The Escapist Presents: 10 Goofy Goat Things to Do In Goat Simulator

WMDogma

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Jul 28, 2009
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10 Goofy Goat Things to Do In Goat Simulator

You have 'goat' to be 'kid'-ding me.

Watch Video
 

idarkphoenixi

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May 2, 2011
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I'm just not jumping on this whole Goat Simulator wagon. It's a dumb joke, which I understand is the entire point of the game but it's a dumb joke that you're paying for.

If it were free, or a ridiculously low price then maybe, but there are plenty of better games that actually function properly for the same or a cheaper price. It seems like the kind of game that's entertaining for maybe 10 minutes or so, until you realise that the brokenness of it all actually prevents extended play, rather than being a hilarious marketing point.
 

IamLEAM1983

Neloth's got swag.
Aug 22, 2011
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Awesome ridiculousness, but does anyone have a video player issue where the audio track is doubled? I've tried clearing my cache and refreshing the page, but I can't seem to get that to stop.
 

Lil_Rimmy

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Mar 19, 2011
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idarkphoenixi said:
I'm just not jumping on this whole Goat Simulator wagon. It's a dumb joke, which I understand is the entire point of the game but it's a dumb joke that you're paying for.

If it were free, or a ridiculously low price then maybe, but there are plenty of better games that actually function properly for the same or a cheaper price. It seems like the kind of game that's entertaining for maybe 10 minutes or so, until you realise that the brokenness of it all actually prevents extended play, rather than being a hilarious marketing point.
You'd be surprised at how much content there actually is within the game. It's rather hilarious finding all there is to find. Then turning into a whale.

Besides, they just updated it, adding more things to find and a goat fighting ring. It's very much a game for updating and using mods on.
 

geldonyetich

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Such criticism in the comments.

Goat Simulator is a $10 game that lets you do all sorts of loony things with an immortal goat with dodgy physics on a fairly tiny map. The developers not only admit this, they overstate it:
Official Goat Simulator Website said:
Goat Simulator is a small, broken and stupid game. I t was made in a couple of weeks so don?t expect a game in the size and scope of GTA with goats. In fact, you?re better off not expecting anything at all actually. To be completely honest, it would be best if you?d spend your $10 on a hula hoop, a pile of bricks, or maybe a real-life goat.
So what's the problem?

There's being discriminating with your money, and then there's just hating fun.
 

carpathic

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Oct 5, 2009
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geldonyetich said:
Such criticism in the comments.

Goat Simulator is a $10 game that lets you do all sorts of loony things with an immortal goat with dodgy physics on a fairly tiny map. The developers not only admit this, they overstate it:
Official Goat Simulator Website said:
Goat Simulator is a small, broken and stupid game. I t was made in a couple of weeks so don?t expect a game in the size and scope of GTA with goats. In fact, you?re better off not expecting anything at all actually. To be completely honest, it would be best if you?d spend your $10 on a hula hoop, a pile of bricks, or maybe a real-life goat.
So what's the problem?

There's being discriminating with your money, and then there's just hating fun.
Gotta agree with you. I have a hard time explaining my love for this game, but it is there most certainly. Besides how fun is it to FINALLY see something different. I know there are lots of interesting games out there, but this one is just odd enough to tickle me, and then grab me.

I'm glad for the success of the game.
 

WarpZone

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This actually had a surprisingly high amount of overlap with my list of 10 things to do in Goat Simulator:

1. Clip through the geometry
2. Fall out of the world
3. Get stuck
4. Fail a mission for reasons that weren't your fault
5. Rage quit Goat Simulator
6. Google the developer.
7. Realize the developer just doesn't care.
8. Uninstall Goat Simulator
9. Ask for your money back
10. Lament lack of quality control on Steam
 

flying_whimsy

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carpathic said:
I know what you mean; I can't put the appeal of the game into words. I just know that from the first time I even heard about it I've wanted it. Then that sexy trailer came out and I knew that whatever it was about this game that I liked, the devs were clearly on board with that feeling.

I haven't gotten my copy yet (waiting on payday), but I'm looking forward to seeing what the modding community does with it. At the very least, I suspect we'll get a few more maps. As cheap as the game is, if it can entertain me for even a couple of hours it'll be worth it.

Besides, I need something to comfort me after the many beatings given to me by the advanced edition update to FTL.
 

uchytjes

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Mar 19, 2011
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WarpZone said:
This actually had a surprisingly high amount of overlap with my list of 10 things to do in Goat Simulator:

1. Clip through the geometry
2. Fall out of the world
3. Get stuck
4. Fail a mission for reasons that weren't your fault
5. Rage quit Goat Simulator
6. Google the developer.
7. Realize the developer just doesn't care.
8. Uninstall Goat Simulator
9. Ask for your money back
10. Lament lack of quality control on Steam
On number 10, I don't think that the biggest problem with Steam right now is the lack of quality control, but instead is the lack of publisher control. Coffee Stain, the developers of Goat Simulator, actually have a good track record on steam. They've developed all three Sanctum titles on steam, all of which have received very positive feedback, so its no wonder that they could publish something as horrible as this on steam. But, when you have a company that dumps a backlog of titles onto steam just because they got access to it, then there is some rather sneaky bullshit going on.

I believe it was Totalbiscuit that came up with a good idea to remedy this situation: Vote positive or negative on games and should the games get enough negative reviews then the publisher blacklisted, restricting their ability to upload stuff to steam and/or get stuff on the front page and in recommendations.
 

JaceArveduin

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Mar 14, 2011
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geldonyetich said:
Official Goat Simulator Website said:
Goat Simulator is a small, broken and stupid game. I t was made in a couple of weeks so don?t expect a game in the size and scope of GTA with goats. In fact, you?re better off not expecting anything at all actually. To be completely honest, it would be best if you?d spend your $10 on a hula hoop, a pile of bricks, or maybe a real-life goat.
Well people, when the description of the game is telling you that you probably would be better off not buying this game. Going to have to say that the guy I be quoting be right.
 

Redlin5_v1legacy

Better Red than Dead
Aug 5, 2009
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Had the pleasure of playing this at a friend's place today; it's worth the money if you need a game to cleanse your palette.
 

SomebodyNowhere

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Dec 9, 2009
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I'm surprised you didn't include throwing things down the science hole.

I've been watching Loading Ready Run's streams of Goat Simulator and it has been a hell of a time.
 

MrBaskerville

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Mar 15, 2011
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This would have been so much more fun if they had made an actual honest Goat Simulator, that just turned out to be horribly broken like Big Rigs. I don´t find much amusement in this game, seems very repetetive and the jokes are pretty cringeworthy (might just be me, whenever people rave about how funny a game is, i most often find it cringeworthy for some reason).
 

NuclearKangaroo

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Feb 7, 2014
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uchytjes said:
WarpZone said:
This actually had a surprisingly high amount of overlap with my list of 10 things to do in Goat Simulator:

1. Clip through the geometry
2. Fall out of the world
3. Get stuck
4. Fail a mission for reasons that weren't your fault
5. Rage quit Goat Simulator
6. Google the developer.
7. Realize the developer just doesn't care.
8. Uninstall Goat Simulator
9. Ask for your money back
10. Lament lack of quality control on Steam
On number 10, I don't think that the biggest problem with Steam right now is the lack of quality control, but instead is the lack of publisher control. Coffee Stain, the developers of Goat Simulator, actually have a good track record on steam. They've developed all three Sanctum titles on steam, all of which have received very positive feedback, so its no wonder that they could publish something as horrible as this on steam. But, when you have a company that dumps a backlog of titles onto steam just because they got access to it, then there is some rather sneaky bullshit going on.

I believe it was Totalbiscuit that came up with a good idea to remedy this situation: Vote positive or negative on games and should the games get enough negative reviews then the publisher blacklisted, restricting their ability to upload stuff to steam and/or get stuff on the front page and in recommendations.
the game has tons of positive user reviews on the steam page, plus

Goat Simulator Metascore: 64
Knack Metascore: 54
Ryse Metascore: 60


are you seriously going to ask for a level of "quality control" no other platform has, some people enjoy this dumb game because it provides some dumb fun, let them have it



all of this smells like a serious case of "stop liking what i dont like", consult your doctor it might be terminal

MrBaskerville said:
This would have been so much more fun if they had made an actual honest Goat Simulator, that just turned out to be horribly broken like Big Rigs. I don´t find much amusement in this game, seems very repetetive and the jokes are pretty cringeworthy (might just be me, whenever people rave about how funny a game is, i most often find it cringeworthy for some reason).
i think its one of those joke games/toybox games, like surgeon simulator or garry's mod, you are supposed to find your own fun
 

Ralen-Sharr

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Feb 12, 2010
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I played goat simulator and I actually find it fun, and it's 10 bucks. I've been way more upset for spending less money on games that the developer actually recommended buying. I didn't buy it to jump on a bandwagon, or to make a statement or whatever. I bought it because it actually kinda looked fun, and I was right. It's stupid fun, but fun nonetheless. I feel that I got at least 10$ worth of fun from this game.
 

Strazdas

Robots will replace your job
May 28, 2011
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so running and jumping is goofy now? well gota tell all those shooter guys who keep running and jumping around all day long.
seriuosly, there is plenty of content in this game, you shouldnt have needed to include those.
for examples you could have easily put getting minions and jetpack in those two spots.
 

Luther Strode

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Oct 14, 2013
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Most silly thing is that most people seems to forgot what is main purpose of games. It's to ENTERTAIN guys and if someone find it this way so what's your problem?