Sort of an Issue... (I could really use some help right now.)

[DuctTapeJedi]

So, since Christmas, I've posted two threads on the following subject in the Off-Topic boards to draw amusment from the questionable antics of my mom.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.255359-So-my-mom-tried-to-get-me-to-come-out-of-the-closet#9552164
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.262692-So-my-mom-still-thinks-Im-gay-A-Follow-Up#9919903

But it's been getting to be too much for me lately. Today on the phone, my older sister told me that our mom tried to tell her I was gay, before my sister changed the subject. This, in addition to my mom's friend making me "promise to never marry a girl" leads me to believe that my mother has been spreading rumors about my sexuality.

I'm not gay. I'm not bisexual. I've never voiced questions. I don't date, it's just not on my list of priorities. I never really considered it an issue. But apparently, at least to my mom, if I'm not out picking up weird guys at the bar, I must be a lesbian.

What do you do when the person spreading rumors about you is your own parent? Every time I've tried to talk to her about anything serious in the past, it degrades instantly into her getting extremely defensive, and screaming at me for half an hour. (I had an interesting childhood...) When it was just her yelling at me in private, I could handle it.[footnote]Not really, I still have a ton of issues.[/footnote] But what am I supposed to do to stop her?

I'm waiting to call home so I can talk to my dad when he gets home. If I'm going to try to resolve this, it might as well be with the sane/non-abusive parent. I just needed to vent a little in the meantime.

Spoiler: Disclaimer

I have absolutely no problem with gay people, but many people in my area, including my mom's side of the family who she's probably been telling this to, are quite homophobic. Even if it was true, I'd still be upset. It's the choice of the individual, and them alone to decide who knows. But the fact that it's not even true with me just makes this even more screwed up.

 

[Stevo_s]

Well you could always just ignore her when she brings it up. You cant really stop her from doing it either if she thinks shes 100% sure your gay then there is probably nothing you could do but get a boyfriend. There is also the possibility that shes pushing you to get a boyfriend.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

You cant really stop her from doing it either if she thinks shes 100% sure your gay then there is probably nothing you could do but get a boyfriend. There is also the possibility that shes pushing you to get a boyfriend.

So I can't stop her from talking? I beg to differ. There's a reason I go by DuctTapeJedi.

In all seriousness, though. Why should I let her dictate my life and lie to people about me?

 

[Stevo_s]

So I can't stop her from talking? I beg to differ. There's a reason I go by DuctTapeJedi.

In all seriousness, though. Why should I let her dictate my life and lie to people about me?

Its your life no one can dictate it. I dont see why it would be a big deal if she is lying to people about you. If you know the truth then it shouldn't matter what other people think besides if they are really that interested in you then they will ask you themselves about it. upon which you can clarify and tell them your mother is hysterical lying.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

So I can't stop her from talking? I beg to differ. There's a reason I go by DuctTapeJedi.

In all seriousness, though. Why should I let her dictate my life and lie to people about me?

Its your life no one can dictate it. I dont see why it would be a big deal if she is lying to people about you. If you know the truth then it shouldn't matter what other people think besides if they are really that interested in you then they will ask you themselves about it. upon which you can clarify and tell them your mother is hysterical lying.

She has a completely different persona around other people. They only see the 'kind caring mother who is concerned about her child' instead of the woman I've come to both know and fear.

In short, no one would believe me. Also, as for not caring, my mom's side is really homophobic. So that complicates things a lot more...

 

[Boemmel]

Stevo_s has good points.

Do not let her dictate your life and do not fuss too much about what other people might think about you. It can be tough if those people are family (immediate or distant), but it seems that you have at least some people like your sister and your dad on your side, which should help. Maybe they can help you a bit in trying to set the record straight, maybe there are also other family members on your mothers side you can at least talk to in a rational matter which you can try to convince to step up on your behalf.

But regardless of them, you are the one who definitely knows for sure that your mother is dead wrong on this and no matter how much she may try to badmouth you, try to remember this simple truth.

Finally, on a lighter note: Besides the Duct Tape, maybe putting the second part of your handle into use might be an option as well. Those Mind tricks might not work as well, but maybe you can try to use something that at least superficially resembles a light saber for reasoning, I heard those can be pretty convincing if they look convincing (i.e. sharp) enough

 

[CounterAttack]

If all else fails - I suggest this only as a last resort option - Swing The Hammer. Plan out a time and place at which you can go into a tirade about how you are not what your mother thinks you are. Use the points you've made here to convince her that she is wrong. Oh, and demand - not respectfully request, not ask politely, demand - that she stops spreading rumours. If you don't like what she's doing, don't put up with it.

Get your dad to back you up by explaining the situation to him the way you did here, and call on him when the time is right. If he listened and understood, his influence should tip the balance in your favour.

To conclude, I'll restate that this option should only be used if you've tried everything else that people suggest. Good luck to you.

 

[theonlyblaze2]

Just live your life. Can't really stop people from saying what they say. My dad has been saying I am gay because I haven't had a girlfriend, so I am in the same boat as you.

 

[Paksenarrion]

So I can't stop her from talking? I beg to differ. There's a reason I go by DuctTapeJedi.

Very well. Execute Order 66.