Tyra Banks Fancies Herself the Next J.R.R. Tolkien

Tom Goldman

Crying on the inside.
Aug 17, 2009
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Tyra Banks Fancies Herself the Next J.R.R. Tolkien



Tyra Banks is getting into the fantasy novel game with a series all about models. Magical models!

When I think of fantasy authors, the last person that comes to mind is Tyra Banks. Time to turn that smile upside down, as Banks recently announced that she'll be penning a trilogy of fantasy novels taking place in a magical world known only as Modelland.

First of all, those double letter "L's" bother me to no end, so she's already starting off on a bad foot. She seriously wrote on her blog to clarify that the title is "pronounced 'Model Land.'" If you'll excuse me, I have to go explode with rage, reconstitute, and repeat until the end of time.

Details are currently sparse, but Modelland (remember, it's pronounced "Model Land") is a make-believe place where, according to Tyra, "every girl in the world wants to go." The mystical power-wielding Intoxibellas are trained there, which by my best guess are drunk models that do card tricks.

The trilogy will follow a teenage girl and her teenage friends that get transported to Modelland ("Model Land") even though they're not supposed to be there. Can you imagine the shenanigans that may occur in this type of situation? I can: girl that isn't supposed to become an Intoxibella becomes one anyway after lots of hardship and finally gets back at a particular nemesis that was a perpetual thorn in her side and shows the entirety of Modelland ("Model Land") that anything is possible, the end. Then Tyra reveals that it's all an allegory for her own life.

Basically, Tyra Banks wants to write the next Lord of the Rings. More specifically, the next Harry Potter, which by early information seems to be what Banks is ripping off here, but with the addition of models. If Modelland ("Model Land") becomes a movie someday, I promise I will hurt one million children. Actually, never mind, the books will probably do that all on their own.

Via: Boing Boing [http://www.boingboing.net/2010/05/11/tyra-banks-aspiring.html]


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Danpascooch

Zombie Specialist
Apr 16, 2009
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I've always known Tyra Banks was F--king crazy, here's the solid proof.

She's trying to rip off a children's book series with a story about MODELS? Why would every girl want to go to "Modelland" (about as inspired a name as "unobtanium")? What happens there? Vomiting after meals, surgery, and getting raped would be my best guess.

Tom Goldman said:
If Modelland ("Model Land") becomes a movie someday, I promise I will hurt one million children. Actually, never mind, the books will probably do that all on their own.
Lol, I normally don't like Bias in news reporters, but frankly I can live with it this time!
 

Charli

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Nov 23, 2008
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Well your title of the article already blew my mind into little tiny bits of oblivion.

And then I got to;
Tyra Banks is getting into the fantasy novel game with a series all about models.
And urgent shutdown of this brain-system was needed. Restarting in safe mode when I feel the world of gaming isn't becoming more and more frightening.
 

Claptrap

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Nov 18, 2009
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Hahaha, What the fuck, Modelland? Really? Teenage girl, Sure not been done before in (Every other recent film) Nope, Not at all.
 

Cherry Cola

Your daddy, your Rock'n'Rolla
Jun 26, 2009
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I wish for the spirit of Tolkien to take physical form and beat the shit out of you, miss Banks.

And that's me being nice.
 

Icecoldcynic

New member
Oct 5, 2009
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...Modelland? Seriously? If this turns out to be a good series I will buy a hat and then eat it. And then regurgitate it, and eat it again. And then cry.
 
Aug 25, 2009
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One moment while I wiki Tyra Banks.

Yeah, that didn't help at all. While I see no reason why she couldn't be an author, I equally see no reason why she could.

I'll reserve judgement, and just not read the book when it's out.
 

Mr.Pandah

Pandah Extremist
Jul 20, 2008
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I nearly died when I read this. You outdid yourself with that one Mr.Goldman. Freakin' hysterical.
 

Starke

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Mar 6, 2008
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At the risk of basically double posting, every time I try to read this article, I start twitching and then wake up someplace completely different covered in blood.
 

Omnific One

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Apr 3, 2010
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Please kill me now. Why...???? Tyra Banks writing a novel; that's not happening. More than likely, she will get a ghost writer to do it and put her name on it.
 

Rhope

New member
Jan 29, 2009
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Bah har har har *rolls around the floor laughing for ten minutes*

I'd buy the book, if only to see if she can author anything decent. If it's good, yay Ms Banks, if not, kindling for the fire place.
 

TheAmazingTGIF

Friday Only Superhero
Aug 5, 2009
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We need to figure out who summoned her to this plane and undo the blood sacrifices that allowed this devil to take physical form and banish her back to the hellish plane that is her (its?) homeworld.
Who is with me?
 

therandombear

Elite Member
Sep 28, 2009
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No mistake the books going to be crap, but she'll probably ride the Stephanie Meyer wave, poorly written, but written so that pre-teens are able to read it, there are lots of those in the world so she'll earn lots on books. And finally someone will be willing to make a movie out of it so those pre-teens are able to go watch it and make it be one of the fastest selling movies...just saying