To woo a potential partner

[qazmatoz]

Talk to her, be confident, flirt like hell, don't go in with the intention of being just friends, but don't come off as a tool only trying to get with her.

Be cool.

 

[Bobic]

Maybe being in a loving relationship would help him enjoy life, it works for many people.

Possibly, and of course, there's no way for him to know without trying. If he's unlucky thus far, though, I doubt that any good will come of continuing to try. Most people get into a relationship and never understand how they really feel while they're in one. They'll feel emotions far more intense than they're used to, and will attribute them to the "love and happiness" that you always hear about in all forms of media, like they'd be defective if they felt otherwise. Hell, I'd argue that love itself is just a sense of co-dependency with a big dose of obligation thrown in, but then I'd be going off on a tangent.

I have a feeling that this is going to ruffle a few feathers, since the notion of romance is an ideal that a lot of people here seem to subscribe to. I'm simply stating my view on it all.

Unlucky thus far? He's 16 I'd say it's still definitely worth trying. Also why do you seem to know how most people feel when they get into a relationship? Are you generalising your own feelings onto everyone else or just being an overly assuming badger?

Oh and if my glorious sumptuous feathers sound ruffled, it's not your view that is doing the ruffling, it's the arrogant way in which you present it.

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

Get a large trunk of wood (or stone) and whack her on the head with it.
Then drag her to your cave/house/den/cardboard box by her hair, then the rest is entirely up to you.

Alternativley you could talk to her and find out if you and her have anything in common and then bring up discussions from there.

 

[Dark2003]

Just make her want you by any means, if she has a boyfriend treat her better then him. If she doesn't make her want you as her boyfriend.

 

[Tharwen]

Go to your wardrobe and put on your finest pair of undies. Then perform the sacred mating ritual of the happa-tai

Whenever I see a video like this, I'm torn between making fun of them and feeling glad that, despite the reputation Japan has for weird stuff, they always seem to have so much fun with it...

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Unlucky thus far? He's 16 I'd say it's still definitely worth trying.

Care to make a wager on how he turns out?

Also why do you seem to know how most people feel when they get into a relationship?

Because I've run these observations past similarly introspective people, and they readily agreed. Most people don't even care to analyze their feelings.

Are you generalising your own feelings onto everyone else or just being an overly assuming badger?

Mmmm, no, it has quite a bit to do with the "casual hookup" culture that is becoming rampant in America, as well as the skyrocketing divorce rate. It would appear that I'm not the only disillusioned one.

Oh and if my glorious sumptuous feathers sound ruffled, it's not your view that is doing the ruffling, it's the arrogant way in which you present it.

Arrogance? I state that I'm merely sharing my opinion, yet you go on to claim that I'm making absolute assertions. Being quick to call names instead of arguing the merits of the statements you disagree with doesn't do you any favors.

Also, if I do, indeed, come across as "arrogant", it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm tired of "love" getting a free ride past the bullshit detector. Might also have a little bit to do with the way that I'm tired of watching people run into the same brick wall over and over again, in hopes that it'll eventually crumble. It's funny how the religious and the non-religious on this forum can have a reasonable debate, but the second I state my views on this, I'm accused of being an asshole.

 

[vento 231]

I am looking for advice. I've recently met a girl I am rather fond of, but I don't know how to get her attention.

Can the Escapees lend me some advice?

Also, in addition to any advice to me, post advice for all circumstances (general pointers thread).

Learn guitar!

 

[Macgyvercas]

Well, the first step would be to PM BonsaiK and ask him for advice. After that...I don't know, talk to her? Ask her how she's doing, what she's interested in, what classes she's taking, etc.

Or if your feeling bold, ask her is she wants to get together for coffee or lunch or something along those lines.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

First of all, don't use the word 'woo'

 

[Danzaivar]

Appeal to common interests. Invite (With a group of friends) to go bowling. Either one should do to break the ice a bit.

 

[Bobic]

Unlucky thus far? He's 16 I'd say it's still definitely worth trying.

Care to make a wager on how he turns out?

Also why do you seem to know how most people feel when they get into a relationship?

Because I've run these observations past similarly introspective people, and they readily agreed. Most people don't even care to analyze their feelings.

Are you generalising your own feelings onto everyone else or just being an overly assuming badger?

Mmmm, no, it has quite a bit to do with the "casual hookup" culture that is becoming rampant in America, as well as the skyrocketing divorce rate. It would appear that I'm not the only disillusioned one.

Oh and if my glorious sumptuous feathers sound ruffled, it's not your view that is doing the ruffling, it's the arrogant way in which you present it.

Arrogance? I state that I'm merely sharing my opinion, yet you go on to claim that I'm making absolute assertions. Being quick to call names instead of arguing the merits of the statements you disagree with doesn't do you any favors.

Also, if I do, indeed, come across as "arrogant", it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm tired of "love" getting a free ride past the bullshit detector. Might also have a little bit to do with the way that I'm tired of watching people run into the same brick wall over and over again, in hopes that it'll eventually crumble. It's funny how the religious and the non-religious on this forum can have a reasonable debate, but the second I state my views on this, I'm accused of being an asshole.

1. Sure, the loser must inform the winner of some awesome music that they are unlikely to have heard before. (I feel like increasing my collection)

2. So you've run it past people that think similarly to you and found that they have agreed. (I'm assuming that's what you mean by similarly introspective people because despite what you say most people will analyse their feelings because they're constantly there pestering them.) This agreement is no surprise, try running it past people who think differently to yourself.

3. Yes, plenty of people are promiscuous and plenty of marriages fail, does this somehow nullify the meaning of successful relationships?

4. I was arguing the merits. I was also arguing against the arrogance (yes, I'm aware that in this I have become just as arrogant)

5. Hey, don't put words in my mouth, I never referred to you as an asshole (in fact all I did was call you a badger which is hardly an insult). What's so unreasonable about this debate?

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

Girls like guys who show genuine interest in them, so before you talk to her, come up with some questions you can ask her about herself.

I'd semi-agree with this. Show too much attention, though, and you start looking like a sycophant. I find that girls tend to go for guys that leave a bit to the imagination. Charming, mysterious types fit better into female fantasies.

 

[Quaxar]

Just follow Zap Brannigan's advice.
"Zap Brannigan's guide to making love at a woman"
Its fullproof.

And if that doesn't work: the quickest way to a girl's heart is through her parents - have sex with them and you're in!

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

1. Sure, the loser must inform the winner of some awesome music that they are unlikely to have heard before. (I feel like increasing my collection)

Why wait? head over to your musical site of choice and listen to "Herbie Hancock - Watermelon Man". Wonderful funk track, I don't think it's possible to dislike it.

2. So you've run it past people that think similarly to you and found that they have agreed. (I'm assuming that's what you mean by similarly introspective people because despite what you say most people will analyse their feelings because they're constantly there pestering them.) This agreement is no surprise, try running it past people who think differently to yourself.

I meant people who analyze and question their own motives and feelings as deeply as I do. Most of them have wildly varying outlooks on life. There's obviously no point in seeking counsel from sycophantic yes-men.

3. Yes, plenty of people are promiscuous and plenty of marriages fail, does this somehow nullify the meaning of successful relationships?

What you're saying is that correlation does not equal causation, and that is obviously true. However, I'm willing to make the assumption (I will admit, it is an assumption, but not an ill-conceived one) that the increasing amount of failing relationships can be linked to the increasing prevalence of Atheism through one common factor: the internet. I might even attribute it the information age in general. If I was raised on fairy tales like Jack and the Beanstalk, told that they were true, and was never exposed to any opposing point of view, I'd probably grow up looking for gigantic castles in the sky. However, thanks to the internet, where any point of view can be readily accessed and evaluated, a sort of increased rationality can be attained. This can lead to the dissolving of unnecessary beliefs, and I consider the subject at hand to be one of them.

4. I was arguing the merits. I was also arguing against the arrogance (yes, I'm aware that in this I have become just as arrogant)

Well, not really, you just said I was making assumptions. As for making assumptions, which I admittedly am, I offer the phrase "That which can be asserted without proof, can be dismissed without proof", with the positive qualities of "love" being the unbacked assertion.

5. Hey, don't put words in my mouth, I never referred to you as an asshole (in fact all I did was call you a badger which is hardly an insult). What's so unreasonable about this debate?

It was heavily implied that I was in the wrong for speaking my mind in an unapologetic manner. Also, the legitimacy of this debate falls rather short, as we're not even debating the subject, but rather, my qualifications to hold and express an opinion on it.

 

[mezmerizer02]

Never go to the movies on a first date. you don't get to really know each other that way. out to dinner, maybe miniature golf, a long walk, or something you may already know you have in common are all acceptable ideas. remember to be unique, but not silly unique. and don't get worked up if you run out of things to talk about. let it flow naturally, don't rush everything out of your mouth. let her talk about herself a bit as well. go with the flow man. it's a learning process.

 

[geldonyetich]

From what I gather, the ladies want a guy who is self-confident, demonstrates no evidence of life drama, tells them jokes, and generally sets them at ease that all is well with life.

With this being a requirement for breeding, no wonder there's so many lairs in the world.

 

[Bobic]

1. Sure, the loser must inform the winner of some awesome music that they are unlikely to have heard before. (I feel like increasing my collection)

Why wait? head over to your musical site of choice and listen to "Herbie Hancock - Watermelon Man". Wonderful funk track, I don't think it's possible to dislike it.

2. So you've run it past people that think similarly to you and found that they have agreed. (I'm assuming that's what you mean by similarly introspective people because despite what you say most people will analyse their feelings because they're constantly there pestering them.) This agreement is no surprise, try running it past people who think differently to yourself.

I meant people who analyze and question their own motives and feelings as deeply as I do. Most of them have wildly varying outlooks on life. There's obviously no point in seeking counsel from sycophantic yes-men.

3. Yes, plenty of people are promiscuous and plenty of marriages fail, does this somehow nullify the meaning of successful relationships?

What you're saying is that correlation does not equal causation, and that is obviously true. However, I'm willing to make the assumption (I will admit, it is an assumption, but not an ill-conceived one) that the increasing amount of failing relationships can be linked to the increasing prevalence of Atheism through one common factor: the internet. I might even attribute it the information age in general. If I was raised on fairy tales like Jack and the Beanstalk, told that they were true, and was never exposed to any opposing point of view, I'd probably grow up looking for gigantic castles in the sky. However, thanks to the internet, where any point of view can be readily accessed and evaluated, a sort of increased rationality can be attained. This can lead to the dissolving of unnecessary beliefs, and I consider the subject at hand to be one of them.

4. I was arguing the merits. I was also arguing against the arrogance (yes, I'm aware that in this I have become just as arrogant)

Well, not really, you just said I was making assumptions. As for making assumptions, which I admittedly am, I offer the phrase "That which can be asserted without proof, can be dismissed without proof", with the positive qualities of "love" being the unbacked assertion.

5. Hey, don't put words in my mouth, I never referred to you as an asshole (in fact all I did was call you a badger which is hardly an insult). What's so unreasonable about this debate?

It was heavily implied that I was in the wrong for speaking my mind in an unapologetic manner. Also, the legitimacy of this debate falls rather short, as we're not even debating the subject, but rather, my qualifications to hold and express an opinion on it.

1. Huh, that was pretty funky, thanks. Don't know what to send back due to my poor knowledge of jazz music so here's Bruce Willis singing over some guy's poorly recorded clips of die hard 2: die harder. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9PVKCJV7Y8

2. The average person may think a lot more deeply than you expect.

3. No that wasn't what I was saying. My point was that you look at the negatives and say that they are proof that love is an illusion, I look at the positives and say love is real (well that's vaguely connected to my original point anyway). Maybe we are both right, but for different people.

4. Couldn't people's own personal experiences count as proof?

5. Fair enough

 

[vladtehimpaler]

Get a large trunk of wood (or stone) and whack her on the head with it.
Then drag her to your cave/house/den/cardboard box by her hair, then the rest is entirely up to you.

Alternativley you could talk to her and find out if you and her have anything in common and then bring up discussions from there.

so crude. Cloroform is all the rage now, get with the times.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

1. Huh, that was pretty funky, thanks. Don't know what to send back due to my poor knowledge of jazz music so here's Bruce Willis singing over some guy's poorly recorded clips of die hard 2: die harder. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9PVKCJV7Y8

For whatever reason, I was laughing hysterically before he started singing. Then I heard his voice, and I shut the hell up so I could enjoy it. He's actually pretty damned good. I'll never watch a Willis film the same way again, thank you.

2. The average person may think a lot more deeply than you expect.

I know it's pretty common for someone to think "my god, I'm the only person on earth capable of cognizant thought, surrounded by sheep". It's a narcissistic self-indulgence that I've certainly allowed myself to believe before, but I've since realized that it's far from the truth. I don't doubt that people are capable of self-analysis, and do so regularly, but what bothers me is the generation I grew up as a part of. People really don't like to be brutally, painfully honest with themselves. Well, few ever really have, but unfortunately, us nineties kids have a tendency to explain away our flaws as someone else's fault, and refuse to take responsibility for any of one's own shortcomings, regardless of how much they are at fault for it. It usually leads to us developing a force-field of self-absorbed denial, and therefore, severe (and sometimes even deliberate) misinterpretations of one's own desires and feelings. That part comes from experience, not speculation.

3. No that wasn't what I was saying. My point was that you look at the negatives and say that they are proof that love is an illusion, I look at the positives and say love is real (well that's vaguely connected to my original point anyway). Maybe we are both right, but for different people.

You've got a fair point. Perhaps this is one of those truths that will always remain subjective. However, what I've seen it do to people who believe in it a little too much scares me. Can't say I was too thrilled with my own experience, but I'm hardly going to base a thesis on my experience alone, since everything tends to be a little warped when I'm involved.

4. Couldn't people's own personal experiences count as proof?

That's a question that's open to plenty of interpretation. My first instinct is that it does not qualify as empirical evidence, but then again, love can't be quantified or measured. It's hard to prove or disprove an unmeasurable idea.

5. Fair enough

I must give you credit for being a gentleman about this. I can't count the number of times I've entered a debate, only to be offered relentlessly contrary points of view, just for the sake of being contradictory.

 

[rsvp42]

love is a lie

I'm paraphrasing...

I know you're already having a back-and-forth with Bobic, but I wanted to offer my thoughts as well. Obviously you wouldn't agree with the Hollywood version of love, the happily ever after, whirlwind romance kind of love. But I don't think you should go so far as to swear off love and romance entirely. First off, you may never get laid. Secondly, I think it's probably better to take a more even-handed approach: make sure you find happiness and fulfillment in a way that doesn't depend on a woman, whether through your career, your family, your hobbies, etc. (I think it's important to be independent) But allow yourself to feel emotions and act on them. You maybe jaded by the media's depiction of love, but it doesn't mean you need to bottle anything up for the sake of pride.

It's important to remember that the media's version of love only exists because of something in reality. People fell in love before movies and commercial saturation. It may not have been the same beast it is today, but it was there. No sense throwing the baby out with the bathwater, as it were.