Strangest/funniest things you've done while drunk?

Sean Hollyman

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Jun 24, 2011
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I'm sure some of you have some stories to share. I need a laugh too I'm in a crappy mood.

Anyway last week I needed to pee, real bad after a night of heavy drinking. I found a roomy looking alleyway with a bunch of big wheelie bins arranged in an L shape where I could snugly fit in, shielded from the outside eyes. I unzip my pants and let a stream run, and then I look up. It turns out this is one of those streets where all the taxis park, waiting to take their drunken customers home. They see me, we lock eyes. They start honking their horns.

I panic, and fumble in my pockets trying to find something to hold to make it look like Im actually doing something. The only thing I find is my passport (didn't have ID yet)

So I just stood there, passport reading in one hand, pee hose in the other, smiling happily and trying to look concentrated as I read my passport.

When I was done, I gave the driver a little wave and hobbled away.
 

PainInTheAssInternet

The Ship Magnificent
Dec 30, 2011
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I've never been drunk in public, so I don't have any extravagant stories.

I did, however, dance with my cat in front of my girlfriend and friends while slightly buzzed. The cat was not pleased.
 

tippy2k2

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Apr 3, 2020
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I hate the taste of alcohol. I will drink but the only stuff that I will drink is so weak that your Grandmother would call me a pussy if she caught me drinking it. So you're stuck with a story about my brother! Let's throw him under the bus!

Please note; the following story is...icky. Do not read if you have a problem with icky.

It was a few years ago and we were at a bachelor party for a family friend. Open bar where you could mix your own drinks (I of course made myself a root-beer with a splash of Crown Royal; see my sentence above). I didn't really see my brother drinking so this came as quite the surprise...

The classy ladies of entertainment entered the scene. Everyone is distracted by the ladies doing entirely wholesome with some toys in the middle of the room with the gentlemen circled around like a gladiator pit. All of a sudden, one of them let's out a cry (and not a fun cry either). Everyone turns to look at her and what do we see?

My brother is standing there with a giant smile on his face...and a whole lotta spit/vomit dribbling out. It just so happens that one of the fine young ladies in the middle is right underneath him and said spit/vomit is landing all over her.

Somehow, the now very unhappy lady of the evening decides to stick around as long as my brother is removed from the immediate area. We bring him into the bathroom to lie there and we go back out because hey, the show was expensive so we want to watch damn it!

A hour or so later and the ladies are packed up and gone. We go into the bathroom...

Even though he is lying right next to the toilet/sink/bathtub, evidently he was unable to aim correctly. The bathroom floor is COVERED in vomit. How someone had that much vomit in them is something that still baffles modern medicine but there it was.

So that was a fun night :D
 

Mithcha

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Oct 21, 2011
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I didn't get drunk around drunk people, they found that hilarious.

Meh, I think the only thing I've done drunk of any real note is walk down the street yelling with my brother. Then I've only been drunk...twice, perhaps three times.
 

Sean Hollyman

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Jun 24, 2011
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tippy2k2 said:
I hate the taste of alcohol. I will drink but the only stuff that I will drink is so weak that your Grandmother would call me a pussy if she caught me drinking it. So you're stuck with a story about my brother! Let's throw him under the bus!

Please note; the following story is...icky. Do not read if you have a problem with icky.

It was a few years ago and we were at a bachelor party for a family friend. Open bar where you could mix your own drinks (I of course made myself a root-beer with a splash of Crown Royal; see my sentence above). I didn't really see my brother drinking so this came as quite the surprise...

The classy ladies of entertainment entered the scene. Everyone is distracted by the ladies doing entirely wholesome with some toys in the middle of the room with the gentlemen circled around like a gladiator pit. All of a sudden, one of them let's out a cry (and not a fun cry either). Everyone turns to look at her and what do we see?

My brother is standing there with a giant smile on his face...and a whole lotta spit/vomit dribbling out. It just so happens that one of the fine young ladies in the middle is right underneath him and said spit/vomit is landing all over her.

Somehow, the now very unhappy lady of the evening decides to stick around as long as my brother is removed from the immediate area. We bring him into the bathroom to lie there and we go back out because hey, the show was expensive so we want to watch damn it!

A hour or so later and the ladies are packed up and gone. We go into the bathroom...

Even though he is lying right next to the toilet/sink/bathtub, evidently he was unable to aim correctly. The bathroom floor is COVERED in vomit. How someone had that much vomit in them is something that still baffles modern medicine but there it was.

So that was a fun night :D
Oh my god that's hilarious. Just the thought of him standing there grinning with a vomit covered woman beneath him is making me giggle.
 

Flutterguy

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Jun 26, 2011
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Well something I do fairly often if drunk in a city, walking up to drive-thru windows, knocking on the window and hitting on the waitress. Favourite time I was at a Tim Hortons, knocked on the window and said something along the lines of "Oh hey hows it going?... I really like your hair... Want to meet up some time? I know a coffee place really close to here."

My favourite thing I did well drunk, well used to do anyways, was flying around Azeroth for hours trying to complete a quest, but being to busy admiring the scenery to remember why I was even playing.
 

Caiphus

Social Office Corridor
Mar 31, 2010
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Not much, to be honest:

I've tried to play rugby while drunk. That didn't end well; I ended up straining a tendon in my arm. Turns out gravity is more powerful when you're drunk, who knew?

Also, at the age of 17, was walking around with a mate, both of us dressed in suits and decently plastered. We see a bunch of policemen milling around. In an effort to look normal, we started singing the national anthem at the top of our lungs. They ignored us, so I guess it worked! In hindsight, we must have looked a bunch of twats.

Also the normal stuff. Climbing onto roofs, stealing traffic cones, etc.

Oh, and I once tried to get into a strip club while dressed as a stormtrooper and while receiving a piggyback ride from a friend who was dressed as a pimp.
 

TheMiseryGamer

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Feb 3, 2014
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I was once at a pub lock in and for some reason the police turned up and in my friends drunken wisdom he ran away for no reason so I obviously followed him because I was drunk and impressionable. We found our way onto a back road that had a gate barring it, my friend managed to see it and climb over but I ran straight into and collapsed onto the muddy ground. We then proceeded to clamber over a fence which must of taken us about 10 minutes. This fence was obviously stopping the general public wandering onto the railway line which we found ourselves upon as a train was coming towards us (the train was ages away but still) We managed to cross the railway unscathed and then clambered over the fence on the opposite side. We then ran through peoples back gardens and onto the other side of town from the pub. I then phoned my mum to pick us up but not at the pub and when she asked why we were out of breath and covered in mud I couldnt come up with an excuse but my friend in his wisdom decided to say "ahh me and Ryan decided to go outside and have some fun in the bushes" and I think thats why I get the feeling my mum expected me to be gay. -.-
 

Storm Dragon

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Nov 29, 2011
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I've only been able to drink legally for a little less than a year now, and I rarely exceed two drinks on the occasions when I do drink, so I've only been truly drunk twice. That said, does trying to watch The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension while drunk count? Because I did that a few months ago. I'm pretty sure the movie had something to do with aliens, but don't quote me on that.
 
Oct 2, 2012
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The only time I got properly plastered with my best friend some funny shit happened.
I drank all of the alcohol in his house. All of it. Vodka, whiskey, wine, and beer (I hate beer, especially his Pabst Blue Ribbon, its like carbonated piss).
After that I ate part of his leather jacket, shattered a glass cup in my hand by accident, tried and failed to drive in GTA V, and ate a couple of plastic cups. Hard plastic cups. Then I tried to kiss him.

Best part though is that I asked him to give me a shower/bath cuz I was covered in puke. Well, I say asked but really I mean "gesticulate towards myself wildly while slurring 'shower'". I don't remember any of this.

What I do remember is coming to in his bathtub, naked, having him wash me. His sister comes in and I tried to say hello but hello did not happen. I actually said (while ass naked and having her brother wash me) "You're sexy" a few times and asked her if she was aware of her sexiness.
All of this only strengthened my relationship with his entire family.

I still break down laughing whenever he tells me all of this.
 

kickyourass

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Apr 17, 2010
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I've only really been drunk once so far, this latest New Year's I decided to actually capitalize on my 21 years of age and at least get a little drunk. Well, the state of slowed reflexes, softened mental processes and shortened attention span led to a game of Scrabble (Incidentally one of the best I've ever had), and because I was drunk any and all letter combinations that looked like words or even just sounded funny went on the board, and were then taken off.

The funny part was I spent a good 5 minutes arguing that the word "Quim" is totally a valid word.
 

Kekkonen1

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Nov 8, 2010
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I was at a party once where I knew there would only be beer, and I absolutely cannot for the life of me drink beer as I find it repuslive beyond measure, so I had brought tequila. This was in Japan so they played loads of drinking games. When I lost I had to chug, not a shot-glass but a REAL glass of tequila. After two of those I don't really remember any more but apparently I had started to sing, I wanted to take a shower with my clothes on and eventually fell asleep in a very akward position in the tiny toilet room (I did however not vomit). The next day when I had to play table tennis (this was at a summer camp with a table tennis club at a Japanese University) it did not go so well.
 

Isalan

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Jun 9, 2008
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21st Birthday, me and friend rowed (as in pretending to have oars and singing) on McDonalds food trays and then I climbed on top of a phone box and fell asleep.

Weird night all in all.
 

josemlopes

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Jun 9, 2008
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Never really drank much and now its out of bounds (health reasons, nothing serious but alcohol should be avoided) so I guess I never did anything really out of the ordinary.

I once once at a party where Uncharted 2 was running on a PS3 and I went online in that shit and beat the crap out of everyone while being drunk (as in when someone called my name from the left and I looked at him I also pushed my character to look left). Still managed to end up in first most of the time. After that I always started to think about how many players online are drunk or under certain effects.
 

Ubiquitous Duck

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Jan 16, 2014
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After Christmas drinks one year at university, one of the lads ended up quite a bit more drunk than anyone else.

Let's just say, sparing the details, he was well and truly 'gone'. And he began 'redecorating' the kitchen.

There were a couple of others that were pretty bad too, they ran upstairs to 'continue the party'. Me and my mate looked at each other and realised there were two jobs on hand that we had to tend to. Without agreement other than a nod, we set to it: he tended to the vomiting picasso and I ran upstairs after the other two.

Bear in mind, that we were both pretty drunk too, but for some reason, due to the crisis on-hand, we were able to switch ourselves back on somehow.

My ventures mostly involved trying to find one of their shoes, whilst they were both crawling around also looking for said shoe. One fell over whilst crawling and banged her head on the wall, the other ran through into another student block and belly flopped the ground.

Eventually, I was able to convince the guy who lived up there to go to bed, as long as I provided two of his friends to look after him, one of which was playing cards nearby and the other had been asleep.

I then set about returning the 2nd to our floor (we lived on the bottom, but were currently on the top). She took one look at the stairs and was like 'I've got this'. She tried one step, failed, turned to me and opened out her arms. I carried her down to the bottom and placed her in her room and left.

Now the two troublemakers were bedded, I was able to find my mate who had been looking after our resident artist, who seemingly had decided his work warranted viewing in other rooms as well. Lucky us.

We considered him too far gone to be left alone in his bed, so we stayed up together, watching him. It came round to 6am and my mate knew he had to get up at 7am for a lecture, so I let him get one hours nap in and I'd stay up alone.

In this period, I thought I needed a way to entertain myself. I did this by writing a story about cheese. It was two pages long and I believe I still have it somewhere. I'm not entirely sure on the contents, but it was clearly evident that I was still drunk too.

There's one of my drinking stories. Perhaps not I being the main drunk culprit, but I technically was inebriated and did write a story about cheese to pass the time.
 

Vegosiux

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May 18, 2011
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Tried my hand at making a special "chili sauce" for pasta. The results were...sobering. Yeah, let's say "sobering". My dorm roommates agreed on "sobering".
 

DANEgerous

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Jan 4, 2012
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Walk home... a full 13 miles. Yeah, I refuse to drive drunk no matter how drunk I am apparently I sobered to a reasonable degree half way through but had a flask so fuck it I made it to my bed and got a ride back to the bar to get my car the next day. It is lame but at least it is responsible.
 

faketanjosh

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Apr 26, 2014
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pretty sure I can talk about these all day, been on so many rugby tours which kinda increases the chance of being drunk most of the time. On my most recent rugby tour we got the biggest, most filthy prostitute to chat up one of our mates who had been annoying us most of the day. Turns out he was rather drunk too so later on that night at the hotel we see her leave his room. now bare in mind you could smell this woman from two rooms away...
 

faketanjosh

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Apr 26, 2014
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pretty sure I can talk about these all day, been on so many rugby tours which kinda increases the chance of being drunk most of the time. On my most recent rugby tour we got the biggest, most filthy prostitute to chat up one of our mates who had been annoying us most of the day. Turns out he was rather drunk too so later on that night at the hotel we see her leave his room. now bare in mind you could smell this woman from two rooms away...