Top 5 Friday: Top 5 Worst Videogame Romances

[Denamic]

Ewww, gay stuff. I'm all for LGBT! Possibly tans and gay, ewww!
What? I have a feeling they didn't really think this one through.

Also, I didn't mind Joker's romance with EDI. In fact, I liked it. As for EDI not having the 'parts'; she can probably be 'upgraded'.

 

[Basement Cat]

But does this constitute discrimination? Or just bad humor?

Nah, not discrimination.

I used to have a friend in college who was REALLY into fat chicks. Seriously, they were the only ones who got him hot. He even married one.

The fact that I and most of the others in our group (we tactfully kept our mouths shut) were not only NOT attracted to his choice of girls but were actively "Ewwww"'ed by the thought of having sex with any girls like the ones he was into didn't qualify as prejudice--just personal preference.

At best he's just being too honest for PC. Like the saying goes "Nothing gets a man into more trouble than telling the truth." [footnote]I think this saying was related to dating and married life.[/footnote]

The thing with Pac Man/Ms. Pac Man struck me as a reach--like he needed to come up with someone well known who he could make a joke about. The way he did it was just badly delivered.

 

[SomebodyNowhere]

Personally I really liked the Joker and Edi relationship although if they ever actually were to consummate their relationship Joker's bone disease would severely complicate things.

There's nothing particularly wrong with Zevran's relationship path, although Zevran is so easy that it does feel like he would have thrown himself at Shale if he thought he was being given an opening. As far as Dragon Age romances go felt like the Anders relationship in Dragon Age 2 was much more awkward.

 

[jthm]

2 things. I always figured EDI had artificial woman parts. The robot she took over was an AI shell made for infiltration and blending in with humans to gain an advantage for Cerberus. Female spies have used sex and seduction since time immemorial and I doubt that would have escaped the illusive man's attention when reviewing her specs.

What kind of job would Mario do in the Castle, exactly? I don't see the princess dropping bobombs in the toilet, either literally or figuratively and the toad mushrooms of the place could be flushed themselves. They aren't clogging up shit.

Also, cake? totally a euphamism for princess sex.

 

[BrotherRool]

I'm going to go out and a limb and say almost all Bioware romances sucks to an incredible degree. They have the super stilted, super boring, super timewasting 'talk again in 3 missions' mechanic (normally), it can be hard to avoid relationships without sounding like a dick and they are just long lists of really flat people with no personality and no real reason to be together other than, this is a story and people are pared up in stories.

Particularly
1. Carth
2. Liara
3. Bastila
4. Ashley
5. Kaiden
6. Thane (and don't get me wrong, I liked the idea of his story and the idea of his character, but the execution was dull. They didn't share enough time with each other to buy a real relationship)
7. The tech lady from ME3
8. Jacob

Garrus and Tali kind of get a pass because they aren't dull people (although the interaction system is still incredibly stupid) but they're aliens. I'm not against intimate relationships across aliens, I just mean the insert rod A into slot B business really shouldn't be possible when slot B evolved independently on an entirely different planet.

I mean Turians are part-alienbird. Shouldn't they be laying eggs or something?


Miranda gets a pass because it makes sense that she would want sex in a casual trophy-taking way and I figured the relationship wasn't as serious and that Miranda was damaged in a way that Shepard could really support. She didn't really offer anything to Shepard, but thats more because Shep. is this semi-blank slate thing

 

[CriticalMiss]

Look, it's the silly guy who didn't win King of the Nerds. He makes poorly written top fives now? Bring back Lisa Foiles!

I think FFX (and X-2) wins the horrible romances award. Tidus and Yuna seemed kind of awkward and on top of that you get Lulu and Wakka. It's a wonder that Auron didn't get it on with Kimahri.

 

[Rednog]

Wait...why is Ms. Pacman and Pacman a relationship?
If she was his wife it would be Mrs. Pacman but Ms. would mean she is related to him and not in a romantic relationship with him.

 

[Doom972]

Yeah, I'm not buying the whole "I wasn't flirting with Zevran, really I wasn't!" If his flirtations were any more obvious there'd be a dialogue option reading PRESS HERE TO HAVE SEX. If you don't want to romance him, try refusing the massage he offers you. Because that's not something best friends do.

I'm not buying into it either. You can easily turn him down when he makes his obvious moves. I guess he just wanted to be an assassin so much that he decided to get there the quick way by seducing Zevran.

It's worth mentioning that (at least in the PC version) you can just save, seduce Zevran, shower him with gifts, etc, until he's willing to teach you the Assassin specialization, unlock it, and then reload back to that save - it'll still be unlocked for that character and every other character you'll play or have played. All specializations work this way.

 

[Lazy Kitty]

What do you have against robosexuality?

 

[FalloutJack]

The cake is an innuendo

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

OT: How about Solid Snake with ANYBODY?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Yeah, I'm with the others here: getting mildly homophobic and transphobic vibes from this guy. Not to mention a totally absent understanding of the concept of romance, and what it entails. I'll give you a hint: Romance does NOT automatically equal sex, and vice-versa. Different people get different things out of it.

 

[EmperorSubcutaneous]

Ewww, gay stuff. I'm all for LGBT! Possibly tans and gay, ewww!
What? I have a feeling they didn't really think this one through.

Also, I didn't mind Joker's romance with EDI. In fact, I liked it. As for EDI not having the 'parts'; she can probably be 'upgraded'.

i think he is more referring to the fact that you immediately start a romance with any character in the dragon age series, if you dont respond like a dick and just are nice.

Spoiler

this happens always in all dragon age entries...

Really? I mean, your last line sounds sarcastic, but I'll bite.

In Origins, both Alistair and Morrigan are straight, so this can't happen unless you're of their preferred gender. And even then you'd have to be blind and deaf to not notice "THIS IS A FLIRT ATTEMPT" in all the relevant lines of dialogue. As for Zevran, I found it...really easy to avoid romance with him, while still being nice? I mean, one of the first things he says to you when you talk in private is that he thinks you're kinda hot, but you can politely turn him down right then and there and he won't try again unless you initiate it. (Leliana can, in fact, be accidentally romanced if you act sympathetic about her previous relationship, likely due to a bug, but that's it. And no sex scene happens unless you keep making the appropriate dialogue choices which are, again, really obvious.)

Seriously, I don't understand the criticism of the guy in the video, unless he's one of those "I'm fine with gay people as long as they don't do anything gay in my presence" guys. Or unless he's repressing something.

Anyway, this guy seemed too whiny and I've honestly had enough of whiny nerd commentary at this point. The market is saturated. (Side note, that whole "You should be doing Valentine's Day related things all year long instead of just that one day" thing is just silly. If you were constantly going out for nice dinners together, you'd go broke and get bored pretty quickly. Best to save it for special occasions.)

About BioWare, the only compelling romances I've had have been as a female player character with a male NPC. (Notably, Vector Hyllus in SWTOR and of course Alistair.) Probably because, since BioWare mainly caters to straight male players, the male NPCs have to actually be good characters (unless they're in the Mass Effect series or KOTOR, apparently) in order to still be relevant to someone who doesn't want to romance them, rather than just being sexy like most of the female characters are.

 

[EmperorSubcutaneous]

Wait...why is Ms. Pacman and Pacman a relationship?
If she was his wife it would be Mrs. Pacman but Ms. would mean she is related to him and not in a romantic relationship with him.

Not necessarily. "Ms" is just a neutral term that could mean either "Miss" or "Mrs," analogous to "Mr" since it doesn't give away your marital status. Some women don't like being defined by whether or not they're married. (Also, there's one to two less letters in it--saves money on ink.)

 

[hazydawn]

Yup that was really not funny and to be honest I feel disgusted by the homophobia and hypocrisy in this video.
A Top 5 or whatever is always a matter of personal opinion but that opinion should be at least somewhat reasoned, even more so on a website like the Escapist, where people seem to like having witty debates about mostly unimportant things.
So the Zevran Romance in Dragon Age deserves place number 5 in the list of "Top 5 Worst Videogame Romances" just because you think that romance escalated to quickly or something? Because you thought that you were just being nice? Some word of advice, if you are ever offered a massage("one only learns growing up in an Antivian whorehouse") in real life by a male friend of yours and your not into guys don't go along with it. You need to be incredibly dumb or not paying attention to the dialogue at all to not be able to tell where this was leading. So in either case it was f*cking stupid.
Other post already said most of the things I did not like about the rest of your list.

 

[Jachwe]

If you don't have a problem with same sex romances, then why does it matter so much that Mrs. Pacman could conceivably be Mr. Pacman in woman's clothes?

Your justification for saying Pacman and Mrs. Pacman are the 2nd Worst Videogame romance comes across as more than a little bit Homophobic and Transphobic, regardless of your disclaimers before you attacked the entirely optional and player initiated gay sex choice in Dragon Age Origin.

It shouldn't matter that because of poor art design and limited graphics capabilities, the female Pacman sprite is just the male Pacman sprite with lipstick and a bow... and it certainly shouldn't matter enough for it to be the sole reason that romance is declared the 2nd Worst Videogame Romance

I almost felt like playing devils advocate here and defending this pick... but... naaaah.
It was kinda weird to me that he said that.

With that being said, Idk if its wrong for a straight guy with a straight perspective to be grossed out by the idea of same sex relations. [...]

But does this constitute discrimination? Or just bad humor?

because no one else seems smart enough I will play devil's advocate. The goal of the video is to entertain. The subject were the "worst examples of love in video games". Even though very much couple focused pacman is the exception of the rule on this list. So to beat you with the stick over the head so you get the joke I will explain the joke in minute detail to you.
Ms Pacman looks exactly like Pacman only with a lipstick and a bow. This is due to hardware limitations of the time not allowing much deviation. This one was noted by several people and they felt smart to point it out. The author was expecting them to know this because... you know... this is the audience they cater to. So you past the first hurdle for getting the joke. The second hurdle was the "Ms Pacman is Pacman" bit and reffering to Ace Ventura and Einhorn. The joke about Einhorn being Finkle is that Finkle is a man and Einhorn being Finkle means Einhorn is a man even though Einhorn looks like a woman Einhorn being Finkle does not change his sex. To beat the joke even further to death than Ace Ventura himself clearly stating that the person he thought was a woman is a man I now will explain why this is funny. Ace kissed Einhorn and was making out with "her". It is funny because Einhorn and Finkle are one and the same person. so the joke about Ms Pacman being Pacman is that Ms Pacman is literaly Pacman in drag
This joke plays along the lines of "duh it is strange you never see this cute couple Ms Pacman and Pacman in the same room at the same time" because it is impossible to be in two places at the same time.
So the romance is Pacman loving himself when he wears women's cloth andat the same time masking himself as the love interest of himself. THAT is what is pointed out as being the second worst romance of videogames. You of course may say that this is a low hanging fruit to shoot at because the joke of Pacman being literaly Ms Pacman in girl's clothes is older than I can remember

Now you can comment on wether or not it is wrong to say that Pacman has a unhealthy relationship with himself getting the hots for himself in drag. It is debatable if this constitutes bad humor but the joke as shown in the video follows a certain logic and guides the viewer quite nicely to the conclusion I have given you even if you have not seen Ace Ventura to know that Ace kissed Einhorn. Of course it requires some thought.
Or you could instead be shortsighted and shoot for the appearently low hanging fruit that is actualy not htere and complain about how the author himself pointed out "no I have nothing against same sex relations in videogames" while saying "no the romance of Pacman and Ms Pacman is the worst because Pacman has the hots for another person of the same sex that wears girl's clothes" even though that is not what the author said as I have shown. Now you know and knowing is half the battle.

Yup that was really not funny and to be honest I feel disgusted by the homophobia and hypocrisy in this video.
A Top 5 or whatever is always a matter of personal opinion but that opinion should be at least somewhat reasoned, even more so on a website like the Escapist, where people seem to like having witty debates about mostly unimportant things.

I have just proven one point you were making. Some readers like having witty debates about mostly unimportant things. Now I will argue your point about the choices of the top five having no reason to be in their respective spots. You see the author always gives reasons why he put the couple or the individual in the spot. The Dragon Age romance was there [edit] because of how easily you could trip into the romance. Most people who want to derail this point will argue how you could not have misinterpreted the advances of our dashing elven assasin but as a matter of fact there is quite a vocal minority on the internet that begs to differ. Quite a few people just stumbled into this romance without wanting to. The ones assembled here are mostly quite aware how to avoid such traps but let us not fool ouselves that we had to aquire this awarness through long hours of playing similar games and knowing how certain triggers are signaled in a storyline of nonlinear storytelling. A great deal of people do not have this awarness.
I want to point out that the top 5 choices are not that original and it leaves quite the taste of "crowd pleasing" with Mario and Pacman the two most known videogame figures ever at the top and the "i slipped into the gay romance" of Dragon Age at the bottom as to mention the romance but not placing it higher or else you are the greatest homophobe ever. The romacne between Joker and EDI is placed there because if you spell it out it is a man loving his computer. Not regarding that EDI is an AI and in the Mass Effect universe an AI is pretty much a sentient being in contrast to a virtual intelligence. The number four spot is Star Wars. Because it is Star Wars and the romance has no chemistry. Quite bland reason but a reason... and because it is Star Wars and Star Wars is recognizable.

 

[VanTesla]

So if someone is against same sex marriage we call them a homophobe. If someone is against cross species marriage we call them a xenophobe. What do we call someone who is against human / robot marriage... and isn't it the same thing as the other two? If you're all about fair sexual preference then what's wrong with Joker and Edi? For that matter, what's wrong with pacman and pacman? Your position makes no sense.

Well in Futurama they call robot/human relations "robosexuals" so maybe robophobe? Also to me Edi and Joker would not be near the top five worst if just going by say Bioware games in all...