The idea that backing down is a sign of maturity

[Wayte]

From an early age it was drilled into my head that walking away form a fight made me the bigger man. That laying low instead of standing up for myself would serve best. But my whole life I've always had an issue with this, it always seemed to make no sense. Why shouldn't somebody defend himself? Wouldn't the mature person be brave enough to fight back?

I was thinking about this today and an idea hit me: it seems that this lesson is drilled into our heads to make things easier for the authority. Parents teach it to prevent fights between siblings(or keep the favorite from being stood up to.) Teachers teach it to try and cut down on fights. And of course all authority everywhere benefits from a more docile populace.

And that's where it gets a bit screwy for me. Is walking away really a sign of maturity? Or is it just something we're taught to make it easier for the higher ups? I'm by no means a "might makes right" type of guy, but I've always been irked that we're encouraged not to fight back.

 

[Lukeje]

...or it's a defence mechanism that's so counter-intuitive that people have to teach it to us.

 

[Kasawd]

From an early age it was drilled into my head that walking away form a fight made me the bigger man. That laying low instead of standing up for myself would serve best. But my whole life I've always had an issue with this, it always seemed to make no sense. Why shouldn't somebody defend himself? Wouldn't the mature person be brave enough to fight back?

I was thinking about this today and an idea hit me: it seems that this lesson is drilled into our heads to make things easier for the authority. Parents teach it to prevent fights between siblings(or keep the favorite from being stood up to.) Teachers teach it to try and cut down on fights. And of course all authority everywhere benefits from a more docile populace.

And that's where it gets a bit screwy for me. Is walking away really a sign of maturity? Or is it just something we're taught to make it easier for the higher ups? I'm by no means a "might makes right" type of guy, but I've always been irked that we're encouraged not to fight back.

There are circumstances. If the fight can be avoided or cannot be won then discretion is the better part of valour.

Some drunk guy threatened to break my jaw, once. I was mad and wanted to beat his face beyond recognition but I didn't because it would have gotten me ejected from the bar. Besides, beating on middle agers isn't my style.

In the end, he just wasnt worth my fist or my energy. Maturity is knowing WHEN to back down, not to always do it.

 

[Neonbob]

I don't think backing down all the time is what they wanted to teach you.
They wanted to teach you to avoid getting into conflicts.
Life is much easier that way.

Oh, and walking away is a good way to keep yourself from getting into trouble over some trivial crap you really don't care about.

 

[Cuniculus]

Well, I do believe the bigger man should walk away. However I see your point. Although, if it is designed to keep the populace docile, it is doing a piss poor job. I rarely see anyone walk away anymore.

I take it a step further myself, and feel I have won when I can get someone to resort to violence rather then discuss something. It really shows a lack of intelligence to strike rather then talk.

 

[Hallow'sEve]

I usually back down, however if he hits me first, then it's on.

 

[Baby Tea]

Is walking away really a sign of maturity? Or is it just something we're taught to make it easier for the higher ups? I'm by no means a "might makes right" type of guy, but I've always been irked that we're encouraged not to fight back.

No, walking away is a sign of maturity.
As I've often said: Violence is a weak response to greater questions.

Any douche-bag can throw hands, but most fights I've seen (90%) were about the stupidest, most ridiculous things.
It's not about being a coward, it's about realizing that people who pick fights aren't worth the time or energy.

 

[Jedamethis]

Nah, maturity is just seeing the bigger picture and deciding when to back down

 

[Wayte]

Well, I do believe the bigger man should walk away. However I see your point. Although, if it is designed to keep the populace docile, it is doing a piss poor job. I rarely see anyone walk away anymore.

I take it a step further myself, and feel I have won when I can get someone to resort to violence rather then discuss something. It really shows a lack of intelligence to strike rather then talk.

I'm not purely talking physical fighting. There are many times my dad will get mad at me for rising to my brothers challenge in an argument.
And actually I take that same view as you. I love holding my cool when the other person loses their temper, it makes me feel more win than breaking any bone could.

 

[Maze1125]

If you're not being forced into the fight, yet you choose to fight anyway to prove how tough you are, how is that mature?

And if you are being forced to fight, then maturity doesn't come into it.

The only time fighting could be consider mature is when you choose to fight to protect someone else. And even then it would depend on the circumstances.

 

[FalloutJack]

It depends on when and for why. Sometimes not backing down is machismo and sometimes its stylish and badass. On the flip side, backing down can look cowardly or look also badass, dependent on the use of it. It's a rather thin line that gets blurry at times.

Now then...if the thing you're not backing down from is because you can't let this happen to people, that's awesome. It means you defend other people in a situation. If a thing affects you only and you can live without it, you could probably back down without a problem, provided the other party isn't a macho bullying jackass. Those really need to be put in their place.

Because, unfortunately, people who are full of themselves sabotage the society that tries to do things in a civil manner. They expect everyone to duck and cover around them because they know people do that now instead of confront. People who do that deliberately need to be thrown out of their safe zone and confronted. You get them to back down because they need to take a step back and look at themselves, for their own good.

So, backing down has its place, but just remember that sometimes it has to be somebody else and not you to make things go smoother.

 

[AkJay]

Of course they tell you that backing down is the best thing to do. They tell you this so that you won't stand up to them .

 

[Wayte]

If you're not being forced into the fight, yet you choose to fight anyway to prove how tough you are, how is that mature?

And if you are being forced to fight, then maturity doesn't come into it.

The only time fighting could be consider mature is when you choose to fight to protect someone else. And even then it would depend on the circumstances.

Fighting to prove your tough is immature, I agree. But what if it's somebody who's never been stood up to? Just somebody who causes nothing but trouble and needs to be put in his place. If you've ever seen Bully Beatdown, you'll know what I'm getting at.

 

[Maze1125]

If you're not being forced into the fight, yet you choose to fight anyway to prove how tough you are, how is that mature?

And if you are being forced to fight, then maturity doesn't come into it.

The only time fighting could be consider mature is when you choose to fight to protect someone else. And even then it would depend on the circumstances.

Fighting to prove your tough is immature, I agree. But what if it's somebody who's never been stood up to? Just somebody who causes nothing but trouble and needs to be put in his place. If you've ever seen Bully Beatdown, you'll know what I'm getting at.

There's still no need to fight unless they force you to or they attack someone else.

Standing up to someone verbally is far more mature than standing up to them physically.

 

[The Aimless One]

Maturity is knowing WHEN to back down, not to always do it.

Nicely put.

Also, standing up for yourself isn't (allways) the same as getting into a fight.

Personally I'm usually proud to avoid some fist-swinging idiot, and I tend to pitty anyone has to resort to violence to get their way, or even to get their point across.

*edit:
Wich doesn't mean I couldn't hold my own if I had to.
I took a few years of martial arts and I know how to defend myself properly.
Or bring harm to another........

I just rather wouldn't have to do so....so I tend to walk away if I can.

 

[Riggnarok]

As most have said, backing down really all depends on the situation. You just have to be mature enough and have enough sense to know when it is and isn't a good time to back down.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

People make really bad decisions when they are high on adrenaline. Of course you stand up for yourself but not when you unable to make good judgments.

 

[Kasawd]

Maturity is knowing WHEN to back down, not to always do it.

Nicely put.

Also, standing up for yourself isn't (allways) the same as getting into a fight.

I'm proud when I manage to avoid some fist-swinging idiot, and I tend to pitty anyone has to resort to violence to get their way, or even to get their point across.

It is a silly way to argue.

One cannot get their point across with a fist, anyway. It seems to be a marked inability to effectively communicate.

I had a friend, once, who said that violence was the breakdown of reason.

 

[grimsprice]

Nay, my honor cometh before all. Bring it hoes.