At last, I know. I have always sort of known, but until recently I couldn't articulate it with anything more beyond capital letters and flying spit. Ok, except for the obnoxiousness of the odious little turd, his absurdly over-inflated ego, and his pencant for wearing medalions, and everything, there is something else.
People say "Ok, he's no artist but at least he's good with explosions and heroes saving the day and stuff!"
He isn't. In fact, I think these things, what are considered his, for want of a better word, strengths, are his biggest weaknesses. In fact, when it comes to explosions and heroes saving the day, he sucks diarrhetic donkey shit from a donkey that is suffering from dysentery. With a tapeworm in it.
Last week I developed food poisoning, which gave me the marvelous opportunty to lie in bed for a few days, all day long, feeling sorry for myself and watching telly. During this superb week watched a docu-drama called "Krakatoa: The Last Days [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krakatoa_-_The_Last_Days]." Given that this is about the erruption of Krakatoa - the biggest explosion in recorded human history, one would think that this kind of thing is right up Bays very smelly and rat-infested alley. One scene in particular sums up everything that Michael Bay is theoretically not shit at. Big explosion? Check. Hero saving the day? Check. Comely lass involved being brave? Check. Here it is.
For those with youtube phobias, the collapse of the volcano had caused a tsunami. This wave headed towards the ship, Governor General Loudon, captained by one Johan Lindeman. Because he was in shallow water, the only way to save the ship from being destroyed was to turn it straight at the wave and try to steam over it (if anyone wonders why, stick a gravy boat in your tub and make a big wave at it from the front and then from the side.) So, after making a heroic speech below deck to try to explain the situation to the passengers, he gets topside and takes the ship over the wave, with broken glass and hot water flying into his face.
The scene seems set up for a Michael Bay, but look at how it was made. No bombastic music, no massive chin, no comic quip, no helicopters with the inevitably super-hard US marines abseiling down black ropes on their enormous all-American todgers. Not even a late-teenage girl wearing a bit of dental floss suggestively leaning over a motorcycle. Just the characers, and the scene - a pretty average guy who was in a terrible situation and was doing his best to keep himself and everyone else alive. It is this kind of thing which made the scene, which is something Bay doesn't seem to understand. A scene with characters one can relate to, along with making the danger they face seem actually dangerous and not just cartoonish, can make things far more poignant, which makes for a far better and more memorable movie.
Thoughts anyone?
People say "Ok, he's no artist but at least he's good with explosions and heroes saving the day and stuff!"
He isn't. In fact, I think these things, what are considered his, for want of a better word, strengths, are his biggest weaknesses. In fact, when it comes to explosions and heroes saving the day, he sucks diarrhetic donkey shit from a donkey that is suffering from dysentery. With a tapeworm in it.
Last week I developed food poisoning, which gave me the marvelous opportunty to lie in bed for a few days, all day long, feeling sorry for myself and watching telly. During this superb week watched a docu-drama called "Krakatoa: The Last Days [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krakatoa_-_The_Last_Days]." Given that this is about the erruption of Krakatoa - the biggest explosion in recorded human history, one would think that this kind of thing is right up Bays very smelly and rat-infested alley. One scene in particular sums up everything that Michael Bay is theoretically not shit at. Big explosion? Check. Hero saving the day? Check. Comely lass involved being brave? Check. Here it is.
For those with youtube phobias, the collapse of the volcano had caused a tsunami. This wave headed towards the ship, Governor General Loudon, captained by one Johan Lindeman. Because he was in shallow water, the only way to save the ship from being destroyed was to turn it straight at the wave and try to steam over it (if anyone wonders why, stick a gravy boat in your tub and make a big wave at it from the front and then from the side.) So, after making a heroic speech below deck to try to explain the situation to the passengers, he gets topside and takes the ship over the wave, with broken glass and hot water flying into his face.
The scene seems set up for a Michael Bay, but look at how it was made. No bombastic music, no massive chin, no comic quip, no helicopters with the inevitably super-hard US marines abseiling down black ropes on their enormous all-American todgers. Not even a late-teenage girl wearing a bit of dental floss suggestively leaning over a motorcycle. Just the characers, and the scene - a pretty average guy who was in a terrible situation and was doing his best to keep himself and everyone else alive. It is this kind of thing which made the scene, which is something Bay doesn't seem to understand. A scene with characters one can relate to, along with making the danger they face seem actually dangerous and not just cartoonish, can make things far more poignant, which makes for a far better and more memorable movie.
Thoughts anyone?
