The Choice - These Films Must Be Stopped!

[Marter]

The Choice - These Films Must Be Stopped!

The Choice is Every Nicholas Sparks Movie Ever, but somehow one of the worst ones yet.

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[Barbas]

What about the dog placement in the film? Are they positioned competently in the frame as as to provide maximum pleasing distraction?

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Is Nicholas Sparks that guy who's books all have the same cover of "white couple almost kissing"? As the conservatives are always keen on excusing every bad decision with; at least it provided jobs. Jobs with high suicide rates...but JOBS!!

 

[FalloutJack]

As far as I'm concerned, they don't exist. I don't watch cheesy drama flicks, so I'm doing what should be done: I'm not giving it money.

 

[09philj]

Well, that's one of the five nominations for worst film for the next Marter awards... right? I mean, it's not like they could make five worse films this year... right?

 

[Zontar]

Recommendation: Just go re-watch The Notebook - still the only passable version of this.

Wrong, The Notebook is the best version of this, but it is by no means passable.

 

[Jadak]

Help me, Marter. Help me, please. All of the women in the family are trying to drag me to this. I know there are bullshit social obligations but I think I'd rather have my genitals electrocuted again than sit through more of this trash.

What? No there isn't. I mean, maybe a girlfriend, but there are zero social obligations to see cheesy romance movies with family members and/or women whom you are not dating/married/whatever.

And even then, in regards to a girlfriend the smart play is to redirect her to seeing it with some of her own friends. She'll enjoy it more that way anyways.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

A zero, not sure if I have ever seen a Zero out of Five from you before. I can't remember much about the Paul Blart review, except that the movie exists.

 

[MachoNacho95]

Help me, Marter. Help me, please. All of the women in the family are trying to drag me to this. I know there are bullshit social obligations but I think I'd rather have my genitals electrocuted again than sit through more of this trash.

Just put your foot down and tell them you won't go. Simple as that. I know it might sound rude but it's the right thing to do. You're not doing them or yourself any favors by going to a movie you hate.

 

[UberPubert]

I'm part of this bizarre movement that doesn't flip out over what we see as shitty stuff, we just ignore it.

Nothing bizarre about it, ignoring stuff is the mainstream.

People that flip out are just more noticeable, for obvious reasons.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

A zero, not sure if I have ever seen a Zero out of Five from you before. I can't remember much about the Paul Blart review, except that the movie exists.

He gave one to the Adam Sandler Netflix movie "The Ridiculous Six", which earned his worst film of 2015.

*snip*

*snip*

You people don't understand. They think he's the author of the century. They look forward to these films like we do for Star Wars. Missing this its on par to religious heresy to them. This is like a "no Thanksgiving dinner invitation for five years" from them. My shields cannot deflect poor taste of that magnitude.

Sometimes tough love is the best love. Tell them why this is a terrible creator, why they should heighten their standards and what would easily be a example of a better version of what they have grown to like. Ok, that isn't as easy as it sounds of course, but at least the tiniest seed of doubt can grow to a blossoming tree of criticism.

 

[RJ 17]

A zero, not sure if I have ever seen a Zero out of Five from you before. I can't remember much about the Paul Blart review, except that the movie exists.

He gave one to the Adam Sandler Netflix movie "The Ridiculous Six", which earned his worst film of 2015.

*snip*

*snip*

You people don't understand. They think he's the author of the century. They look forward to these films like we do for Star Wars. Missing this its on par to religious heresy to them. This is like a "no Thanksgiving dinner invitation for five years" from them. My shields cannot deflect poor taste of that magnitude.

Hey, Thanksgiving is overrated. You've got your sanity to consider, here.

Alternatively: Go to the movie, make it 5 minutes in, then leave to go buy popcorn and just don't go back. :3

This strategy has saved me from countless "I'd rather be sodomized by a cactus than see this" movies.

 

[RJ 17]

This strategy has saved me from countless "I'd rather be sodomized by a cactus than see this" movies.

I've been sodomized by a cactus - plucking barbs out of your testes is way better than watching this crap.

My point exactly, my friend. :3

 

[FogHornG36]

The story of a woman cheating on her boyfriend, but its OK because she is in love. then they get married, have two kids, the woman gets into an accident and is in a comma. It seems like she will never wake up, but then she does. The end.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I think the worst part of films like this is when they accidentally write a supporting character better than the main, and then cast someone better in the role...

I haven't seen this, (and won't) but if I were to then I know I would only be more bothered about Alexandra Daddario's character more. From another short review I read it seems they made her character better than the lead...

 

[beddo]

What on earth is going on with the colour grading in that film?

 

[NPC009]

This strategy has saved me from countless "I'd rather be sodomized by a cactus than see this" movies.

I've been sodomized by a cactus - plucking barbs out of your testes is way better than watching this crap.

Sometimes tough love is the best love. Tell them why this is a terrible creator, why they should heighten their standards and what would easily be a example of a better version of what they have grown to like. Ok, that isn't as easy as it sounds of course, but at least the tiniest seed of doubt can grow to a blossoming tree of criticism.

You cannot reason with Nicholas Sparks fangirls. Post-menopausal suburban white women aren't exactly known for having good taste, after all. *harshly glares at Twilight fanmothers*

Manipulate them by making it look like it's all your fault?

"I'm sorry, I know how much you enjoy them and have been looking forward to this one, but these movies just aren't for me. I'm afraid that, if I came along, I'd ruin the experience for you. I want you to have a great time with your family/friends/tiny dog that lives in a purse."