The whole holding-a-door-thing

kasperbbs

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Never in my life has anyone complained to me about holding a door, everyone is so damn polite that we get stuck there insisting that the other person should go first.
 

DudeistBelieve

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Saltyk said:
gmaverick019 said:
Saltyk said:
Phasmal said:
Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.
Soooo, this isn't something you've actually seen, but the internet assures you it is a thing?
Fappy said:
Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.
Thaluikhain said:
Eh, as far as I can tell, there's no truth to it. Lots of people claim that feminists are obsessed with this, but I've never encountered, either online or off, anyone who held that view.

Like "high school is the best time of your life", never met anyone who agrees, but supposedly there are those that do out there somewhere in great numbers.

(Having said that, there are lots of women that are annoyed if you hold open a door for them until they are halfway through, and then let it close on them. Lots of men as well.)
I've literally been yelled at for opening the door for a woman. She sneered at me and assured me she could hold open it for herself and didn't need my help. I shrugged and went on in, but it did piss me off. She assumed I gave a damn about her being a woman. I didn't. I would have held the door for anyone. In fact, I've literally waited for elderly people with walkers and held the door for them.

But, yeah, it does happen. It's rare. And the people who do it are idiots. But it does happen.
yeah, very similar situation happened to me as well, I was in utter shock because I had absolutely zero interest in the girl, I just happened to notice we were heading for the same door to the library, and it'd be easier if I opened it and just let her keep walking rather than opening it, my body crossing the door and blocking her, and going through it. (common courtesy and all that to anyone regardless of size/shape/gender/etc...)

low and behold she launched darkseid omega eye beams at me for it and scoffed, then said "uhm excuse me, I don't need a man to hold the door for me!"

now that's an incident out of hundreds (if not thousands?) of times I've held the door open for people, but it does kind of stick with you due to its absurdity.
Pretty much exactly the same. Though, I was going into a restaurant near where I live to get a quick lunch. Otherwise everything you said applies.

And yes, I have opened the door for hundreds, if not thousands, of people and she was the only person to ever give me any sort of issue. I still do it to this day. However, having one person give you grief over a common courtesy is something that you remember.
DudeistBelieve said:
Saltyk said:
Phasmal said:
Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.
Soooo, this isn't something you've actually seen, but the internet assures you it is a thing?
Fappy said:
Has anyone here ever seriously had someone get mad at them for holding the door open? I've had plenty of people not acknowledge my aid, which is fine, but never had anyone get actively mad.
Thaluikhain said:
Eh, as far as I can tell, there's no truth to it. Lots of people claim that feminists are obsessed with this, but I've never encountered, either online or off, anyone who held that view.

Like "high school is the best time of your life", never met anyone who agrees, but supposedly there are those that do out there somewhere in great numbers.

(Having said that, there are lots of women that are annoyed if you hold open a door for them until they are halfway through, and then let it close on them. Lots of men as well.)
I've literally been yelled at for opening the door for a woman. She sneered at me and assured me she could hold open it for herself and didn't need my help. I shrugged and went on in, but it did piss me off. She assumed I gave a damn about her being a woman. I didn't. I would have held the door for anyone. In fact, I've literally waited for elderly people with walkers and held the door for them.

But, yeah, it does happen. It's rare. And the people who do it are idiots. But it does happen.
Anybody that would yell at you for it, like actively make an issue out of it in person probably has some far deeper personal shit going on in their life that they're dealing with. I guarantee it. It's something larger than just you and the door, that's just an excuse for them to vent their frustration.
Okay. And? Should I not feel she was completely in the wrong? Should I be an ally to understand her feelings?

I don't care what was going on in her life. She does not have the right to take out her frustrations on people who are simply being courteous.

Oh, and some people do think it is "benevolent sexism". A study [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2988310/How-smile-reveals-man-s-SEXIST-Beliefs-women-betrayed-facial-expressions-claims-study.html] last year even said that men opening doors for women are as sexist as those who are rude to them. It may be a minority that will actually get upset, but we all know how vocal minorities dominate discussions.

Oh, and I hold the door open for everyone. Male, female, black, white, old, young, or otherwise.
No, I think you did the right thing and shrugged and walked away. That's kinda what I was driving at, her response had nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. I wouldn't want to even waste a second more being angry about it.

Sexism and all the other identity politics bullshit is absolutely true, I do believe that. but some people take it such a radical extent that, ya know what? You're not gonna win those people over and it's not even worth trying. I'm talking like that woman weeks back who was cornering this white kid about his dreadlocks. I tend to find those are the people that say shit like "I'm an ally" or "White Privilege", and I treat them like I do the people the people who call others "cucks" and "Special Snowflake".

I give them a wide fucking birth cause they don't seem to be people I wanna be friends with... And just as well, cause I don't think they'd wanna be friends with me either.

Just to bring it back why not even to be angry about it, the SJW types love to dismiss an individuals feelings but, ultimately you do know your own heart and you know why you open the door for her. As long as you feel like you were doing it just to be polite, like thats all that really matters. They love breaking people down and trying to come up with reasons for peoples actions man, doesn't make it right or true.
 

happyninja42

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Jeivar said:
Something I've witnessed on the internet over the years with no small amount of confusion is women expressing outrage if a man holds open a door for them. I started thinking about this again today after going through a "worst of Tumblr" list, much to my dismay.

I don't know if this is some specific American culture thing, but if I'm out in public and walk through a door and there's someone right behind me, I consider it very rude to just let it swing back at that person. So I spend a second or two holding the door open as that person steps through. Generally I hear a soft word of thanks, and then we both go on with our day.

Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted. Little gestures of etiquette are all that makes society bearable.

Am I misunderstanding a bit here, and the cases being complained about are of someone leaping to literally open a door for a woman in the hopes of seeming chivalrous?

I'm genuinely curious here.
I have actually had this very thing happen to me, many many years ago. I was at work, heading outside the plant to the smoking patio, and a woman was coming in. I stopped to hold the door for her, while I fished out my lighter, and she stopped, gave me a fuck you expression, and said "I could've gotten it myself!" and then stormed inside all offended.

As to why? *shrugs* People can be assholes, and get way too far up their own ass about stupid things. To me, holding the door open for a person, of any gender, is just standard practice. I don't care what your plumbing is, if I can hold the door for you, I will. It doesn't bother me to spend a few seconds being polite to a person. If the person wants to get their ass in a twist about common courtesy, that's their problem, and they can just go fuck themselves.

Though I will say it has only happened 1 time in 30+ years of holding doors open for people. So I wouldn't really call it an epidemic from my viewpoint. More just an anomaly.
 

hermajesty

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I love it when anyone opens a door for me, boy or girl! It's like, "Cool! I didn't have to do that myself!" Just a nice thing to do (extra points if the boy is cute though)
 

Einspanner

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"I found a thing on Tumblr"

The irony that people search Tumblr for stuff to basically "trigger" them is not lost on anyone, I hope.
 

the December King

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I don't hold the door open for fit people.

If they're so damned in-shape, then they can get the door them-goddamn-selves.
 

RedDeadFred

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Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted.
Because you don't spend enough time interacting with real people in the real world. Seriously, I must've held the door for thousands of people so far in my life. I've NEVER had this happen. This is something that an incredibly small percentage of people care about. The best part is, you'll most likely never have to deal with them in the real world since they're so detached from reality that they never leave their home for fear of being raped as soon as they take one step outside. Maybe I'm being a bit hyperbolic here, but you get the idea.

These people exist almost entirely on the internet where the people who are bored enough to search them out can find something to be annoyed with. Please, do yourself a favour an just ignore these people while continuing to be the courteous door holder you've always been. You'll be happier if you do.

Edit: my first sentence is a bit mean, so I'll just clarify that I don't actually think you spend no time in the real world. I'm just suggesting you're not putting enough stock in it.
 

RJ 17

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Evidently it's called "Benevolent Sexism". Anything that used to be called "polite" can now be considered benevolent sexism if there's a woman involved.
 

happyninja42

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RJ 17 said:
Evidently it's called "Benevolent Sexism". Anything that used to be called "polite" can now be considered benevolent sexism if there's a woman involved.
I think the flaw in it is that it assumes we only do it for women, giving them some kind of preferential treatment. Which, as far as I've ever witnessed, isn't the case. People just hold the door open for other people around here. No matter what is dangling, or not dangling between your legs.

For me, I'm never doing anything so urgent that I can't just stop for a few seconds and be helpful to someone else. Given I've had people come up to me after doing some very casual, and off hand polite thing for them, and say something like "Thanks for being so nice previously. I've had a shitty day, and seeing someone not be a dick helped remind me not everything sucks." I think it's got an actual benefit beyond just the "manners" cultural custom thing.

Life is made up of an accumulation of tiny events, that add up to you having a shit day, or a good day. Being able to add another bit to the good day pile is something I think we should all strive for.
 

2012 Wont Happen

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Jeivar said:
Am I misunderstanding a bit here, and the cases being complained about are of someone leaping to literally open a door for a woman in the hopes of seeming chivalrous?
As much as this seems like a ridiculous scenario to reasonable people, I've seen some men do this. I reckon this sort of thing probably is the main cause of people complaining about door holding, as I always hold doors for any stranger and I don't ever get complaints. Granted, my method of holding doors is basically just giving it one extra good shove forward as I walk through it so it doesn't fall back into the other person until they can get their hand on it or, it they're farther from me, just holding it with my fingers behind my back until I feel their hand take pressure off of it. Basically, the best way to hold a door for a stranger without them feeling weird about it is to do it in the way that inserts yourself into their personal space the least.
 

Secondhand Revenant

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Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
I mean, really? My mother said this and she's a feminist is a reason to believe something? Just believing everything your parents say is excusable when you're growing up for a bit, but by the time you're an adult you should have a reason for your opinions, not outsource the thinking
 

Einspanner

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Secondhand Revenant said:
Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
I mean, really? My mother said this and she's a feminist is a reason to believe something? Just believing everything your parents say is excusable when you're growing up for a bit, but by the time you're an adult you should have a reason for your opinions, not outsource the thinking
...So was she wrong, or are we just trashing people for the hell of it now?
 

Secondhand Revenant

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Einspanner said:
Secondhand Revenant said:
Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
I mean, really? My mother said this and she's a feminist is a reason to believe something? Just believing everything your parents say is excusable when you're growing up for a bit, but by the time you're an adult you should have a reason for your opinions, not outsource the thinking
...So was she wrong, or are we just trashing people for the hell of it now?
Yes she was. Treating someone differently based on gender for doors is nonesense.

Terrible ways of forming opinions shouldn't be given a pass either though.
 

DementedSheep

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This is one of those things I have never seen anyone actually do or even really complain about online but gets that bitched about and swung around as ammunition against 'modern day feminists'.
Maybe you shouldn't take "worst of tumblr" (or twitter or youtube while we're at it) as indicative of a problem. If you dig you can find someone saying any horrible or stupid thing you want.
 

Einspanner

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Secondhand Revenant said:
Einspanner said:
Secondhand Revenant said:
Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
I mean, really? My mother said this and she's a feminist is a reason to believe something? Just believing everything your parents say is excusable when you're growing up for a bit, but by the time you're an adult you should have a reason for your opinions, not outsource the thinking
...So was she wrong, or are we just trashing people for the hell of it now?
Yes she was. Treating someone differently based on gender for doors is nonesense.

Terrible ways of forming opinions shouldn't be given a pass either though.
I see, so you're actually someone the OP is talking about, and you do apparently exist; good to know I guess.

DementedSheep said:
This is one of those things I have never seen anyone actually do or even really complain about online but gets that bitched about and swung around as ammunition against "modern day feminists".
Maybe you shouldn't take "worst of tumblr" (or twitter or youtube while we're at it) as indicative of a problem. If you dig you can find someone saying any horrible or stupid thing you want.
Look directly above you...
 

happyninja42

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DementedSheep said:
This is one of those things I have never seen anyone actually do or even really complain about online but gets that bitched about and swung around as ammunition against 'modern day feminists'.
Maybe you shouldn't take "worst of tumblr" (or twitter or youtube while we're at it) as indicative of a problem. If you dig you can find someone saying any horrible or stupid thing you want.
Are you saying that this type of thing doesn't actually happen? Because I can personally attest to it happening to me once. I held the door open for a woman, she bitched at me for doing so. It is a real event. Not terribly common, from my personal experience, it having only happened once in like 30+ years of holding doors. But it did happen.
 

Einspanner

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Happyninja42 said:
DementedSheep said:
This is one of those things I have never seen anyone actually do or even really complain about online but gets that bitched about and swung around as ammunition against 'modern day feminists'.
Maybe you shouldn't take "worst of tumblr" (or twitter or youtube while we're at it) as indicative of a problem. If you dig you can find someone saying any horrible or stupid thing you want.
Are you saying that this type of thing doesn't actually happen? Because I can personally attest to it happening to me once. I held the door open for a woman, she bitched at me for doing so. It is a real event. Not terribly common, from my personal experience, it having only happened once in like 30+ years of holding doors. But it did happen.
Plus, it's actually happening in this thread. (ಥ_ಥ)
 

DementedSheep

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Happyninja42 said:
DementedSheep said:
This is one of those things I have never seen anyone actually do or even really complain about online but gets that bitched about and swung around as ammunition against 'modern day feminists'.
Maybe you shouldn't take "worst of tumblr" (or twitter or youtube while we're at it) as indicative of a problem. If you dig you can find someone saying any horrible or stupid thing you want.
Are you saying that this type of thing doesn't actually happen? Because I can personally attest to it happening to me once. I held the door open for a woman, she bitched at me for doing so. It is a real event. Not terribly common, from my personal experience, it having only happened once in like 30+ years of holding doors. But it did happen.
Literally NEVER happens? No, the people who are on the internet exist somewhere as well but it's not a common (I wouldn't even call it rare) or a significant problem.
 

cleric of the order

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See I've actually got that from a woman once and that pissed me the fuck off.
Should have given her a piece of my mind.
Mostly because I hold the door for everyone when i can because it's the nice thing to do.
 

DementedSheep

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Einspanner said:
Secondhand Revenant said:
Einspanner said:
Secondhand Revenant said:
Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
I mean, really? My mother said this and she's a feminist is a reason to believe something? Just believing everything your parents say is excusable when you're growing up for a bit, but by the time you're an adult you should have a reason for your opinions, not outsource the thinking
...So was she wrong, or are we just trashing people for the hell of it now?
Yes she was. Treating someone differently based on gender for doors is nonesense.

Terrible ways of forming opinions shouldn't be given a pass either though.
I see, so you're actually someone the OP is talking about, and you do apparently exist; good to know I guess.

DementedSheep said:
This is one of those things I have never seen anyone actually do or even really complain about online but gets that bitched about and swung around as ammunition against "modern day feminists".
Maybe you shouldn't take "worst of tumblr" (or twitter or youtube while we're at it) as indicative of a problem. If you dig you can find someone saying any horrible or stupid thing you want.
Look directly above you...
If your qualifier for this is just pointing out that being told to hold doors specifically for woman rather than for everyone is stupid when you bought it up then no wonder you would see it everywhere. That would be sexist, albeit a benign example not worth fighting over and not something anyone with a lick of sense would assume someone is doing in real life since most are polite and hold doors for everyone.