The Stupidest Thing You've Ever Done, Seen, or Heard

[Tsun Tzu]

Done: ...Well...there are many things. The most recent was about a year ago.

I decide to make some chicken strips. I heat up the oven on broil, place them inside, and wait eagerly to devour them.

When the oven goes off, I get up. I walk over. I open the oven door half way and remove the chicken...mid way through removing them, they start to slide off the tray.

I panic and attempt to grab the tray in order to correct this grave error. With the unprotected hand which was holding the oven door.

I reach down to stop the falling tray, burning my fingers on its surface, and receive a 2nd or 3rd degree burn from the oven door momentarily closing on my forearm.

...I saved the chicken strips though. They were all right.


Seen: Everything on Fox News and TLC for the past several years.

 

[Murais]

Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done: I have a few. Most of them relate to high school or freshman year of college. I tried recreating the baseball bat scene from Office Space for a film class once, punched the printer/scanner/fax machine in question like the shot, and didn't realize that YOU DON'T ACTUALLY PUNCH A FAX MACHINE THAT YOU'VE JUST BEEN HITTING WITH A BAT BECAUSE IT IS FULL OF FUCKING GLASS SHARDS. I had my friends drag me away (again, like in the movie), and noticed a red trail going with me. Looked down to see that the entire side of my right hand was split open and I could see the bone underneath. None of my friends had licenses, and we were in the middle of nowhere, so I had to off-road my Jeep the 8 miles back to civilization and the nearest hospital. The doctor called me a dipshit the whole time he was stitching my hand up and told me I'd be lucky to get feeling back in that side of my hand. It did. At the very least, I got an A on the assignment.

Other stupid things: Ate a quarter of mushrooms at a hemp festival. I thought I was the Buddha at one point, but then also had four internal voices that all narrated different things at the same time, causing me to shout over the voices in my head to speak to any individual for an eight hour period.

Home-brewed 190 proof (95%) absinthe for a close friend's 21st birthday party. The end result lit your chest cavity on fire, caused temporary numbness, and a lot of screaming, so it was thus dubbed "Hulk Piss" from then on.

Stupidest Thing I've Seen: Crazy religious fundamentalist came to my college campus to prosthelytize with a sign that said "You Deserve Rape." He saw fit to making the campus fountain his perch. Out of the 150 person crowd that amassed, he was quickly encircled, encroached upon, and promptly tossed into said fountain.

Stupidest Thing I Have Ever Heard: High school Spanish class. Last day of class, so we were killing time. Dumb kid in class starts an earnest exchange with the teacher.

DK: Why are Dominicans better at baseball than Mexicans?
T: I don't think-- I dunno. Maybe it's just part of their culture.

DK: We get so many better MLB players from the Dominican than Mexico. Maybe we should just put all the Mexicans there so they get better at baseball.

Class chuckles, teacher tries to hold his cool.

T: Ethical implications aside, you do realize that the population of Mexico is several times the size of the Dominican Republic, right? Like, there are millions more people. And you want to put them on a tiny island... to play baseball?

Dumb Kid responds, unflinching and utterly deadpan:

"We can just stack them and put the leftovers in the ocean."

P.S.,

Runner Up for Dumbest Thing I've Ever Seen: Exploring a house that was in the process of being built with a group of friends whilst completely plastered. One friend was dead-set on finding the basement. I attempted to tell him that there wasn't so much a "basement" as there was a "nine foot shaft into the abyss." Couldn't finish the sentence, because I realized he wasn't there any more. He was at the bottom of said shaft. On his face.

A make-shift ladder and an embarrassed phone call later, his father (who was the chief of police in the next town over) came to pick him up and bring him to the hospital to get his face stitched up.

 

[AidoZonkey]

Stupidest thing I ever-

Done- Seeing a bottle of green spirits and thinking, "That will be fun to drink". Waking up in a french hospital the next day was quite scary. Would of been even scarier if I didnt start drinking in France but still

Seen- Someone juggling explosives in Turkey, I could not get out of the area quicker. The rest of Turkey was lovely though

Heard- BBC Radio 1, its the worst radio station I've heard and most likely the worst thing I have heard. The music they play on there is bad and doesn't follow into the song they play after. The presenters are dull and boring. Im not a fan

 

[JohnnyLLV]

Stupidest thing I have ever:

Done - Tore a streetlamp in half.
I was out drinking with a couple of friends, when one of them in his drunken state decided to try to climb a streetlamp. He got about three feet up and fell off. Me being drunk and incredibly thick, I decided to show him how it was done. I got to the top and waved around, where the pole snapped. (it was an OLD streetlamp).
I landed on my ass and my face at the same time.. busted open my eyebrow and broke my back in 2 places.

Seen - This was only three days ago. Working in Nigeria, in the camp I am staying at I saw a nigerian guy tidy up a tree. He decided to reach the high spots by throwing the CHAINSAW he had at them, instead of using the ladder that was ten feet away from him.

Heard - While i was in hospital, the guy in the bed next to me described why he was there. He was on a pub roof with his friends and said pub's owner. The owner pointed to a tiny patch of grass on the ground and bet the guy he couldn't jump off the roof and on to the grass. Needless to say a man's pride was at stake, so he leapt off the roof. To his credit, he landed on said grass patch, but shattered both his ankles in the process.
His friends came down to help, and one of his friends had the brilliant thought that squeezing the ankle back together would help it heal faster. It didn't. O_O

 

[Drops a Sweet Katana]

Stupidest thing I've done: Walked into a pole in front of the entire year. I wasn't embarrassed, I found it fucking hilarious and everyone forgot about it.

Stupidest thing I've said: 'Will Smith wasn't in Fresh Prince of Bel Air.'

Stupidest Thing I've heard: Back when evolution v. creationism on the internet didn't give me an aneurysm, I stumbled across a video of a guy saying that 'He had debunked atheism'. The crux of his video was something to the tune of 'If God didn't create the world and all its creature's for human use, then why do horses have backs?' Shit everyone, time to go home. The debate is settled.

 

[nariette]

Done: At a party, I smiled friendly at a guy who was standing lonely at the side. I thought doing this would make him feel comfortable to engage in the party. He took this as flirting, and drunkenly grinded/dry-humped me for the rest of the evening, even though I kept on walking away from him and pushing him away.

Heard: On a vacation, I made friends with some people around my age, but a bit younger. Note: In Holland, you can drink wine and beer when you are sixteen, I was, but they were mostly fourteen, and they definitely had a bit, though one beer already has a lot of effect on a kid that age. A girl didn't want to kiss a boy, though the rest of the kids said that she should (for some reason, teens from 12 to 14 like to make others kiss eachother for their own entertainment) . She said that her younger, 13 yo. brother was here too and it would be embarassing, but there was no reason not to do it. The brother then said to suck it up, because she, the sister had been there at his "defloweration" and picked the girl for him. I don't think he knew exactly what "defloweration" meant.

Funny how most of the stories here start with alcohol. Not against it though, But because of all the kids here getting into trouble they are moving the law from 16 to 18. Pretty much punishing all the people that did nothing wrong, and the kids who were at fault will get alcohol anyway, even if they are legal or not.

 

[omega 616]

The stupidest thing I ever did...

I just cooked pasta, I ate it, took the pan (Yes, I eat out of the pan) into the kitchen and thought "I wonder if the hot plate (which was previously on it's hottest setting) is still hot, I know I shall place my hand on it ... no, fuck that of course it will be hot!"

*places hand on hot plate*

"FUCK! Why did I do that?"

That sounds made up but I swear to god, my hand just did it... I then sat with my hand under cold tap for 20 minutes EXACTLY!

The Stupidest Thing I Ever Saw...

While doing my mechanics course in college, a guy was given the task to change some leads under the bonnet/hood. Problem was this car had nothing to hold the bonnet/hood up with, so everybody used a spare pipe.

This guy, walks up to the car opens the bonnet/hood, sees the pipe people use to prop it up with, throws it on the ground with a shrug, places the bonnet/hood on his head and takes the leads off 28 people were in tears laughing at this guy as he worked for about 15 minutes with the bonnet/hood resting on that thick skull of his.

The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard...

The same guy from previous story just happened to be employed at a place I got a job 2 or 3 years later (small world). The shop is a car parts place, you can buy stuff a new exhaust to wiper fluid (or if you like rooster teeth, headlight fluid)

Anyway, he had been there a few months before I got this job and he had already nurtured a reputation as the shop thicko. So a couple of weeks later they ask him the age old question "what is heavier, a tonne of bricks or a tonne of feathers" ...

Now most people knee jerk respond with "bricks" and everybody has a chuckle but no, this guy ups the stupid to 11!

He says "a tonne of bricks ... no, a tonne of feathers ... wait no, if I put a tonne of bricks in my car it will have more traction, so a tonne of bricks is heavier".

Again, that sounds made up but I swear it's not. The guy applied half logic to the question.

 

[Silverbeard]

The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard...

The stupidest thing I ever heard came from an acquaintance of mine (whose name shall be mentioned as 'John Doe' to protect the poor chap's identity).
John Doe met me several years ago introduced himself as 'Ensign John Doe, United States Army'. He was not in uniform, would not mention which regiment or battalion he was in and seemed to have no idea what a CIB was.
But surely anyone would figure that out from the first sentence he spoke, yes?

 

[sextus the crazy]

The stupidest thing I ever did...
...Was staple my own finger. Look, I was trying to close it and thought I could close it from the bottom... yeah, bad idea...

I've done that, but purposefully. My friend was telling me about how he stapled himself, and said that it hurt. "Huh", I thought, and got out my mini stapler. He was right.

Ha, you think you got it bad? I staple my finger twice... in one day. Within a couple hours of each other.

OT: I declared I was a racist in the middle of math class once. Stress does some weird shit to you. Thank god my peers are somehow the most understanding middleschoolers in existence.

 

[SadisticFire]

I wanted to swing around like Batman so I jumped off the couch to swing, rope slips from around my wrist to the middle and ring finger and catches there. Fingers proceed to dislocate out of their sockets and joints until my fingers were almost twice as long as they should be. Que screaming and running around in pain. My dad had to literally tackle me and hold me down till I was calm enough to get in the car and go to the hospital. That was fun times!

That just made me...No.. I thought me getting my finger slammed and crush between a door was bad. Which is the stupidest thing I've ever done. Ran into a door that was shutting when I was about 6, got it slammed in the creek. REMEMBER EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO IT. After the door shutting, blank. Apparently my father had to restrain me and carry me to the car. Then hospital. Awake, entire time. Can't remember a god damn things.
I am close to doing a LOT of dumb things. It's like I'm born a bimbo, but with JUST enough intelligence to pull myself outa bad situations. "Oh this pizza pan is in the way that I just took outa the oven. Ima just move it with my... Wait it's hot isn't it?"

Stupidest thing I've heard
"Oh if it says tap target creature, you can Untap it too." But me being too polite, and her on the verge of rage quitting the game(Magic The Gathering) I just sat there, and let it happen. She still ended up doing it, because my deck was Demir.
Or or or, actual crown, "drugs are okay because drugs make me feel good." I couldn't continue that conversation. It's a battle between "Wait, chocolate milk doesn't come out from brown cows?" says one of my classmates. In Highschool. *EVERYONE* looked at him with "Da fuck?"

Stupidest thing I've saw.. Hmph. That's a tough one. I mean, in Payday 2 cops keep shooting hostages. Does that count?
...
This post looks messy.

 

[MiskWisk]

The stupidest thing I ever did...
...Was staple my own finger. Look, I was trying to close it and thought I could close it from the bottom... yeah, bad idea...

I've done that, but purposefully. My friend was telling me about how he stapled himself, and said that it hurt. "Huh", I thought, and got out my mini stapler. He was right.

Ha, you think you got it bad? I staple my finger twice... in one day. Within a couple hours of each other.

Chalk up another person stapling themselves. Fortunately only one spike went in so I more went "huh" rather than "ouch".

Stupidest thing I've done would be not paying attention where my feet were when climbing out of a tree. 10ft of downward acceleration head-first hurts.

 

[AsurasEyes]

"All music with screaming is screamo and all it is is either fat guys or skinny teenagers yelling into the microphone and banging on instruments with no rhythm or melody."- My friends girlfriend, self-proclaimed music expert.

Please tell me he dumped her. Comparing Slayer or Judas Priest to screamo is unforgivable.

 

[AsurasEyes]

Done: I'm hesitant to put this on the internet, but fuck it, I've told this story in person before.

I was at my girlfriend's house, and we were getting comfy, so I decide to *ahem* warm her up. So all is well, and I think to myself, "Hey, what if I balled up my fist and shoved it in? Girls in porn seem to like that" (I was like 13 at the time). So I did it. She enjoyed it, then I realized: My hand was stuck. Her father came home about an hour later to see me wrist deep in his daughter, and I used her as a human shield to keep him from killing me. Then the paramedics came and it took them 15 minutes to extract my hand, and I ran the hell away.

Said:
"Hey guys, have you heard the newest Lil Wayne single?"
"No anon, what's it like?"
"Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga ****** nigga" this went on for about a minute before I hear someone clear their throat and I turn around to see my black principal standing behind me. Turns out she likes to pop into some classes to see how they're doing.

Heard: "Be careful around him anon, the Reptiles got him. He's their agent"

Seen: One of my friends tried to play Five Finger Filet using a machete. It was one of the most painfully idiotic things I have ever seen.

 

[Dirge Eterna]

I wanted to swing around like Batman so I jumped off the couch to swing, rope slips from around my wrist to the middle and ring finger and catches there. Fingers proceed to dislocate out of their sockets and joints until my fingers were almost twice as long as they should be. Que screaming and running around in pain. My dad had to literally tackle me and hold me down till I was calm enough to get in the car and go to the hospital. That was fun times!

That just made me...No.. I thought me getting my finger slammed and crush between a door was bad. Which is the stupidest thing I've ever done. Ran into a door that was shutting when I was about 6, got it slammed in the creek. REMEMBER EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO IT. After the door shutting, blank. Apparently my father had to restrain me and carry me to the car. Then hospital. Awake, entire time. Can't remember a god damn things.
I am close to doing a LOT of dumb things. It's like I'm born a bimbo, but with JUST enough intelligence to pull myself outa bad situations. "Oh this pizza pan is in the way that I just took outa the oven. Ima just move it with my... Wait it's hot isn't it?"

Having them reset at the hospital was even worse pain wise. They numbed my hand but I think the sounds of bones popping and tendons and ligaments thwanging made me freak out more than anything. I had to be sedated before they could finish. Those 2 fingers are still longer than normal and they twist to the left a bit to this day.

 

[New World Fool]

Stupidest thing I've ever...

Done - Stapled my index finger. I don't what thought was gonna happen at the time but I just put it under there, pressed down and bam, staple in the finger.

Seen - My friend, on a whim decided to snort the flame from his lighter. He burnt his nose and I laughed my ass off.

Heard - The majority of MGS5 fan speculation to be honest. <_<. The number of... fans claiming that you're playing as Grey Fox not Big Boss is quite frankly ridiculous. A lot of the reasons seem to boil down the fact that Big Boss is voiced by a different voice actor, yeah, because new voice means a new character right along with the coma and time skip. I mean, Big Boss is older in Phantom Pain, so his voice get older and gruffer. Old Snake certainly raspier than he did in MGS2 because of the advanced aging after all.

 

[EeveeElectro]

This is hard, I see stupid things on a daily basis :<

Done - Hoooo, where to start... I thought crawling under the ironing board as a kid was a good idea as my mum was ironing. Suffice to say I knocked the board, the iron hit my back, that and the scalding water caused my pyjama top to stick to my skin and I had to be cut out of it.
I say stupid things a lot. When I was walking along the canal with my boyfriend we saw something mysterious floating ahead I said, "what's that floating? Is it a big rock?"
Another time I tried beckoning a bunny for about 5 minutes only to realise it was a bin-bag.

Seen - Numerous people throw themselves in front of buses because they think it's funny. People putting lit firework in their mouths and then throwing them at people. Not to mention all the horrible reality shows...

Heard - "I hate rock music, it's just all that screaming"
"Does this cheese contain alcohol?"
Anything along the lines of someone generalising a whole group of people which I still see a depressing amount.