So , your Significant other changed the part of their appearance that you liked the most.

[Lufia Erim]

Let's say, hypothetically, your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, partner or significant other decided to change a part of their apparence you like the most about them, hoe would you react? Do you think you would have a hard time adapting? Is it reason enough to break up/ separate? What if you were no longer attracted to them? ( Try and think about something you love about your SO appearance and imagine her doing a 180 degree change).


Here's why i asked this. I am into bigger girls. Like 250lbs+ . Every girl i have dated have been bentween 250 and 310 pounds. It's just what i am attracted to. Now my current girlfriend who i have been with for 5 years, just joined a gym. Now being the good boyfriend that i am, encouraged her , especially since she is doing it for health reasons. She was worried I'd have a problem with her going to the gym, and of course i told her she should go if that is what she wants, i even paid the subscription for her, to put her at ease. And i wouldn't dare try to discourage her, or make her feel she shouldn't go.

The problem is, a side effect of working out would be losing weight. While that is good for her and I'll be happy for her, i am kind of afraid of no longer being attracted to her. Now as selfish as that sounds, i cannot tell her this because it might make her change her mind about the gym, which is not what i want.

Worst case scenerio she loses weight, i am no longer attracted to her, we break up and she finds someone who likes the " new" her.

So how would you react to your SO changing their appearance to something you personally aren't attracted to?

 

[DrownedAmmet]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

 

[Parasondox]

Physical changes can come with mental changes too. If a partner has a physical change and is still the same person on the inside as she was when you first met her, then your heart should still find that attraction. Once again the mental change could be positive with more confidence and more self esteem. However if the physical change brings on a more negative mental behaviour, of course that would cause alot of relationship issues. Issues that would lead to the love you both have to fizzle out or create tension that would leave one or both of you hurt.

Physical change, I do not mind as long as it's something they want to do themselves and not because someone told or force them too. Mental changes and behaviour could be a major factor and all depending on the person, the changes made and the outcome of it all.

Once again, it's just a thought and something I have seen. What I am saying is not fact.

 

[Phasmal]

Mm, nah, I love my boyfriend separately from the state of his flesh-prison.

In my case, our relationship has been through something I guess that's in the same vein? A few months after we got together I was suffering from an illness that caused me to have terrible eczema all over my body and especially on my face, it lasted about two years. Not attractive. Luckily it's completely gone now, but even then my boyfriend never acted like it bothered him, and still says he didn't find me unattractive with it. (Which I totally don't buy but it's nice of him to say).

For your case, you say you are into bigger girls, but are you completely unattracted to smaller girls? Losing weight is hard anyway, so it's hardly like she's going to drop a load of weight all at once (though good on her if she does). Is her weight the biggest attraction for you?

I don't think it's a big enough deal to break up over, but I suppose your mileage may vary. You might come round to it, I suppose. Or not.

 

[Lufia Erim]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

It's not her exact weight. But i am not ( or at least less) attracted to thin girls than big girls. While i don't expect her to turn into taylor swift tomorrow, if ( hypothetically of course) she was to lose enough weight to ressemble that i am afraid to no longer be attracted to her and that in turn would make me less attracted.

Just as a point of reference. Milissa mcarthy lost quite a bit of weight. I find the older pictures of her more attractive that how she is now. Not to say she doesn't look good and isn't healthier. But I'm more attracted to her when she was bigger.

Http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2015/01/08/melissa-mccarthy-peoples-choice-awards-weight-loss-amazing-before-after-pictures-photos-pics/

 

[FalloutJack]

Minor disappointment, really. Not gonna get on her case. Just sort of an "Aww, I liked it the other way", and that's about enough. I've dealt with far more serious things in my life, so this doesn't make the same impact as it does others. Now, if she starts changing everything, that might be cause for concern, if only to figure out why.

 

[DrownedAmmet]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

It's not her exact weight. But i am not ( or at least less) attracted to thin girls than big girls. While i don't expect her to turn into taylor swift tomorrow, if ( hypothetically of course) she was to lose enough weight to ressemble that i am afraid to no longer be attracted to her and that in turn would make me less attracted.

Just as a point of reference. Milissa mcarthy lost quite a bit of weight. I find the older pictures of her more attractive that how she is now. Not to say she doesn't look good and isn't healthier. But I'm more attracted to her when she was bigger.

Http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2015/01/08/melissa-mccarthy-peoples-choice-awards-weight-loss-amazing-before-after-pictures-photos-pics/

Hmm, let's imagine that when you met your SO she was at Melissa's lesser weight in that photo
Do you think you would have still pursued a relationship with her?

 

[Lufia Erim]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

It's not her exact weight. But i am not ( or at least less) attracted to thin girls than big girls. While i don't expect her to turn into taylor swift tomorrow, if ( hypothetically of course) she was to lose enough weight to ressemble that i am afraid to no longer be attracted to her and that in turn would make me less attracted.

Just as a point of reference. Milissa mcarthy lost quite a bit of weight. I find the older pictures of her more attractive that how she is now. Not to say she doesn't look good and isn't healthier. But I'm more attracted to her when she was bigger.

Http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2015/01/08/melissa-mccarthy-peoples-choice-awards-weight-loss-amazing-before-after-pictures-photos-pics/

Hmm, let's imagine that when you met your SO she was at Melissa's lesser weight in that photo
Do you think you would have still pursued a relationship with her?

Honestly? No. As much as personality is important in a relationship ( which my gf has in spades) physical attraction is equally as important.

You see the fear i have is that i would no longer find her physically attractive, which in turn would lead to me not desiring her as much. While i would still love personality, physically she would do nothing for me.

 

[DrownedAmmet]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

It's not her exact weight. But i am not ( or at least less) attracted to thin girls than big girls. While i don't expect her to turn into taylor swift tomorrow, if ( hypothetically of course) she was to lose enough weight to ressemble that i am afraid to no longer be attracted to her and that in turn would make me less attracted.

Just as a point of reference. Milissa mcarthy lost quite a bit of weight. I find the older pictures of her more attractive that how she is now. Not to say she doesn't look good and isn't healthier. But I'm more attracted to her when she was bigger.

Http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2015/01/08/melissa-mccarthy-peoples-choice-awards-weight-loss-amazing-before-after-pictures-photos-pics/

Hmm, let's imagine that when you met your SO she was at Melissa's lesser weight in that photo
Do you think you would have still pursued a relationship with her?

Honestly? No. As much as personality is important in a relationship ( which my gf has in spades) physical attraction is equally as important.

You see the fear i have is that i would no longer find her physically attractive, which in turn would lead to me not desiring her as much. While i would still love personality, physically she would do nothing for me.

Yeah, you'll probably have to deal with that when/if she hits that point
I'd recommend try not letting it affect the relationship now while she is still attractive to you. A Rollercoaster is still a hell of a ride even though it's only a few moments of excitement before it ends

 

[Barbas]

Best not let that harm the relationship now. Try to be happy that she's happy. It's quite a gradual thing anyway.

 

[Lufia Erim]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

It's not her exact weight. But i am not ( or at least less) attracted to thin girls than big girls. While i don't expect her to turn into taylor swift tomorrow, if ( hypothetically of course) she was to lose enough weight to ressemble that i am afraid to no longer be attracted to her and that in turn would make me less attracted.

Just as a point of reference. Milissa mcarthy lost quite a bit of weight. I find the older pictures of her more attractive that how she is now. Not to say she doesn't look good and isn't healthier. But I'm more attracted to her when she was bigger.

Http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2015/01/08/melissa-mccarthy-peoples-choice-awards-weight-loss-amazing-before-after-pictures-photos-pics/

Hmm, let's imagine that when you met your SO she was at Melissa's lesser weight in that photo
Do you think you would have still pursued a relationship with her?

Honestly? No. As much as personality is important in a relationship ( which my gf has in spades) physical attraction is equally as important.

You see the fear i have is that i would no longer find her physically attractive, which in turn would lead to me not desiring her as much. While i would still love personality, physically she would do nothing for me.

Yeah, you'll probably have to deal with that when/if she hits that point
I'd recommend try not letting it affect the relationship now while she is still attractive to you. A Rollercoaster is still a hell of a ride even though it's only a few moments of excitement before it ends

But you get what im getting at right? I don't want to discourage her, especially because she is doing this, for her health and not " because she wants to be pretty". And i can't tell her no becauae that would be selfish. Yet i can't help but feat that i wouldn't be attracted to her if she lost too much weight. I know it is a peculiar situation. But i imagine someone who is for example against tattos , and have their gf decide im gonna get tattos would be in the same situation.

 

[DrownedAmmet]

I think your making this into a bigger problem than it is. Weight loss is gradual, so unless her exact weight is the only thing you find attractive about her, I think you'll get used to her new self, and still find her attractive for a while. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow next to Taylor Swift

As for me, I can't think of anything my hypothetical SO could do to go from being attractive to unattractive. Maybe if they turned their boobs into cheese graters or something, but even then I'd at least find it practical if we're out somewhere and I immediately need to grate some cheese

It's not her exact weight. But i am not ( or at least less) attracted to thin girls than big girls. While i don't expect her to turn into taylor swift tomorrow, if ( hypothetically of course) she was to lose enough weight to ressemble that i am afraid to no longer be attracted to her and that in turn would make me less attracted.

Just as a point of reference. Milissa mcarthy lost quite a bit of weight. I find the older pictures of her more attractive that how she is now. Not to say she doesn't look good and isn't healthier. But I'm more attracted to her when she was bigger.

Http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2015/01/08/melissa-mccarthy-peoples-choice-awards-weight-loss-amazing-before-after-pictures-photos-pics/

Hmm, let's imagine that when you met your SO she was at Melissa's lesser weight in that photo
Do you think you would have still pursued a relationship with her?

Honestly? No. As much as personality is important in a relationship ( which my gf has in spades) physical attraction is equally as important.

You see the fear i have is that i would no longer find her physically attractive, which in turn would lead to me not desiring her as much. While i would still love personality, physically she would do nothing for me.

Yeah, you'll probably have to deal with that when/if she hits that point
I'd recommend try not letting it affect the relationship now while she is still attractive to you. A Rollercoaster is still a hell of a ride even though it's only a few moments of excitement before it ends

But you get what im getting at right? I don't want to discourage her, especially because she is doing this, for her health and not " because she wants to be pretty". And i can't tell her no becauae that would be selfish. Yet i can't help but feat that i wouldn't be attracted to her if she lost too much weight. I know it is a peculiar situation. But i imagine someone who is for example against tattos , and have their gf decide im gonna get tattos would be in the same situation.

Bad example, tattoos are awesome, anyone who is against tattoos is a total wanker

But I do get where you're coming from, I think the only option you have is to support her because it's her health, and her health outranks your boner. This is one of the few instances where I think total honesty isn't the best option at this point, for fear of putting her in the position of having to choose between being healthy and being in the relationship

It's hard, but you gotta just live it up now, and let future Lufia Erim deal with the future potential problems. Who the hell knows what that guy will be like, though, maybe he'll be up for a little less jiggle

 

[DeliveryGodNoah_v1legacy]

This is going to sound sappy and stupid, but I can't think of a singular thing I find the most attractive about my girlfriend because I like her as a whole.

I'm quite "flexible" in what I'm attracted to. I of course have my preferences ("chubby", long hair, pretty eyes, enjoys accessories, pale skin) but I've been with people who were absurdly attractive to me, but ruined it with a terrible personality, but I suppose that's not the question...

I guess her pale skin was a high scoring part of her. When I met her she was ghostly pale, and I think it's gorgeous, however over the last couple years she's spent more time outside and it shows. She's certainly still rather light skinned, but it's obviously been toned a bit. So, if she suddenly had very tan skin would I be less attracted and consider breaking up? Noooo? I'm going to say no.

Ah, I'm sorry, this is tough, because I actually have a thing for evenly tan skin as well! I'm not contributing much to your questions...

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Honestly, if my Girlfriend changed something about her appearance drastically, it would only raise an eyebrow but not change one iota how I feel about her. I'm very attracted to the person she is regardless of how she styles herself. That's good enough for the both of us.

 

[Wrex Brogan]

...well, it depends. With one boyfriend, I couldn't give a shit. With the other, he'd better keep those sweet abs or I'm going to string him up by his ankles. Given my relationship with my girlfriend isn't physical it probably doesn't matter anyway.

...Though, in truth, I wouldn't give a shit, unless the change was a significant and existential thing* (i.e. transitioning genders, cyborg body, etc.) since my attraction to them isn't on a physical basis. Plus we've all changed over the years we've known each other anyway, so getting hung up on like a minor change in appearance doesn't seem... major to me? Certainly not enough to throw everything under a bus, that's for sure.

*[sub]and if it was a significant and existential thing then my response wouldn't be a negative one. Their body, their choice, I'm there to support them not go 'oh, well, I don't like this, change yourself for me instead'.[/sub]

 

[the December King]

One of my exes had long, black hair before we started dating. I liked it, and she knew it, but after we started going out, she shaved it and dyed the stubble orange. I was unfazed- she was still radiant to me- and told her so. After all, it was her hair, and how she felt about it mattered the most. And she did seem happier for the change.

So with such a physical change, I'd be all for it, if it makes them happy. If they wanted to become something else, like for example they wanted to leave for months on end to work abroad and I could not reasonably change my lifestyle to go with them, or if they decided to change their gender, then I would have to reconsider. Of course, I would likely have an idea about these kind of desires early on in an honest relationship, I would hope, so it would not come as such a surprise. I would still want them to follow their dreams or desires, though, just as I would never stand in their way. If I love them, I want them to be happy.

 

[Chris Moses]

No, it wouldn't change much. I didn't pick my first partner (I'm polyamorous) based on looks. And, when it comes to long term relationships I am not all that hung up on looks anyway so if partner #2 changed it wouldn't be a problem either. Don't get me wrong. I can be as petty and shallow as the next guy when all I want to do is get off, but when it comes to long term emotional connections, I don't think looks factor in much at all.

 

[MHR]

I think you're putting way too much faith in someone's ability to lose that much weight in a timely manner. If she was large before she even met you, knowing most guys didn't like it, and that didn't motivate her then, she may have even less incentive now that she's met someone who just loves her for her.

She's gonna give up in two weeks tops.

But if I had a girl with beautiful waist-long hair, and she even dyed it a bright anime color, but then decided one day to shave it all in solidarity with Tibetan monks in crisis or some shit, I'd consider bailing. That's just too tragic.

Yes, I'm a bastard. But that's tragic in more ways than one. I'm out.

 

[FPLOON]

Spoiler: OH shit! They look exactly like me now!

https://media.giphy.com/media/tdN4TpyM3dzYA/giphy.gif

Honestly, they would more or less break up with me before I break up with them... and I wasn't even thinking about doing that anyway... Other than that, I would probably make this "joke" before it goes stale:
https://www.oho.com/sites/default/files/11.gif
(I "know" that the scene the gif is presenting was taken seriously in context... I don't know... She "banged" her foster brother...)