The R Word

[Zeriah]

Very good and informative article. I'm so sorry all that happened to you and how it has affected your life.

*claps*

A very good article, and one that I can only imagine how difficult it was to write. While I, thankfully, have not had to face this particular type of traumatic experience, it disgusts me whenever I hear that word being thrown around casually. I may not be one, but I've known more than a few rape victims throughout my life, and I have seen how it changes people. It's not a joke or something to laugh about. People who think something like this is actually funny should be thankful that they have no idea what real mental trauma is.

*hugs* I wish you well, anonymous person. Take care of yourself. :3

- Rei

P.S Whoever made it so my captcha for this post be "get over it" needs to be thrown into a portable toilet and set on fire.

I don't agree with this however. I absolutely understand that rape used in any comedic circumstance will be traumatic and insulting for any rape victim and plenty of other people besides. But do you honestly think it is any different whenever a person closely touched by murder, torture or brutal assault (say a father of a murdered child) see a bunch of innocent people get brutally killed or tortured in a comedic manner? No, it isn't. Do you think any disabled people are laughing whenever people make disability jokes (ala Joe from Family Guy)? Nope. They all would find it disgusting, but people are still allowed to make these jokes and people still find them funny. The very first joke on the very first episode of the critically acclaimed series Archer, makes a mockery out of torture and I laughed, but I bet any real world torture victim would be vomiting at the sight of it. I have laughed at some jokes involving rape, not many (I have been offended far more times than I have laughed) but there have been some and I don't feel any worse about that than whenever I laugh when an innocent person is killed in some funny, silly way.

I know many people will never find rape funny, luckily there are classification notifications in almost all media, so the people who find these things offensive can know beforehand and not watch.

Making public rape jokes when you have no idea of how the person you are telling it to will react, or the horrible way rape is being used as a slang term in video game circles is a very different argument than 'Rape can never, under any circumstances, be made light of'.

 

[tklivory]

OP:Sorry to hear about your experience but why is this an article on a video game site?

Culture is reflected in video games. Sometimes to the good, sometimes to the bad, but it is there, as much as it is in books, movies, or other media. Why should the Escapist feel as if they should not post articles that are strong, or reflect ideas that not everyone will agree with, or help to make people think? There is nothing wrong with posting such an article here, just as there is nothing wrong with posting an article about different types of marketing for guns used in society, or for the effects that the SCOTUS ruling on Arizona's SB1070 will have in terms of federal vs state precedence. This site is visited by people from all walks of life and, judging by the comments on this and other articles, there is no consensus on either the issue of rape or violence, either in video games or real life, and thus a healthy, thoughtful debate is not something to avoid, but rather engage in.

Thank you for this article. I have worked with victims of torture (read: non-military and military both). It is this central tenet that people who don't get the whole objection to 'rape' fail to understand. Rape is a specific kind of torture, one that works its way into someone's psyche as much as some of the horrible things I've had described to me do, regardless of whether or not the nature is sexual. Rape is a common aspect of the torture, but not the only part of it. Sometimes they remember it more than the rest, sometimes it is subsumed into the rest of the event. It is all horrible, and no-one should ever say it is 'okay' or 'acceptable'.

Having said that, there are two components in discussion here: the act (which is generally considered reprehensible) and the use of the word that describes the act. "I'm going to kill you" or "I killed you, bro" is certainly used in a joking fashion in lot of more situations than "I'm going to rape you" or "I just raped you, bro". Guess which one is more likely to have been experienced by the person you're talking to? I would venture to guess that a lot more rape victims are wandering around than dead people (CDC Zombie apocalypse preparation notwithstanding). When you use the word casually, you might be around a person who has suffered through the actual act, often without knowing it (especially if they were an altar boy). Could the same be said for the family of a murder victim and the use of "kill/murder"? Of course, but they are not the actual victim. Rape generally leaves a victim that is still walking around out there; murder does not.

So, why is the use of the word coming under fire? Awareness raising. In a society where "Save the tatas" is controversial (rolls eyes) as a slogan for Breast Cancer Awareness, sometimes it's good to for the subject to be raised. If you disagree with the discussion, please, let it happen for the sake of those that truly don't have another outlet. Just as I don't jump into every thread of a game I hate and talk it down every single time, I encourage those of you who don't 'get' this article to let those of us who understand at least discuss the matter... and hopefully, you'll learn something along the way.

 

[AmrasCalmacil]

I think people need to get over it. Rape is a word just like killed, murdered, starving, beaten, and genocide are words. There is no reason why the word rape should be treated like something special while the words I mentioned get an ok.

OP:Sorry to hear about your experience but why is this an article on a video game site?

I can't really respond to this as eloquently as I'd like to, but they're not just words, they're never just words. They're cruelty and suffering and some of the most despicable things humanity as a collective can do.

Best of luck to the writer of this in their future life, I was very glad to read that things are looking up for them at the moment.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

you should have read the entire article. you'd know why, if you had. If you did, you should maybe read it again, because you missed it.

Ok I just read the whole thing and if the point was to discourage people from saying the word rape loosely, I go back to what I said about genocide, murder, starving, and beating. Why are those words ok to say but rape is not?

Rape is a word just like killed, murdered, starving, beaten, and genocide are words. There is no reason why the word rape should be treated like something special while the words I mentioned get an ok.

The grand majority of the Western World has trivialized starving. Violent video games by their very nature have trivialized murder, kill, and beaten. Why does sexual violence need to be brought into the picture for completely unrelated reasons? It doesn't. You don't need to make the word 'rape' mean nothing, because it fucking means something to the people who have been raped, and have to live with that for the rest of their lives. If you make a joke out of it, who's going to come forward to be laughed at?

I didn't say that the word rape meant nothing, just that it shouldn't be treated with more care than words like murder, genocide, starved or beaten.

As for jokes, why should rape be forbidden when jokes about racism, sexism, war, poverty and religion are ok? Why should the subject of rape be treated with such care, yet there are jokes about gay men [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5MSR3VNkAY], jokes about IRA bombings [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxYzQtSxoKE], or ethnic/racial stereotype [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdMX_cSnNhY] jokes.

 

[Furrama]

Feminism sucks because it by and large represents a dual standard, and the arguement that girls should be able to do things that get guys branded freaks or wierdos.

All feminism is, all it means by definition, is that men and women should be equal. To be a feminist is to also be a masculinist. Anyone who says different is wrong.

And that's the same thing the article author said. Women just want to be people guys.

So how dare you bring an anti feminism rant to this discussion, especially when the main point of him bringing it up was to point out how sickening the whole anti feminism argument is, just like the pro "r" word argument can be. There is a disconnect between people, misunderstandings, and plain inconsideration. You not getting the parallel?

As for the article, all the feels man. I'm glad you wrote this, it must have been nauseating.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

I can't really respond to this as eloquently as I'd like to, but they're not just words, they're never just words. They're cruelty and suffering and some of the most despicable things humanity as a collective can do.

They are words, they are words just like murder, genocide or starving are words. They are sounds that come out of our mouths that we associate with certain things.

 

[hockified]

Commenting as Anon for the same reasons your friends don't know.

I have four main emotions reading this. I want to hug you. I want to go back in time and hurt them. More than that, I want to thank you for being so strong to open up about your experiences. Strength in character is the quality I most admire about people, and you have it in spades.

Finally, I want to thank you for speaking out on certain parts of your experience, namely the self worth and the feelings of inadequacy. Those words made me look in a mirror.

Re: Gaming. the funsuckers who insist on their right to use such language are the reason I don't play WoW anymore. they are the reason several friends don't play hardcore games. The reason some friends refuse to use voice services so that their secret of being a girl/boy presenting as girl isn't used against them. We still have a lot of growing up to do, us spoiled gamers.

And for me, this has never been part of a feminist agenda. It's a human agenda.

 

[Tastum]

On the one hand I sympathize with people who point out that all sorts of other things like genocide are considered open season but rape is not. On the other hand, I sympathize with the author and understand that using rape as a synonym for dominance via skill is insensitive and crass.

I'm a DotA (actually HoN) player and that should let you know something about the "quality" of my own communication in game. I'm not above trash talking - in fact I refer to the entire game as the Trollympics and actually think the trash talk is good fun. However, I don't use any homophobic slurs because I have gay friends who have pointed out at length how hurtful those words can be.

Up until now I've included rape and violation in said trashtalk. Starting today I won't anymore, but I'm not going to demonize my friends/allies/enemies/whatever if they choose to. I don't think the issue is that clear-cut.

 

[Terminal Blue]

The thing with rape discussions is that it usually comes down to demands for dual standards that favor women. We see this in the court system where it's basically argued that in a case where rape is the accusation that the defendant (the accused) should have to prove a negative (nearly impossible) and their own innocence, as opposed to the burden of proof being placed on the accuser and prosecution.

This is the polar opposite of what happens.

You could not actually be more wrong about the normative conduct of a rape trial, and I'm genuinely disgusted you're taking one of the most awful tragedies of the current legal system, one of the most serious issues in current law and an area in serious need of reform and trying to claim that it's unfair to the people who overwhelmingly walk away from it because the burden of proof is so insanely high that it's actually impossible in most cases.

If I say anything else here I may end up getting myself suspended again, so I will merely conclude by saying that despite the utter disgust I feel for you right now, I sincerely hope you never, ever have to find out how wrong you are.

 

[wizzy555]

Feminism sucks because it by and large represents a dual standard, and the arguement that girls should be able to do things that get guys branded freaks or wierdos.

All feminism is, all it means by definition, is that men and women should be equal. To be a feminist is to also be a masculinist. Anyone who says different is wrong.

And that's the same thing the article author said. Women just want to be people guys.

So how dare you bring an anti feminism rant to this discussion, especially when the main point of him bringing it up was to point out how sickening the whole anti feminism argument is, just like the pro "r" word argument can be. There is a disconnect between people, misunderstandings, and plain inconsideration. You not getting the parallel?

As for the article, all the feels man. I'm glad you wrote this, it must have been nauseating.

There are plenty of feminist activists who are consider themselves the enemies of "Men's rights activists" and vice versa. It's all rather pathetic really.

 

[Azuaron]

The problem with using "rape" as slang is that it's a technical term with a fairly specific meaning, whereas something like "fag" has always been slang. While technical terms occasionally cross into slang and are abandoned by professionals (e.g., mental retardation), it's much more difficult and much rarer than with a word that's already slang.

That being said, you probably still shouldn't casually call people "fags" (5:00 to skip to the rant) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-55wC5dEnc].

Anyway, we don't really have another word for "rape" (unless you want to go with the ultra-politically correct "non-consensual sex") and rape is still something that happens and has to be technically and legally described, so "rape" still has to mean, well, rape, and will always have to mean rape until we come up with a new word for rape; this is not a word whose meaning can change in the same way that slang can change to mean different slang.

Second, allow me to quote Mel Brooks: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
A thing could be considered funny or cruel depending on your point of view.
As a rape victim your friends at that Game of Thrones party seem cruel, but for a non-rape victim('s close friends and family) they seem funny.
The thing is, people can't always be sensitive to every possible baggage a person might have, even if it's as serious as rape. There can be no exceptions.

I am not a rape victim. I know no one who has been raped (at least, no one I know has told me they've been raped).

Rape is never funny. Don't quote Carlin at me, that was the least funny bit he ever did.

Never. Funny.

And if you find rape funny, I'd like to politely ask you to stay away from me and everyone I know, and seek counseling.

The only time in Song of Ice and Fire where rape was "played for laughs" was a soldier describing the Mountain raping a girl which he thought was hilarious, and you, the reader, weren't supposed to be laughing, you were supposed to be thinking, "What monsters these guys are."

Cheering "Rape!" during an attempted rape scene? That's messed up.

Anonymous, get new friends, ones who aren't psychopaths1.

1 "Psychopath" is also a technical term that's been appropriated by the general public to mean something it wasn't intended to mean. I'm using the correct technical definition (which approximates the related term "callous unemotional").

 

[Darkmantle]

Feminism sucks because it by and large represents a dual standard, and the arguement that girls should be able to do things that get guys branded freaks or wierdos.

All feminism is, all it means by definition, is that men and women should be equal. To be a feminist is to also be a masculinist. Anyone who says different is wrong.

And that's the same thing the article author said. Women just want to be people guys.

So how dare you bring an anti feminism rant to this discussion, especially when the main point of him bringing it up was to point out how sickening the whole anti feminism argument is, just like the pro "r" word argument can be. There is a disconnect between people, misunderstandings, and plain inconsideration. You not getting the parallel?

As for the article, all the feels man. I'm glad you wrote this, it must have been nauseating.

look man, this is where the cognitive dissonance begins. Suffice to say, you are engaging in a "no true Scotsman" fallacy. How is the person you responded to supposed to view feminism, if reputable feminist organizations do sexist things, and no "true" feminists are there to denounce them.

Maybe you should be less worried about protecting your label and more worried about the issues. It's the same problem many people have, defend the label at all costs.

 

[ErinHoffman]

Whoever you are, you are beautiful and magnificent for writing this.

 

[FoolKiller]

Fine.... I'll be the asshole at the party. I usually am anyways.

While I think what happened to you is terrible, and you are going to have issues to deal with for the rest of your life, I do not agree that people shouldn't use the term just because of a fear of insulting/offending/hurting someone that has negative connotations to a word or phrase. I tend to agree with Therumancer that it is used as a vulgar and impactful way of telling someone else that they were dominated.

While the word rape doesn't have the same impact with me as it would with you, there are things people say that hurt me or others. I find some things said to me painful that others would just shrug off. And that is what you will have to do. You're going to have to shrug off the comments.

You yourself have decided to not only remain anonymous within the realm of this article/discussion but also within your circle of friends (as you have mentioned the Game of Thrones incident). When people use the term online during a game, watching a show, or on the courts they are not doing it with any malice more than any other form of trash talk or vulgar humour. You may have played basketball that had nicer trash talk but that doesn't mean that harsher, more crass trash talk isn't around on the court.

Personally I don't use the term online because I'd like to think that I am a bit more clever in my insults than that. In fact, I don't play online too often because I find the majority of humanity to be a waste of time to interact with. But I digress. The concept that people shouldn't say something because they may ruin your fun (without even knowing that they are doing it) is absurd. Its along the lines of me not walking on the soccer pitch because I may kill an ant by stepping on it. I can't be bothered to live my life in fear that I may hurt someone else. I won't go out of my way to do so if I know that I am, but I won't avoid it unless I know it is doing harm in that case. Every one is different and they will be negatively affected by different things.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

@OP It was a really well written well thought out article. I have depression and PTSD also and some people don't really understand what is a word to some people can completely break someone else.

I can't even be in the same room when a man is angry and according to my friends I say sorry too much when I mess up in video games. There are reasons for that, as you have your reasons and you are very brave to describe them here.

snip

Congratulations on completely missing the point of the article.

Rape isn't a feminist issue. It's an everyone issue. No one is trying to get away with double standards. I've never had the displeasure of reading cheap romance novels but I'm pretty sure they don't feature violent non consensual rape.

And frankly I would not want to be around any guy who wants rape as part of his power fantasy, games or otherwise....

Honestly I'm a little annoyed that the only thing you took away from the guy baring his soul was 'No! It's okay because women do it!' and start complaining about feminists....

 

[MatsVS]

This is the polar opposite of what happens.

You could not actually be more wrong about the normative conduct of a rape trial, and I'm genuinely disgusted you're taking one of the most awful tragedies of the current legal system, one of the most serious issues in current law and an area in serious need of reform and trying to claim that it's unfair to the people who overwhelmingly walk away from it because the burden of proof is so insanely high that it's actually impossible in most cases.

If I say anything else here I may end up getting myself suspended again, so I will merely conclude by saying that despite the utter disgust I feel for you right now, I sincerely hope you never, ever have to find out how wrong you are.

Well said.

The moment I saw the headline for this article, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew - I KNEW - that in the comment section there would be hand-wringing, rationalizing, derailing, and all that assorted bullshit we have come to expect whenever internet-troglodytes open their clueless mouths on issues like these.

And I honestly cannot understand why this is necessary. Rape IS different. Rape IS worse. Why can't we just agree that to not toss the word around whenever we feel like it? Considering how much better gaming as hobby would become for A LOT of people, it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice.

 

[Elamdri]

Feminism sucks because it by and large represents a dual standard, and the arguement that girls should be able to do things that get guys branded freaks or wierdos.

All feminism is, all it means by definition, is that men and women should be equal. To be a feminist is to also be a masculinist. Anyone who says different is wrong.

And that's the same thing the article author said. Women just want to be people guys.

So how dare you bring an anti feminism rant to this discussion, especially when the main point of him bringing it up was to point out how sickening the whole anti feminism argument is, just like the pro "r" word argument can be. There is a disconnect between people, misunderstandings, and plain inconsideration. You not getting the parallel?

As for the article, all the feels man. I'm glad you wrote this, it must have been nauseating.

There are plenty of feminist activists who are consider themselves the enemies of "Men's rights activists" and vice versa. It's all rather pathetic really.

Feminism and Men's Rights are often viewed as two diametrically opposed systems, when in reality they're the same thing. The problem of perception comes from the people who claim to advocate for one of the two sides not understanding the issue.

 

[itsthesheppy]

you should have read the entire article. you'd know why, if you had. If you did, you should maybe read it again, because you missed it.

Ok I just read the whole thing and if the point was to discourage people from saying the word rape loosely, I go back to what I said about genocide, murder, starving, and beating. Why are those words ok to say but rape is not?

Because nobody in XBOX Live, or anywhere else, has said 'omg i totally just genocided that guy'. It's extremely rare to hear anyone say 'man we beat them so bad it was like genocide.'

The use of the word 'rape' as a substitute for 'beat' or 'lost' or 'defeated', however, is very common. The author of the article does a much better job explaining why it is hurtful and wrong than I ever could.

This is not to say that using the word 'genocide' or other synonyms are necessairy a great deal better, but you're a lot less likely to trigger somebody within earshot, and contribute to a culture that supports that type of language and those detrimental opinions about the severity of the crime.

If you can't appreciate why it might hurt someone and therefor language to be avoided, you should soul-search about your opinion about the feelings of others.

 

[redisforever]

Thank you. Hopefully, people will read this, and think before they shout. I know I don't, not always, but I certainly try to. I know that if I'm in a situation where I may say something stupid, I try to avoid speaking. It usually works.

 

[Koshok]

Great article. It really hit a few emotions with me, which is no small feat. I am certain writing this took a lot of will power and courage.
I thank you for writing this. I feel like I understand a little more than I would have otherwise.