The whole holding-a-door-thing

Jeivar

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[HEADING=2]Mod Voice[/HEADING]

Secondhand Revenant / Einspanner, please play nice and don't escalate this into a fight. Accusing other members of being "unable to deal with it" and "you're just out to start a fight", etc, really isn't helpful to the discussion. Please drop that particular thread of the discussion and move on a civil way.

Thanks!
 

Timothy Yardvale

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Secondhand Revenant said:
I've put forth a position and you've failed to do anything to criticize it in a manner that would show any flaws with it. Your line of criticism has nothing to do with whether I'm correct or not. I'll leave it as I'm right until you have an actual decent criticism to make, Ein.
You're willing to take a hit from a mod just to get the last word and reiterate that you're right? You could be offering me cold fusion, and with an attitude like that I'd be more inclined to dump you in a deep ocean trench than say "thanks". Given that you're presumably involved in some kind of social justice movement, you want to reach people, not repel them, right?

Just a thought.
 

laggyteabag

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I will hold the door for anyone, male or female, so long as I am in front, and they are behind by a reasonable distance. I do it because its polite, not really much of anything else.
 

Jeivar

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Secondhand Revenant said:
I've put forth a position and you've failed to do anything to criticize it in a manner that would show any flaws with it. Your line of criticism has nothing to do with whether I'm correct or not. I'll leave it as I'm right until you have an actual decent criticism to make, Ein.
[HEADING=2]Mod Voice[/HEADING]

I've asked nicely for everyone involved in this train of the conversation to stop, yet for some reason you've taken this to heart and seen it as some form of punishment / injustice that you're not able to freely continue to derail the thread.

You're now continuing, which is not only disrespectful to me and my request for you to stop, but also unfair to everyone else who wishes to post in this thread.

So I'll ask you nicely one more time to drop it. Fair warning given.
 
Jan 27, 2011
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I hold doors open for everyone.

I've been doing it for a very good chunk of the 28 years I've been alive.

Not even once has anyone ever given me the stink eye or anything over it.

...Then again, I live in Montreal, Canada. That might have something to do with it.
 

Jeopardy Surface

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aegix drakan said:
I hold doors open for everyone.

I've been doing it for a very good chunk of the 28 years I've been alive.

Not even once has anyone ever given me the stink eye or anything over it.

...Then again, I live in Montreal, Canada. That might have something to do with it.
No, I think it's just the polite thing to do, always. You hold open the door if you can, for someone who's going to make it before it would close on its own if you let it. It's just... the lubricant of society. I would argue that only doing that for women would suck, but honestly who just does that?
 

weirdee

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I mostly do it because it's the most efficient: instead of having a door pushed open by several people, you can just have one of them do it and the rest of them move along much faster.

people talking about sociology and i'm like, just go already, you're blocking the doorway
 

NPC009

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Aren't there like two versions of holding the door open?

1. There's a person close behind you and since slamming doors in people's faces is frowned upon, you hold the door until the next person is close enough to grab the door themselves.

2. Holding a door open and closing it after the other person passes through. I consider this the polite thing to do when the other person may have trouble holding and closing the door themselves. Old people with walkers, mothers pushing strollers, people carrying a bunch of stuff... However, doing this for an able-bodied person who has their hands free seems like a bit much. If someone held the door open for me, I'd say 'thank you' but consider the gesture slightly weird.
 

Remus

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Obvious derail in relation to a particular HBO program notwithstanding, if someone held the door for me and I was across the parking lot, I'd get back in my car and play some music. But being a human of male gender, I have yet to see this. Holding a door is like slowing down for a stoplight - there's a certain distance when it becomes redundant and an annoyance for everyone around you. If you cannot figure this out, then google it. It's why we have the internet.
 

Rangaman

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Jeivar said:
Why do I see so many cases of women sneering at a man who does this, going on about condescension? Because just screaming "I can open doors myself!!" does not make someone seem confident and well-adjusted. Little gestures of etiquette are all that makes society bearable.
Because people are paranoid and read far too much into things. On BOTH sides of this political world, lest ye accuse me of bias.
 

Jamcie Kerbizz

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mecegirl said:
It can be annoying when guys open doors sometimes but only in certain contexts.

1: If he is no where near the door and he rushes over just to open the door. Like dude... its okay. I'll be alright. Its one thing if a person is already at the door but to rush over? It's worse that they never do so for men so you know that it's just because you are female.

2. When they blatantly check you out while doing so.

3. When it is only done for women they feel are attractive. I've seen guys do "polite" things for attractive young women while ignoring overweight women. Or women who are older. And its really shitty.

Other than that any woman complaining about opening doors just has a personal problem with it. And folks are allowed to have personal problems with things. So long as they aren't chewing you out in person why care?
What you have problem with is rather insincere. You are upset that a man that rushes to open / hold door for you isn't doing the same for women who you deem inferior to you. At the same time with this attitude I doubt you'd complain if that were Gearge Clooney or whoever tickles your fancy going out of his/her way to attract your attention.
This is no longer holding/opening door for someone out of politeness it's just part of 'the dating game' and you just didn't find sufficiently attractive someone who made their move (leaving aside how successful it could ever be).


I had on numerous occasions women rush up in front of me and open doors, which I greatly (GREATLY) appreciate. I did and do the same for people. If you see someone with grocery bags, carrying something heavy or fragile, in a hurry, swarmed with kids or pushing a buggy etc. You should hold/open the door if you are well mannered. You'll be surprised to see how many pompous and self-centered girls change up in this manner once they become mums and get to actually see the difference between being helped with such 'petty' task and not. These are also the women which usually do rush up and help me when I roll with my kids. Not libetrated girls, not chivalrous boys but either parents who know how things are or people whos parents put in huge effort to make sure kids are well mannered and not self-centered, pretentious, ever needy troglodytes.
 

Satinavian

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Lightknight said:
Phasmal said:
I remember a while ago on this forum being called rude by an American user for saying I don't smile at people in the street. There are no set in stone rules for interacting with strangers. Where I live, if you go around smiling and saying hi to people they will probably quickly avert their eyes and keep walking. Gotta love that British repression. (No, seriously, I love it, who has time to smile at strangers all day?).
Who goes around smiling all the time? That would feel weird. It isn't rude not to initiate contact with others in the vast majority of the situation but it would be rude if someone smiled and said hello to you but you ignored them. Something I doubt most people would do.

I have heard that us Americans smile way too much according to other cultures.
True. The Americans smile too much and the British avert their eyes.
We Germans do neither and thus have a reputation for "hostile staring".

When someone smiles here, he starts an interaction or sees something genuinely funny. It can really throw people off as they thing something must be wrong with their attire or that the other person wants to talk but for some strange reason doen't start.

Topic :

Have never seen a women outright complain about door holding. But I have seen some who, whenever they got held a door by a guy make some extra effort to hold another door for im next time, even if they need to sprint to do that. Somehow it is really important to establish the fact that this door holding buisness is just unisex courtsy and not something men do for women. But no, no real complaints.

There was some discussion some years ago, when a feminist organization visited some convention to document the prevailing bad attitude to women there - and than included every instance of a man holding a door for a women under "sexual harassment". Of course they were accused to inflate the numbers but it started some discussions about if door holding is sexist or not.
 

mecegirl

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Jamcie Kerbizz said:
mecegirl said:
It can be annoying when guys open doors sometimes but only in certain contexts.

1: If he is no where near the door and he rushes over just to open the door. Like dude... its okay. I'll be alright. Its one thing if a person is already at the door but to rush over? It's worse that they never do so for men so you know that it's just because you are female.

2. When they blatantly check you out while doing so.

3. When it is only done for women they feel are attractive. I've seen guys do "polite" things for attractive young women while ignoring overweight women. Or women who are older. And its really shitty.

Other than that any woman complaining about opening doors just has a personal problem with it. And folks are allowed to have personal problems with things. So long as they aren't chewing you out in person why care?
What you have problem with is rather insincere. You are upset that a man that rushes to open / hold door for you isn't doing the same for women who you deem inferior to you. At the same time with this attitude I doubt you'd complain if that were Gearge Clooney or whoever tickles your fancy going out of his/her way to attract your attention.
This is no longer holding/opening door for someone out of politeness it's just part of 'the dating game' and you just didn't find sufficiently attractive someone who made their move (leaving aside how successful it could ever be).


I had on numerous occasions women rush up in front of me and open doors, which I greatly (GREATLY) appreciate. I did and do the same for people. If you see someone with grocery bags, carrying something heavy or fragile, in a hurry, swarmed with kids or pushing a buggy etc. You should hold/open the door if you are well mannered. You'll be surprised to see how many pompous and self-centered girls change up in this manner once they become mums and get to actually see the difference between being helped with such 'petty' task and not. These are also the women which usually do rush up and help me when I roll with my kids. Not libetrated girls, not chivalrous boys but either parents who know how things are or people whos parents put in huge effort to make sure kids are well mannered and not self-centered, pretentious, ever needy troglodytes.
Are you out of your mind? Really? You don't know shit about me and you think that its appropriate to make such assumptions? No I couldn't give two shits what the person looks like. If they are being an ass to someone then they are being an ass to someone. And being an ass isn't attractive. You obviously haven't seen what I'm talking about. How the fuck am I supposed to think well of someone who lets the damn door slam in the face of an elderly person because they're too busy trying to hit on me?

And rushing to help someone in need is different than rushing just because. I'm talking about rushing just because. It's stupid.
 

Hazy

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My system is foolproof. I open it for myself, then while standing in the threshold I will keep it open for anyone who may be coming through by reaching back.
 

Shiver Me Tits

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Secondhand Revenant said:
Shiver Me Tits said:
Secondhand Revenant said:
Qizx said:
Secondhand Revenant said:
Qizx said:
Eh, my mother always taught me to hold a door open for a woman. She's also quite the feminist so I don't think I'm being sexist holding a door open for a woman. Granted I will most certainly hold open a door for a man, child, even an Italian.
I mean, really? My mother said this and she's a feminist is a reason to believe something? Just believing everything your parents say is excusable when you're growing up for a bit, but by the time you're an adult you should have a reason for your opinions, not outsource the thinking
My mother taught me to hold a door open for a woman.

My mother is quite a feminist.

Therefore I don't think holding doors open for women is sexist.
That has no real original thought in it, just mimicking what someone else believes
Or agreeing with them? You could possibly cast this in something other than the worst light you know, it might not kill you.
If you agree with the content you don't need to put things like 'My mom's a feminist'. If someone is including a silly appeal to authority like that they clearly aren't doing much to think of any actual merits of their position
There's this radical new thing going around in some circles called, "Not being a nitpicking ass when someone is fundamentally expressing the same values as you, or committing a truly minor and insignificant linguistic transgression."

It's crazy, but it totally works!
 

Asuka Soryu

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Well, you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to hold the door open for them, then immediately shut it in their face. Bwahahaha!
 

Asuka Soryu

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Doggular said:
I held a door once. I was loading it into the back of the car and there was really no other way to get it from the trolley into the car.
You've made me proud.