tell me some bad jokes
- Thread starter Theo Rob
- Start date
Define 'bad'. Here's a shit one:
Q: What's brown and sits on a wall?
A: Humpty Dump.
Yes, pun fully intended to add to the shitness.
Q: What's brown and sits on a wall?
A: Humpty Dump.
Yes, pun fully intended to add to the shitness.
Q: whats brown and sticky?
A: a stick!
and now an actualy good one
3 guys die and go to heaven st peter tells them you must each tell me how you die and i will decide if you are allowed into heaven.
the first guy starts "peter ive always been a good familly man loved my wife and kids and lived a modest life, but ive always suspected that my wife was cheating on me. one day i come back to my house at the 20th floor of a building from work and find her naked in bad. i start looking for her lover all around the house and finally see him crying for help while he is hanging from the porch! i started stepping on his fingers but he refused to let go screaming at me to stop finaly i brought the sledge hammer and broke his hands unfortunatly he fell on a bush and survived so i threw my fridge on him! after that i felt terrible and commited suicide."
the second guy says "I was working out on my porch in the 21st floor of my building where on a butifull day when suddenly the machine went nuts and threw me off the porch! luckily i caught the porch of my nabor and cried for help! suddenly this madman shows up and start trying to knock me off! then he brings a sledge hammer and breaks all my fingers! luckily i landed on a bush and survived! but then i see this asshole threw his fridge on me! which of corse killed me..."
the third guy says "well imagine this, you are hiding completely naked in a refrigirator..."
A: a stick!
and now an actualy good one
3 guys die and go to heaven st peter tells them you must each tell me how you die and i will decide if you are allowed into heaven.
the first guy starts "peter ive always been a good familly man loved my wife and kids and lived a modest life, but ive always suspected that my wife was cheating on me. one day i come back to my house at the 20th floor of a building from work and find her naked in bad. i start looking for her lover all around the house and finally see him crying for help while he is hanging from the porch! i started stepping on his fingers but he refused to let go screaming at me to stop finaly i brought the sledge hammer and broke his hands unfortunatly he fell on a bush and survived so i threw my fridge on him! after that i felt terrible and commited suicide."
the second guy says "I was working out on my porch in the 21st floor of my building where on a butifull day when suddenly the machine went nuts and threw me off the porch! luckily i caught the porch of my nabor and cried for help! suddenly this madman shows up and start trying to knock me off! then he brings a sledge hammer and breaks all my fingers! luckily i landed on a bush and survived! but then i see this asshole threw his fridge on me! which of corse killed me..."
the third guy says "well imagine this, you are hiding completely naked in a refrigirator..."
Bad Puns:
Beer Nuts: The official disease of Milwaukee
Cotton Balls: The final stage of Beer Nuts
Octopussy: An eight sided vagina
Trampoline: A sexual lubricant popular with the oldest profession
Attila the Hon: A gay barbarian
Beer Nuts: The official disease of Milwaukee
Cotton Balls: The final stage of Beer Nuts
Octopussy: An eight sided vagina
Trampoline: A sexual lubricant popular with the oldest profession
Attila the Hon: A gay barbarian
Let's see if I can remember this...
2 guys walk into a bar...
The first guy says: I'd like some h2o!
The second guy says: I'd like some h2o too!
THE SECOND GUY DIED.
2 guys walk into a bar...
The first guy says: I'd like some h2o!
The second guy says: I'd like some h2o too!
THE SECOND GUY DIED.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would've seen it.
(spoken like arnold schwarzenegger)
Did you ever notice how women always leave the toilet seat up?
That's the joke.
Did you ever notice how women always leave the toilet seat up?
That's the joke.
A bunch of helium floats into a bar. The bartender gives it a stern look and mumbles "We don't serve your kind around here."
The helium doesn't react.
The helium doesn't react.
Today, Hugh Hefner had to call the police to get rid of some monks who protesting outside the Playboy Mansion by selling flowers. One of the monks was quoted as saying "We probably could have gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
As a side note:
I think this may be my captcha's bizarre idea of hitting on me.
As a side note:
I think this may be my captcha's bizarre idea of hitting on me.
