Teenage Angst and Prom

[Brown Cap]

I will give you the short and the long of my problems. I have something on my mind, and wanted to share it.

SHORT Version:

I think I'm in love with a beatiful bisexual girl who's dating another girl but taking ME to Prom. I want to tell her how I feel, but can't find the best way.

LONG Version:

I am a teenager.I have suffered little in life. I have great parents, good values, do good in school, and am going to a great college thanks to my achievements and talents. I'm in National Honor Society. There is only one thing that always seems to agitate or frustrate me in this world. Girls. The only things I have really got the shit-end-of-the-stick over is heartbreak. I have had some poor endings to just a handful of relationships. I can understand that these things happen, and though unfortunate, I will live. However, it is always a stress factor for me.

The fact that I'm leaving home for college in less than four months does not deter me in thinking that, for whatever subconcious reason, that I need to active pursue the female friends of mine. There is one in particular, and for the purposes of anonymity, we will call her Beth. I've known Beth for at least 6 years. We've become close friends just this year though. She, too, is quite a successful student and person. After a while, and even a movie excursion with her, I asked he to go to Prom with me, which is tomorrow.

I learned just less than a few weeks after I asked her (in late February) that she was actually dating somebody. She is bisexual, and she was dating another nice girl. This other nice girl that Beth is dating, however, already was going with somebody to prom. The reason for this is because the parents of Beth and her girlfriend do not approve of their sexuality, and they have been keeping the relationship a secret. I was honestly disappointed, understanding that I have a significantly less of a chance to get to tell Beth how I feel about her. Now, we flirt a lot with each other, but sometimes guys can misinterpret flirtation or attraction with innocent playful friendliness. I confronted her, and told her I had no idea she was dating anybody when I asked and continues by asking if she still wanted to go with me, and she reassured me, "yes."

There was a point where I brought her flowers when she was upset one day, and she did not seem to moved. The following day she made me chocolate zuccini muffins and wrote me a note saying that she deeply appreciated the sentiment. She said nothing, however, of anything about how she actually felt about me. It didn't matter to me, I felt it was progress anyway.

I am not in any way trying to split her up with her secret girlfriend, I just want to tell her how I feel and get a solid answer from her. I hate cat and mouse. As long as she can say yes or no in a clear way, I will be happy with either answer, really. And yet, she can be difficult to talk to because she is so laid back (sounds counter-inuitive right?) but I see her above me, and I feel the situation to be so awkward when she has her own demons to face. This is a lot of story, but I'm leaving out a lot of detail believe it or not.

So we go to Prom tomorrow, and it's honestly stressing me out when it should be a time to have fun. Why? I don't want to feel this way. Teenagers are irrational and over emotional. I'm in that state. I feel that
1. If she doesn't have fun, I feel I would have failed her and she won't be interested in me.
2. If I don't tell her that night, will I miss my perfect opportunity?
I was in a similar scenario last year, for prom, and the experience was absolutely awful. Perhaps I'm just loathing my last... misfortune.

I have dropped plenty of hints, and I think that it is less an issue that she doesn't know (I think there is an unspoken understanding that she does know), but more of the issue that she hasn't given me any real feedback on whether she approves or disapproves. maybe that IS my answer.

I feel the constant need to impress her, because I know she's been places. Romania, Concerts, NYC, the like. And she has so many great stories, and often banters with friends on the amazing guys she has met. It makes me jealous. I want to be that guy who people can connect with (for some, I already am) I want to be that guy that can make SOMEBODY's heart throb. I have yet to find such an instance. Again, I understand that there is so much time in my life to pursue this goal, but god damn it, my hormone filled brain doesn't care.

I feel better just by sharing.

Edit:
I got to dance with her. I told her that I really appreciated the time we had, and that I appreciate her. She didn't take it as I though she would, she just took it as a compliment, said thank-you, and that was that. Later she returned the thanks with a thanks of her own, calling me an awesome, "perfect date." Granted, I thought it would've gone a little differently, and I hope she'd get more of a reaction let alone conversation about it. But hey. I'll take what I can get. Thanks to you guys who posted.

 

[Vegosiux]

See, I was about to reply something else, but then this following sentence caught more attention:

.
2. If I don't tell her that night, will I miss my perfect opportunity?

There is no such thing as a "perfect opportunity". Things like "the right moment" do not exist.

If I were you I'd just casually start by asking if she had fun (which she most likely will) and then asking if she wants to go for a drink with you sometimes. Just make it clear that you find her pretty and are interested in her, because if she doesn't know that, she can't really tell you if she's willing to give it a chance...oh and do it while you both are sober, really.

Also - she may say "no". Accept that possibility, and don't rely on hiding your interest in her to avoid rejection now in hopes of a different outcome later, it never works.

 

[Friendly Lich]

Tell her how you feel. Highschool is about trying things and getting experience. If you dont you will regret it. You don't have much to lose because all highschool relationships soon fade away once you go to college.

 

[Keoul]

This is a guy right?
On the helping side remember you're not the only one with problems, she's already dating another girl AND still going with you to prom, just imagine the guilt she feels towards her gf, try not to be too invasive and be friendly around her, cheer her up, don't seem too desperate and you'll be fine.

 

[applesandoranges]

edit

 

[Smooth Operator]

For the love of god don't tell her how you feel, if you ever want to be with her then the goal is to attract her, not suffocate her with your gushing feelings because then her first response will be running for the nearest door (mentally and possibly physically).

Don't know exactly whats between you two but it sounds like you are (right now) cemented in the friend zone, she doesn't give any feedback on your hints because she wants you to drop it.
But you my friend are in luck because it doesn't look like your feelings are actually about her, seems to me you want to be wanted, she just happens to be the seemingly best option.

Now this is where you can hit a double fixing whammy, you find another girl.
Not only will this ease your obsession with Beth, but it will also make Beth consider you for more then a friend... if anything happens with her down the line is anyones guess, but it is the best of all options because however it goes the issue will be far lesser then it ever was.

 

[StBishop]

Highschool?

Just tell her. If you don't you'll wonder "what if" for the rest of your life. It's better to try and fail than not try at all.

-Alternatively if you're into the long game and have tact (which I don't);
then try this:

For the love of god don't tell her how you feel, if you ever want to be with her then the goal is to attract her, not suffocate her with your gushing feelings because then her first response will be running for the nearest door (mentally and possibly physically).

Don't know exactly whats between you two but it sounds like you are (right now) cemented in the friend zone, she doesn't give any feedback on your hints because she wants you to drop it.
But you my friend are in luck because it doesn't look like your feelings are actually about her, seems to me you want to be wanted, she just happens to be the seemingly best option.

Now this is where you can hit a double fixing whammy, you find another girl.
Not only will this ease your obsession with Beth, but it will also make Beth consider you for more then a friend... if anything happens with her down the line is anyones guess, but it is the best of all options because however it goes the issue will be far lesser then it ever was.

EDIT: By the way, I'm glad you guys both had fun.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Since this relationships shes already in is serious enough to go behind their parents back I doubt its going away any time soon. Also you are leaving soon, don't do that to her. Breaking her from someone she loves and then leaving her in the dust (Long distance relationships are tortuous at their best) is just wrong.

I would say tell her how you feel if anything other than to just get it off your chest, but don't exact a big change of action on her part.

Personal not: she sounds real sweet though.

 

[renegade7]

Okay, as someone who suffered through 4 years of high school heart break and rejection, let me just say this.

Forget her, wait for college. You graduate in like less than a month, right?

Because high school dating, in retrospect, was such bullshit. Think how many truly happy, stable couples there are at your school. Thinking back to high school, I can recall maybe 6 (discounting all the random hookups ). Out of 3000 people there, there were only TWELVE in real relationships. And everyone else wants their perfect MTV teen sitcom high school sweetheart, and everyone is still stuck on some idea that they should only date a certain kind of person, and everyone is just generally immature. Everyone just dates within their respective clique. When you're young and the world seems so small, everything seems so HUGE, but the fact is that is just not true.

4 years of high school, at no point did I have what you might call a real girlfriend. When I got to college, I met someone amazing, absolutely perfect, within a week and we were 'official' within 6 weeks. When you go to college, you meet people that are similar to you. Similar people do similar things, they take the same classes and do the same things as you out of school. And since you're in NHS, I am going to guess that you'll likely be going somewhere exclusive. That means that the majority of your classmates will be smart, mature people, not the melodramatic high school kids that have been all you've ever known up to this point.

So yea, the romantic high school drama at this point is just not worth the trouble.

 

[science girl]

I had the same problem with a guy friend I was bringing to my debs (irish version of prom). I didn't say anything to him and I went on to college after and met one of the most amazing guys ever. It lasted a good few years, we broke up after a while because of college work and we both had changed. We are still on good terms.

The guy I went to prom with went to a different college and I met him a month or two ago and we had nothing in common anymore and both travelled in different circles. I am glad I didn't say anything to him as I see how different we are now.

In your case do what feels right but if she is in a happy relationship shouldn't you be happy for her too? I am not wise or anything but that is my opinion. Do what feels right just be prepared for what happens just case she says no.

 

[jobu59749]

Bisexuality in High School does tend to be just a phase. It's curiosity and excitement over something that society dislikes and deems taboo. It could end up being long term or completely for real. If that's the case, that ain't your kool-aid. You're going to college, there are so many more women and opportunities, not to mention you tend to find the mature ones that actually know a good thing when they see it. I'm all for going for things in your last year of high school so you walk away with little to no regret, but you shouldn't unnecessarily step on toes. Life is about taking risks. Sometimes they payoff, but you have to decide if it's worth the risk.