Those 'holy shit' moments

[schrodinger]

if the title needs to be changed just tell me

Ok, we have those 'holy shit' moments. They can be small events to big problems.

Mine is more recent, for example I was helping my 9 year old cousin play TF2(the little guys is a master demoman already) when I noticed his computer had significant amount of lag. I asked him if he's running anything in the background, he said no and I started to suspect he might have a virus or two, so aked him again if he ran his virus protection program recently and he said this
"What virus protection"

staying relatively calm I went on the interwebs to download 3 virus protection programs and ran into a clusterfuk of fake search engines, ad bars and numerous pop up ads.
Adware, keyloggers and trojan viruses oh my!

It took me half an hour to set up his virus protections because his computer was so slow, then after 2 hours of scanning his computer apparently had 2,012 viruses.
I was ready to torch his computer with the infested mess it was in.

I found half of those viruses came from "free" minecraft...
His computer is still mess, but I'm getting paid fixng the computer so there's a bright side to this story.
Hooary for being a computer techie.

Morale of the story is:
Don't get free minecraft
don't use norton VP
Windows 8 is shit(his computer's OS)

 

[Scarim Coral]

One time we had 9 pallets full of stock during stock delivery!
Ok that doesn't sound alot/ bad if you were working in a big retail store (I was told they nomally get around 20!) but the thing is I work in a small shop and the maxium amount of pallent we should ever get should be 5!!
This is one of the reasons why I viewthe manager to be incompetent since I was told she didn't know how to used it when it was first introduce so the previous store she worked in had pile of unwanted stocks delivered to them!

 

[Barbas]

If you get more than one antivirus program, they apparently interfere with one-another and result in less effective protection. I use AVG Free. Yes, Norton also sucks. Windows 8 is probably the same.

I had a "holy shit" moment when I first found Blackreach in Skyrim, but years before that, my jaw dropped when I saw Moria in The Fellowship of the Ring. So many stand-out moments from those films, though. They really were something else.

 

[tippy2k2]

Warning: Sports Moment incoming. Please return to your seat and put your tray in the upright position until the moment is over.

I was going to talk about the Minnesota Vikings V Baltimore Ravens absolutely ridiculous ending last Sunday but after accidentally closing my tab and erasing my entry, I thought of something in real life that actually mattered to me.

NOTE: Holy shit, I just spent fifteen minutes writing this up. To avoid taking over the damn thread, I have put my story into spoilers

Spoiler

I coach soccer. I am not a very good coach but that's OK because it's in-house U9 Boys soccer; there's not going to be a Wayne Rooney here

Anyways, we get to the playoffs (well...so does everyone else but shut up and quit interrupting imaginary person) and it's not looking great for my team. For some unfathomable reason, the city thought that having the baseball tournament and soccer tournament on the same cocking weekend was a good idea. Unfortunately, this meant that people on the baseball team (IE, kids who play multiple sports and therefore the kids who are really athletic) are going to be splitting duties.

We get ourselves a win 1-0 in the quarter-finals with no problems.

Then...the semi-finals. Fuck me...the baseball game is first and while they are confident it will be over in time, I lose my three best kids (sorry other kids but you're not around the Escapist so I don't have to pull punches; these were the three best even though I told you all that no one is more important) including my best striker and my best goalie. The cherry on the shit sandwich? We're fielding 7 V 7 (in-house, smaller field) with 0 subs. Well fuck, this is all over but the screaming but let's do this boys!

Luckily, ten minutes in, another one of my kids shows up so I have a sub at least. I leave my best defender in the entire first half (something you're not supposed to do since it should be equal time at this level but if you think I'm pulling the kid in this situation, you're crazy). The first half ends and miraculously, the score is still 0-0.

Rousing speech, let's do this kids, you're playing sensationally, let's keep this up, fight the good fight, hold the line, blah blah blah. Halfway through the second half, my other kids show up! Let's get the subs out there and let's win this game!!!!

...half ends; tied 0-0 still. Overtime...my current goalie wants to come out so I let my best goalie in the game for OT. Shots are taken and epic soccer action is had. At the tail end of the OT, they get a breakaway. Fuck fuck fuck fuck thinks coach tippy2k2 as this could end very badly. The defender (bless his soul he listened!) keeps running hard. He can't catch up but (like I told them!) the pressure of having someone on your ass like that can make a kid make a mistake. He took a touch just a SMIDGE too far ahead and my goalie, the crafty son of a *****!, dives out of the net and knocks the ball away. I sure as hell didn't teach him that (you open yourself up some serious injury doing a horizontal dive like that) but I'm not going to tell him not to as he gets the ball away and saves the OT.

Shoot-outs...

Sweet Jesus. I'm ready to throw up. They've fought and they've fought to get here and I want nothing more than to have them get their moment. I give them my shoot-out speech and the most important rule as a shooter; "Hit the net. Seriously guys, hit the net and unless you're incredibly unlucky, you will get a goal. Hit the net".

The volunteers go up...boom boom boom boom! 4 shoot-out goals and THERE IS YOUR DAGGER! The other team kept trying to muscle the ball and missed the net (and one kicked it right into my keeper). The other goalie cried (I felt so horrible for that but whatcha gonna do?) The shoot-out is ours 4-1 and we go on to win the mother fucking Championship 2-0.

Fuck yeah Lightning!!! Here's some dilly bars for an awesome season!

 

[schrodinger]

If you get more than one antivirus program, they apparently interfere with one-another and result in less effective protection. I use AVG Free. Yes, Norton also sucks. Windows 8 is probably the same.

Snip

I got him AVG yes, but the 2 other programs are different kind of VP's which one I can't say on this site because of a certain rule >.>

 

[Barbas]

If you get more than one antivirus program, they apparently interfere with one-another and result in less effective protection. I use AVG Free. Yes, Norton also sucks. Windows 8 is probably the same.

Snip

I got him AVG yes, but the 2 other programs are different kind of VP's which one I can't say on this site because of a certain rule >.>

Ah! Fair enough, then.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

O.O

2012 viruses... I hope your friend never did any online purchases or banking on that comp...

OT: I've had a moment this term where someone wanted me to come help read and critique his script for screenplay writing class. Thought it would be a simple review to bring him clarity on how his words can be interpreted. Turns out he had fallen asleep during most of the screenplay writing class, had no conflict or antagonist for his short film and had a long, convoluted chase sequence instead. I basically became his bro for the night, picking his mind and getting him started on a story with a beginning, middle and end.

Turned down his money like a boss but I totally slept in the next morning because of it... Hope his script turned out okay. :S

 

[Tanis]

I have my own horror stories of working on technology retarded family member's computers.

My aunt couldn't understand why her PC ran so slow.

Spybot SD found nearly 10k in viruses.
-To be fair, many of them were the same one or variations on it.

Turns out she downloaded pretty much anything that asked her to.
She clicked ads, she used IE, and she has the common sense of a lemming.

It took me two days of virus scanning, because she lost her OS disc and the software version on her computer was corrupted, plus some 'spray and pray' tacticians to get it cleaned.

Not a month later, after telling her what NOT TO DO...
3k in viruses, same shit as before.

I told her, next time, I'm getting paid BY THE HOUR.
Not with a meal.

The same goes for the rest of my family.

 

[Caiphus]

Okay. So one time, my friend threw his drink bottle into a fairly large field of stinging nettles. These were all roughly waist high for me at the time (I was 11, if I recall). So, between two and three feet tall.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urtica_dioica

For those that don't know them, they can cause quite a bit of discomfort if you so much as brush against them.

So my friend decides he wants to get his drink bottle back. "Luckily", there are some tree trunks dotted about in the field. So we go around jumping from log to log looking for the bottle.

Eventually, I end up jumping onto a log which turned out to be rotting. I slip. And the point where I realised that I was going to fall was probably the biggest "Holy shit" moment of my life.
So yeah, that was quite a belly flop. I ended up covered in painful bumps for the rest of the day.

 

[DanielBrown]

Met a girl briefly a few days ago and exchanged numbers/Facebook. She looked to be around 18-20 years old. I'm 24, and prefer girls my age, but I figured "what the hell". A bit later when we talked again I found out she's 15... Can't get more "holy shit" than that.
15 is the legal sex age in Sweden, but I really can't shake these Chris-Hansen-hovering-over-my-head feelings.
Fortunetly, while she may not look that young it definetly shows mentally.

Do I win this thread, or something?

 

[Teoes]

I had a "holy shit" moment when I first found Blackreach in Skyrim..

Ah yes, I got that too. It was actually among my most frustrating times in Skyrim - I played a complete packrat, so had to leave that place an innumerable amount of times loaded down with Dwarven metal. "Will this place EVER END?! Where's the edge??" I kept asking myself.

OT: Most recently, cleaning the radiators in the new flat I moved into a couple of months ago, I kid ye not. Used a great long radiator brush, like a giant pipe-cleaner. Never seen so much crap. Balls of dust the size of my palm fell out; plus 5 socks, a pair of panties and a coat hanger from a single radiator. Yeah that place wasn't clean when we moved in.

 

[Barbas]

Spoiler

I had a "holy shit" moment when I first found Blackreach in Skyrim..

Ah yes, I got that too. It was actually among my most frustrating times in Skyrim - I played a complete packrat, so had to leave that place an innumerable amount of times loaded down with Dwarven metal. "Will this place EVER END?! Where's the edge??" I kept asking myself.

OT: Most recently, cleaning the radiators in the new flat I moved into a couple of months ago, I kid ye not. Used a great long radiator brush, like a giant pipe-cleaner. Never seen so much crap. Balls of dust the size of my palm fell out; plus 5 socks, a pair of panties and a coat hanger from a single radiator. Yeah that place wasn't clean when we moved in.

Speaking of horror stories, after my grandmother died, my dad and uncle went around the house to clean her bedroom and other parts of the house. They walked out of the bedroom alone with about 15 rubbish bags. Turning over the sofas in the living room uncovered about 10 or so plates, complete with cutlery, stuck to the underside. She apparently used to finish a meal, then just slide the plate under the sofa. By all accounts, she was a marvellous woman who didn't give a single fuck at times.

I also heard a story about my grandfather's cat falling asleep on a huge bar of Cadbury's chocolate by the fire, waking up with the chocolate melted into its fur, then rubbing itself against all the walls to try and dislodge the sticky mess. Visitors were horrified to witness the tell-tale brown smears that stretched from the bottom of the staircase to the top landing and beyond.

Scotland...it changes a man.

 

[Blacklight28]

Holy shit moment? I had one when I shot my first rabbit not too long ago. I never thought a .22 could do so much damage.

Spoiler: Kinda gorey details

The bullet went through one of the rabbit's legs, nearly taking the whole thing off. When through the leg, it somehow managed to split the bunny's stomach open enough for it's guts to just spill out onto the ground in a heap next to the body.

I was a bit stunned, since all of the other hits had been pretty clean.

 

[Ed130 The Vanguard]

I was opening windows of my room when I saw a snow white llama run down the suburban street.

My first thought was 'yep I've gone crazy' then a few more wandered along, turned out someone was keeping them in their back yard for reasons.

Another time was when some joyriders tried to loose the police in the internal road network of the university I work for. I was finishing my night-shift when I heard a massive bang. They had gone up the hill road off the bus stop, not realising that the road was a dead end, had driven through a service parking area and had ended up attempting to drive down a couple of flights of steps.

 

[VanQ]

Morale of the story is:
Don't get free minecraft
don't use norton VP
Windows 8 is shit(his computer's OS)

While reading your post I was thinking "damn, poor kid" but then you mentioned Windows 8. After spending several hours fixing multiple family members' Win8 computers with exactly the same problem, I've actually come to the conclusion that this stuff is all built into Win8.

Seriously, they were all relatively new computers ranging from 0-6 months old, all owned by separate family members of varying PC literacy and varying internet browsing habits and every single one of them had the exact same issue. Win8 either has an unacceptable amount of security vulnerabilities or it's suffering from XBox syndrome, where ads and banners are purposefully built into the OS from the word go.

I honestly find it utterly disgusting to a point that I have no words to fully describe how I feel about the matter.

 

[Auron225]

I just finished Bioshock Infinite recently - throughout the entire last 30 minutes...

 

[The Wykydtron]

Hey my computer came with Windows 8 preinstalled... Pity me.

OT: I don't have such spectacular examples but I suppose the final few hours of Michiru's route in Grisaia no Kaijitsu would count? I have a feeling "bad parenting" is shorthand for "tragic backstory" in this game.

An' I thought Katawa Shoujo had a good Feels Department.

I did have another, less obscure example but it's totally slipped my mind.

EDIT: Ah it came back to me, David Cage and his walking ripoff Beyond Two Souls. Forget the weird story and characters, the amount of stuff he rips off from other things is obscene. There's adding a small homage to something then there's David Cage taking scenes and/or designs wholesale and sticking them into his movie.

I know it may be an odd thing to pick up on when there's a lot of other stuff but if the design of the belts they wear at the end aren't "inspired" by Attack on Titan's 3D Maneuver Gear i'll be very surprised. Plus he rips off Dead Space and KOTOR 1 at once in another scene prior.

 

[cojo965]

I had a "holy shit" moment when I first found Blackreach in Skyrim..

Ah yes, I got that too. It was actually among my most frustrating times in Skyrim - I played a complete packrat, so had to leave that place an innumerable amount of times loaded down with Dwarven metal. "Will this place EVER END?! Where's the edge??" I kept asking myself.

OT: Most recently, cleaning the radiators in the new flat I moved into a couple of months ago, I kid ye not. Used a great long radiator brush, like a giant pipe-cleaner. Never seen so much crap. Balls of dust the size of my palm fell out; plus 5 socks, a pair of panties and a coat hanger from a single radiator. Yeah that place wasn't clean when we moved in.

Forget the dust, socks, and coat hanger, WHAT THE HELL IS THE STORY BEHIND THE PANTIES!?

 

[Teoes]

OT: Most recently, cleaning the radiators in the new flat I moved into a couple of months ago, I kid ye not. Used a great long radiator brush, like a giant pipe-cleaner. Never seen so much crap. Balls of dust the size of my palm fell out; plus 5 socks, a pair of panties and a coat hanger from a single radiator. Yeah that place wasn't clean when we moved in.

Forget the dust, socks, and coat hanger, WHAT THE HELL IS THE STORY BEHIND THE PANTIES!?

I didn't want to know any kind of story behind the panties thanks very much - especially after they'd spent an unknown length of time in that amount of filth! They may have been clean when they were lost but they sure as hell were not when they were recovered. No no. Straight to the bin without physical contact!

Stick to fantasising about your laundry coming back with a stowaway nice wee clean pair of knickers, that's a much better thought for you.

 

[Granfaloon]

Morale of the story is:
Don't get free minecraft
don't use norton VP
Windows 8 is shit(his computer's OS)

While reading your post I was thinking "damn, poor kid" but then you mentioned Windows 8. After spending several hours fixing multiple family members' Win8 computers with exactly the same problem, I've actually come to the conclusion that this stuff is all built into Win8.

Seriously, they were all relatively new computers ranging from 0-6 months old, all owned by separate family members of varying PC literacy and varying internet browsing habits and every single one of them had the exact same issue. Win8 either has an unacceptable amount of security vulnerabilities or it's suffering from XBox syndrome, where ads and banners are purposefully built into the OS from the word go.

I honestly find it utterly disgusting to a point that I have no words to fully describe how I feel about the matter.

Haha, I recently bought a laptop with windows 8 for the os and it was loaded with junk from the start. It was even a huge hassle to reformat it and install windows 7. Windows 8 is a horrible os.