Do I even WANT to know what that means?

OT: I think most of the rebuttals to the OP have already been covered. For me, I am dating and want to marry my girlfriend because she is my best friend and I want to be with her until I die (and then walk the Earth as a ghost with her ghost). Like love, its something you cant explain. Only feel.
 

Bigsmith

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BOOM headshot65 said:
Bigsmith said:
I have been in a relationship for what is coming up to be 3 years, but here is the twist: both my self and my girlfriends are virgins. No, I don't mean we were when we started going out, we still are.

Basically I really couldn't care less when it comes to sex, sure I want to do it as some point but I'm not going to pressure the one I love into doing it or leave her because she doesn't want to.
Im similar here, but for about 2.2 years. My girlfriend is VERY strict about the "No sex before marriage" thing (dispite being not religious, but spiritual). She has said she will slap me if I tried and has also said that one of the reasons she loves me and thinks I am one of the only good men left is BECAUSE I dont want sex with her. I just like cuddling with her, holding her close, and helping her learn to shoot in Fallout: New Vegas.
It's not even anything to do with "No sex before marriage", my girlfriend just isn't into having it. I do have to agree with the cuddling thing as well although I could probably learn a thing or two when it comes to sniping in games from her.

Plus we get to do all the experimental stuff in bed; I said we hadn't had sex - I said nothing about anything else.
o_O

Do I even WANT to know what that means?
Hahaha, probably not.

OT: I think most of the rebuttals to the OP have already been covered. For me, I am dating and want to marry my girlfriend because she is my best friend and I want to be with her until I die (and then walk the Earth as a ghost with her ghost). Like love, its something you cant explain. Only feel.
Pretty much same feels here bro. Me and my girlfriend discuss marriage all the time although she understands that I want to wait until I've graduated and have even contemplating proposing when I do so. XD
 

Shia-Neko-Chan

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Dijkstra said:
A relationship does not require children or marriage. Though marriage seems convenient for one that you plan to go on long enough. And why can't they pursue hopes and dreams with that person?
Hopes and dreams require passion, work, and focus. When you're in a relationship, you spend a lot of time and attention with that one person. You get distracted. When you're married, you go to the first job opportunity available to make support you and your lover, for instance (because at that point, it's your duty to help support them and it's their duty to support you), and most people become content with that and peak there.

While it is possible to achieve them in a relationship, having one creates so many new factors that most people never get around to achieving them.

You're acting like someone being in a relationship is saying that it is needed and that it validates their existence. You've confused people telling you that you need one to people who just happen to be in one or would enjoy one. And you've confused people enjoying a relationship with people who can't keep themselves happy.
You know, I thought about adding a disclaimer to the bottom of my post that said that if you're not the sort of person that needs to be in one (like so many people that I know), then this post isn't for you, but I thought it was too obvious. :/

It's mostly a rant against people who actively seek out someone like their life requires it, which is the majority.

You go a bit far in your wish in that you seem to attribute things not inherent in wanting a relationship to all people who would want one.
Explain why so many people need to be in a relationship (again, this does not include the people who don't actively need one but ended up in one, anyway), why so many people are depressed when they can't find one and why so many people insist that I should look for one, then.

I had one guy continue to try to tell me to get into a relationship for months where I continuously told him that I'm happy the way I am and don't need to look for someone else.

It's seen as really important in our culture and you not seeing it as that important doesn't change that fact.

Uh huh... you really need to separate people who can't be happy without a relationship and people who can but still would enjoy one. I don't understand why you seem to think that people should not have one if they can do it and be happy with it. What more can they do for themselves if that's what they really want? And what if they can be in a relationship and still do more for themselves? I see nothing to suggest single people are the most accomplished.
I wasn't wrong. There are more important things to life that will keep you happier in the long term. The best time to look for a relationship is after you've achieved your dreams, because that way you're not distracted.
 

Shia-Neko-Chan

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Dijkstra said:
And how do you know that wasn't the best way for them to achieve happiness? You're automatically assuming that the relationship cannot be one of the biggest things for them, or if it is that is wrong. And you also seem to assume their hopes and dreams were reasonable and attainable, as well as well defined. And did not include a relationship. You seem to be separating it from such things for no apparent reason.
Evidence shows that married people are only happier than the premarital state for a honeymoon phase, and then they go back to their premarital state of happiness.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1015873-1,00.html

In fact, I've seen it happen pretty much every time, because it seems to also happen with relationships if they go on for a certain amount of time. They become status quo and that's it, you're just as happy as you were before, even if you want to believe you're happier.

I have made no assumption. I'm aware that some people have no other dreams or achievements in mind, but that does not change the fact that relationships don't make people happier. Self-actualization [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization] is what makes people the happiest and for the long term. In fact, it probably goes back to what I was saying about how it's portrayed as an important part of life in everything we see and interact with. Now, what's true is that happier people are more likely to be in a relationship (also mentioned in the above article, I believe), but a relationship does not make them happier than they were before in the long term.

And even still, a relationship does not require marriage.
Are you kidding? It's exactly what it's for. To test the waters before marriage. That's why things like cheating and disloyalty are frowned upon during a relationship, and while there are always exceptions to the rule, that doesn't invalidate the vast majority.

You're also really jumping to an assumption about the job thing. Not even bothering to consider they may already have a job, or that they may not just jump at the first job.
Not sure where you got that. You responded to a post where right at the end I say the best time to get a relationship is after you've achieved something you want to achieve and you somehow decided to included this.

Why should I need to explain that? To say it is not inherent is not to say they don't exist, so there is no explanation necessary from me.
hm. I'll admit I was a little distracted when I read it at first. I must have misread that particular part of your post.

Inherent would mean it happens to everyone. A single example is useless to prove something is inherent.
Thank you for sharing your epiphany. :p

Yes, but that's not what you had said. I never disputed that it was seen as really important in our culture.
I really wish pairing up wasn't treated as such a sacred ritual in our culture. No matter where I look, everything treating it as if it is the holy grail of living. All mediums of art and pop culture do it for instance, starting from children's shows all the way into adulthood. It's emphasized so much in everything that we do that maybe the mindset that we need someone is just conditioned into our way of thinking. That's probably why people put so much emphasis on it.
Read this again. I did say that and that's what that part of your post was in response to.

You have evidence this is true for all people?

What's more, you're making it a bizarre view where all other things are put in opposition to being in a relationship as opposed to looking at it as gathering as many things that make you happy as possible.
Yes. I have evidence. Refer to the above link to TIME magazine. Everyone goes back to their premarital state of happiness after a while.

and no, I've said nothing like that. Again, what I've said is the relationship should be thought of after everything else is in place. Not be happy or be in a relationship as you seem to think I've been saying.

You assume dreams are achievable, clear, fulfilling and are not able to include a relationship as well. Yes people can have their own goals, I do not see that it is necessarily best for people to seek them to the exclusion of all else that may come up along the way.
You use the word 'assume' a lot, you know. Not everything can be an assumption.

Dreams ARE fulfilling. It's basic psychology.

Dreams ARE achievable with hard work and focus.

Dreams can be clear if you think about what exactly it is you want out of life.

The point is that relationships are proven distractions toward success (relationship issues are the top distraction in the workplace, also people are much less inclined to do things they are not immediately paid for). The idea that you live a happier life when married or in a relationship is false for the long term, contrary to popular belief. People should pursue all of the things that they want to do during their life before seeking out a relationship unless they're sure they can carry on despite the large added distraction and achieve what it is they set out for at the same time.
 

Britisheagle

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I personally like the intamacy that comes with a relationship beyond sex. I mean like having someone to rely on, someone I know who will support me regardless of the choices I make and I would do the same for them.

If I have had a shitty day, I always love seeing my girlfriend as she says the right things and usually makes me feel better regardless. The same with nights whereby I want to just sit in and do nothing she'll be there to cuddle with me.

I think and existence with just friends and/ or pets would be very lonely. So for the love of God if you don't wanna be in a relationship, son't be in one! Took me years to find someone who actually wanted to settle down with me, and I am sure there are many more where I came from that would do anything to be in a relationship!
 

TheLogicalGamer

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Short Answer: Emotional Support.

Long Answer: Relationships are, in theory, a state of complete trust. Trusting that your partner will be there when you need them, and stating that you will be there for them in return. When one of you is sick, the other is there to help you out. When one of you is having money troubles, the other helps to get them back on their feet. In short, you always know that you can fall back on them, and they know you will do the same thing.

Beyond that, emotional intimacy in a relationship is... something else. You know that person, or at least you should. You understand what motivates them, you understand what they like, what they dislike, and how they are feeling at the moment by just talking with them for a few seconds, and they do the same in return. When one of you is upset, the other will be there as a shoulder to cry on. When one of you is angry, the other will listen to your ranting until you calm down. You support one-another emotionally, as well as physically. Its part of that great thing named Love.

Oh, and the sex thing. That's a nice perk too.

Basically, relationships help people stay sane. Its a mutual support network. Some people don't feel a need to have one, but a lot of us do. Its a lifestyle choice to me. I know there are a lot of people who only dive into relationships because they feel like they HAVE to be in one, but I have never felt that way.
 

lettucethesallad

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I'm in a relationship, and to me, it's a lot like a friendship. You find someone you like and have fun with, hang out a lot with them because they're cool. You're attracted to them, and they're (presumably) attracted to you, so as a bonus to having a really cool friend, you have a really cool friend who makes you feel really good with sex. Also, that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when being around that special someone makes all kinds of crap worth it in the end.
 

BOOM headshot65

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Bigsmith said:
It's not even anything to do with "No sex before marriage", my girlfriend just isn't into having it.
Well, it is the case with me. Not only do neither of us really care about sex and see it as something you only do when you want to have kids (which obviously means "none until married"), both of us had it hammered into us since we were younger to not have sex until we were married (to the point that I skipped Sex Ed because I wasnt interested. Only class I DIDNT want to do). And she has extra reason for heeding this rule since she can see the effects first hand, since her mom had her first kid at the age of 16 (and was married at 16 as well).

Although, we will still sometimes have jokes at eachothers sexual expense. For instance, I was helping her in Fallout the last time we went out, and the following scene took place:

Her: *aiming gun at Boones backside* "That ass! =D"
Me: "Oh, so you will look at his ass but not mine?! >:)"
Her: "Stand up and I will =D"
Both: *laugh, laugh, laugh*

Pretty much same feels here bro. Me and my girlfriend discuss marriage all the time although she understands that I want to wait until I've graduated and have even contemplating proposing when I do so. XD
We have been talking about being married for a while too, and we are also waiting until I am done with college (shes not going). That way I could actually have the money to PAY for it and not have to woory about taking care of her while ALSO having to pay for college. Although, we dont really talk about the wedding itself, but what we will have as rules for kids, what we want as kids (she wants Twins, I want one son and one daughter. If that happens at the same time, great!), what their names would be (May Annabelle for first daughter, Kola *blank* if we have a second daughter, Robert Lee for first son, and Thomas Jackson if we have a second son), and other things like that. Which leads me to believe our love will survive. Of course, the joke amoung our friends already is that it would take an act of Divine Intervention to split us up, so theres that.